P.T.: Shrike, now that I consider you to be a part of my gang, you must interview.

Shrike: Okay. Who?

P.T.: Torpedo Ted.

Shrike: I’ll try.

Soon…

Shrike: Welcome to the Interview show! Today, I’ll interview Torpedo Ted.

Torpedo Ted: I’m a torpedo!

P.T.: Woah! Not you! You never say anything else.

Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!

(Torpedo Ted rams into P.T., and leaves.)

P.T.: You need to interview a different Torpedo Ted.

Different Torpedo Ted: Hi. I’m Jeff.

P.T.: You told me that you have a name, to make you different than the others. Does that mean you’ll join me? I don’t want you to join me!

Jeff: No, that’s just to tell me apart from the other Torpedo.

P.T.: ‘Kay.

P.T. leaves.

Shrike: Where can one find a Torpedo Ted?

Jeff: Anywhere with explosive missiles. I myself live in Soda Lake.

Shrike: I see. Why do you only appear in Super Mario World and Super Princess Peach?

Jeff: Nintendo came up with other kinds of Bullet Bills that they wanted to use.

Shrike: I see. Were you any of the Torpedo Teds in those games?

Jeff: Yeah. I’d be the fifth Torpedo Ted that you would see in Mario World.

Shrike: Did you have any hopes of making it to New Super Mario Bros?

Jeff: A little. Nintendo told me that I would be in it, but they decided to use Banzai Bills at the last second.

Shrike: I see. What does your species do now?

Jeff:  We usually just live a normal life. If you could call a Torpedo having a life at all, normal.

Shrike: How are you different from Bullet Bills?

Jeff: We’re stronger, and built to move faster, especially underwater.

Shrike: This cue card P.T. gave me says to ask the audience if they have questions, by shouting “audience questions” then naming a seat. Okay. Audience questions! Seat TORPEDO.

Torpedo Ted: I’m a torpedo!

Shrike: Seat D’OH.

Homer: How do you feel about Banzai Bills, Bombshell Bills, etc?

Jeff: I’m a little jealous, but I’m happy for them.

Shrike: Seat BOO.

King Boo: Do you have any undead counterparts?

Jeff: Huh?

King Boo: You know, Koopas have Dry Bones, Shy Guys have Ghost Guys, Toads have ghost versions of themselves. Do you have any?

Jeff: No.

King Boo: Darn.

Shrike: That’s it. Bye!

Soon…

Shrike: Okay. I interviewed.

P.T.: Okay. Welcome aboard! Now you have to do all the chores!

Bogmire: Freedom!

Lemmy: I told you to stop doing that!

P.T.: Okay. YOU do all the chores!

Lemmy: Darn. Hey, the camera’s still rolling.

P.T.: Darn. End Transmission!

Shrike: Does he forget that a lot?

Lemmy: You don’t know the half of-

Transmission Ended.

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