Luigi: Hello there! And welcome to another volume of Luigi’s Do-It-Your-Stinkin’-Self! Today, me and Toad-

Toad runs away screaming.

THESE NEXT FEW MINUTES ARE CENSORED

Luigi: Hello again.

Toad is tied to a chair beside Luigi.

Luigi: Today me and Toad will show you how to be a detective! First, you need to find a mystery that needs to be solved! Such as: where is a lost item, who  killed somebody, or who stole some item.

Toad: Well nothing has happened that needs solving, so I guess we can cancel this whole thing. Right? (Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.)

Luigi: No.

Toad: Why?

Luigi reaches into Toad’s pocket and takes out a gigantic coin.

Toad: *gasp* My grandmother’s gold coin! NO!

Luigi throws the coin.

Toad: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT’D YOU DO THAT FOR?!

Luigi: We needed a mystery to solve. So I threw your coin into the unknown so that we could solve *scary music* THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING COIN!

Toad: O.O  I sense bad things are about to happen.

Luigi: First step in being a detective is you will need all the help you can get. So Toad, go get some helpful people.

Toad: No.

Luigi Yes.

Toad: No.

Luigi Yes.

Toad: No.

Luigi Yes.

Toad: No.

Luigi Yes.

Toad: No.

Luigi: YES!

Toad: (scared) OK!

Toad runs off to get some people.

Later…

Toad has brought back Mario, Morton, Yoshi, Tubba Blubba, and Popple. Toad also has bruises from Mario, who thought he was a burglar, Yoshi, who thought he was tasty and tried to eat him, Tubba Blubba, who thought he was tasty and tried to eat him, and Popple, who thought he had money and tried to steal stuff from him.

Luigi: Good. We have some people to help find Toad’s coin. Now Toad, where did you last see your coin?

Toad: It was in your hands and you threw it.

Luigi: What did the person who threw it look like?

Toad: What do you mean? I just said it was you!

Luigi: I know, Toad, what did the person look like?

Toad: X_X  They were wearing blue overalls and they had a green shirt and hat.

Luigi: Got it. Now split up, detectives!

Mario: CHEESE!

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Morton: Wedding cake!

Tubba Blubba: You guys look tasty. Mind if I have just one lick?

Popple: Ha ha!

Everybody but Toad and Luigi splits up. Toad tries to follow Mario but Luigi grabs Toad and drags him back.

Luigi: Now, when you’re a detective you have to go back to the scene of the crime to look for clues!

Toad: But my coin isn’t there!

Luigi: Oh Toad... You’re always so negative!

Luigi drags Toad to the place where they started this story.

Luigi: A-ha! There seems to be small footprints. A piece of cloth, possibly from a robe. Now… who has small footprints and a robe?

Toad is inching away. Luigi grabs him.

Luigi: It was you! You stole Toad’s coin! Give it back!

Toad: What? I am Toad!

Luigi: Liar!

Toad: MY COIN’S MISSING! I DIDN’T STEAL IT!

Luigi: I’m turning you into the police!

Luigi throws Toad into the police department. Luigi goes inside and finds him inside a jail cell.

Toad: At least I’m away from that green idiot.

Luigi: Good news, Toad! I found some more evidence that proves that you didn’t steal your coin! You’re free to go!

Toad: X_X AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Luigi drags Toad outside.

Luigi: Another thing you need to be sure to do if you’re a detective is to ask people questions. Toad, go ask people questions.

Toad: *mumble grumble grumble grumble mumble*

Toad comes back one hour later with cuts and bruises all over.

Luigi: What happened to you?

Toad: I asked an old lady about my coin and she said, “I haven’t taken anything! Why are you pestering me? AHH! HELP! POLICE!” Then she hit me with her purse, and then I went to ask-

Luigi: Yeah yeah, whatever, I don’t want to hear it. Anyway, let’s go to Dry Dry Dessert. Your coin’s there.

Toad: Really? When’d you figure that out?

Luigi: I’ve known it all along.

Toad: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!

Luigi: Why didn’t you ask?

Toad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Luigi: Anyway, let’s go.

They go to Dry Dry Dessert and find a Chain Chomp with Toad’s coin in its mouth.

Luigi: Now, once you’ve found the item, you must retrieve it from the criminal that has it. If a criminal has it. Toad, get the coin!

Toad: Why me?

Luigi: Because you’re stupid and useless and I’m smart and useful.

Toad: WHY YOU-

Luigi throws Toad at the Chain Chomp. The Chain Chomp gets angry and chases Toad.

Toad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Luigi: Toad! Letting the Chain Chomp bite your head and body slam you is not the best way to get your coin back from it!

Toad: OW OW OW! STOP! OUCH, MY RIBS! YEOW! LUIGI! OUCH! SAVE ME! OW OW OW!

The Chain Chomp whacks Toad over to Luigi with its chain.

Luigi: Toad, you don’t do anything right!

Luigi goes to the Chain Chomp and hits its head. The Chain Chomp dies and Luigi grabs the coin. He gives it to Toad.

Toad: Thank… you… Luigi.

Luigi: You’re welcome, Toad! Mystery solved!

Mario, Morton, Yoshi, Tubba Blubba and Popple go up to Luigi.

Everybody: We found Toad’s coin!

Luigi: ???

They show Luigi a Tanoomba disguised as a coin. The Tanoomba turns back into a Tanoomba and attacks Toad.

Toad: OW OW OW! STOP! OUCH, MY RIBS! YEOW! OUCH! OW OW OW!

Luigi: And that’s all you need to know about being a detective! Bye!

Toad: OW OW OW! STOP!

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