Ylle: What’s an Unagi anyway?

Joe: An eel. Get out here, Amy! You've hidden in the shadows for quite some time now!

(Ylle holds up his wings.)

Ylle: Yaaaaaay.

(Amy steps out onto the stage.)

Joe: (to Karlos) Remind me again why we hired this nutcase?

Karlos: He was all we had.

Ylle: Yahoo...

Amy: So, who am I... and this turkey... interviewing?

(Ylle lowers his wings.)

Ylle: No way I know.

Joe: Unagi, the ugly eel from SM64 and NSMB.

Ylle: Yay, bring in the eel before I fall asleep.

(Unagi is brought in inside a bowl. He's surprisingly small.)

Ylle: Wow. Diet?

(The Unagi growls at Ylle.)

Amy: First question. Who was the Unagi in SM64 that was really big?

Unagi: That was the Almighty Father! He was the guy that lay the eggs of all us other Unagis!

Ylle: Ooooh. What else?

Unagi: He also thanked Mario for freeing him from the sunken ship in Jolly Roger Bay, but for some reason wouldn't give him a Star.

Ylle: Hey, even Wario's greedy!

Wario: I heard that, punk!

Amy: Why did Bowser hire you to take out Mario?

Unagi: He ignored what the Almighty Father said.

Ylle: Doesn’t this "Almighty Father" have a name?

Unagi: No. Then he would lose his "Almightyness".

Ylle: Look at me, I am sometimes called "Almighty" and yet, I got a name. Oh well, some organisms are far too underdeveloped to understand those things.

Amy: You’re not "Almighty," turkey!

Ylle: Of course not, I'm modest like that.

Amy: ... Anyways, why are you big and small?

Unagi: That's all Kamek's fault! If he made us all big, we would have Mario by now!

Ylle: Yeah right. You just lie around and eat all day. And even if you were all the same size, I doubt even Luigi would see you even as a minor threat!

(Unagi gets angry, which makes him grow him to monstrous proportions.)

Unagi: NOW HE'LL SEE ME AS A THREAT!!!

Ylle: Yeah, good going, stupid. How’s the water, by the way?

Unagi: It's a little salty if you’re new to it, but you'll get used to it.

Ylle: More of a thing about when you outgrow the tank.

Unagi: Oh... well, us small Unagis can only be big for a short time. The bigger ones can breathe out of water for an hour.

Ylle: Oh really? How worthless. I can breathe out of water AS LONG AS I LIVE!

Amy: ... Okay then. Audience questions now. Seat 7.

Blargg: Do you have any cousins?

Unagi: Well, there's those dolphins from SMW. And Sushi the shark.

Ylle: Common seafood cuisine.

Unagi: You... you killed my cousins?!

Ylle: No, I was referring to the off-stage snacks.

Unagi: Grr... Seat 38.

Tatanga: Where did the "Almighty Father" get the Star in the second mission?

Ylle: Ha ha ha ha. Tatanga is terrible at 3D games.

Unagi: He found it while in the sunken ship.

Tatanga: HA! I win the bet! Pay up, Daisy.

Daisy: Darn.

(Daisy gives ten bucks to Tatanga.)

Ylle: More like someone is worse than Tatanga at 3D platformers. Ha ha.

Tatanga: Hey! Don't you besmirch the name of the great Tatanga!

Ylle: ... Er, besmirch? Is that some sort of... margarine brand?

Tatanga: ... No, it means to backsass someone.

Amy: ANYWAY, Seat 16.

(Ylle's scratching his head.)

Fred Fredburger: I like nachos!

Joe: Not you again!

Ylle: More like you're stupid in your whole head. All of it!

Fred Fredburger: Hey, what flavor is the small Unagi?

Unagi: ... Fish, you moron.

Ylle: Unagi flavor… only $599.9!

Fred Fredburger: ... Hey, what flavor is the big Unagi?

Ylle: Unagi flavor... only $599.9!

Unagi: Now those taste like shark meat.

Joe: Now go home, Fred Fredburger!

Fred Fredburger: ... Okay.

Ylle: Go home and cry about how worthless you are!

(Fred Fredburger leaves.)

Joe: Wow, that was easy.

Ylle: Ha ha ha.

Amy: Finally, seat 55.

Swooper: How many Unagis are there in the world?

Ylle: Best question ever.

Unagi: There are currently only 2,000 Unagis, due to being hunted. SAVE THE UNAGIS!

(Ylle's eating a dolphin sandwich.)

Ylle: What?

(Amy slaps her face.)

Joe: Okay, Amy. You remember the deal?

Amy: What deal?

Ylle: I get to marry you.

Joe: No. I promised Ylle that you'd give him a kiss.

Amy: No way would I ever!

Joe: Fine, looks like I'll have to tell everyone that you like Ruairi M. Koopa.

(Ylle throws his dolphin sandwich into Joe's face.)

Ylle: Awww, come on…

Amy: ... Oh, all right…

(Amy kisses Ylle on the cheek.)

Ylle: All right! She loves me!

Amy: No I do not!

Ylle: *kneels down* I'm forever by your side Amy. Marry me please!

Amy: Uh, no.

(Ylle silently cries one tear.)

Joe: Let's end this before he does some more mushy stuff.

Ylle: I want my sandwich back.

(Karlos gives Ylle back his sandwich.)

Ylle: Thanks. I want my soon-to-be bride to fall helplessly in love with me.

Amy: Well, maybe if you save me from something I'll think about it.

Ylle: Switch to Geico.

Lemmy: END TRANSMISSION!

Lemmy’s phone: (ring ring)

Joe: Too late for that no-

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