Hammer Sis: You’re doing the Interview today?

Shady: Yes, why?

Hammer Sis: Well, we are interviewing the ruler of all aliens currently taking over the world.

Shady: All of them except illegal aliens.

Meanwhile, at Princess Peach’s castle in the future…

Toad Guard: Halt! Who goes there?!

Some guy who looks like Bowser: I’m not a guy from Dark Land, the land currently giving you all of those terrorists. Never even heard of the place.

Toad Guard: Good enough for me. You may enter.

Bowser: Can I come in too?

Toad Guard: Sure, why not?

Bowser: Works every time.

<c>…

Shady: Why don’t you take the day off today?

Hammer Sis: Really? I can?

Shady: No, I’m just asking myself why you can’t have a day off today. Oh, now I remember, because I said so! Ha ha ha, evil.

Hammer Sis: …

Shady: All jokes aside…

Hammer Sis: That was a joke?

Shady: Princess Shroob, come on down!

(The princess flies onstage in her flying force field chair thing.)

Princess Shroob: Hello, future slaves of the past!

Audience of the past: …

(She throws an energy ball thing into the audience, an explosion follows.)

Audience of the past: Yay! Woohoo! Hurray!

Princess Shroob: Fear tactics always work.

Shady: Actually, you hit Morton.

Hammer Sis: What’s he doing here in the past?

Shady: DON’T QUESTION THE ALMIGHTY TIME RIFFS!!!

Princess Shroob: SHUT UP AND INTERVIEW ME!!!

Hammer Sis: STOP YELLING AT HIM FOR YELLING AT YOU!!!

Princess Shroob: I WASN’T YELLING AT YOU FOR YELLING AT ME!!

Shady: STOP YELLING AT HER FOR YELLING AT ME FOR YELLING AT YOU!!!

Blaze: I LIKE TO SCREEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Shady: …

Hammer Sis: …

Princess Shroob: …

Shady: Fine. We’ll get started on this stupid Interview. So, how come you can sometimes speak English but not all the time?

Princess Shroob: Well, my big sister, before she got shucked into that stupid star thing, taught me a bit of English that she somehow knew.

Hammer Sis: Where did she learn English?

Princess Shroob: I don’t know.

Blaze: Really?

Princess Shroob: Really.

Blaze: Really really?

Princess Shroob: Yes, really really.

Blaze: Really really really?

Princess Shroob: SHUT UP!

Shady: What have I told you about that screaming?!

Princess Shroob: AHHHHHH!!!

(She summons purple thunder from the sky to hit Blaze. When the smoke clears a purple Mushroom stands where Blaze was.)

Shady: BLAAAAAAAAZZZZZEEEEE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Hammer Sis: That’s my next question. How come some of you can turn people into Poison Mushrooms?

Shady: …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Princess Shroob: We gained that power after drinking so much Vim. It also gave us the power to throw energy balls, heal ourselves, and sometimes glow red and become faster and stronger.

Shady: …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Hammer Sis: What exactly is Vim?

Princess Shroob: Well, hundreds of years ago on our home planet, there used to be oceans full of sweet Vim. It was like your water and oil combined, but we misused it and eventually ran out of it. Then we found your planet and, on further inspection, discovered that your Toad people had the power to make Vim in their bodies.

Hammer Sis: Toads have power?

(A Toad jumps into the middle of the stage and somehow changes the color of his cap to yellow. Then he… well that’s all I know about the Dragonball Z series. It’s hard to make fun of something you don’t know about.)

Hammer Sis: Just one more thing, then we’ll lay off Dragonball Z.

(Ummm… Toad picks up seven rocks, makes a wish then, ah, a dragon appears and bites his head off?)

Hammer Sis: *sigh* That will do.

Shady: …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Hammer Sis: How come your race has two princesses?

Princess Shroob: My sister is actually the only princess on our homeplanet. But when she disappeared in the Cobalt Star, I took control of the army.

Shady: …OOOOOOOO… I forgot what I was screaming about. What was your name before you took control?

Princess Shroob: Next in line Shroob.

Shady: At least it’s a better name than Hammer Sis.

Hammer Sis: Right back at ya, Shady Parakoopa.

Princess Shroob: Isn’t it supposed to be Paratroopa?

Shady: Die!

(Shady pulls out the chainsaw from the last Interview and tries to cut Princess Shroob but his weapon just bounces off the force field thing and flies out a window into the street. Buzzing, splattering, and hobos screaming can be heard.)

Shady: … That was random.

Hammer Sis: What’s with that energy shield thing anyways? It can withstand tons of damage but when it disappears your whole chair falls to pieces for like five turns, then it regenerates. Can you explain this?

Princess Shroob: Well the chair’s weaponry and the shield are combined together through the Vim engine, and when one of the systems are malfunctioning the fuel circuit is broken and this stops the chair completely. But since Vim is kind of like a healing liquid, it can slowly fix the broken part of the machine.

Hammer Sis: Interesting, very interesting, but STUPID!

Shady: Kind of like this whole Interview.

Princess Shroob: You mean I’m not interesting?

Shady: Wow, she actually figured it out.

Princess Shroob: But I’m the leader of an alien army! I almost conquered your world and I turned most of your population into Mushrooms!

Hammer Sis: Yeah, but what have you done lately?

Princess Shroob: I did all that yesterday!

Shady: Time for audience questions!

Princess Shroob: Don’t ignore me!

Shady: Seat 215!

Toad: I’m like the third Toad mentioned in this show today.

Hammer Sis: So? You want a medal or something?

Toad: Yes.

(A giant medal crushes him.)

Hammer Sis: Stupid randomness. Seat 261!

Goomba: Why did you want to go to the future?

Princess Shroob: Because I wanted to conquer it, duh.

Shady: But if you were to conquer the past, wouldn’t that in turn conquer the future?

Princess Shroob: Well um…

Hammer Sis: And if you really wanted to go to the future you could’ve just jumped into any of the time holes scattered across your new kingdom. In fact there was one right outside your castle.

Princess Shroob: …

Hammer Sis: Yes, I like totally melted your brain. Hopefully you have enough left for the next question. Seat 163643634535!

Yellow: Doesn’t it seem strange that you’re doing an Interview with someone who died at the end of their game?! And also if we’re in the past, how does everyone know how that game ends?! The last boss fight was in the future!

Shady: Yes, we’re all quite aware of all the time anomalies and plot holes that this Interview has, but I’m too lazy to answer them all so just forget about it and ask a question to the dead zombie alien thing.

Yellow: Fine. If your chair thing could fly then why did you put spider leg things on it so you could stand above and fire at the four Marios?!

Princess Shroob: Because that cannon is really powerful and I need the chair to be still so I could fire it without the recoil shaking up my aim.

Hammer Sis: You’re really boring. Did you know that?

Princess Shroob: Yes. Wait a minute, I’m not boring!

Shady: *yawn* I’m sorry. What did you say?

(Princess Shroob disappears and reappears right next to Hammer Sis, where she commences to throw tons of energy balls at her.)

Hammer Sis: Ow, ow, ow, and ow.

Shady: Oh yeah. I forgot about the whole speed thing. Anyways, seat 35!

Koopa: What’s with the whole speed thing?

Shady: I didn’t see that coming.

Princess Shroob: I can teleport around in small spaces like that because I-

Shady: Let me guess, it involves Vim.

Princess Shroob: How did you know?!

Shady: Idiots! All of you!

Hammer Sis: Ow, my self esteem, and my spleen.

Shady: Thank DAD it’s almost over. Seat 3531!

Shroob: You rule!

Princess Shroob: Thank you.

Blaze: … Seat 521!

Shroob: You rule!

Princess Shroob: You’re too kind.

Shady: Why do you keep doing that?

Shroob: Dude, she’ll totally kill us if we don’t.

Princess Shroob: …

Shroob: I mean… You rule!

Princess Shroob: Thank you again.

Shady: *sigh*

(Blaze flies out of the window, which Shady destroyed earlier, on a motorcycle.)

Blaze: Hello, dudes and dudettes.

Shady: Blaze! Why aren’t you a Mushroom?

Blaze holds a baby over the Mushroom and threatens it with a fireball. It cries and its tears return the Mushroom back to a cameraboo and his camera.

Cameraboo: … Where the @#&$ did I go?

Shady: Wait… This whole Interview wasn’t recorded?!

Camera Boo: I guess.

Shady: IDIOTS! ALL OF YOU!

Hammer Sis: Well now that this thing’s over and you’re done hitting me, I have one more question to ask. How come all of your Mushroom things can be dissolved by a baby’s tears?

Princess Shroob: How should I know?

Hammer Sis: Because you’re their leader.

Princess Shroob: Well I’m no scientist. Ask my sister.

Shady: Well, we’re finally done for today and finally done with you.

(He pulls a leaver. A trapdoor appears under Princess Shroob. She falls in.)

Shady: See you next time on…

Lemmy: Lemmy’s interview show!

Shady: So… many… time-related questions! I hate time travel!

Blaze: So do I.

Hammer Sis: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

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