As the Koopalings walk, they see platform 1, then 2, then 3, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1, then 2, then 3, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1.

Larry: Huh? Who's guiding us?

Iggy: Lemmy!

Lemmy: I like number 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Roy: ...

Ludwig: I'm taking over!

Ludwig leads the Koopalings.

Lemmy: We have gone past platform 2, then 3, then 4, then 5, then 6, then 7, then 8, then 9, then 10, then 11, then 12, then 13, then 14, then 15, then 16, then 17, then 18, then 19, then 20-

Iggy: Lemmy...

Lemmy: Then 21, then 22, then 23, then 24, then 25-

Iggy: Lemmy, there's no platform beyond 15...

Lemmy: Then 26, then 27, then 28, then 29, then 30, then 99, then 544, then
90.

Iggy: ...

Lemmy: I don't know my numbers pass 30.

Wendy: Great. There's no platform, stupid and idiotic...

Soon they see the Weasleys. Ron is staring at Lemmy.

Ron: You have beautiful eyes. Can you make me a map because I'm lost in your eyes.

The Koopalings: ...

Roy: What are you doing here, punks?

Fred and George: Punks?

Iggy: Hey! They're twins! Fred: How do they know? NOOO! THIS COULD ONLY MEAN THAT THE SKY IS FALLING!

The Koopalings: ...

Wendy: What are you doing here?

Mrs. Weasley: They're going to Hogwarts.

Ludwig: Us too!

Mrs. Weasley: I know. (Hmmm. That person riding on a ball looks good enough.)

Lemmy: WOW! How?

Mrs. Weasley: I can see that since you're carrying owls, wands, and robes in the karts. (Please, person riding on a ball. Kill me!)

George: Oh no! I have to go to the bathroom!

George runs to a bathroom. Then George comes back.

George: Ah, much better.

The Koopalings: ...

Morton: We can't find the platform that we need to go to the Hogwarts Express and these platforms are confusing and we don't know what to do and we don't know a platform that is called Platform Stupid and Idiotic which Hagrid said is the right platform and-

Iggy: Shut up!

Mrs. Weasley: Platform Stupid and Idiotic?

George: What kind of platform would be called that?

Larry: Hagrid said that's the platform to Hogwarts Express.

Mrs. Weasley: Well, whoever that person is, he must be whacked because Platform Nine and Three Quarters is the right one.

Larry: Hagrid is whacked!

Lemmy: Is he?

Mrs. Weasley: (KILL ME! I BEG OF YOU!)

Lemmy: LORD VOLDEMORT!

The Weasleys: GASP!

The Weasleys faint. When the Wealseys wake up, Harry Potter comes tothe Weasleys and the Koopalings.

Harry: Excuse me. Where is Platform Nine and Three Quarters?

Mrs. Weasley: We're going there right now.

Harry looks at Lemmy.

Harry: AAAAAH! DON'T HURT ME!

Lemmy: Eh?

Harry: I BEG OF YOU!

Mrs. Weasley: Well let's go. George, will you go first?

Fred: Ok.

Mrs. Weasley: But you're not George.

Fred: Yes I am.

Fred runs onto the wall.

Roy: HAHAHA! HE'S GONNA CRASH! HA!

Fred runs through the wall with 9 and 10 beside it with his kart and disappears.

Roy: What?

Harry: Huh?

Mrs. Weasley: Now it's your turn, George.

George: I'm Fred, Mum.

Mrs. Weasley: ...

George runs through the same wall with his kart and disappears.

Harry and the Koopalings: Uh... How do you…?

Mrs. Weasley: Get passed that wall? Well you just run into it.

Harry: Ok.

Mrs. Weasley: Your turn, Ron.

Ron: Ok.

Ron runs through the same wall with his kart and disappears.

Lemmy: Hi, Harry.

Harry: AH! How did he know my name?!

Larry: You have a name tag...

Harry runs through the same wall while pushing his kart and disappears.

Lemmy: My turn!

Mrs. Weasley: Wait! Please kill me!

The Koopalings: ...

Lemmy: Let me think... HMMMMMMM. HMMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMM.

Mrs. Weasley and the Koopalings: ...

Lemmy: Nope.

Mrs. Weasley: WHY? WAAAAAAAH!!!

Lemmy runs through a wall with his kart and crashes.

Iggy: Wrong wall, Lemmy.

Lemmy runs through another wall with his kart and crashes again.

Iggy: It's that wall, Lemmy.

Lemmy runs through the same wall that the Weasleys ran through and disappears.

Mrs. Weasley: *sob* What are you waiting for? Go.

Ginny: Good luck!

Roy: Hey, chick!

Ginny: AAAAAAAH!

Ginny runs away. The rest of the Koopalings run through the same wall and disappear. Then Ginny comes back to Mrs. Weasley.

Ginny: Mum?

Mrs. Weasley: Just leave me out in this cruel world.

Ginny: But Dad's going to be home soon.

Mrs. Weasley: Ok!

The Koopalings arrive at the Hogwarts Express.

Lemmy: Wow.

Wendy: Nah, pink's better for that train.

The Koopalings: ...

They go inside the Hogwarts Express with their things. They put their things in safe places. Then they see Ron and Harry in a room and go inside.

Harry: NOOOO! THAT PERSON ON THE BALL IS BACK TO HAUNT ME!!!

Lemmy: Yay!

The Koopalings: ...

Roy: Ooh. Boxing gloves. I'm buying them!

Roy gets off the Hogwarts Express and goes into the store that has the boxing gloves for sale.

Iggy: Uh... I don't think that's a good idea.

Roy: Shut up!

Roy is about to get to the cashier and buy the boxing gloves when the Hogwarts Express makes a loud whistling sound, and then departs, leaving Roy behind.

Roy: NOOOOOO!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!

Roy takes the boxing gloves and runs off without paying to catch the Express.

Cashier: COME BACK HERE!!! SECURITY!!!

Security comes and chases Roy, who is trying to catch up to the train.

Lemmy: You have a feeling that we left somebody behind?

Wendy: It's obvious.

Larry: Is it Ron?

Wendy: No...

Lemmy: IT'S HARRY!

Harry: NOOO! HE'S SEEKING REVENGE!!!

Wendy: ... No...

Morton: Lemmy, who is riding on the ball-

Iggy: Don't even think about it.

Lemmy: I'm left behind?

Wendy: No you're not. In fact... I don't know who either...

The Koopalings: Hmmmmmmm.

On the train, George has to go to the bathroom every five minutes. Meanwhile outside the train, Roy is running after the Hogwarts Express while security is still chasing him.

Roy: *pant* When I get to y'all, you're all going get a beating!

Security: Crazy weakling!

Roy: YOU'RE CALLING ME A WEAKLING?!

Roy throws a ball behind him. The ball knocks security out like pins.

Roy: And that's what you get, punks!

Roy slips on a banana.

Roy: NOOOOO!!!

Roy lands on the ground. Then he gets back up and chases the train again.

Roy: *pant* This might take a while.

While Roy is chasing the train, Harry, Ron, and the Koopalings get ready to eat lunch since the waiter is about to ask them what they want to eat. The waiter goes to their room.

Waiter: What do you want to eat?

Lemmy: You.

Waiter: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The waiter runs away, leaving the food cart behind. They eat all the food. The Koopalings suddenly see a rat coming out of Ron's pocket. The rat eats the food too.

Wendy: Ewwww. What's that?

Ron: That's Scabber, my rat.

Lemmy: Oooooo.

Lemmy eats Scabber.

Ron: SC-SC-SC-SCABBER!!! Ah, who cares? That's a stupid rat anyway.

Lemmy: Mmmm. Yummy.

Larry: Lemmy, why did you do that?

Lemmy: Because he stole my computer.

Ludwig: Your computer's at home.

Lemmy: The doctor said that I'm supposed to eat at least one rat per year.

Everyone: O_O

Then a girl named Hermione comes inside their room.

Hermione: Oh my gosh! You're Harry Potter! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Everyone in the room except Hermione: MY EARS!!!

Everyone in the train except Hermione suffers mild hearing loss because of Hermione's scream.

Hermione: Hello!

Morton: Huh? What where when how why who?

Hermione: I'm Hermione Granger.

Morton: Greetings, hello, hi, yo, hey Hermione Granger, a girl who has brown hair that isn’t straight, who is wearing a robe, so I guess we should be wearing robes-

Wendy: That's it.

Wendy throws Morton off the train.

Morton: AAAAAAAAH!!! Oh, hi Roy. AAAAAAAAAH!!!

Morton lands on the train tracks. He sees Roy running toward him.

Roy: Get up and run to the train, you idiot.

Morton sees the security from the store chasing him and Roy.

Morton: AAAAAAH!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE ADOPTED!!!

Roy: What?

Morton and Roy get hit by green shells, and slip on banana peels.

Roy: Why do I get the feeling that we're on a Mario Kart course, and people are racing?

Just then, Bowser runs over Roy and Morton with his kart.

Bowser: Oh hey, kids! How's it going so far?

Roy: We're chasing the train...

Bowser: Well, keep doing it.

Then DK and Diddy run over Roy and Morton with their karts.

Diddy and DK: Please don't sue!

Roy, Morton, and Bowser: ...

Morton: Ugh. What do we look like? A finish line?

Then all the kart racers run over Roy and Morton with their karts.

Bowser: Oh look! Bob-ombs coming toward us getting ready to explode on us.

Roy: Um, Pops?

Bowser: Yes?

Bob-ombs appear from nowhere and explode on Morton, Roy, and the kart racers. They are sent flying to the sky.

Morton: We've been sent flying in this blue sky with clouds, and the sun is in the sky and-

Roy: Don't even go there.

Morton: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!

Roy: We're not Team Rocket, stupid.

Morton: Then why are we wearing the letter R and have a Meowth next to us?

Meowth: Jessie and James abandoned me! WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Morton and Roy: ... They're right there, stupid.

Meowth: Jessie! James! You’ve come back!

James: We only went to get us cookies.

Morton: Oh well, looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!

Roy: I told you to cut that out.

Morton: Ok.

Morton gets out a scissor, uses his right index finger to write  imaginary words, and begins cutting the spot where he writes imaginary words.

Roy: ... What are you doing?

Morton: Cutting words because you told me and I’m cutting the words, Team Rocket blasting off again, and I write the words with my finger, and I do in the air so the words are imaginary and-

Roy: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Meanwhile, inside the train, Hermione is trying to cast a spell that will enhance their hearing since they suffered mild hearing loss.

Hermione: There. Is that better?

Wendy: What do you think? My nose is an elephant's trunk...

Iggy: My glasses look like my butt.

Lemmy: You don't have a butt.

Iggy: ...

Ludwig: My head's growing flowers...

Lemmy: GASP! I'M GROWING HAIR!

Iggy: You already have hair.

Lemmy: GASP! I HAVE FUR!

Iggy: ...

Larry: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PLANTS?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the Koopalings looks at Larry's plants. The plants are burned and wilted.

Hermione: Uh... Happy birthday?

Larry: WAAAAAAAAAAH-what? My birthday's today?

Ludwig: No...

Larry: Oh... WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

The Koopalings: ...

After two hours, the Hogwarts Express stops and almost everybody gets off the train. Ludwig is getting his stuff. When Ludwig's about to get off the train, the train makes a noise and begins moving.

Ludwig: NOOOOOOOO!!!

The train moves away from the stop with Ludwig inside.

Ludwig: HELP!

Lemmy: Bye, Ludwig!

Ludwig: O_o

The train soon disappears out of sight.

Iggy: Why didn't he just jump off the train? The door was open even though the train is moving.

Larry: He's probably stupid.

Ludwig's voice: I heard that.

Larry: That was weird.

Soon the Koopalings see Roy and Morton arrive.

Morton: Finally, at last, yay, we're...

Morton falls asleep.

Roy: I'll get you all later.

Then the security that was chasing Roy arrives.

Roy: NOOOO!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Security: You dropped your pink, stuffed pony in the store.

Roy: (embarrassed) Ummm. Thanks...

Everyone snickers.

Roy: Shut up!

Roy takes the pink, stuffed pony and security leaves. Soon everyone sees Hagrid. Some of the people recognize him.

Lemmy: Who are you?

The Koopalings: O_o.

Hagrid: Eehog! Eehog!

Lemmy: Eehog, got it.

Everyone: ...

Hagrid: First year students, come with me.

Every first year student comes to Hagrid, except Lemmy.

Wendy: Lemmy, you're a first year student.

Lemmy: How do you know?

Wendy: ...

Hagrid and all the first year students ride on boats to Hogwarts. While on their way, Morton keeps singing childrens’ songs off-key. Wendy gets seasick.

Morton: THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND! ROUND AND ROUND! ROUND AND ROUND! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND! ALL THROUGH THE TOOOWWWWN!

Malfoy: Someone shut him up!

Morton: THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPROUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT!

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Morton: LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN! FALLING DOWN! FALLING DOWN! LONDON-

Hagrid: But you already destroy London bridge.

Lemmy: I killed London Tiption from the Sweet Life of Zack and Cody?

Everyone: No!

Wendy: I think I'm going to hurl.

Hagrid: EEHOG!

Morton still keeps singing childrens’ songs off-key. When they reach Hogwarts ground, everyone bangs their head on the ground after hearing Morton’s singing. Everyone goes inside Hogwarts.

Morton: The huge, big, enormous, giant, gigantic, large castle is Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry, where witches and wizards go and learn magic and I like this place of spells and such, where there are teachers who teach different subjects of magic, and-

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Roy: Oh my DAD! Look at all the chicks here!

Iggy: Who happen to be smarter than you.

Roy: Yeah and- HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!

A witch who is one of the Hogwarts teachers opens the main door of Hogwarts.

Professor McGonagall: NO PENS ALLOWED!!!

Everyone: ?

Professor McGonagall: I'm Professor McGonagall, and I'll be guiding you to where you need to be. But first, WHERE'S MY HOTDOG?

Wendy: Um, Professor McGonagall, why did you write some idiotic things in the letter?

Professor McGonagall: What are you talking about?

Wendy gives the letters that they got when they were informed to go to Hogwarts.

Professor McGonagall: What?! I did not wrote this extra stuff when I sent it... ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!!! HOW
MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU STOP WRITING STUPID THINGS ON MY OR ANYONE'S LETTERS?!

Albus Dumbledore comes out of Hogwarts school.

Albus Dumbledore: Uh... Never...

Professor McGonagall: Grrrrrrrr.

Lemmy: You're a professor?

Professor McGonagall: Duh, who else can I be?

Lemmy: SANTA CLAUS!

Professor McGonagall: ... And you are?

Lemmy: THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND!

Professor McGonagall: OK!

Everyone: ...

Professor McGonagall: And by the way, WHERE'S MY HOTDOG?

Lemmy gets out a poisonous hotdog.

Lemmy: There you go.

Professor McGonagall: YAY!

McGonagall eats the hotdog, and then she faints.
 
Everyone: YOU KILLED MCGONAGALL!!!
 
Lemmy: No I didn't. I poisoned her!

Everyone: YOU POISONED HER?!

Lemmy: That was poison? I didn't know that...

Everyone: ... But you said yourself it was poison...

After 20 minutes...

Professor McGonagall: Where am I? What happened?

Lemmy: You hit yourself with a hammer!

Professor McGonagall: Ok!

Everyone: Stupid...

McGonagall leads everyone inside.

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