(All the characters that appear in these will have appeared in one of the RPG games.)

Episode 1: The Gadd

PLAYER 1: START
LEVEL 1-1: IGGY AND LEMMY’S ROOM

Iggy and Lemmy are sitting at computers designing video games… only Lemmy is hitting his with a claw hammer.

Lemmy: Oh yeah! Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy?

Iggy: Lemmy, what are you doing?

Lemmy: My computer froze again and if I can just remind it who’s boss, it always unfreezes.

Iggy: What? And will you remind me why you have a dead Yoshi on the ground over there?

Lemmy: It’s not dead, it’s just… unconscious. It’s a prank gone horribly wrong. But check this out: Sometimes, it gets really cold in here.

Lemmy puts on the Yoshi like a suit.

Lemmy: So I had its insides cleaned out and put it on like a suit, so I can work through the cold!

Iggy: EW!

E. Gadd comes in.

Gadd: Hey guys! Lemmy, are you wearing a Yoshi like a suit?

Lemmy: Yes.

Gadd: I dig it! Do the ol’ CEO a favor and round up the other programmers. Kay? Kay.

Iggy: Sure thing, Mr. Gadd.

Lemmy: That’s Mr. Boss Man to you, Iggy.

LEVEL 1-2: HALLWAY
Lemmy: So what do you think the meeting will be about?

Iggy: I don’t know, but it probably won’t be good.

Lemmy: That’s your problem! You’re always so negative!

Lemmy jumps over a lava pit.

Iggy: I don’t think I can make this.

Lemmy: See what I mean? Just try!

Iggy tries, but gets hit by a Podoboo jumping out of the lava. Iggy dies like Mario might in the retro games, and reappears due to an extra life.

Lemmy: There! You didn’t die!

Lemmy and Iggy duck under a Mini Bullet Bill. Black Ninjakoopa is walking up to the brothers, holding a Mini Bill Blaster.

Lemmy: Hey, it’s Black Ninjakoopa! I see Gadd got you a new MBB (Mini Bill Blaster).

Black: Yeah, it’s supposed to serve as inspiration for this new game I’m programming, Cracker Barrel! … It’s where you shoot saltines inside a water barrel!

Black leaves the hall.

Lemmy: You know that’s weird, because he’s not a game programmer. He’s the accountant and security guard.

LEVEL 1-3: FRANCIS’S ROOM
Francis: Nerr, no mother! That is not the kind of nachos I want in my card club!

Iggy and Lemmy come in.

Francis: Hold on, Mother. What is it, you two? You want some advice from the best?

Lemmy: No, I don’t like asking myself questions.

Francis: I don’t see why- Oh. You think you’re so funny.

Lemmy: Just meet us in the Break Room.

Francis: Fine, I shall grace you with my presence.

LEVEL 1-4: WOMEN’S RESTROOM
The brothers enter the women’s room.

Goombella: Aaaahhhh! Can’t a girl clip coupons in the privacy of a bathroom?

Iggy: So Goombella, we’ve got to meet in the Break Room in five. By the way, how’s that game going?

Goombella: Well I think my game, Little Sally, will teach girls how to shop in moderation, and be action-packed so boys will want to play, too.

Iggy: That’s great.

Lemmy: Brownnosing is going to get you nowhere, dude! You’ve got to be macho! Isn’t that right, Goombella?

Goombella: Get out!

Lemmy: I’ll do that when I feel like it.

A Glitz Pit security guard comes in.

Lemmy: Thank DAD you’re here! This guy’s insane! You hold him down, and I’ll kick him.

The guard holds Iggy down, and Lemmy gets off his ball and kicks Iggy in the face.

LEVEL 1-5: BREAK ROOM
Everyone is in the break room, and Goombella notices that dead Yoshi in the garbage can.

Goombella: Lemmy, why is your dead Yoshi in the trashcan?

Lemmy: Gadd said I could have him in here. And he’s not dead, he’s just-

Gadd comes in on a hover pillow.

Gadd: Hey, good times, people! Now listen. We’ve all had fun working here, but I’m sure Gamekoopa will still produce great games despite who the new owner is.

Employees: What? But why? Who? Where’s the cheese? How could you?

Gadd: I’m sorry, but it’s not my time here anymore. Lemmy, I’ll have to ask you to show the customers around.

Lemmy: *sigh* Fine.

LEVEL 1-6: GAMEKOOPA TOUR
Lemmy is walking through the hallway with 2 Spinias.

Lemmy: Well, I think you’ll love it here at Gamekoopa.

Spinia 1: Yeah, us Spinias at Spiniaworx believe that family is our number one concern.

Lemmy: Oh, you and Dimentio will get along fine, then.

They take a warp pipe down to a room with a stage and hot tub. FYI, anything Dimentio says is in song.

Dimentio: All right! Now the hot tub is hot enough!

Lemmy: This is Dimentio. He provides the vocal needs for our games. He rocks, and stinks!

He hops into the hot tub, though he’s still in his normal suit.

Spinia 2: Um, we got to go.

The Spinias quickly leave.

Lemmy: Just… keep doing what you do, man.

Lemmy leaves, and Dimentio sinks in his hot tub.

Dimentio: Will doooooooo.

Lemmy then enters Francis’s room with 2 Business Bros. They have suitcases instead of hammers.

Lemmy: And this is the dork, Francis.

Francis: Ah, hello. I hear you two are considering buying us. Well, you must first know about us, specifically me. When I make games, I need to make myself comfortable.

Francis burps, and a ghastly cloud is in the room. Lemmy leaves.

Francis: Let’s do some word association. Dragon’s castle.

B. Bro. 1: Oxy…gen!

Francis: No… Giant Robot!

B. Bro. 2: Choking…

Francis: …

Lemmy is now in the break room with a Goomba and a Cursya.

Lemmy: Now this is a microwave.

Goomba: We’ve seen those before.

Lemmy: Ah, but have you seen a person microwave a rubber ball? I am, and yes that is indeed my spare rubber ball in there.

The ball then pops, and the door flies across the room. Soon, every customer is fleeing from Gamekoopa.

LEVEL 1-7: GADD’S OFFICE
A dart nearly misses Gadd.

Lemmy: Gadd, what the Underwhere?

Gadd: I’m sorry, Lemmy. The fact that no one wanted to buy Gamekoopa distracted me.

Gadd walks around his fun office, while Lemmy and Iggy follow.

Gadd: There are only two options left. Sell it to this crazy guy, or sell the company to Gamesquig.

Lemmy: Gamesquig?! Not there!

We see a gray, depressing building.

Lemmy (narrating): That place is the zit on the face of gaming!

A Shroob starts whipping people with a laser whip. A Toad inside the building stops working.

Toad: I can’t take it anymore!

Another Shroob comes in and zaps the Toad to death.

Back in the office…

Lemmy: Besides, you’re the only guy I know besides me who I don’t mock!

Iggy: It’s true! I’m his favorite brother, and he still mocks me!

Gadd: Well, we’ll take a vote. Quick! To the outside meeting area and Funcenter!

He dons a jetpack and flies away.

Lemmy: Man, we’ll miss that guy!

LEVEL 1-8: OUTSIDE
Gadd: Okay, people. Since it’s not the Elvin Gadd way to make a decision without everyone’s consent, we’ll take a vote. All who want to work for Gamesquig raise your hand.

Francis, Goombella, and Wendy raise their hands.

Gadd: All who want to work for the only remaining customer, raise your hand!

Lemmy, Black Ninjakoopa, and Dimentio raise their hands.

Gadd: Hmm. We should have a majority.

Wendy: It was Iggy! He didn’t vote!

Gadd: Iggy, you have to vote.

Black: Yeah, and you’d better pick now, or else you’ll be eating a Mini Bullet Bill right here, right now!

Gadd: Black, what did we say about threats?

Black: I’m sorry, Gadd. I’ll go stand in the kiddy pool of shame.

He stands in a kiddy pool nearby.

Iggy: Well, if I had to pick, I’d choose…

(PAUSE!)

Gecko: They love me more!

Caveman: No, they love me!

Gecko: You’re just speaking to a therapist all the time!

Caveman: You complain how if Geico sounded like a puma, you wouldn’t be here! In fact, that is specifically why I’m better!

Cameraman: Guys, we’re on!

Gecko and Caveman: Uh oh. Uh, start the show!

(RESUME)

LEVEL 2-1: BATHROOM
Lemmy: I’m telling you. Putting a vending machine inside this bathroom was genius! Now to force my quarter back out, since I didn’t get my Kit Kat Bar.

Iggy: But it required TWO quarters.

Lemmy throws spare rubber balls at the machine, and Grubba and Tubba Blubba come out of a door.

Grubba: Boy, are you attacking that machine?

Lemmy: Uh, yes.

Grubba: Fair enough. My name is Grubba. I am yer new boss!

Tubba Blubba: I like circles, cause they’re round! And stuff.

Grubba: This is my nephew, Tubba Blubba. That boy is S-T-Upid! Boy! Do 100 push-ups!

Tubba: You got it, Uncle! *starts* 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4-

Grubba: He can only count to four, so it’ll take him awhile.

LEVEL 2-2: HALLWAY #2

Grubba, Lemmy, and Iggy are walking through a hallway, jumping over pits, stomping Goombas, wall kicking, and other things as necessary.

Grubba: All right. So the previous owner told me that you ‘ere the main programmers. So listen up! Here are the new rules! One, no more Christmas! Even for the people who don’t celebrate it! Number two, no more Swoopers! It’s open season for them bums! And finally, no more leavin’ these dang shells around! Now, what’s the most important thing you people must do?

Lemmy: Get drunk on Poison Mushroom Shroom Shakes and eating pie!

Grubba: NO! Making me money! I’ve got a house made of money, that I use to store all my money!

Iggy: If it’s made of money, then couldn’t someone just up and steal it?

Grubba: No!

Dimentio floats by.

Dimentio: Hey guys, it’s me, Dimentio! Your best friend in the world. Who happens to be insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!

He hops into a pipe.

Grubba: What in the Underwhere was that? Anyway, time to go for now.

Grubba leaves.

LEVEL 2-3: ADJUSTING TO GRUBBA
Macho Grubba bursts through the woman’s bathroom wall. He then reverts back to Grubba.

Goombella: Eek! Why can’t a girl clip coupons in a bathroom anymore?!

Grubba: Sorry, ladies! But if y’all wanna go to the bathroom, Tubba Blubba has built an outhouse out back!

Meanwhile out back...

Tubba Blubba is reading the instructions.

Tubba: Aw! The instructions go from English, to Spanish, to French! This would also be easier if I could read…

Inside...

Grubba: I like a lot of room in my bathrooms, in case I feel like taking my large sacks of money with me!

Grubba is then seen walking into Black Ninjakoopa’s office.

Grubba: Black Ninjakoopa, you will now be sharing an office with-

Black: (shooting Grubba with a Mini Bill Blaster) Like the Underwhere I will!

Grubba gets back up, and reveals a bulletproof vest under his shirt.

Grubba: Ha! Bulletproof vest! But nice try, son. I respect that! You have earned your own office. Until the rematch, that is. In which you will die.

LEVEL 2-4: MEETING ROOM
Everyone is in the meeting room.

Grubba: Now ladies, show me them games!

Goombella: Well-

Grubba: Not you, Goomba. I am talking to the boys, in a way to insult them.

Francis: Well since I’m the best in the world, I’ll go first. You may be saying, “Francis! How could you possibly top yourself after your previous victory, Butterfly Hunt?”

The TV next to him turns on to show a picture of a crosshair moving over to a butterfly, and bright flashes appearing. This is a picture of Butterfly Hunt.

Francis: Well, say hello to Butterfly Hunt TWO!

Another cursor appears on the screen.

Francis: Nerr, now this game has two cursors instead of one!

Grubba: That stinks! Next!

Lemmy gets up and boots Francis away and puts his game in.

Lemmy: Well, my new game is called Shroob Sniper.

Grubba: I love it! A game where you’re a Shroob! And ya’ snipe stuff!

Lemmy: No, you snipe the Shroobs.

Grubba: That stinks, too! Anyway my nephew, Tubba Blubba, will now be the Supervisor! And this here is my illegally adopted son, Fawful. He will be testing my games.

Fawful: WOW I AM IN THE HAPPINESS OF BEING ABLE TO TEST THE GAMES OF TEST NEEDING TO GET SUGAR OF SWEET HAVINGNESS BECAUSE I AM IN THE LOVING OF SUGAR GIVEN TO ME BY MY DADDY WITH A NAME OF GRUBBA!

LEVEL 2-5: RETURN TO FRANCIS’S ROOM
Black Ninjakoopa enters the room.

Black: Yo, what is it?

Francis: Ah, Black Ninjakoopa. It occurs to me that you’ve never been in Francis’s lair before.

Black: That’s because you creep me out! Now what is it? Before I shell you!

Francis: With my brilliance and your specialty in “taking people out”, we can form an alliance to defeat the evil known as Grubba.

Black: Give me $20.

Francis: Fair enough.

Black: And the keys to your van.

Francis: Nerr, fine.

Black: Yo, and that sword.

Francis: Nerr! Excalibur knows no hands! … Fine.

He gives the sword to Black.

Francis: With this sword, nerr, I hereby dub thee, The Black Knight.

Black: Yo, if that “Black Knight” thing is a joke about my ninja gear color, it’s go time between you and me!

LEVEL 2-6: PEAR
Lemmy: Come on, Gadd! We need you! Grubba locked up the mariachi band!

Gadd: What?

Lemmy: And he threw away my dead yYshi!

Gadd: That might’ve been for the best.

Lemmy: And he canceled Hotdog Night!

Gadd: He said he wouldn’t do that! I’m sorry, Lemmy, but it’s just not my time there anymore. It’s my time here, much like it’s still your time at Gamekoopa. Like I said, you can always come and work with me.

Lemmy: No way! These home-computer things are just going to be a passing fad! Like that “Super Mario Bros” franchise I’ve heard about.

Gadd: Okay. But here! This Strange Sack will let you store ten more items! And here’s a pear for the road.

Lemmy: Oookay. (Who names a company after a fruit?)

2-7: GAMESQUIG
Goombella: Are you sure we should do this?

A Shroob comes in and laser whips Iggy.

Iggy: Ow! I didn’t even apply yet!

Shroob: Better you feel my whip now!

Wendy: Why are we here?

Goombella: It’s either get slave-driven by Shroobs, or slave-driven by a crazy Clubba. I’d rather be here.

Lemmy appears.

Iggy: Lemmy?

Lemmy: Come on, guys, we can’t give up and go here! Did the Jackson 5 give up when their dad wrecked their childhood? By the way, Iggy, you’re Michael.

Iggy: Not him!

Lemmy: Did Luke Skywalker give up when he had to blow up the Death Star? Did Link give up when he turned into a wolf in a dungeon?

Dimentio floats by.

Dimentio: Did I ever give up trying to destroy Count Bleck? Oh nooooooooooooo!

Lemmy: Exactly! We can’t just give up! Now let’s go back to Gamekoopa!

LEVEL 2-8: BOSS LEVEL!
BOSS BATTLE!
Francis: 40/40
Black Ninjakoopa: 60/60
Vs.
Grubba: 100/100

Francis is wheeling a giant vanilla cake into Grubba’s office.

Black (in the cake): This cake better be chocolate, or else you’re next!

Grubba: Whazzat? A cake! And a vanilla one!

Black: … DIE!

Black jumps out of the top, but Grubba smashes it with his Macho arm. Yes, only his arm is macho right now.

Grubba: Hey! It’s one ‘a them fortune cakes! Where a ninja comes out and tells me my fortune! Well go on! What’s my fortune?

Francis: 40/40
Black Ninjakoopa: 45/60
Vs.
Grubba: 100/100

In the break room, Francis is talking to Grubba.

Francis: So might I buy you a candy?

Grubba: Fine, whatever.

Francis inserts a coin, and Black appears in the vending machine and tries to shoot, but the glass is too strong.

Grubba: Ha! Bulletproof glass! Also placed some on my car and office.

Black: … I have an idea.

Later, everyone comes back from Gamesquig to find Tubba Blubba, Fawful, and Black Ninjakoopa watching Macho Grubba chasing Francis around.

Lemmy: Wow. Well I guess anyone who hates Francis as much as I do is okay with me.

Grubba (back to normal): Finish ‘im off, Nephew.

Tubba Blubba: Sure thing, Uncle!

He beats Francis up while Grubba speaks to Black.

Grubba: And I couldn’t have known about these threats on my life without your valuable information, “Black Knight”. You are now my third in command.

Francis: 0/40
Black Ninjakoopa: 45/60
Vs.
Grubba: 100/100

Black Ninjakoopa and Grubba win!

Closing Cinema:
The Company Family Photo is taken. The next day…

Lemmy: Dude, I just spiked all the drinks in the break room.

Iggy: What?

Lemmy: I literally spiked every single drink with some Drain-O! Best prank ever!

Iggy: Behind you.

Lemmy turns to see everyone else right behind him.

Lemmy: Oh…

Grubba: That’s the fourth time I’ve drank Drain-O this week!

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