(Lights flick on, and a sign that says “Teela's interviewing Studio” falls to the ground, as the dust has burdened it down too much.)
 
Joe: Why do I have to have a partner?
 
Karlos: Because it's good education. She'll be here any minute.
 
Teela: No, you're MY Partner, not vice versa.
 
Teela: Hello, person... Who are you?
 
Joe: *big grin* Why, hello there, foxy lady. The name's Joe. What's yours?
 
Teela: ... Foxy lady? Joe... Weird name. I'm Teela.
 
Joe: ... (to Karlos) What is she talking about?
 
Karlos: I dunno.
 
(Teela pulls out a chainsaw.)

Teela: What are you doing here?
 
Joe: The Interview?
 
Karlos: That's right!
 
Teela: Yes, but you are not the interviewer nor the interviewee... My cards claim the interviewer is ME, and the interviewee is... Detective Pennington.
 
Joe: Gimme that card!

(He scribbles some words on it.)

Joe: There! Now the interviewers are you AND me!
 
Teela: Um... Alrighty. Not the first strange thing that's happened here...

(Ninja Z is hanging on the ceiling.)

Teela: Grr... I smell ninjas in the air. Are you a ninja?

(She holds up a chainsaw, attempting to start it.)
 
Pennington: I say, that was quite rude.
 
Teela: Are YOU a Ninja?

(She is pouring gas into the machine.)
 
Joe: Rawrrr. Kitty's got claws.
 
Karlos: Lemme go get Pennington.

(Karlos pushes a button that catapults Pennington from his seat.)
 
Pennington: I say, that was quite rude.
 
Joe: Put a sock in it.
 
Pennington is on the stage now, flat on his face.)

Pennington: Oww...
 
Teela: JOE!

(She pulls out first aid.)

Teela: I like detectives!
 
Joe: What?! It's effective.
 
Karlos: Start!
 
Teela: I would say you're the interviewee, but you're not, and that joke is as old as a day-old Scribble... Very old, in other words...
 
Joe: First question: Why did you go undercover as a detective?
 
Pennington: I love to write books about it... Also, as a child, I was always fascinated by their stealth, their knowledge... It bedazzled me!
 
Joe: (to Teela) Your turn, sweet cheeks.
 
Teela: ... It's assassin. DP... How are you faring in your current missions?
 
Joe: (under his breath) like he even has missions.
 
Pennington: ... MissiIns, dear girl? No, they are ADVENTURES!
 
Joe: ... Like what kind?
 
Pennington: As in the type where I go snooping around, finding dark evidence, putting myself in the line of fire, dear boy!
 
Joe: Don't call me that.

Karlos: Yay! Adventure!
 
Joe: Why did you choose to guard the Poshley Sanctum?
 
Pennington: I knew and sensed evil was afoot, so I raced to get there. Actually, I just wanted an M&M CD, because my cat sat on mine... I just got lucky. I make all the sense in the world, dear boy.
 
Joe: I thought I told you to not call me that!
 
Teela: Well... When was your first appearance? And are you related to those penguins that slide on the ice?
 
Joe: Bumpty Penguins.
 
Teela: Yeah, Bumpty Penguins.
 
Joe: So are you related or not? Spill it, old man!
 
Pennington: Well, I appeared in Paper Mario. And as for the penguins, I am pretty much a penguin, but they're not necessarily my blood relatives. I'm, after all, much smarter. And my dear boy, calm your horses.
 
Joe: If you call me that one more time, I'll... do something... secretive to you.
 
Audience: Ooooooo.
 
Pennington: Oh, but I know all about secrets.
 
Joe: ... Anyway, why do you mistake Mario for Luigi?
 
Pennington: Because my eyesight is terrible...
 
Joe: Audience questions! And it'll cost you all of your worldly possessions!
 
Karlos: I like!
 
Teela: No it won't. I own this broken down studio, Joe, I'm in power...
 
Joe: Oh, but I've power over your security! I bribed them 500 coins.
 
Teela: I fired all my security. Ninja bribed them first, is why I went to... *shudder* Clown school... Now I have no security...
 
Joe: ... Seat ANIMALCROSSING!
 
Sniffit: Would you ever like to trade careers?
 
Pennington: Actually... a policeman would be quite fun if I got to eat all the donuts myself.
 
Joe: Seat TRADEYA!

Dry Bones: I have a question for Joe... Will he stop confusing the numbers with strange, hindu-sounding words?

Joe: No. Words are fun!
 
Nep-Enut: Aren't you afraid that the Dark Boos will terrify you when they get out of the Poshley Sanctum?
 
Pennington: NEVER! I am the best detective there is!

(He is facing the back wall of the stage, talking to a chair.)
 
Joe: Yo, the audience is the other way.
 
Karlos: Hi!
 
Pennington: Your trickery will never work on me, boy.
 
Joe: (head all red) One more seat. Seat APPLESKEEPDOCTORSAWAY!

Bumpty Penguin: How come you think we don't make intellectual conversations?
 
Pennington: Hello, dear person. Would you like an autograph?

(He signs the chair.)
 
Joe: ... Let's just end this now.
 
Teela: ... I agree... He's as intelligent as thought...
 
Pennington: I have missions with this here person! HE SPEAKS MISSIONS! Dear boy, Joe, will you tell me where you met this person?

(Joe takes Pennington backstage. Lots of breaking and exploding noises are heard. Joe comes back.)
 
Teela: I'm leaving. Nice meeting you, Joe.
 
Joe: Wait! Come back! We could hang out together!
 
Teela: That was Detective Pennington, people... your mediocre detective... who does work like the rest of us.

Karlos: And is a nincomkoop.
 
Mario: But where's DP?
 
Teela: No need to flame now. Good day, everyone.

(The lights go off, and Ninja Z falls to the floor. Teela cackles in the distance in a rather disturbing and cartooney way. She walks away, the audience looking confused.)
 
Joe: Let's just say that he's somewhere with white light everywhere. Wait up, Teela!

Lemmy: END TRANSMISSION!

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