Luigi: Welcome, ladies and gents, to another exciting, fun-filled episode of Luigi’s Do-It-Your-Stinkin'-Self, the only Do-It-Your-Stinkin'-Self program that's named after me.

Toad: I'm outta here!

Toad runs away, boards a plane, and flies off, taking all the other Toads with him.

Luigi: ... Darn. Good thing I already paid Ludwig to build me all these Toad robots.

Toad-bot 1: Goodoo dayoo, masooter.

Luigi: Today I will be teaching you how to build a robot. I've never done it, but I've seen Ludwig do it, and it seems easy. First, you need some tools. Toad-bot 1, get me some tools.

Toad-bot 1: Yesoo, masooter.

Toad-bot 1 walks off to get some tools. On its way, it trips over a magic lamp, and a genie pops out.

Genie: (echoing) I am the genie of the lamp! What is your wish?

Toad-bot 1: Tooloos.

Genie: (not echoing) You wish to lose? To lose what? Your life?

Toad-bot 1: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm-oo...

Genie: (echoing) Your wish is my command!

The genie blasts Toad-bot 1 to bits.

Luigi: What's taking Toad-bot 1 so long? Ah, well. Toad-bot 2! Get me some tools!

Toad-bot 2: Yesee, maseeter.

Toad-bot 2 gets Luigi an actual toolkit.

Luigi: Now that you have your tools, you'll need some metal to build your robot out of. I'm too cheap to buy actual metal, so I'll use this cardboard instead. Toad-bot 2, get me some welder's goggles.

Toad-bot 2: Yesee, maseeter.

Toad-bot 2 gets Luigi's welder's goggles. Luigi puts them on.

Luigi: Now just put your metal over a fire, and weld it together!

Luigi puts the pieces of cardboard over a fire, and they burn.

Luigi: Darn! My metal's all melted now! Well, now I have no choice but to dismantle one of my existing robots and use its metal. Toad-bot 2...

Toad-bot 2: Noee, maseeter!

Luigi: (screaming maniacally) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Luigi chases Toad-bot 2 around the room. He finally catches it and hits its head with a wr–

BEEEEEEEEEEP!

Announcer: Um, due to the graphically violent nature of this part of the program, we have no choice but to censor the next few minutes.

Some generic TV station music plays.

Announcer: ... So, um, I'm just talking, I guess. Not like I have much else to do right now while the program's being censored. Ummmm... Tune in every Thursday at 4:00 AM for more episodes of Luigi's
Do-It-Your-Stinkin'-Self. Because, um, it's a good show.

Generic TV station music continues to play.

Announcer: So, um, just let me know when the program comes b-

Toad-bot 2 is in a dismantled pile on the floor, with Luigi standing on top of it.

Luigi: The next thing you should have is some randomly-colored wires. Get me some wires, Toad-bot 3!

Toad-bot 3: Yes, master!

Luigi: Sheesh, what's wrong with your voice synthesizer? The first two Toad-bots were way easier to understand than you!

Toad-bot 3: X_X

Luigi: Forget you!

Luigi stomps Toad-bot 3.

Luigi: Darn, that was the last Toad-bot Ludwig made me. I sure hope something happens soon!

Meanwhile, all the Toads are enjoying their flight on Toad's plane.

Toad 74: I can't believe you have such a huge airplane, Toad!

Toad: Yeah! I love this plane! I wish I could fly it all day!

Suddenly, terrorist Bob-omb bin Deusexmachina jumps out from behind something.

Bob-omb bin Deusexmachina: I will blow up this plane!

Toad: AHHH! Quick, everyone, grab a parachute and jump off the plane!

They all grab parachutes and jump off. They land in front of Luigi's house.

Toad: *(#&&*$^@%(@^%^$!!!

Luigi: TOAD MADE A SWEAR!

Luigi kills Toad.

Luigi: Toad 2, get me some wires, paper, and tape.

Toad 2 makes the universal "give me some money" gesture.

Luigi: Oh, fine. Here's five coins.

Toad 2: YAY! I'm rich!

Toad 2 takes the five coins and runs off.

Luigi: BE SURE TO STEAL THEM FROM SOME RUTHLESS THUG OFF THE STREET! THEY'RE ALWAYS SO POLITE!

When Toad 2 comes back, he has wires, paper, tape, and about a thousand scars.

Luigi: What on Plit happened, Toad 2?

Toad 2: I stole it all from some ruthless thug off the street, just like you told me to!

Toad 2 faints, and is probably dead.

Luigi: Ewwwww, look at all that raspberry jam leaking all over the place!

Toad 3: Oh, DAD, I'm gonna puke!

Toad 3 pukes at the sight of the "raspberry jam".

Luigi: Ugh! I think you need to see a doctor, Toad 3! And I know just the one!

Mario: It's-a me, Dr. Mario!

Toad 3: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Mario chases Toad 3 out of the house.

Luigi: Whatever. Now, it's time to program the robot. We just use the wires and tape like so!

Luigi writes "SAY LUIGI IS WAY COOLER THAN MARIO" on a piece of paper. Then he tapes one end of a wire to the paper and the other end to the robot.

Luigi: See? It's that easy to program a robot!

Toad 4: No way! That never works!

Toad 4 writes "EXPLODE" on a piece of paper, tapes one end of a wire to the paper, and the other end to the robot.

Toad 4: See? You just can't program a robot that w-

The robot explodes noiselessly.

Sound Effects Guy: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Luigi: See? The robot is in perfect working order! Or was, before it, you know, exploded. Stupid Toad 4... what a moron.

Sound Effects Guy: So, uh, do I get my pay?

Luigi: Sure.

Luigi hands Sound Effects Guy the charred corpse of Toad 4.

Sound Effects Guy: I'M RICH!

Luigi: So, uh, where were we... Right! I was going to explain what to do if some moron tampers with your robot. I was going to have Mario simulate it for me, but I can see I don't need to use him anymore. First, you build a new robot.

Luigi takes the stomped body of Toad-bot 3.

Luigi: As I've said before, the best thing to do is take parts from your pre-existing robot and do something completely different with them!

Luigi turns Toad-bot 3 upside-down.

Luigi: There! All done! Now you program it.

Bowser: I WANNA PROGRAM THE ROBOT!

Bowser writes "SKILLFULLY KIDNAP PRINCESS TOADSTOOL" on a piece of paper, and uses tape and a wire to "program" Toad-bot 3. Nothing happens.

Bowser: AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bowser loses control over his fire breath and burns away the parts of the paper that say "SFULLY KIDNAP PRINCESS TOOL", leaving "KILL TOADS". The robot mistakes the S for a 5.

Upside-down Toad-bot 3: You're going down, Toad 5!

Upside-down Toad-bot 3 produces a sword and slays Toad 5.

Luigi: See? It's amazing what you can get your own robot to do! But now there's raspberry jam everywhere...

Luigi writes "CLEAN UP LUIGI'S HOUSE" on a piece of paper, and "programs" the robot.

Bowser: Ahhhhh-CHOOOOO!

Bowser sneezes fire onto the paper, burning away the "C" and the "UP", leaving "LEAN LUIGI'S HOUSE".

Upside-down Toad-bot 3: Yes, master, I will do that!

Upside-down Toad-bot 3 goes outside, reaches under Luigi's house, and tilts it on its side. Luigi, Bowser, and all the Toads crash against a wall. Toad 74 dies; everyone else is merely unconscious for several hours.

Several hours later, Luigi, Toad 6, and Toad 7 come to, but Luigi's forgotten what he was doing.

Luigi: And that's how you host your own wedding! Tune in next week when I show you how to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors!

Toad 6: End transmiss-

Toad 7: Hey! I wanted to say it!

Toad 7 pulls out a hammer and smashes Toad 6.

Toad 7: End transmission!

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