SHADY PARAKOOPA interviews TOADETTE

By Shady Parakoopa

Hammer Sis: You know what? This is pretty fun.

Shady: It’s my favorite sport. PULL!

(Hammer Sis fires a bazooka, a Toad flies into the air. Shady throws a Bob-omb at it and hits the Toad, a shower of fireworks shortly follows.)

Shady: Did you see the size of that one?!

Hammer Sis: I know!

Shady: Load another one!

Hammer Sis: Sure!

(She tries to put the next one in but the Toad just won’t fit.)

Shady: What’s wrong?

Hammer Sis: The last one won’t fit.

(I just said that.)

Shady: Well let me see it.

(Why does everyone ignore me?)

Shady: Well here’s your problem, that’s not a Toad.

Toadette: Put me down!

Hammer Sis: No.

Toadette: Ok.

Shady: Let’s Interview her.

Hammer Sis: Why?

Shady: Do we ever need a reason?

Hammer Sis: Good point. Let’s go.

Shady: What should I do with the Bob-ombs?

Hammer Sis: Be creative.

(Shady throws them into Merlon’s house.)

Merlon: … I don’t need a crystal ball to see that this is going to hurt.

BOOM!

(They drag Toadette by her ponytail things into the studio. All the Cameraboos are asleep.)

Shady: I’m home!

(The Boos continue sleeping.)

Shady: I brought someone to Interview today!

(Still sleeping.)

Hammer Sis: WAKE UP, YOU LOUSY DRUNKS!!

(They keep sleeping but one of them hiccups.)

Shady: Maybe they’re dead.

Hammer Sis: ...

Shady: BLAZE! GET DOWN HERE!

(Blaze appears.)

Blaze: *yawn* Good morning.

Hammer Sis: It’s 7:00 PM.

Blaze: Oh.

Shady: I guess we have to do it today. I’ll do the Interview and you two record it.

Hammer Sis: I don’t know how to work the cameras.

Shady: Figure it out.

Shady: Hello and welcome to another semi-decent Interview! Today I interview this strange mutant Toad thing.

Toadette: I am not a mutant!

Shady: Then what’s with the antenna things on the side of your head?

Toadette: They're called ponytails, stupid!

Shady: No, you’re stupid!

Toadette: YOU!

Shady: YOU!!

Mario: CHEEEEEEESSSSSHHHHH!!!

Together: HIM!

(Shady throws Toadette at Mario, he dodges it but she come back like a boomerang and knocks him out.)

Shady: Bullseye!

Toadette: I feel dizzy.

(She throws up all over the Cameraboos but they continue sleeping.)

Shady: … Let’s move on. Are you a new species or are the ponytail things a birth defect?

Toadette: We’ll I’m not a new species but these are not birth defects, these are clip-on ponytails.

Shady: Why do you wear them?

Toadette: Because I look kewl with them on.

Shady: Two things, they do not make you look any better, and kewl is not a word.

Toadette: You’re a very mean man. Did you know this?

Shady: Yes, and I exercise my power of cruelty whenever I can.

Poor Kid: Please sir, may I have some more?

Shady: MORE?!

Toadette: …

Shady: Is the camera working ok?

Hammer Sis: Yes, but I can’t see the Interview through all these flashing low batteries signs.

Shady: They’ll go away eventually. Anyways, next question. Are you related to Toadsworth?

Toadette: He’s my grandfather. When I’m older he’ll pass down his stupid job to me.

Shady: Shouldn’t your father or mother be taking over his job?

Toadette: They both abandoned me and ran away with the circus, which they never got jobs at.

Shady: Ok then. If you’re not a new species then why are you seen working at many different jobs like at the radio station, hotel, and as the person who appears out of nowhere and tells Mario how to use his new weapons?

Toadette: Those were all my summer jobs, but I was bad at them so they fired me.

Shady: What did you do?

Toadette: Well I gave away the wrong prize at the radio station thing, was fired for dancing on the job at the hotel, and was late for work and fired for not teaching some guy how to work the bazooka he found in a chest.

Shady: Don’t worry, I figured it out.

(He fires the Toad bazooka backwards into the audience, where it hit’s a Bulky Bob-omb. It explodes and causes a chain reaction that frightens the other Bob-ombs in the audience, causing them to explode and cause the rest of the audience to scream, run around, and jump out the window. The Cameraboos sleep right through it.)

Shady: … Well at least that’s over.

(Merlon throws a Podoboo into the box of TNT that Shady has behind him.)

Shady: Why did I put that there?

Merlon: That’s for blowing my arms off!

Toadette: Then how did you throw that Podoboo in there?

Merlon: The same way a Goomba holds anything. By…

BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Two hours later...

Shady: … How did we live through that?

Toadette: Maybe DAD loves us.

(Shady falls over laughing.)

Toadette: …

Shady: Ha, you’re funny. Hey Hammer Sis! Did you get all that?

Hammer Sis: Yup! I got the whole thing taped!

Shady: … Um, Sis?

Hammer Sis: Yes?

Shady: You do know that you're looking into the wrong end of the camera, right?

Hammer Sis: Oops.

Shady: *sigh* Turn it around and let’s continue. Well since the audience blew up or jumped out of the window and into the dumpster full of toothpicks, I’ll ask some more questions. Why are you always partnered up with Toad in the party and racing games?

Toadette: Well he’s not my boyfriend, if that’s what you’re thinking. We’re just friends who always seem to get partnered with each other.

Shady: Then who is your boyfriend?

Toadette: A different Toad than that one.

Shady: How can you tell? They all look the same to me.

Toadette: It’s a woman thing.

Shady: What about my womanly needs?!

Toadette: You already used that joke.

Shady: You actually watch this show?

Toadette: No, but my TV’s channel changing button broke on this channel.

Shady: That explains my only rating. Ok, this is the last question. Where do you get those Golden Mushrooms in Mario Kart Double Dash?

Toadette: Well only people in Peach’s castle are allowed to have them. We’re supposed to use them when someone breaks in because they give us superhuman strength!

Shady: Then why has Peach been kidnapped so many times in the past and present?

Toadette: Because all the Toads sold their one Golden Mushroom for fistfulls of money.

Shady: If Toads only get one Golden Mushroom then how come you have thousands of them?

Toadette: Who do you think is buying all those <ushrooms from them?

Shady: How did you get so much money?

Toadette: This last question is turning into twenty questions.

Shady: Good point. Well, bye!

(He throws her out of the studio. When she lands a small crashing sound can be heard.)

Cameraboos (in unison): Quiet down! We’re trying to sleep!

(And so they do.)

Shady: …

Hammer Sis: Being a cameragirl is pretty easy. Maybe I should do it all the time.

Shady: Sure you can, but next time take the lens cap off.

Hammer Sis: *sigh* Never mind.

Shady: Don’t worry about it. I didn’t expect you to do it right anyways, but I’m sure Blaze got it all down.

(He turns around to see Blaze eating what’s left of the camera.)

Blaze: *burp* Excuse me.

Shady: … IDIOTS, ALL OF YOU!

Hammer Sis: That line’s starting to become a catchphrase.

Morton: Wedding cake!

Mario: Cheese!

Ludwig: Chocolate!

Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!

Every Other Interviewer: End Transmission!

Shady: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Hammer Sis: Why do you say that? You don’t really mean it.

Shady: The reason why I say that is a very simple question to answer. It’s because

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