Catchy theme music plays.

Singers: For those of you,
Who are really dumb. (A question mark appears)
Ask Luigi,
Sucking his thumb! (Luigi sucks his thumb)
He can answer anything,
Including charm and wit. (Luigi gets letters from the IRS)
Feed your pets,
Even babysit. (Luigi feeds Toad his own baby food)
With his pal, Toad,
Who gets run over on the road. (Toad gets run over by Luigi’s car)
It’s all about,
To think to yourself. (Toad gives a slip of paper to Luigi and runs off)
It’s Luigi’s… (Luigi looks at the note saying “I QUIT!”)
Do-It-Your-Stinking-Self.

Cut to Luigi in McDonalds.

Luigi: Hello, everybody, and welcome to Luigi’s Do-It-Your-Stinking-Self on lemmykoopa.com! I’m Luigi and this is my pal, Toad.

Toad: Why did you call Lemmy’s Land lemmykoopa.com?

Luigi: No reason. Today, in honor of the release of Mario toys at McDonalds, I’ll show all you dimwitted nitwits how to eat at McDonalds!

Toad: I thought they'd released toys in honor of Super Mario Bros. 3!

Luigi: Those were sissy toys, Toad. The new toys are much active… literally! Now, these toys you can exercise and play with!

Toad: I fear something wicked this way comes.

Luigi: First, you order the food you want, but you have to wait in line.

They get in the line, about 80 yards long.

Toad: I hate you, Luigi. Burger King’s better than this.

Luigi: But Toad, I don’t want Avatar toys, they’re too boring!

Toad: What else will go wrong?

Three hours later… the line is empty and McDonalds is closed.

Toad: Why is there only one McDonalds in Pilt?

Luigi: Well, we’re going to have to sleep in here tonight. Toad, you sleep on the floor.

Luigi walks to the comfy seats.

Toad: Why can’t I sleep on the comfy seats?

Luigi: You can order the food. Good night!

The next morning, Luigi and Toad are at the front of the line.

Luigi: Now, when ordering the food, you must look at the menu. While you were gone, me and Toad already picked what we want. (to the employee) I’ll have the hamburger with fries and a Happy Meal for Toad.

Toad: I AM 32 YEARS OLD!

Luigi: You’re never too old to have a Happy Meal.

Toad: This is why I hate McDonalds… Watch.

Employee: Here’s your Happy Meal, Toad. *holds up a bib and high chair* And your bib and high chair.

They laugh like nuts at Toad.

Toad: SEE?!

Luigi: Oh, it’s nothing. I’ll prove it. (to the employee) I’ll have the Happy Meal; send the hamburger and fries to someone else.

Employee: You got it.

The employee gives Luigi a Happy Meal.

Employee: Have a nice day.

Toad: Wha just happened?

Luigi: Now, you must pay for the food. It’s $6,000.00.

Toad: But you only got two Happy Meals, a hamburger, and fries!

Luigi: While you were gone, I ate all the food. Now give me all your money, Toad.

Toad: But, my family…

Luigi: You don’t have one! Give me your money, your MasterCard!

Toad: But, this card is new.

Luigi: Perfect! (to the employee) Here you go, ma’am. You can also use Visa, Discover, or any other card, even a McDonalds gift card!

Toad: That was $6,000.00 as my first payment! And you spent it! You give me the worst bedtimes, gardens, babysitting, pets, even driving, you @%#%@%%!

Luigi: Mind your language, Toad. This is McDonalds, the kid-friendly restaurant! Now, we need drinks.

Toad: I’ll have Pepsi.

Luigi: Never mind that, Toad. I ordered the milk.

Toad: What?

Luigi: It’s much healthier. (to the viewers) You see, Happy Meals now have choices like Minute Maid Apple Juice or Apple Dippers, even milk and chocolate milk. So, I’ll take the Pepsi.

Luigi gets a large cup and pours Pepsi in it until it overflows and McDonalds gets flooded.

Luigi: Maybe we should take our food to go.

Cut to outside McDonalds. Luigi and Toad run off after McDonalds explodes from overflooding. Ronald McDonald appears.

Ronald: My restaurant! My 5,000,246,835th McDonalds! Whoever did this is dead!

Cut to Luigi’s roofless house. Luigi and Toad start eating.

Luigi: The Happy Meals have toys, as I previously told you.

Luigi takes out an inflatable mallet and ball.

Luigi: This is the Mario Swing and Hit!

He blows up the mallet.

Luigi: You throw the ball up!

He throws the ball up.

And then you try to bounce it up and down.

Toad: I got the Donkey Kong Throw & Go Spinner.

He takes out a frisbee of DK.

Toad: It’s like any other frisbee. You can play with it.

Luigi: After you’re done eating, you throw everything away!

Luigi takes his house, with Toad still inside, and throws it in the dump.

Toad: This is the fourth house you threw! {THUD!}

Luigi: And that is how you eat at McDonalds. Goodbye! Hey, I wonder where my hamburger and fries went.

Cut to Bowser’s castle. Employee 2 has the meal in a bag near Bowser’s door. He knocks on the door and Bowser answers it.

Bowser: What is it?

Employee: Your meal has arrived, sir. Hamburger with fries.

Bowser: What are you thinking? I’m allergic to potatoes and wheat!

He throws Employee 2 in the lava pit.

Bowser: Next time, I order the salad.

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