Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back to the Mushroom Games! With only five teams remaining and one to go this week, all five teams are trying to get back into the first place position, held by the Hammer Brothers, who are 35 points over the closest team to them.

Roy: It took you long enough to end the strike!

Crazy Packers Fan: I wanted a new contract! Anyway, this week, we’re going to have a challenge similar to
last week’s, but a little different. This week, each team besides the Hammer Brothers shall choose three
players to battle, while the Hammers will choose two, as a handicap. You will then battle some characters,
either players from other teams or non-Mario characters, from a game that shall remain nameless.

Misty: Super Sm-

Crazy Packers Fan: I said, nameless!

Misty: Sorry.

Lemmy: We choose Roy, Ludwig, and King Dad!

Roy: Wait! This might hurt!

Lemmy: Why else would we choose you?

Daisy: Now so we have a chance of almost winning, Peach will NOT battle! Neither will her Mario! I will battle, with Luigi and that guy who’s too fat to move!

Wario: No insults, please! I just ate my eleventh meal of the day!

Luigi: He can’t do a thing!

Daisy: Which is why he should battle. No one can move him at all, which would mean that they can’t beat him!

Luigi: Smart!

Daisy: Especially smart compared to that other princess!

Peach: What did I do?

Tony: This is simple. I battle, and so does Sledgy. Any questions? No. Let’s go.

Sledgy: I don’t like the handicap.

Tony: It won’t matter. Now go!

DK: DK will battle, and so will Angry Sun and Metal Mario!

Angry Sun: I hate battles more than I hate everything else!

Metal Mario: Why-a me?

Misty: I like this game, so I’ll battle. Who else?

Washu: Me!

Misty: No one else? Then we’ll have to choose at random.

Misty uses one of those Pokémon things no one else understands what the heck it is.

Misty: It’s Lord Seth.

Lord Seth: Who do we battle?

Washu: Some enemies from that fighting game for the GameCube.

Lord Seth: That game?! That’s a cinch!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now for the battles! You’ll fight on a floating ledge with grass and dirt. If you fall off it, you’re out. If you’re on a team, your teammate can still fight to win the battle, but you’re only trying to knock the opponents off, not to beat them up. You’ll put two of your players on one team and one on his own team. For the Hammers, you won’t have a single-player team. First up is the Mario Morons 2-player team against Link and that dumb, ugly, elf-like princess with long ears, a messed-up face, and stupid-looking earrings.

Luigi: Who’s on our team?

Daisy: You and I! Now let’s battle!

Link, a loser that’s supposed to be popular, starts slashing his sword. He makes quick work of the princess and knocks her off the battlefield. He then does a celebration.

Daisy: How stupid! He knocked off his own teammate!

Link: Oops.

Luigi: I’ll finish him off!

Luigi tries throwing fireballs, which don’t penetrate Link’s shield. But Luigi keeps trying until his arm feels sore.

Luigi: I’ve-a had it!

Daisy: I know how to get him off this stage!

Daisy tosses a vegetable off the stage. Link tries to eat it but jumps off, losing the battle!

Daisy: He’s so stupid!

Crazy Packers Fan: The Mario Morons 2-player team wins! Next, Wario vs Mewtwo, who’s a cat. I think.

Mewtwo uses everything in his power to push Wario off the battlefield, but cannot. Wario, weighing in at 456
7/8 pounds, is simply immovable, but also immobile. He cannot move himself!

Wario: Am I supposed to do something?

Yoshi: Hit cat!

Wario swings his arm in disgust, knocking over the cat, off the stage.

Crazy Packers Fan: Unbelievable! Wario wins!

Wario: What happened?

Crazy Packers Fan: Now for the Super Koopas 2-player team!

Lord Seth: That’s Misty Koopa and I!

Misty: Who are we against?

Crazy Packers Fan: A couple of mice.

Misty: Ooh! This one’s Pikachu, #25. He specializes in electric attacks and is very quick. His moves are Thun-

ZZZZT!

Misty: -der shock. Ouch.

Lord Seth: What’s this thing?

Misty: Don’t harm that! It’s a Pichu!

Lord Seth: Why not?

Misty: It’s a harmless creature!

ZZZZT!

Lord Seth: That isn’t harmless! That’s painful!

Misty: You can’t battle these things without a ground type-

Lord Seth: It’s too late. We’re battling already.

Misty: If we only had Sandslash...

Sandslash: Time for my revenge on the Super Koopas!

Sandslash slashes at all four characters at once. The two mice fall off first, giving the win to the Super
Koopas!

Lord Seth: We won anyway!

Misty: I told you that my knowledge of Pokémon is useful!

Crazy Packers Fan: I guess so. Now for the next battle! Washu vs Bowser!

Bowser: Me?!

Crazy Packers Fan: We have to eliminate someone, so it might as well be you!

Bowser: What?! I’ll have to destroy everything in sight!

Bowser fires his fire all over the place, just not at Washu. He then tries jumping at Washu, only to fall off and suffer a loss of the battle.

Bowser: I feel like an idiot.

Washu: At least I won!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now for a battle between DK and Metal Mario vs. Roy and Ludwig!

Roy: Let’s go!

Ludwig: With my new invention, if DK and Metal Mario jump they will be pulled into my super-vacuum and
spit out on the ground! I’ve tried it before, and it always works!

Roy: Jump, Donkey Kong!

DK jumps because he’s stupid, but the vacuum pulls Roy in instead and spits him out.

Roy: “Always works”, huh?

Ludwig: It has minor glitches in it, I must admit.

Metal Mario runs full force into DK, knocking him off the stage.

DK: Why DK?

Metal Mario: Whoops-a!

Metal Mario runs full force into Ludwig, knocking him off the stage.

Ludwig: No fair! We lost!

Crazy Packers Fan: That was fair enough! Now for Angry Sun to battle a special character seen in only three
games, the Game & Watch Gallery games. Please welcome Mr. Game & Watch!

All 40 Players: Who is he?

Crazy Packers Fan: He’s an old-time character from the original Game & Watch games. Not like anyone cares, but he’s been around since 1980. Now, for the battle!

Angry Sun: I don’t like battles!

Angry Sun jumps off the stage.

Crazy Packers Fan: Mr. Game & Watch wins!

Angry Sun: Yes!

Snifit: The correct answer is “no”, moron!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now for a battle between the Sledge Brothers and a couple of space guys, Captain Falcon and Fox! Not like they’re any match for-

Tony: Match over!

Crazy Packers Fan: -the Sledge Brothers. Now for the second round! Wario vs. Washu!

Daisy: Same strategy, Wario!

Wario: Strategy?

Washu picks up a hammer and starts pounding the stage. It cracks open a hole in which Wario falls through.

Crazy Packers Fan: Washu wins!

Washu: Yes!

Daisy: That was cheating!

Crazy Packers Fan: That’s just too bad. Back to the game! It’s now time for Washu vs Mr. Game & Watch.

Washu: Another battle?

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Washu charges at Mr. Game & Watch, who is paper-thin, causing her to fall off the stage.

Crazy Packers Fan: Mr. Game & Watch wins again!

Everyone besides Crazy Packers Fan and Mr. Game & Watch: BOO!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now all the side shows are over, Mr. Game & Watch gets 100 coins and gets to leave us
NOW!!! Thank you. Now, it’s the final four two-player teams against each other, two by two. First, it’s DK and
Metal Mario vs the Sledge Brothers!

DK: NO!!!

The Sledge Brothers simply scare DK into jumping off, but Metal Mario refuses. He pushes into the Brothers, only to roll off the stage in sheer stupidity.

Metal Mario: Boy, do-a I feel-a dumb!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now it’s the Super Koopas vs Mario Morons!

Daisy: I have a strategy, Luigi!

Luigi: What’s-a that?

They have a huddle.

Daisy: Let’s go!

Lord Seth pulls a sword out of nowhere and tries to actually battle, for the first time today! However, Luigi ducks it and Daisy jumps over it.

Daisy: Now execute the plan!

Luigi: Yoshi! Misty Koopa is hungry!

Misty: Actually, I just ate.

Yoshi tosses an egg at Misty.

Misty: That’s cheating! Yoshi can’t help!

Crazy Packers Fan: But he did!

Misty: What! This is cheap!

Lord Seth: What a cheater! But those eggs don’t hurt that much!

Daisy: Waluigi! I think you need to stretch your arms!

Lord Seth: He can’t reach this high!

Waluigi stretches his arms up as Luigi and Daisy hold their noses.

Lord Seth and Misty: YUK!!!

Everyone Else: YUK!!!

Lord Seth and Misty roll off the stage, gasping for fresh air.

Crazy Packers Fan: Luigi and Daisy win, because Waluigi stinks!

An hour later...

Crazy Packers Fan: Now that the victims have been stabilized and the suspect has been apprehended and
the stench has departed, we can go on to our final round: the Sledge Brothers against Luigi and Daisy!

Luigi: We-a need a miracle!

Daisy: I think I have another plan!

Crazy Packers Fan: No outside help this time!

Daisy: That’s fine!

Luigi and Daisy break their huddle.

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Luigi and Daisy both dive straight at the Sledge Brothers. They bounce off the Sledge Brothers’ shells, but not before Luigi kicks a flying sledge hammer right back at Tony, which only hits Tony’s foot.

Tony: That did not hurt. You must try harder than that!

Luigi tosses a ton of fireballs at once. The hammers bounce off his fireballs, but only land at their feet again.

Sledgy: You cannot escape!

Daisy then runs right at Tony, then jumps over him. Luigi does the same to Sledgy. The two toss hammers at
the ground instead of at their opponents, who then kick their feet.

Tony: No hurt there!

But Tony slips and falls, not enough to hurt himself, but enough to let Luigi get back to the hammers stuck in the ground.

Luigi: I-a promise I-a won’t-a hammer anyone!

Sledgy: Liar!

Luigi hammers the ground instead. After hammering it enough, the ground opens up and the ledge they are
standing on falls apart. Only small pieces of it remain, which all four grab on to. The heavy Sledge Brothers’ fingers slip off the pieces that they are grabbing on to, and they fall to the ground.

Crazy Packers Fan: The Mario Morons win!

Tony: There goes our unbeaten streak!

Crazy Packers Fan: The Super Koopas get a tiebreaker over the Interview Imbeciles for Washu winning the
most rounds as a single fighter. Here’s how the teams finished:

1st: Mario Morons
2nd: Hammer Brothers
3rd: Super Koopas
4th: Interview Imbeciles
5th: Kool Koopas

The points are:

Hammer Brothers: 210 + 40 = 250
Interview Imbeciles: 185 + 25 = 210
Kool Koopas: 180 + 20 = 200
Super Koopas: 175 + 30 = 205
Mario Morons: 170 + 50 = 220

Which leaves the standings:

Hammer Brothers: 250
Mario Morons: 220
Interview Imbeciles: 210
Super Koopas: 205
Kool Koopas: 200

Which gives us a shocker: the Kool Koopas must go!

Roy: WHAT?! That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! NO!!!

Lemmy: That’s because of our weak finishes lately, and quitting last time. If not, we might still be in it!

Bowser: I didn’t help us at all!

Crazy Packers Fan: So you get 800 coins, to be split among yourselves equally, giving each one of you 100
coins! But, that means that the Koopalings will not be the champions, and the Mario Morons are now in second place!

Daisy: Thanks to Luigi, Wario, and I! And no thanks to that other princess, Peach!

Smash: We’re still alive!

The Mario Surfer: But in last place!

Richard: At least we’re still in it!

Rachelle: We’re only five points out of third, so it’s still possible!

Crazy Packers Fan: Although the Hammer Brothers may seem to be steamrolling to the finals, their lead was
cut from 25 to 20 points and they could lose more points in the next two weeks before the finals! Still, they’re in first, and our official standings after seven episodes are now:

Hammer Brothers: 250
Mario Morons: 220
Interview Imbeciles: 210
Super Koopas: 205

So join us next week as we reduce the field to three teams and get closer to the finals of the Mushroom Games!

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