THE DRYEST BONES interviews FIRE BROTHER

By The Dryest Bones

The Dryest Bones: Well, I'm sorta getting tired of saying this, but it's Interview day again!

Kamek: *gasp*

The Dryest Bones: Even your gasps are getting dull, Kamek.

Egg Guy: *gasp*

The Dryest Bones: Well, let's see who I have to int...

Kamek: YOU have to interview? Am I really speaking with The Dryest Bones? Have I entered some kind of weird Twilight-Zoney kind of dimension? Why am I saying this out loud? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Psycho attack!

(Kamek runs for the nearest doctor.)

The Dryest Bones: Well, that was fun. Well, I have to interview.

Yishotimi: Why?

The Dryest Bones: My refrigerator likes it if I interview.

Egg Guy: You still haven't caught it?

The Dryest Bones: Nope. Lost it right after Lemmy ended the transmission. And I'M HUNGRY!

Yishotimi: 0.0

Egg Guy: Makes sense to me!

The Dryest Bones: Yep. So I'm going to the Interview!

(The Dryest Bones exits out a door that says "Chain Chomp Pit".)

At the Interview studio...

The Dryest Bones: Hello...

VERY Annoying Gabon: Who are you?

The Dryest Bones: I'm The Dryest Bones.

V. A. Gabon: Well, you don't look like him. You look like a combination of Bowyer, Kammy, Muddy Buddy, and Fishbones gone horribly wrong.

The Dryest Bones: SECURITY!

Dark Bones: Who are you?

The Dryest Bones: I fell down a Chain Chomp Pit.

Dark Bones: Oh... OK!!

Toad: MY LINE!

(Dark Bones throws V A Gabon out.)

The Dryest Bones: Anyway, welcome to...

Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!

The Dryest Bones: Today, I interview Fire Brother!

Fire Brother: Hello everyone, and... WOAH! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING INTERVIEWED BY A DRY BONES, NOT A CREATURE OF MAXIMUM UGLINESS!

The Dryest Bones: Ugh... I FELL DOWN A CHAIN CHOMP PIT!

Fire Bro: Oh...

The Dryest Bones: All right, so how did you use fireballs?

Fire Bro: Bowser deeply experimented on Koopas (Hammer Brothers, actually) to eliminate and benefit from Fire Flowers. However, Bowser only got it right three times for Mario 3, so there were three Fire Brothers and three less Fire Flowers.

The Dryest Bones: Why haven't we seen you around as often as your Brothers in current days? Bowser got it right three times for Super Mario Bros. 3, but what about after?

Fire Bro: Mastering fire takes a lot of time for a Koopa, even with a Fire Flower. Most Koopas are pretty lazy, so they don't take the time to learn fire.

The Dryest Bones: Why did you use a bat in Mario Baseball?

Fire Bro: Bowser sold all of the Firebars, Podoboos were used in his stadium, and we couldn't think of any other thing fire-related to let me hit with.

The Dryest Bones: AUDIENCE QUESTIONS! Seat TEENAGEMUTANTNINJAKOOPA!

Red Ninjakoopa: Why was your skin's color scheme red in Brothers 3?

Fire Bro: Bowser's early experiments didn't turn out so well...

The Dryest Bones: Seat ISTILLHAVEYOURSHIN!

Shin: Help me!

Chain Chomp: Do your fireballs give you coins when you hit stuff?

Fire Bro: No. If they did, I'd buy out Bowser.

The Dryest Bones: Seat IMREALLYNOTCRAZY!

Crazy Hand: Well, I'M NOT! Anyway, why aren't you a high-ranking member of Bowser's army anymore?

Fire Bro: You mean like a mini-boss?

Crazy Hand: Yeah...

Fire Bro: Bowser found better people (King Bob-omb, Bowser Jr, etc.) than a killed-in-one-hit Brother that guarded a sort of optional place in Dark Land.

The Dryest Bones: Seat ISEEYOUWHENYOUARESLEEPING!

Smithy: Why do you have a short range in Mario Baseball?

Fire Bro: I don't really understand the question.

Smithy: Well, there are only a few people who have decreased batting range in Mario Baseball. Off the top of my head, there's DK, Toadsworth, and you. But, since you had an average-sized bat, why did you have such an "ok" batting range?

Fire Bro: Because Fire Flowers make Koopas see worse, and the bat I used was weak except for that little spot.

Smithy: Oh...

The Dryest Bones: Seat YOUAREREALLYUGLY!

V A Gabon: Well, it's true!

The Dryest Bones: SECURITY!

Dark Bones: Who are you again?

The Dryest Bones: Ugh. Just get him.

(Dark Bones re-throws out V A Gabon.)

The Dryest Bones: Seat IKNOWKUNGFU!

Lee: Why can't your fireballs hurt members of the Koopa Klan?

Fire Bro: Brothers have the ability to control the power of their weapons with their minds. They can make them go through Koopas, even.

Lee: 0.0  I need training!

The Dryest Bones: Seat GUYWHOTHEGUYINTHELASTSEATWASNAMEDAFTER!

Bruce Lee: How powerful are your bodies?

Fire Bro: We are decently strong; a match for Koopa Troopas and Small Marios, but not like Roy, Sledge Brother, or Mr Clean!

Mr Clean: CLEAN WITH ME!

The Dryest Bones: SECURITY THAT CAN'T SEE!

(A Boo Man Bluff, after MANY, MANY tries, kicks Mr Clean out.)

The Dryest Bones: Seat ICAMEBACKFORYOU!

Refrigerator: I CAME BACK!

The Dryest Bones: Too late...

Refridgerator: WHAT?!

The Dryest Bones: I got a new storage.

Chief Chilly: Do you want your milk?

The Dryest Bones: See, we're happy!

Refridgerator: I'll be waiting for you...

The Dryest Bones: Well, that was weird and unnecessary. Now... time for the...

Audience: PAIN BUTTON!

Fire Bro: Pain Button?

The Dryest Bones: PUSH!

(The Dryest Bones pushes a button and Gruntilda the Witch sucks the life out of Fire Brother.)

Grunty: With this little Fire Brother, I will look better than my mother!

The Dryest Bones: Who is?

Grunty: Jessica Alba!

Audience: 0.0

At the oasis...

Refrigerator: Grrrrrr!

The Dryest Bones: LEMMY! SAVE ME!

Lemmy: Uhhhh, END TRANSMISSION!

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