Hammer Sis: Hi. I’m, like, doing the Interview today because Shady hurt Blaze’s feelings after the last Interview and he’s now trying to get his forgiveness.

Random Audience Member: So… does this mean no Shady today?

Hammer Sis: I guess.

(The audience starts to cheer, dance, and break out bottles of champaign. Crazy fiesta music starts to play.)

Hammer Sis: Hey! You shouldn’t be dancing on those cheap, wooden seats!

(One of the rows collapses in and all the people in that row fall into a pool full of giant Cheep Cheeps. After seeing the carnage, the rest of the audience returns to their seats.)

Hammer Sis: Yeah, I don’t know why he put that there. Ok, today you’re forced to hear me interview the strongest and dumbest Bro of them all… Sledge Bro!

(Sledge Bro enters the studio through a hole in the wall, which he made, next to the doors.)

Sledge Bro: R U red E 2 learned about me?!

Audience: …

(Sledge Bro cracks his knuckles.)

Audience: We’re ready!

Hammer Sis: Ok, first question. Why don’t we see you in games that much anymore?

Sledge Bro: Bowser like other little Bros. better then big mighty Bros like me bee cause 1 day 1 of us beet him at arm wrestling. 2 day we work as construction workers and mafia hitmen.

Hammer Sis: If you were in one of Mario’s RPGs, what would be your stats?

Hammer Sis: Me think… HP 10, Defense 3, Attack 7.

Hammer Sis: Why are most of you dumb as dirt?

Sledge Bro: Me smarter than dirt!

Dirt: On the contrary, my dear simple fellow; dirt, as it would seem, is much more intelligent than you, monstrous bohemous. Cheery-o!

(He leaves in a limo.)

Hammer Sis: … Ok… then.

Sledge Bro: Ahhhh! Small man in long car speak big words to confuse Sledge Bro. Sledge Bro smash!

(He starts to destroy the studio.)

Hammer Sis: Wow. I didn’t expect it to destroy the studio this early. I must be good.

(A stage light lands on her.)

Hammer Sis: Ow.

Shady: Come on, Blaze. You can’t stay in your room forever.

Blaze (from behind the door): Leave me alone!

Shady: Look, I said I was sorry for calling you a Yoshi-killing flame ball who would kill his own mother if he got a chance. You can’t let things like that get to you if you are to complete you life’s goal.

Blaze: Which one?

Shady: The one where you rule all of Plit with an iron, fireball-shaped fist.

Blaze: Oh yeah.

Shady: Also the more you cry the more the tears will evaporate, causing it to float up into the stratosphere and deplete the Ozone layer, thus giving me skin cancer. So cut of the waterworks, crybaby. Oops.

(Blaze cries even more, thus doing what Shady said would happen and giving everyone in Dark land cancer, but since most of the people in Dark Land are reptiles they simply shed the skin cancer off. Sorry to hear about the Goombas though.

Two hours later...

Hammer Sis: Are you done yet?

Sledge Bro: … Me done.

Hammer Sis: Ok, since the cameras were not damaged at all (figures) we’ll just continue. Is that ok with everyone?

(The audience moans a little bit under the rubble.)

Hammer Sis: Ok then. How’d you get so buff?

Sledge Bro: We started to exercise when we were little. No go to school. May bee that Y me no smart.

Hammer Sis: Come on. You can’t tell me that you exercised ALL your life. You sure you didn’t take a little “something” else.

Sledge Bro: Little Koopa mean this?

(He hands him a syringe of that certain “something”.)

Hammer Sis: Score! Star roids! Shady's getting a little surprise when he gets back. POW! Ha ha ha!

Sledge Bro: Little Koopa weird.

Hammer Sis: Anyways, most of you throw sledgehammers around, right? Are there any other weapons you use?

Sledge Bro: Yes, Sledge Bros use rope and piano wire.

Hammer Sis: Rope?

Sledge Bro: Border Bros R sledge bros 2.

Hammer Sis: And the piano wire?

Sledge Bro: 4 dis!

He strangles Hammer Sis with piano wire until she passes out, then he continues to destroy what’s left of the studio.

Shady: Ok Blaze, I thought about this for a long time and I think I know how to get you out of there without apologizing or taking any responsibility for my actions.

Blaze: *sniff* How?

Shady: Like this. Send in the negotiator / torture machine!

(Two Toads bring in a huge box with chains around it and the word “WARNING!” written across it. They open the door, throw the box into the room, and run away at speeds far beyond that of Sonic.)

Blaze: *gulp*

(Morton pops out of the box.)

Morton: Greetings, as in hello, as in…

(Blaze burns a hole in the wall and zooms to Shady.)

Blaze: Make it sssssttttttoooooooopppppppppppppppp!!!

Shady: Sorry, the Toads didn’t tell me how to stop it.

(Morton walks up to them.)

Morton: That wasn’t very nice, as in kind, as in good, as in…

Shady and Blaze: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shady: Back to the studio for no reason!

(They run away.)

Morton: *sniff* I’m lonely, as in…

Hammer Sis: (waking up) … Ow. OW!

She pulls out the syringe of the certain “Something”, which had got stuck in her.

Hammer Sis: … Great. Hey Sledge Bro?

Sledge Bro: (lowering the Toad he was about to break in half) What little Koopa want?

Hammer Sis: How long does this take to take effect?

Sledge Bro: Five minutes.

Hammer Sis: … Great, again. In the meantime, let’s go to the audience!

(Sledge Bro breaks the Toad over his knee and gets back to his seat.)

Hammer Sis: Seat… well they’re all destroyed. Um… Guy under pile of rubble 3!

Goomba: Can you help me?

Hammer Sis: No.

Goomba: Ok then. Why did you only appear in Water, Giant, and Dark Land in Super Mario Bros. 3?

Sledge Bro: 'Cause we can.

Hammer Sis: Better answer, please.

Sledge Bro: 'Cause only Iggy, Morton, and Bowser like Sledge Bro.

Hammer Sis: I thought you said Bowser hated you.

Sledge Bro: Oh yeah. Me no know then.

Sledge Bro: You don’t know that much to begin with. Guy swimming for his life in the giant Cheep Cheep tank!

Yellow: Two questions. One, are you related to Sumo Bros?  And two, CAN YOU PLEASE KILL THESE CHEEP CHEEPS?!

Hammer Sis: *sigh* Fine.

(She throws her ice hammer into the water, instantly freezing the Cheep Cheeps and Yellow.)

Sledge Bro: Sledge Bro related to Sumo Bro. Me closer to them than other Bros.

Hammer Sis: Last question. The green guy trapped in the trap door pit right next to me.

Prince Peasley: Can I come out yet?

Hammer Sis: (thunderous voice) NOOOO!!! Not until you give back the stuff you stole, except for that cameraman’s life.

Boo: Hey!

Prince Peasley: Fine, I was wondering, since you're mostly just muscle, you’re pretty heavy, right?

Sledge Bro: Me guess.

Prince Peasley: Then how can you jump into the air and cause all those earthquakes?

Sledge Bro: Me have strong springs on me feet to jump in air. Watch!

)He jumps into the air and lands on Prince Peasley in the pit. A squashing noise is heard.)

Hammer Sis: … Ok then.

Shady: I’m back! … Where’s the studio?

Hammer Sis: Yeah, about that…

Shady: Don’t care.

(He zaps her.)

Hammer Sis: … Ow.

(The star roids kick in. Hammer Sis grows three feet, two foot wide muscles, and a really big… What’s that? I’m fired?! This is an outrage! What are you doing with that gun? No! Wait! Stop!...

Hammer Sis: ROOOOOOOORRRRRRWWWWWWWW!!!

Shady: … Blaze, attack!

Blaze: (flying away) Oh forget you!

Hammer Sis: ROOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWW AGAIN!!!

Shady: AHHHHHHHHH!!! LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!!

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