Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to episode four of the Mushroom Games! This week’s challenge will be like no
other!

Roy: *sigh* That’s what I am afraid of...

Crazy Packers Fan: My pal Wart and I have teamed up to make this challenge. It has to do with the game Super Mario Bros. 2, and even more to do with Super Mario Advance. Today you will all travel to an island to
round up a huge enemy, one each for each team.

Ludwig: Well, I like islands!

Crazy Packers Fan: The name of this island is... Sub-con Park Island.

Everyone: OH NO!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s your enemy designations:

Hammer Brothers: Fry Guy
Kool Koopas: Clawgrip
Super Koopas: Mouser
Interview Imbeciles: Triclyde
Goofy Goombas: Birdo
Mario Morons: Ostro
Pitiful Piranhas: Albatoss

And remember that these are large, possibly Koopa-and-Mario-and-minion-eating enemies!

DK: Well, that doesn’t include DK!

Crazy Packers Fan: And Ape-eating!

DK: Includes everyone and everything!

Roy: What torture we go through, and for what?! How many coins?

Lemmy: Only eight million, Roy.

Roy: Eight million? Well, count me in!

Hammer: Hold on a second. Tony, what the heck are we doing in the first place?

Tony: What, don’t you want to win?

Hammer: No, but I didn’t think we stood any chance.

POW!!!

Hammer: I forgot not to mess with him.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now that these losers have spoken their little speeches, let’s all go to Sub-con Park
Island!

The Ludwig organ rendition of the Jurassic Park theme music plays once more.

Wart: What a wonderful place!

Gigantic Sub-con creatures are running around eating anything in sight, including each other.

Wart: I love my amusement park! I am amused by this park!

Susan: My dad needs to understand how we feel, not how much money he’s getting for it.

Roy: How the heck are we going to catch a-

Crazy Packers Fan: Now I know some of you are asking, “How the heck are we going to catch a-?” Well, here’s a surprise: I’m not going to tell you!

Roy: Oh boy.

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, set, go!

Roy: I remember this! Only Lemmy and I survive from our group!

Wendy: Oh great. It’s bad enough that you’re passing me in Lemmy’s Leaders, but now you’re foretelling my certain death! I can’t take you anymore!

Susan: Let’s all calm down. After all, all we have to catch is a giant Clawgrip!

Iggy: A Clawgrip?!

Ludwig: Contrary to popular belief, it is theoretically possible that a specimen of this unique species could approach us, leading to its most certain capture and victory and celebration for us!

Larry: And what did that mean?

Lemmy: Maybe one will walk right up to us!

Morton: MMMPPHH!!!

Roy: Boy, how I love duct tape!

Larry: No big Clawgrip is walking up to us!

Wendy: But a Mouser is! Scram, or get scrambled!

Ludwig 222: There goes our Mouser! The Kool Koopas might catch him!

Washu: Come on! We’ll get that Mouser right now!

Richard: How?

Misty Koopa: Sandslash is working on something.

Richard: OH NO!!!

Sandslash: It’s ready!

Everyone else who is a Super Koopa: OH NO!!!

Sandslash: So what if this gigantic robot looks just like me? It’s just as powerful as me, and just as strong! Even more powerful, and stronger!

Smash: Get that Mouser, or we’ll get you out of this team!

The Mario Surfer: You know something?

Rachelle: What’s that?

The Mario Surfer: That robot resembles Sandslash!

Rachelle: Oh no! Sandslash now must be making people lose their memories out of shock!

Richard: Let’s go!

Washu: Where?

Misty: Home?

Richard: That’s a possibility.

Ludwig 222: Get that Mouser, robot!

The robot picks up all the Super Koopas and tosses them off the island.

Misty: I never thought getting thrown off the island would feel so bad...

Tony: Let’s get that Fry Guy with my hose! Say, Hammer, what are you doing?

Hammer: I’m attempting to mingle our troops together, the ones with the water supply!

Tony: Mingle, or I’ll mangle you!

Fiery: Will my fireballs work on the Fry Guy?

Tony: As surely as Peach has green hair.

Fiery: All right! I’ll use my fireballs right now!

Boomer: You idiot! You’re supposed to spit the fireballs at the Fry Guy, not use the fireballs!

Hammer: Help wanted.

Tony: Come on, losers! This will look embarrassing if everyone sees the Soprano Sledges struggling!

Hammer: The water supply just spilled out! There was a leak caused by a Boomerang strike!

Boomer: Don’t blame me; it was my brother!

Tony: Who is this heavy-set guy standing next to you?

Boomer: He ain’t heavy; he’s my brother!

Tony: What’s his name?

Boomeranger: Boomeranger.

Tony: He speaks! He talks! Boomeranger? He needs help with names, though.

Boomeranger: Shut up about my name and let’s catch that... that... hey, what are we supposed to catch?

Boomer: How am I supposed to know?

Hammer: Oh great. Now we don’t even remember what we’re supposed to catch.

Fiery: Wait a minute! Wasn’t it a Spiny Egg?

Fireball (Fiery’s brother): No, that was last week!

Tony: He speaks! He talks! But someone’s got to find out what we’re supposed to catch.

Fireball: Look, just go ask Crazy Packers Fan right now.

Fiery: I’m not doing that! He’ll laugh at me!

Tony: Laugh at you... what are you, crazy? Go ask him!

Hammer: Why?

Tony: We’ll lose if you don’t!

Hammer: Oh well, I guess, but it’s embarrassing!

Fiery: Go inquire, or I’ll light you on fire!

Hammer: Right away, sir!

Hammer trips and Mister Prickleberry, a super-sized Shy Guy, is about to swallow him.

Hammer: Wait!

Mister Prickleberry: What?

Hammer: You’re shy! You don’t like Hammer Brothers!

Mister Prickleberry: I forgot! WAH!!!

Hammer: Boy, that was quick thinking. Uh oh!

Tony: What are you doing?

Hammer: Going to ask Crazy Packers Fan a question!

Tony: Go fast, or I’ll blast you!

Crazy Packers Fan: What a dumb question! You should have it memorized by now! See all the other teams
doing well, except for maybe Mario being eaten over there?

Hammer: *gulp* Mario being eaten? Hey, you always liked me, didn’t you? And you’re in a good mood, right? I mean, your favorite team won!

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, the thing that the Interview Imbeciles are supposed to catch is a Triclyde. Now go!

Crazy Packers Fan pushes Hammer down the hill.

Hammer: A Triclyde. All right, a Triclyde!

Hammer: A Triclyde, boys!

Tony: Call me a boy, and you’ll get beat up by Roy!

Hammer: *gulp* Let’s get that Triclyde!

Fiery: There he is!

Tony: Fight fire with fire!

Fireball and Fiery fire fireballs at the flaming Triclyde, who then gets splashed with water from a rain cloud, falling into a perfectly-made trap by Boomer and Boomeranger. Tony’s brother and Hammer’s brother just watch.

Tony: Now bring him to Crazy Packers Fan!

Hammer: We got the Triclyde! We win!

Wart: A Triclyde? That’s not right!

Crazy Packers Fan: What did you bring us a Triclyde for?

Hammer: You said that the enemy the Interview Imbeciles... oh boy...

Tony: Now it’s time for you to speak, geek!

Hammer: Crazy Packers Fan told me the wrong team’s enemy!

Crazy Packers Fan: That was to make you think! Only a moron would go and catch that without thinking about
my words!

Hammer: I think I’ll go curl up and die now.

Tony: It’ll be worse than that, when I punch you flat!

Fiery: You made us lose! Look!

The huge Sandslash rolls over to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: What have we here?

The huge, robotic Sandslash is running around in circles. He runs right into the Hammer Brothers’ trap.

Boomeranger: We got something!

Boomer: Unfortunately, we didn’t get it right.

Tony: Capture every gigantic creature you see!

Hammer: Why should we?

Tony: Get them, or I’ll get you!

Hammer: All righty, then, get that Sledge Brother!

Tony: Not him!

Hammer: He’s big!

Tony: Unlike your brain size. Now get going!

Hammer: Boy, have these games changed Tony around. Hey, Hammerer!

Hammerer: Yeah?

Tony: He speaks! He talks! Hammerer? What kind of name is that?

Hammerer: I guess your brother’s name is better!

Tony: My brother is named, he’s, uh, named...

Sledgy: Sledgy.

Hammerer: That’s the most pathetic Sledge Brother name in the Mario World I’ve ever heard.

Hammer: And this guy isn’t my brother, actually. He’s only my cousin. Remember, my brother is that big
Sledge Brother named Big Brother.

Tony: So Hammerer is a Hammer Cousin?

Hammerer: Technically. But in some cases, I’m a Hammer Nephew!

Tony: What a messed-up family!

Hammer: At least we’re smart!

Tony: I’ll show you who’s smart, when I nail you with a dart!

Hammerer: Hey, that rhymes!

Tony: Look, I don’t care about the rhyme, I just care about the time. We’re almost out of it, and that would
be a crime!

Hammer: What a loser! Always rhyming! ACK!!!

Tony: That was only the beginning of your beating! Soon, all your energy will be fleeting!

Hammerer: What a Sledge Brother! He loves rhymes! ACK!!!

Tony: If you don’t stop, I’ll have to give your head a pop!

Hammer: Let’s get that... whatever we’re supposed to get!

Fiery: You still don’t know?!

Fireball: Hey, what was the use of the water supply?!

Fiery: That’s it! We were fighting a Fry Guy!

All Eight Hammer Brothers: A FRY GUY!!!

Albatoss: My name’s first in the alphabet! Nah nah!

Angry Sun: I can kill you, roast you, toast you, and burn you, with only one big swoop!

DK: DK! Donkey Kong!

Spike: He’s the leader of the Kongs, you know him well-

Snifit: Stop the rapping!

Millennium Star: I heard upon my chamber door a tapping, a rapping on my chamber door!

Metal Mario: I just love poetry!

Lava Lotus: Well, for one, I don’t love poetry! I want us to win this title! All we need to do is to capture that 50-foot Triclyde over there!

Metal Mario: Is that all?

Lava Lotus: That’s all.

Metal Mario: Well, why didn’t you say so? I’ll go get it right now!

While the six Interview Imbeciles act like their namesake and Lava Lotus watches Metal Mario, Metal Mario becomes super-big, grabs the Triclyde by the throat, and hands him to Crazy Packers Fan, thereafter
becoming small again, once more.

Crazy Packers Fan: Unbelievable! The Interview Imbeciles win!

Metal Mario: I’m a believer!

Crazy Packers Fan: That song! That song! AAAAHHHH, that song!!! Stop it!

Metal Mario: What did I do?

Crazy Packers Fan: I wonder if anyone else will get anything...

Goompa: Let’s give up!

Goombario: But we haven’t even STARTED yet!

Goompa: Look at that Birdo! With one move of its muscle, BOOM! It’s over for us little Goombas.

Goombario: But we need to win!

Goompa: Sorry, no exceptions! I’d rather live than win seven million coins!

Goombario: What’s wrong with you?

Goompa: What’s wrong with you? Living is more important than money!

Goombario: I know that! I just thought there was something wrong with you because you said seven million
coins instead of eight million coins!

Goompa: Look, we’re about to be egged by that Birdo!

Goombario: Egged?

BOOM!!! The eight Goofy Goombas all go flying off the island, right next to the Super Koopas.

Ludwig 222: How nice of you to join us!

Mario: I’m-a being eaten!!!

Daisy: So what?! Let’s get that Ostro, somehow!

Peach: I know how!

Daisy: How?!

Peach: We jump on him!

Daisy: As if that will work...

Peach jumps on a nearby gigantic Ostro, which trips and falls into a trap Wario and Yoshi were in the middle of preparing.

Wario: You’re too early, Ostro! Go back and return when we’re ready for you!

Yoshi: Wario a moron! Let Mario Morons get Ostro to Crazy Packers Fan!

Waluigi accidentally bumps a switch on the trap, which flings the Ostro right next to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: The Mario Morons finish second!

Luigi: What’s-a going on?

Toad: Did we win?

Yoshi: YAY!!! YOSHI WIN!!!

Wario: Wario win too!

Mario: Mario made it away!

Everyone Else: RATS!!!

Piranhacus Giganticus: I say we go on strike again!

Ptooie: I don’t say we go on strike again. We’ll be securing the last-place position that way!

Venus Fire Trap: But how can we, Pitiful Piranhas, capture a big, gigantic Albatoss?

Nipper: Try firing when it flies by!

Venus Fire Trap fires, but it misses the target and hits a Clawgrip instead, which falls into a newly-built trap by the Kool Koopas.

Roy: Bring it to Crazy Packers Fan!

The Kool Koopas bring the captured Clawgrip to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Third for the Kool Koopas!

Roy: Third?!

Ludwig: Better than last!

Larry: I wanted sixth, though!

Iggy: Come on, just be thankful we finished!

Wendy: I’m just glad it’s over!

Fiery Walking Piranha: That was worse than not doing anything at all! I quit!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Wait a minute! I’m quitting first!

Ptooie: We all quit for this week, again!

Fiery: We have the Fry Guy on the ropes, Tony!

Fireball: Yeah, and he’ll be all washed up after this!

Sledgy: Come on, Tony, let’s pulverize him!

Tony: Not yet. I’d make a bet that the Fry Guy’s not done yet.

The Fry Guy starts shooting out tons of fireballs.

Tony: As I said, he’s not dead!

Hammer: Hammer him!

Hammerer and Hammer are the hammerers who hammer the Fry Guy until he is hammered into giving up.

Boomeranger: Now just bring him to Crazy Packers Fan!

Boomer brings the washed-up, hammered-up Fry Guy to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Fourth place goes to the Hammer Brothers!

Tony: Fourth? Why, that Hammer Brother will get beat up, for all he’s worth!

Hammer: Why me?

Tony: It’s your fault that our team did not win, so I’m going to smash your head against tin!

Hammer: Good thing I have a helmet on!

Tony: Why, you! I’ll have to-

The Sandslash robot starts to chase Tony around the island.

Tony: This very hard time will teach me not to rhyme!

Crazy Packers Fan: I didn’t think a “Soprano Sledge” would be so poetic! Well, time’s up!

Everyone Else: Already?

Crazy Packers Fan: It’s been five hours! Here are today’s standings:

Interview Imbeciles: 1st
Mario Morons: 2nd
Kool Koopas: 3rd
Hammer Brothers: 4th
Super Koopas: 5th (for at least having a robot on the island)
Goofy Goombas: 6th (for quitting unintentionally)
Pitiful Piranhas: 7th (for quitting on purpose)

Which gives the teams these points:

Hammer Brothers: 115 + 25 = 140
Kool Koopas: 105 + 30 = 135
Super Koopas: 100 + 20 = 120
Interview Imbeciles: 70 + 50 = 120
Mario Morons: 70 + 40 = 110
Goofy Goombas: 60 + 15 = 75
Pitiful Piranhas: 50 + 10 = 60

Which makes the overall standings after episode four:

Hammer Brothers: 140
Kool Koopas: 135
Interview Imbeciles: 120
Super Koopas: 120
Mario Morons: 110
Goofy Goombas: 75
Pitiful Piranhas: 60

Roy: We’re only five points out of first!

Ludwig 222: What has happened to us?

Tony: Still first, and that’s not the worst!

Ptooie: See what striking out gets us? Out of the points race!

Crazy Packers Fan: Next episode will contain a unique twist at the very end of the episode, which will
completely change the way the Mushroom Games are run. Plus, another, different Mario game will be featured, making next week a must-see episode of the Mushroom Games!

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