Peachy Girl: Hello, and welcome to Lemmy Interview Show! We finally got the Studio renovated, though I don’t know where Lemmy got the money to do so.

Lemmy: Speaking of which, I can’t give you your paycheck this month, Peachy.

Peachy Girl: I had to ask. Anyway, today, we’ll hold a short audition to see who gets to-

Goomba: You mean has to?

Peachy Girl: *ahem* Gets to help me interview, since my normal Interview partner, Leo, somehow got himself flushed down the toilet.

Mushroom Kingdom sewers…

Leo: … Help?

Back at the studio…

Peachy Girl: So, let’s start!

(She sits in a director’s chair holding a clipboard. (A mime comes out onto the stage.)

Mime: …

Peachy Girl: Say your line.

Mime: …

Bandit: Mimes can’t talk.

Peachy Girl: Fine. Next!

(Mime walks off the stage and a Bob-omb comes on.)

Bob-omb: Do I -BOMB- say my line?
 
Peachy Girl: Yes.

Bob-omb: Okay, -BOMB- welcome  -BOOM- to Lemmy’s Interview -BOOM- Show!

Peachy Girl: Um, I didn’t quite understand you; could you repeat that?

Bob-omb: … I’m outta -BOMB- here.

(The Bob-omb walks off the stage and Anti Guy comes on.)

Anti Guy: Uh…

Peachy Girl: Say your line.

Anti Guy: Your line.

Peachy Girl: No, say what’s on the piece of paper that you’re holding.

Anti Guy: Fine. Welcome to Lemmy’s Interview Show!

Peachy Girl: Good, next!

Anti Guy: Next!

Peachy Girl: … Next!

Anti Guy: Next!

Peachy Girl: Grrr... NEXT!!!

Anti Guy: NEXT!

Peachy Girl: Get off the stage, you idiot!

Anti Guy: Get off the stage, you idiot!

(Peachy Girl glares. Anti Guy glares back.)

Peachy Girl: Y’know what? You’re helping me interview, just to keep myself from losing my voice.

Anti Guy: Yay!

Goomba: You mean “Aww man!”

Peachy Girl: *ahem* So… we’re interviewing… Doopliss.

Anti Guy: Yay!

(Doopliss comes out onto the stage, looking bored.)

Anti Guy: Yay!

Peachy Girl: *twitch* You LIKE to annoy people, don’t you?

Anti Guy: I may, I may not… The plot thickens.

Doopliss: Dun, dun, DUN.

Peachy Girl: First question, why do you always wear that party hat?

Doopliss: It’s actually not a party hat. It’s a wizard’s hat.

Peachy Girl: Okay… Why do you wear that wizard’s hat?

Doopliss: Well, I consider transforming a type of magic.

Anti Guy: Was the Creepy Steeple originally yours?

Doopliss: I just happened to stumble upon it, and before I found out that the Boos inhabited it, I moved in. When I found out, the Boos still let me live there, and allowed me to put in that stained glass portrait of me.

Peachy Girl: What’s your Japanese name?

Doopliss: Ranperu.

Peachy Girl: Any reason for it?

Doopliss: Yes, you notice that my situation is similar to Rumplestiltskin’s.

Anti Guy: … Does that mean that you’re really, really ugly under that sheet?

Doopliss: You’ll never know.

Anti Guy: Ah well. So, after finding out that your parrot revealed your real name, what’d you do to him?

Doopliss: Eat him.

Anti Guy: You’re kidding.

Doopliss: Nope. He tasted good with Ranch.

Peachy Girl: Why do you wear that bowtie? I mean, it’s not exactly what a major boss should wear.

Doopliss: It came with the sheet. Besides, it matches.

Anti Guy: All right, then! Audience question time!

Peachy Girl: Hey! This is my Interview. Who do you think you are?

Anti Guy: … Anti Guy.

Peachy Girl: Point well taken. Seat 154.

Boomerang Bro.: Why’d you do everything Beldam said? You’re not scared of her, are you?

Doopliss: Not of her, but of her punishment.

Boomerang Bro.: Which was-?

Doopliss: Never you mind.

Anti Guy: Seat 87.

Boo: During the battles with Mario, why didn’t you change into something really powerful?

Doopliss: I can only turn into things that are in my sight.

Anti Guy: Seat 32.

Painta: Why haven’t you used “Slick” in this Interview? It’s a habit of yours to say that, isn’t it?

Doopliss: Well, I would, but the author won’t get off her lazy bum and type it. Plus, she thinks some people find it annoying… Slick.

Peachy Girl: Quit breaking the fourth wall. Seat 345.

Larry: Didn’t you get lonely in that tower?

Doopliss: That’s what the parrot was for.

Peachy Girl: Wonderful! Now, I gotta go get Leo out of those sewers.

(Suddenly, the studio’s doors slam open, and a soaking wet Boo with a green stalk cap sulks toward the stage.)

Peachy Girl: Hey, Leo! You got out!

Leo: It took me two hours to remember that I could turn transparent and get out of the sewers.

Peachy Girl: Oh well. At least you got out.

(Leo glares at Peachy Girl.)

Peachy Girl: Well, at least you’re okay.

(Leo still glares.)

Peachy Girl: Well, at least I TRIED to help you from being flushed down the toilet!

(GLARES!)

Peachy Girl: …

Leo: Tried? TRIED?! You laughed and took digital pictures!

Peachy Girl: Fine. I don’t know what you have against digital cameras, though. I’ll use another kind next time.

Leo: What? It’s not the fact that you used digital camera! It’s the fact that you didn’t help me!

Peachy Girl: So… next time you get flushed, I can use a digital camera?

Leo: … Y’know, it’s waaay beyond me how you manage to blink and breathe at the same time.

Peachy Girl: *stares blankly* Are you trying to insult me?

Leo: I have half I mind to smack you.

Peachy Girl: … What do you do with the other half?

Leo: Put it off your mind, my clueless friend. END TRANS-

Anti Guy: Wait, wait! I wanna say it!

Leo: No.

Anti Guy: You’re mean.

Leo: Nah, I’m Leo. END TRANMISSION.

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.