Shady: So, you’ll agree to never go all hulk on me again as long as I never use that shock collar on you again?

Hammer Sis: That’s right.

Shady: Fine.

(A tear falls from his face as he throws the button to the collar away in the
trash. Unfortunately it lands on the button, thus shocking Hammer Sis.)

Hammer Sis: Ow. Wait… wasn’t the narrator killed, I mean fired last time?

Shady: Who knows? Who cares?

Phone: Ring ring!

Blaze: Stupid talking phone.

Phone: I’m just trying to do my job here!

Shady: Which is to do what?

Phone: To ring annoyingly like that.

(Shady throws him out the window. Two minutes later a real phone starts to ring.)

Shady: (picking it up) Hello? Lemmy? An Interview? … I have to interview
who?! When?! Where? How? What? Goodbye? Dial tone?

Blaze: …

Hammer Sis: …

Shady: … Well I like using …’s as much as any one else but I think we should get to work now.

Twenty years earlier…

A husband in red and his wife in green are seen pushing red and green strollers when all of a sudden a DeLorean zooms out of a timehole, runs the two over, and the opening doors knock the strollers into the nearby forest.

Shady: Wow! Time travel’s not as cool as I thought it would be. Too many clocks. Ok, make sure you don’t do anything that might alter the timeline. Ok?

Hammer Sis: You just killed Mario’s parents and you’re giving me a lecture?

Blaze: This stinks.

Shady: SILENCE! Now let’s find an alien.

…

Shady: Hello people of the past! Are you ready to be force fed knowledge?!

Audience of the Past: …

Shady: Great! Because today I interview the creature currently enslaving you… the Shroobs!

(A spaceship flies in to the studio and drops a purple Shroob onstage. Before flying away it tries to abduct Hammer Sis but Blaze throws a fireball at it first.)

Hammer Sis: Lousy drunk alien drivers.

Shady: Whatever. So… how are you today, Shroob?

Shroob: %$#@#!#$!%!!

Shady: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Hammer Sis: You already used that joke in that stupid FF.

Shady: … Blaze, she has your money.

(Blaze hits Hammer Sis and uses duct tape to tape her into her chair.)

Blaze: Where’s my money?!

Hammer Sis: What?

(Blaze hits her with her own hammer.)

Blaze: WHERE’S MY MONEY?!

Hammer Sis: I don’t know what you’re talking about!

(Blaze shoots her in the leg with a gun.)

Shady: Anyways… back to me. @%&#&#%?

Shroob: #@$%! %&##$@!

Shady: $#%@&.

Both: Hahaha!

Lemmy: What are you doing?

Shady: Speaking Shroobish. It’s really not that hard.

Lemmy: Fine, but you have to redo this Interview later with the language translated past this point.

Shady: K, wait… how are you here?

Lemmy: I can be wherever I want. It’s a free country.

Shady: Whatever. Now for the real Interview with subtitles in English! What’s your home planet called?

Shroob: Shroobula.

Shady: Why are most of you purple and what about the Shroobs who aren’t purple?

Shroob: We’re naturally purple but by drinking Vim we gain more power and change color.

Shady: And by more power you mean gaining nothing but more HP, right?

Shroob: Hey! We’re strong! Watch!

He tries to lift a Goomba but it crushes him.

Shroob: Ow. Ok, I’ll admit it, we’re only as strong as our weapons allow us to be.

Blaze: What weapons?

Shroob: You know, the blasters, the axes, the hammers…

Hammer Sis: Speaking of hammers… CAN YOU STOP HITTING ME WITH ONE?!

Blaze: No.

Shady: About your ships, why are all the controls based on a four block hitting system?

Shroob: … I don’t know. I guess the princess wants to keep us in shape.

Shady: For what? So you can pull the stupid trigger?

Shroob: Die!

(He tries to fire his blaster but he’s not strong enough to lift it all the way up.)

Everyone: Hahaha!

Shroob: Shut up!

Shady: Ok, leave the wimp alone. Now, why do a bunch of enemies in your army resemble monsters here on Plit?

Shroob: I don’t see any resemblance.

A fight breaks out backstage with Goombas Vs. Shrooblets, Koopas Vs. Spiny Shroopas, and a Toad throwing hot dogs at a Shroob who’s throwing Shroob dogs.

Shroob: No resemblance whatsoever.

Shady: Ok, whatever… Blaze! Don’t kill that Yoshi!

(Blaze kills a Yoshi.)

Shady: That was pointless.

(Blaze turns from his natural black coloring to a cooler looking red color.)

Blaze: (looking himself over) I like it.

Shady: Wait… By changing the timeline we can get cooler colors? All right!

(Shady takes a chainsaw and leaves the studio. Screams and bad jokes are heard.)

Shady: Mind if I “cut in”?

Toad: So… stupid!

Shroob: Are we done yet?

Hammer Sis: I don’t know. Being hit over the head by a hammer fifty times has affected my memory. What I do know is that this Interview was an excuse to change Blaze’s color and that it’s time for audience questions. Seat 234!

Kamek: What’s with that huge energy ball you threw at Mario and that green guy that instantly killed them?

Shroob: Well, all our ships are equipped with that death ball but it takes a while to charge and takes up so much Vim that we barely have enough to fly afterwards. So only fully charged ships are allowed to use it.

Blaze: Seat 92!

Koopeleon: Exactly who’s in your army?

Shroob: *inhales* Shroobs, Shrooblets, Spiny Shroopas, Dr. Shroobs, Lakitufos, Swiggler, Yoob, RC Shroobers, Sunnycide, Shrooba Divers, Blazing Shroobs, Guardian Shroobs, Shroids, Shroob-ombs, Tashroobas, Snoozorbs, Shroob Rexes, Shroobsworths, Intern Shroobs, Chain Shroomps, *inhales again* Junior, Brat, and Elder  Shrooboid, Princess Shroob, Elder Princess Shroob, Shrowser who I shouldn’t even know about, and we also captured and hypnotized a lot of people like Petey Piranha, Hammer Bros, some Bob-ombs, and a lot more people that I don’t remember or care about right now.

Hammer Sis: DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!

Shroob: *sniff* No.

Hammer Sis: Last question! Seat 68345676!

Yellow: Even in the past no one likes me. Why did you guys keep flying up to Elder Princess Shroob in her final form if you knew she would just shoot you down to your deaths?!

Shroob: We didn’t know she was shooting our comrades down! We just thought that the Marios were just killing them themselves!

Hammer Sis: And that’s the end for today…

(Shady breaks through a wall and jumps onstage.)

Shady: I AM SHADY PARAKOOPA! MASTER OF TIME AND COLORS!

(He throws his chainsaw, which is still on, into the audience where it slices people in a horrible fashion. Blue blood spills everywhere.)

Hammer Sis: Why do you keep skipping out on the audience questions?

Shady: Because, SHUT UP!

(A red siren goes off.)

Shady: Oh! It’s that time again, survivors of my chainsaw massacre! It’s time for… CHEF BLAZES!

(Blaze puts on his chef’s hat.)

Shady: Yeah, because I keep forgetting to do anything really funny every Interview, I thought up this! Every week Blaze will randomly cook someone! Not only will it provide some humor but a free meal too!

Hammer Sis: Today it will be…

Chef Blaze: The Shroob!

Shroob: What the…?

(Chef Blaze gets down to work with his knives and more knives until he creates…)

Chef Blaze: Blaze’s Shroob alamode!

Hammer Sis: Were the knives really necessary?

Shady: Who cares?

(Shady, Hammer Sis, and a random hobo on the street start to eat this icy treat.)

Shady: 8.5!

Hammer Sis: 9.1!

Hobo: 2.2.

(Chef Blaze drags the kicking and screaming hobo backstage.)

Shady: See you next time on…

Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!

Hammer Sis: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

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