Karlos: Joe?

Joe: What?

Karlos: Where's the nachos?

Joe: You’re gonna need nachos in a second if you don't quit asking me that.

Dark Koopa: That was the worst comeback I have ever heard. So... here's Pura to deal wih you.

Karlos: HOLY FREAKSHOW! How'd you get here?

Dark Koopa: Magic.

Bill Nye: No, science!

Dark Koopa: See, I knew someone would try that. It doesn't work, fool.

(Dark Koopa stomps off.)

Pura: Better finish this fast.

(Pura sits down.)

Joe: *grin* Hello, Pura.

Pura: Don't even think about it.

(Joe moves closer to Pura. Pura slaps him in the face. Joe moves back to his original spot.)

Joe: Ow. So, who's the poor sap- I mean, lucky person this time?

Pura: Everyone says something like that about the interviewee. It's not cliche yet? Regardless... It's Goombella.

(Goombella sits down in the interviewee chair.)

Pura: Oh, no witty introduction line? Good start.

Joe: So... Goombella. Why did you travel with that fat Italian plumber?

Goombella: Wasn't that obvious from the game? He was a good bodyguard to have around while I did research.

Pura: What research, exactly?

Goombella: Oh, tons of things, but most of it was adding Bowser and X-Naut minions alike to the tattle log, as well as exploring all kinds of places that I could study more closely later.

Joe: ... Didn’t you know that Mario squished your entire family when you were a baby?

Goombella: ... No.

Joe: Well he did.

Pura: You weren't supposed to mention that yet.

Joe: I wasn't?

Pura: No, now you're gonna make her run off crying.

(Goombella runs off crying.)

Pura: Good job.

Karlos: She'll come back eventually.

Four hours later...

Pura: Kettle corn tastes pretty good.

Joe: No, it's the ultimate butter that hits the spot.

Pura: And that's why I hate you.

(Goombella comes back to the interviewee chair.)

Joe: What do you have against butte- Oh, she's back.

Pura: Have fun regretting your choice to help Mario? That makes me wonder... Why did you seem to have a thing for Mario? And I mean just beyond following him around.

Goombella: I don't know anymore!

Pura: Helpful.

Goombella: He was just so noble... and cute.

Pura: You make me sad.

Karlos: Joe?

Joe: Yeah, what?!

Karlos: I need a buddy for the Buddy Day contest.

Joe: Well go find a Chain Chomp or something. Can't you see I'm busy?

Karlos: Okay.

(Karlos runs off to find a Chain Chomp.)

Pura: Eww, filler scene. So... explain Rally Wink. I don't know how that lets someone attack twice.

Goombella: It gives Mario the okay to attack again despite the fact we were playing RPG rules.

Pura: So you were cheating... Good strategy.

Joe: Is it true that you have a rivalry with Goombario?

Goombella: Who's that?

Joe: ... The guy from the first Paper Mario.

Goombella: Never heard of it.

Joe: ... Okay then.

Pura: Hey, key grip, give me a donut.

(Key Grip gives Pura a donut.)

Pura: That's no fun. You were supposed to try to ignore me and then I'd go and take it.

Pura: And beat you up since every Interview has to have chaos for some reason.

Key Grip: I know. That's actually made of cardboard.

Pura: ...

(Pura beats up Key Grip.)

Joe: ... Audience time! Gimme your life savings if you want to aska question!

Pura: Audience questions... Another cliche. Tsk.

Joe: Seat 4.

Generic Forum Member: I'm generic.

Pura: Congratulations.

Joe: ... Seat 74.

Fred Fredburger: I like frozen yogurt!

Joe: A REAL question!

Pura: That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.

Fred Fredburger: Where did you get that book?

Goombella: At my university, of course.

Pura: Okay, now go away. I can't look at you. Too ugly.

Fred Fredburger: Does it have frozen yogurt and nachos?

Pura: STOP TALKING!

Fred Fredburger: I like nachos!

Pura: Mute him.

(Joe pulls a lever and catapults Fred Fredburger into a Piranha Plant pit.)

Joe: That better?

Pura: You actually did something useful.

Joe: Why thank you.

Pura: Right... Seat... I don't care. Whoever can ask a question first.

Mario: I'm conveniently sitting in seat IDON'TCARE!

Pura: Ugh, another cliche. Whatever, just ask a question.

Mario: Did you know I didn't actually squish Goombella's family?

Pura: I don't care.

Mario: But Goombella will.

Joe: ... Oh crud.

Goombella: I knew it! You lied to me!

(Goombella takes out a mallet and attempts to squash Joe. Pura watches intently while munching on popcorn.)

Joe: AAHHH! Help me, Pura! HELP ME!

Pura: Why? Oh, and seat 12 or something.

Generic Forum Member 2: I'm also generic.

Pura: That's it.

(Pura moderates the generic forum members... and they die. Yeah, that totally makes sense.)

Pura: So, why a tie?

Goombella: Why else? I wanna look good.

Pura: Why the helmet then? You look like you wanna dig.

Goombella: I did do some digging, to check soil in some places and such. It just didn't show you that in the game.

Karlos: I'm back! And I found that Chain Chomp!

(Karlos is seen holding the chain of the vicious Chain Chomp.)

Joe: Karlos? IS THAT THING EVEN TRAINED?!

Pura: Please allow it to eat you.

Karlos: I dunno.

(Karlos lets go of the chain, and the Chain Chomp starts to eat people in the audience.)

Morton: NOOOO!

Pura: Yawn. More cliche chaos. Now, Goombella, what were your thoughts on the adventure with Mario as a whole?

Goombella: Hmm. Meeting up with Mario was cool. Beating up Hooktail was awesome. The Punies were cute, though Flurrie was a bit annoying. The Yoshi was also cute and fighting in the Glitz Pit was all kinds of awesome. Fighting against Mario when Doopliss took his body made me sick to my stomach. Cortez was scary, but finding him was fun. The train was nice and relaxing, though Smorg was icky. X-Nauts... no comment, and the Shadow Queen had me really scared, but I'm glad we were victorious.

Fred Fredburger: Don't worry! I found some nachos and frozen yogurt! Yes.

Joe: I thought you were eaten by the Pirahna Plants!

Pura: If I had hair, I'd be pulling it out right now.

Fred Fredburger: No, they had plenty of nachos and frozen yogurt! Yes.

Karlos: Here, boy! Come back!

Pura: You're an idiot. Yes?

Fred Fredburger: Yes!

Pura: Okay, now go die.

Fred Fredburger: You want me to die?

Pura: Yes.

Fred Fredburger: Yes!

Pura: Okay, I've tolerated this for far too long.

(Pura tosses some flames at Fred Fredbooger or whatever.)

Joe: End transmission already! END IT NOW!!!

Fred Fredburger: Yes! ... Ouch.

Pura: Figures. The end tranmissions clich-

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