One day Roy is sitting on the couch watching television.

Roy: Man. This show is sooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

Roy is watching Family Koopa.

Roy: I wish there was someone who could invent a show that was actually watchable! Whoever made that would be a billionaire!

A commercial comes on TV.

Commercial Lakitu: Do you wish there was someone who could invent a show that was actually watchable?

Roy: : ) Yes!

Commercial Lakitu: Do you wish that person was you?

Roy: YEESSS!!! :D

Commercial Lakitu: If YOU want to be that person, then call this number: 554-3468!

Roy: Ok!

Roy quickly rushes to Ludwig.

Roy: Ludwig?

Ludwig: Whatever it is, no.

Roy: Please?

Ludwig: No.

Roy: Pretty please?

Ludwig: No.

15 minutes later...

Roy: Pretty please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please?

Ludwig: OK!

Roy: Great! I need you to invent a super-hyper-awesome-duper-striper-fiper-cool-camera!

Ludwig: Some of those words don’t even exist.

Roy punches Ludwig.

Roy: SHADDAP!

Ludwig begins working on Roy’s super-hyper-awesome-duper-striper-fiper-cool-camera. Roy goes and grabs a phone. He calls 554-3468.

Krazy Koopa: Yes?

Roy: I’d like to be a billionaire, please.

Krazy Koopa: Perfect! We’ll send you a camera crew right now, Mist-

Roy: I don’t need a stinking camera crew! I got a crew already! What else do I need?

Krazy Koopa: Well, we need to put the name of your TV show in the TV Guide. What’s the name of your TV show?

Roy looks at thepicture of Mr. T that he hung on the wall.

Roy: I… DON’T Pity the Fool!

Krazy Koopa: Ooh. How original. Your show airs at 7:00 PM on Friday! Bye now.

Krazy Koopa hangs up.

Roy: Friday? That’s tomorrow! Oh WHO… just WHO will help me film my show?

Roy’s siblings are standing behind him. They all walk away except for Iggy and Lemmy.

Iggy: We’ll-

Lemmy: Do it!

Roy: Thanks, dudes! Now hand me that camera!

Roy swipes his super-hyper-awesome-duper-striper-fiper-cool-camera from Iggy.

Roy: Let’s start the show!

Roy walks out the door. Grins slowly spread from ear to ear across Lemmy and Iggy’s faces.

Lemmy: MWA HA HA H-

Iggy: A HA HA HA!

30 minutes later...

Roy, Iggy and Lemmy are walking in a field of flowers. Roy spots Yoshi picking flowers and smelling them.

Yoshi: OH! These flowers smell so so wonderful! Yoshi am sure to attract very nice girl Yoshi with these!

Roy: There’s Yoshi! Time for the introduction, guys!

Lemmy and Iggy: OOH! (singing) Roy Koopa is a hard, tough guy! You betta’ not be messin’ wit’ his evil side! He tough! He’s rough! And his personality’s gruff! He’s Roy Koopa! An’ he don’t pity any fooooooooools!

Roy: Yo! Welcome to “I Don’t Pity the Fool”! It’s my new reality TV show where I’m gonna straighten some goody-two-shoes folks out! So let’s begin! There’s Yoshi picking flowers!

Iggy points the camera at Yoshi. Yoshi stares at the camera.

Yoshi: Who, me?

Roy: YEAH! You, fool! You’re not supposed to PICK flowers! You’re supposed to do THIS!

Roy pulls a flamethrower out of his shell. He burns a bunch of flowers. Then he rips flowers from the ground and rips them to shreds with his teeth. Then he kicks them all around. Yoshi just watches in horror.

Roy: And THAT’S what you’re supposed to do!

Yoshi: YOU AM JERK!

Flames appear in Yoshi’s eyes. He jumps on to Roy. Roy screams. Lemmy and Iggy get instruments and a random Koopa appears. The 3 start playing and singing “Eye of the Tiger”. Yoshi pounds Roy to a pulp.

Yoshi: BLINGT BLANG RAGGA SNAGGGA RIP RANG SNORT TRANG BLANG YAGGA NAGGA DAG!!!

Roy: AAAAHHHH!!!

Yoshi leaves. Roy gets up.

Roy: Let’s find someone else.

Lemmy and Iggy: *snicker*

12 minutes later...

Roy, Lemmy and Iggy spot a little Toad practicing karate in uniform.

Roy: YO, FOO’!

Toad: Who, me?

Roy: Yeah, yo! Yo don’t do karate like that! You don’t do karate like that! It’s like dis!

Roy proceeds to do various Koop Fu, Kooptao, Crabby Koopbong, Han Moo Do-do, and Gou Kwan moves.

Toad: O.O None of those were karate moves!

Roy: YEAH THEY WERE, FOOL!

Roy tries to punch the Toad but the Toad grabs his fist and tosses him 10 miles away.

Iggy and Lemmy: 0o0 Woowww…

Iggy and Lemmy run over to Roy.

Roy: Let’s find someone really stupid to fix.

30 minutes later...

Roy, Lemmy and Iggy spot Mario skipping along the sidewalk. Roy walks over to Mario.

Roy: Mario! You foo!

Mario: Oh. Hi Roy!

Roy: YEAH, FOO! It’s me! You got a lot of nerve skipping down the side- HEY! WHERE’D YOU GO?!

Mario is talking to a Toad at an ice cream stand.

Mario: I’ll have one fish with sprinkles.

Toad: This isn’t a sushi stand.

Mario: FISH WITH SPRINKLES!

Toad: Right!

The Toad runs to a sushi stand and buys a fish. He goes back to Mario and puts sprinkles on the fish.

Toad: Here you go!

Mario: Thank you!

Roy: WERE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!

Mario: Fishy?

Roy slaps the fish out of Mario’s hand.

Roy: I oughta-

Mario: YOU GOT RID OF FISHY!

Mario tosses Roy into a hole conveniently placed in the middle of the street. Roy crawls up out of the hole. Mario slams a trash can on Roy’s head. Roy falls back into the hole. He crawls back up again. He looks both ways.

Roy: I declare this episode officially over.

Mario jumps onto Roy and causes both of them to fall back in the hole. Mario pounds Roy to a pulp in the hole and starts to fly out of the hole. The scene zooms out to show the whole Koopa family watching the show on TV. Roy is sitting with everyone else on the couch as they laugh their heads off. Roy crosses his arms and glares at the screen.

Roy: *sigh* Television.

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