MARIO KOOPA AND LUIGI HAMMER BROTHER interview LORD CRUMP

By Mario Koopa

(Mario Koopa and Luigi Hammer Brother are locked inside a room.)

LHB: Remind me again, why did we lock ourselves in the bathroom?

Mario Koopa: Because bad stuff always happens here. I’m making sure that nothing bad can get in here.

LHB: There’s a problem though.

Mario Koopa: What?

LHB: We can’t get out.

Mario Koopa: O.O  HELP!!! LET ME OUT! I’M LOSING OXYGEN! HELP ME!!!

(LHB busts the door down with his hammer.)

Mario Koopa: O_o  See? The door to the bathroom was destroyed! Something bad happened!

LHB: But you said you needed out!

(They continue arguing. Meanwhile, Lord Crump is knocking on the door.)

Grodus (still a head): Have they answered yet?

Lord Crump: No.

Grodus: *sigh* I know that we promised not to cause trouble anymore but we may need to blow up their door. I mean, we’ve been knocking on the door for 45 minutes!

Lord Crump: I understand. Let’s just hope that they will come soon.

Mario Koopa: Every time! Trouble!

LHB: Door! You said you needed out!

Mario Koopa: I never said bust it down!

(They keep talking over each other and arguing. BBOOOMMMM!!! Mario Koopa and LHB are still arguing and they are being so loud that they don’t hear the explosion.)

LHB: That’s it! Enough!

(LHB lifts his hammer and is about to whack Mario Koopa when the door flies straight into him.)

Mario Koopa: HA HA!

(LHB gets up and they go to see what’s going on. They find Lord Crump and Grodus in their living room.)

Lord Crump: Your door was locked. We kept knocking but you guys wouldn’t answer.

Mario Koopa: Well, we have the interviewee but we don’t have Lemmy. Where is he?

(A note blows into the house. Mario Koopa grabs it and reads.)

Mario Koopa: “Dear Mario Koopa and Luigi Hammer Brother, Sorry I can’t come to your Interview. No… actually, let me rephrase that, I WON’T come to your Interview! Every time I do, I’m tortured either on the way or when I get there. Warmest regards, Lemmy.”

Lord Crump: I’ll get him here!

(Lord Crump pulls out a walkie-talkie and speaks into it.)

Lord Crump: X-Nauts! I need you to get some guy called Lemmy.

(Ten minutes later, some X-Nauts come in with Lemmy, who is wearing an antenna on his head.)

Lemmy: I wIlL oBeY tHe X-NaUtS.

(Mario Koopa grabs the TV remote and makes the stage appear. A trapdoor in the floor turns upside down and everyone sees an audience on it.)

Mario Koopa: It’s time for…

Lemmy: LeMmY’s InTeRvIeW sHoW!

(Mario Koopa, LHB, and Lord Crump go onstage.)

Mario Koopa: First question, why is it in the first battle with Magnus Von Grapple that he’s pink with a white X on him, and then in the second one, he’s black with a yellow X?

Lord Crump: When the X-Nauts… I mean, when I made the upgrades on Magnus Von Grapple I decided that pink and white was such a lame color scheme, so I decided to make him look scarier by painting him black and giving him a yellow X.

LHB: So, in PM2 did you kidnap Princess Peach and bring her to Grodus, or did Grodus directly kidnap her?

Lord Crump: I kidnapped her along with some X-Nauts. It wasn’t easy, though. When we found her, she started running. Then when we caught her, she fought us. So while she was beating up the X-Nauts, I snuck up behind her and got her.

X-Naut: No you didn’t! You were getting beat up and then we snuck-

(BAM! Lord Crump hit the X-Naut in the face. The X-Naut is KO’d.)

Mario Koopa: Audience questions! Peach!

Peach: What’s with those stupid clothes? Why do you wear them?

(Lord Crump: Well, I was promoted from an X-Naut to second in command. The new clothes come with the promotion.)

LHB: Mario!

Lord Crump: MARIO?!

Grodus: Crump, settle down. I know that he beat you up, but this is no time for vengeance.

Lord Crump: Er… gah… AHH!

(Lord Crump grabs Mario and throws him out the window.)

Lord Crump: *deep sigh* That felt good...

Audience: O.O

LHB: Uh… Daisy!

Daisy: Where’d you get that pirate ship in Chapter Five of PM2?

Lord Crump: We have an X-Naut spaceship that can transform into a train, a jet, a car, and even a pirate ship!

Mario Koopa: Luigi!

Luigi: Why is your base on the moon? I mean, that’s kind of simple planet-wise.

Lord Crump: Well the thing is, at one time, our base had rockets on it. It could go anywhere. But then when I was piloting… uh, I mean while a stupid X-Naut was piloting the base’s rockets they fell asleep and we crashlanded on the moon. We tried to get off but we couldn’t because the bottom of our base was buried and the rockets were destroyed. Stupid X-Naut.

X-Naut: First of all, you were piloting the base. Second, is that-

(BAM! Lord Crump hit the X-Naut.)

LHB: Prize Card time!

(Mario Koopa shows Lord Crump the back of three cards. Lord Crump picks the one on the right. Mario Koopa turns it around to show a picture of a TV.)

Mario Koopa: You win a 29-inch TV!

Lord Crump: YAY!

(The TV falls on Grodus. Grodus is KO’d.)

Lord Crump: More YAY!

Mario Koopa: Well, that’s all the time we have! Join us next time when we interview Princess Peach!

LHB: END TRANSMISSION!

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