Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome, everyone, to our newest waste of your time, the Mushroom Games! In this contest, there will be a ton of characters from all over the Mario world competing in contests for points. At the end of our season, which is either after ten episodes or whenever we run out of money, whoever is on top wins a pot of 8 million coins! So let’s meet our teams:

Mario Morons: Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, and Yoshi

Kool Koopas: Larry, Morton, Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, Ludwig, and Susan

Pitiful Piranhas: Piranha Plant, Ptooie, Piranhacus Giganticus, Venus Fire Trap, Muncher, Nipper, Fiery Walking Piranha, and Hanging Piranha Plant

Hammer Brothers: 2 Hammer Brothers (including Hammer), 2 Fire Brothers (including Fiery), 2 Boomerang Brothers (including Boomer), and 2 Sledge Brothers (including Tony)

Goofy Goombas: Goombario, Goombaria, Gooma, Goompa, Goompapa, Kuribo’s Goomba, Micro-Goomba, and Pile-Driver Micro-Goomba

Interview Imbeciles: DK, Angry Sun, Albatoss, Spike, Snifit, Millennium Star, Metal Mario, and Lava Lotus

Super Koopas: Smash, Rachelle, Ludwig 222, Husky/Washu, Misty Koopa, Richard, Sandslash, and The Mario Surfer

Crazy Packers Fan: Now before anyone gets mad at me for not putting them in this, six of those are ones
that have contacted me. Besides, you wouldn’t want to be in this anyway!

Roy: Hey, is this a reality show? Because if it is, our team'd better win!

Crazy Packers Fan: No, this is a sporting event. I can’t control that; you do.

Lemmy: What the heck are we going to do anyway?

Crazy Packers Fan: Simple stuff. I’ll explain today’s challenge.

Morton: Ooh, this is kind of like Survivor! I’ll vote off Roy! No, Ludwig! Better yet, Susan! I think I’ll vote off...

Crazy Packers Fan: Our first contest is from a game EVERYONE loves.

Hammer: Which one?

Crazy Packers Fan: I know everyone here just loves Mario Kart...

Everyone in the audience starts to cheer, but all the people out there who just finished in fifth place on
Bowser’s Castle pick their cartridge out of the system and throw it at the screen in anger.

Crazy Packers Fan: So we’re going to have a Mario Party!

Everyone: Mario Party?

Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right. Now you’ll be all playing on this board right here.

Ludwig: This looks like a golf course!

Crazy Packers Fan: That’s where you’ll be playing!

Larry: If you’re looking for something exciting to watch, change the channel...

Crazy Packers Fan: Now here’s how it works. Each team hits the block and goes to whichever space it says to go to. After every team goes, I’ll have a mini-game. Stars can be won in mini-games. After three mini-games, the team with the most Stars wins!

Daisy: So all this is is a mini-game contest?

Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong again. On those spaces, random things occur, including winning, losing, and
stealing Stars.

Rachelle: What does the winning team get?

Crazy Packers Fan: At the end, the teams will get points for their place in the standings. Here’s the scoring table:

1st: 50
2nd: 40
3rd: 30
4th: 25
5th: 20
6th: 15
7th: 10

Wario: Easy enough. I’ll win!

Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong again. Your entire team must play well, so chances are, with Mario, Luigi, Peach,
Toad, and Waluigi on your team, all of which I don’t like, you’ll probably finish last!

Yoshi: Contest is rigged! Fixed, just like Survivor!

Crazy Packers Fan: Quiet. You won that, anyway. Now for... the first contest! The Mario Morons go first!

Mario tries to jump and hit the block, but he slips and falls. Luigi has to hit the block for him. The block shows 3.

Daisy: Where’s the spaces?

Crazy Packers Fan: Number 3 is in the sand trap!

The Mario Morons find a square with a - sign on it.

Crazy Packers Fan: You lose a Star! Too bad, you don’t even have one! Next!

Larry hits the block, which shows a 2.

Ludwig: Number 2 is over by that tree.

Roy: Look, a + sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s your Star!

Wendy: We’re in first place!

Ptooie: Not for long!

Ptooie gets a 7.

Nipper: Number 7 is in the water!

The Piranhas go underwater, only to find a - sign.

Fiery Walking Piranha: I’m getting mean, and mad!

Crazy Packers Fan: It won’t matter! Next!

Hammer steps up and bonks the block, receiving a 4.

Tony: That’s over there, next to the pin!

Fiery: Look, a * sign! What’s that for, Crazy Packers Fan?

Crazy Packers Fan: It’s for stealing a Star.

Boomer: We’ll steal from the Kool Koopas!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s your Star!

Roy: No fair! But we’ll win that mini-game!

Goombario: It’s MY turn!

Goombaria: Just shut up and hit the block!

The block shows up on 5.

Goompapa: That’s at the tee!

Kuribo’s Goomba: We got a + sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s your Star!

Donkey Kong: (using translator) It’s our team’s turn!

Angry Sun: Hurry up already!

DK gets a 7.

Angry Sun: I knew it! I knew it! In the water! Well, the rest can go, but not me! I refuse! I still refuse!

The rest find a - sign.

Millennium Star: Ha ha ha! We don’t get a Star!

Rachelle: Finally our turn!

A 5 appears.

Washu: To the tee!

Smash: It’s a + sign! We get a Star!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here! Now for the mini-game!

All 56 characters follow Crazy Packers Fan to a different golf hole.

Score:
Mario Morons: 0
Kool Koopas: 0
Pitiful Piranhas: 0
Hammer Brothers: 1
Goofy Goombas: 1
Interview Imbeciles: 0
Super Koopas: 1

Crazy Packers Fan: The object is simple. Be the closest one to the pin after your shot and your team will get three, two, or one Stars, depending on how close you are compared to everyone else! Choose one for each team! Now!

Peach: We choose Wario!

Wario shoots the ball. It bounces and rolls three and a third yards away from the pin. All of a sudden, the green tilts over and the ball rolls back down the fairway, right back to the tee.

Crazy Packers Fan: 300 yards away for the Mario Morons!

Wario: I didn’t know there were obstacles!

Susan: We choose Roy!

Roy shoots the ball past the pin, but it rolls back and ends up five yards away from the pin.

Roy: All right!

Crazy Packers Fan: 5 yards away for the Kool Koopas!

Piranha Plant: We choose Ptooie!

Ptooie shoots the ball into a tree.

Crazy Packers Fan: 258 and 9/37 yards away for the Pitiful Piranhas!

Piranhacus Giganticus: Not bad! Not bad at all!

Hammer: I’m the one who will shoot the ball for my team!

Hammer gets the ball right next to the pin, but then a Koopa Troopa grabs the ball with his mouth and runs
away.

Crazy Packers Fan: 953 miles away for the Hammer Brothers!

Gooma: Micro-Goomba will shoot the golf ball for our team, the Goofy Goombas!

Micro-Goomba, unable to hold the golf club, gets squashed by the golf club.

Crazy Packers Fan: 300 yards away for the Goofy Goombas!

Donkey Kong: Donkey will shoot for the Interview Imbeciles!

Donkey Kong swings and misses.

Roy: Strike one!

Donkey Kong swings and misses again.

Roy: Strike two!

Donkey Kong swings and misses once more.

Roy: Strike three! You’re outta here!

Donkey Kong: Donkey really mad!

Storming off the tee ground, Donkey Kong drops his club, which hits the ball. The ball bounces and starts
to roll. Roll. And Roll. Finally, it rolls into the hole.

Crazy Packers Fan: In the hole for the Interview Imbeciles! For that, you get a Bonus Star!

Spike: All right! DK, you are cool, man!

Snifit: DK’s the best golfer here!

Donkey Kong: What did Donkey do?

Rachelle: Richard will shoot for our squad!

Richard hits a shot straight ahead. It lands about 100 yards away. Well, actually...

Crazy Packers Fan: 100 and 3487/9876 yards away for the Super Koopas!

Ludwig 222: Hey, Richard isn’t a Super Koopa, at least not yet!

Richard: Shh!

Crazy Packers Fan: Three Stars, plus a Bonus Star, for the Interview Imbeciles, two Stars for the Kool Koopas, and one Star for the Super Koopas!

Score:
Mario Morons: 0
Kool Koopas: 2
Pitiful Piranhas: 0
Hammer Brothers: 1
Goofy Goombas: 1
Interview Imbeciles: 4
Super Koopas: 2

Mario falls and cannot hit the block, so Waluigi runs into it for a 3.

Daisy: Do we go to the block we were just at, or block number 6?

Crazy Packers Fan: Block number 6!

Daisy runs, with her team, of course, to block number 6, finding a - block.

Daisy: We knew that 6 was an unlucky number!

Morton slams the block, and comes up with a 2.

Roy: Hey, block 4 has a * sign on it!

Crazy Packers Fan: That means you can steal a Star from another team! Which one?

Ludwig: Give us an Interview Imbeciles Star!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here you go!

Hanging Piranha Plant: Let me hit the block!

Hanging Piranha Plant nails the block and gets a 2.

Hanging Piranha Plant: At block 9, we’ve got a + sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Take this Star!

Boomer: I’m hitting that block!

Boomer gets a 1.

Boomer: Oh boy! We get a + sign, and another Star!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here you are!

Pile-Driver Micro-Goomba: My turn!

Pile-Driver Micro-Goomba gets an 8.

Goompa: Square 13 has a - sign! There goes our only Star!

Snifit: It’s my turn!

Snifit comes up with a 4.

Snifit: Square 11 yields us another Star, thanks to the + sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here!

Misty Koopa: This is my turn to hit the block, and we’ll get something good!

A 2 appears on the block.

Misty Koopa: What?! A minus sign?!

Crazy Packers Fan: Unfortunately, you lose a Star, but your team may be able to recover that Star in our next
mini-game!

Score: (especially for all you that used the scroll bar and skipped all the block-hitting)
Mario Morons: 0
Kool Koopas: 3
Pitiful Piranhas: 1
Hammer Brothers: 2
Goofy Goombas: 0
Interview Imbeciles: 4
Super Koopas: 1

Crazy Packers Fan leads the 56 competitors to a lake of lava.

Yoshi: Survivor flashback coming to Yoshi!

Crazy Packers Fan: There are 56 Donut Lifts over this lava. Each one of you sits or stands on one. But, you
must also keep on passing a Bob-omb around. If you hit the lava or have the Bob-omb blow up on you, you’re
out, but as long as one member of your team remains, your team is still alive. Three Stars to the team with
the last member remaining, two Stars to second place, and one Star to third place. Losers ready- or, well,
just go to your Donut Lift and wait for me to wind up a Bob-omb. Mario, you’ll start off passing around the
Bob-omb. Pass to the player next to you. Any cheater who throws the Bob-omb away illegally, to the wrong
player or into the lava, is automatically ejected.

The 56 players get on their Donut Lifts.

Crazy Packers Fan: Remember to continually jump to keep your Donut Lift afloat! Here, Mario!

Mario: How do you jump?

Mario holds the Bob-omb until it explodes.

Crazy Packers Fan: You start, Luigi!

After some passing around and some players falling into the lava, the Bob-omb explodes in DK’s face.

Crazy Packers Fan: Keep on going!

Surprisingly, the entire Super Koopas crew keeps going until only those eight, Roy, Lemmy, Snifit, Spike, and Hammer remain.

Hammer: I love jumping!

Snifit gets tired and falls in. Spike joins him, clinching at least a Star for everyone else.

Crazy Packers Fan: Keep that Bob-omb moving!

The Bob-omb blows up on Sandslash, and The Mario Surfer falls in, but the rest keep going, until Lemmy
falls into the lava after slipping.

Crazy Packers Fan: Come on, here’s a Bob-omb!

Richard, singing a song, suddenly slips and falls off, and the Bob-omb blows up on Ludwig 222, simply because Roy distracted him by waving his arms and screaming something about baseball.

Ludwig 222: Is Roy allowed to do that?

Crazy Packers Fan: Since he’s Roy Koopa, I guess he’s allowed to.

Ludwig 222: Well, there’s no way at all we could lose, anyway.

The instant the words leave Ludwig 222’s mouth, all of the Super Koopas fall in simultaneously.

Crazy Packers Fan: Third place for the Super Koopas!

Roy has the Bob-omb blow up on him.

Crazy Packers Fan: Second place for the Kool Koopas!

Hammer jumps off.

Crazy Packers Fan: First place for the Hammer Brothers!

Score:
Mario Morons: 0
Kool Koopas: 5
Pitiful Piranhas: 1
Hammer Brothers: 5
Goofy Goombas: 0
Interview Imbeciles: 4
Super Koopas: 2

Crazy Packers Fan: Because this is the final round, I’ve decided to raise the stakes a little bit. Everything is now for two Stars, not one, so big comebacks are VERY possible now! Let’s go, Mario Morons!

Daisy: Thanks for cheering us on!

Crazy Packers Fan: No, I meant for you to hurry up and hit the block!

Daisy: Oh! I’ll hit it!

Daisy gets a 1.

Daisy: Number 7 is a - sign, and that’s supposed to be good luck!

Crazy Packers Fan: Superstitious, eh?

Daisy: Don’t tell me you’re not!

Crazy Packers Fan: Who, me?

Daisy: Yes, you. You’re probably the type of guy who sits down twice, touches a rug twice, leaves a room
four times, and crosses his arms every ten seconds during a Packers game!

Crazy Packers Fan: (Man, this Daisy girl is smart!)

Roy: We must get a good number!

Roy gets a 7.

Roy: Yes! A good number!

Roy goes to the square numbered 11, finding a plus sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s your TWO Stars!

Piranhacus Giganticus: I’m desperate for something good!

Piranhacus Giganticus gets a 3.

Piranhacus Giganticus: I wonder if that’s good or bad?

Piranhacus Giganticus finds a * block at square 12.

Piranhacus Giganticus: That’s good! We want two Kool Koopas Stars!

Roy: Rats!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here you go!

Fiery gets a 4.

Fiery: What’s this? A + sign, that’s what, at square nine, we’re feeling fine!

Crazy Packers Fan: Enough with the rhymes and take your two Stars!

Micro-Goomba hits the block and comes up with a 10.

Micro-Goomba: The largest number of the day!

Goompa: But let’s see where we end up...

The Goofy Goombas end up on square 23, getting a * sign.

Goompa: We want the Interview Imbeciles' Stars!

Crazy Packers Fan: You only get two of them!

Albatoss: I haven’t appeared yet! I get to hit the block!

Albatoss gets a 9.

Albatoss: Yippee! Square 20 is a + sign!

Crazy Packers Fan: Have your two Stars!

Washu: My turn!

Washu gets an 8.

Sandslash: Looks like we have a 15. That’s a + sign!

Roy: Does everyone get two?

Crazy Packers Fan: And here’s your two Stars!

The Mario Surfer: All right!

Score:
Mario Morons: 0
Kool Koopas: 5
Pitiful Piranhas: 3
Hammer Brothers: 7
Goofy Goombas: 2
Interview Imbeciles: 4
Super Koopas: 4

Crazy Packers Fan: Now for our final mini-game!

Ludwig: What now?

Crazy Packers Fan: It’s the mini game everyone loves best...

Everyone holds their breath.

Crazy Packers Fan: Platform Peril!

Everyone groans.

Crazy Packers Fan: I have 56 routes mapped out. They all lead to those treasure chests over there. The gold
one contains seven Stars, the silver one has five, and the bronze one has three. Plus that red one has one in it. If you or one of your teammates arrives first, get the chest of your choice. Only one chest per team. Now go to the sta-

All 56 participants are waiting for the starting signal at the starting line.

Crazy Packers Fan: Just go!

As expected, Waluigi, unable to do much else than gross people out, slips and falls into a pool of- what else?- lava. Much to everyone’s surprise (and chagrin) Mario takes the lead and is on his way to victory when he hits a ton of conveyor belts. Larry takes the lead from Mario and it looks like he will win when...

Larry: Not a Chomp!

Larry flies into the lava because of Chomp interference. A close race between Mario and Rachelle ends with Mario getting a slight edge when Rachelle slips on a platform. She stays on the platform, however. Mario crosses the finish line first!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now choose a chest of your choice!

Mario: I’ll take this one!

Mario takes the red chest. With that, Wario and Peach, crossing the finish line behind him, jump on top of him and tackle him, rolling him into the lava.

Rachelle: I win the gold!

Rachelle gets the seven-Star chest, the gold one, while Wario complains over his team’s only one Star. Next
comes Lemmy, who gets a major push from behind when Donkey Kong slips and falls and slides into his
platform, pushing it forward. Lemmy takes the silver chest. Snifit is next, and he takes the bronze chest.
Roy comes in celebrating, when...

Crazy Packers Fan: That’s all for this contest!

Pushing a button, Crazy Packers Fan causes all the platforms to disappear.

Roy: Ha ha! They all got the lava!

Wario pushes Roy from behind.

Wario: So did you!

Actually, Roy held on to the edge of the finish line and pulls himself up. Then, pushing Wario in, he starts to celebrate again.

Roy: We got 5! We got 5!

Crazy Packers Fan: Let’s check today’s final standings!

Score:
Mario Morons: 1
Kool Koopas: 10
Pitiful Piranhas: 3
Hammer Brothers: 7
Goofy Goombas: 2
Interview Imbeciles: 7
Super Koopas: 11

Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll need a coin toss for third place! Call it, Hammer!

Hammer: Heads!

Crazy Packers Fan: It’s tails!

Hammer: I knew it!

Crazy Packers Fan: So here are the total team points after episode one:
Super Koopas: 50
Kool Koopas: 40
Interview Imbeciles: 30
Hammer Brothers: 25
Pitiful Piranhas: 20
Goofy Goombas: 15
Mario Morons: 10

Rachelle: We’re winning!

Ludwig 222: That was simple and easy!

Washu: We’re number one!

Husky: Arf!

Crazy Packers Fan: Join us next time for the next episode of the Mushroom Games, in which a contest from
a different Mario game is featured! Don’t miss the next installment of the Mushroom Games!

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