Shady: So, what are you in for?

Doopliss: Kidnapping a rockstar.

Grodus: Trying to takeover the world.

Crump: Murder.

Shady: But you never killed anyone in PMTTYD.

Crump: That’s what you think…

Shady: …

Hammer Sis: Shady, we need to think of a plan to get out of here.

Slim: They do horrible things to me in the shower…

*Flashback*

Slim: Hey! Stop putting soap in my eyes!

Prisoner: Haha!

(Slim strangles him with his towel.)

*End Flashback*

Shady: Ok, two questions. One, who the fire truck are you?

Slim: I’m Slim, your new insane killing machine know-it-all interviewer.

Shady: Sorry, the position for insane interviewer has already been taken on this show.

Slim: Nuts. Then I’m Slim, your new insane know-it-all.

Shady: Cool. I don’t think we need someone like that… but that’s still cool. Next question, how do we get out of here?

Hammer Sis: Beats me.

Slim: I’ve got nothing.

Shady: Do you have any ideas Blaze?

…

Shady: … Where’s Blaze?

Hammer Sis: I don’t think he’s here.

Shady: … This gives me an Idea!

…

(Blaze is seen sleeping on the couch/pile of ashes. The phone begins to ring.)

Blaze: (picking it up) We don’t want any!

Shady (on the other end): Oh yes you do!

Blaze: Oh, hi Shady!

Shady: There’s no time for hi! Look, we’re in prison, and this is my only phone call, so listen clo…

(The phone company cuts off the phone call.)

Phone Company Women (on other end): I’m sorry, but…

Man's Voice (on other end): Shady Parakoopa.

PCW: Is a deadbeat who hasn’t paid for phone service in…

Man's Voice: Five years.

PCW: You’ll have to find a new, better, and richer friend. We’re…

Man's ZVoice: Sorry.

Shady: (hanging up) Darn me and my cheap ways! Now what should we do?

Doopliss: I know how to get out.

Shady: You do?

Doopliss: Yes, but the information comes at a price, Slick.

Shady: *sigh* Fine.

(He starts to take off his shell.)

Doopliss: No! Not that kind of price!

Shady: So you don’t want to use my shell as a pillow?

Doopliss: No, it’s just, I thought… Never mind. Just interview me and I’ll tell you, Slick.

Shady: Why?

Doopliss: Well, after becoming an actor onstage before the police found, planted evidence on, and arrested me, I kind of got addicted to the thousands of people watching me, all the lights on me, and all those pills they kept forcing me to take. Could you please reunite me with all those happy memories , Slick?

Shady: Sure!

Hammer Sis: Except for the pills.

Doopliss and Slim: But you can’t do it without the pills, man!

Hammer Sis: …

Shady: Well… whatever. Let's start the show!

Two hours later…

(All the cafeteria tables have been stacked up and filled with audience members, and a stage has been made out of thousands of glued together sporks. Slim also made a camera out of toothpicks and the bloody remains of some guy.)

Hammer Sis: How did you make all of this?

Slim: (manning the camera) You’d be amazed at what you can make out of spare parts.

Shady: You're creepy, yet some how familiar… Whatever. NOW let's start the show!

Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!

Hammer Sis: Why are you here?

Lemmy: They found my hidden nuclear weapon lab I hid under Lemmy’s Land!

Hammer Sis: But, if you had a hidden nuclear weapon lab under Lemmy’s land, why hasn’t anyone been affected by the radiation?

Lemmy: Oh, they have…

Dark Boo’s Interviews…

Dark Boo: Now how can I cause Zed harm today…?

(A radioactive Goomba bursts through the ground and starts destroying stuff.)

Dark Boo: Bingo!

(He throws Zed at the Goomba. You can probably guess what happens next…)

…

Shady: Ok, first question, why were you working with Flurrie onstage?

Doopliss: Well we, um, kind of, you know, got together after that game, and sort of, um, fell in love?

Shady: HA! Yeah right. Tell us the truth.

Doopliss: No! I’m serious! I’m her boyfriend.

Shady: Did you lose a bet or something?

Doopliss: (looking around nervously) No, I made this decision by my own free will.

(Doopliss notices a red dot that has appeared on his head. He glances out a nearby window to see Flurrie with a sniper gun aimed at him.)

Doopliss: I, I, I… I love her!

(The red dot disappears.)

Doopliss: Phew!

Shady: You have a very weird taste in women.

Hammer Sis: Next question, why do you wear a birthday hat?

Doopliss: I died on my birthday.

Hammer Sis: Wow, that must've stunk. What happened?

Doopliss: Well…

Flashback!

Doopliss’ fFmily: (singing badly) Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Renaldo II! Happy birthday to you!!!

Doopliss: Thank you!

Doopliss’ Mom: Bring in the cake, everyone!

Doopliss: Wow! That’s a really big cake! By the way, where’s Dad?

Doopliss’ Mom: Oh, he’s around…

…

Dooplisss' Mom: I said, “Oh, he’s around!”

...

Doopliss’ Mom: Darn it Herald, that’s your cue!

(She takes out a knife and begins to cut the cake. The smoking remains of Doopliss’ dad fall out of the cake.)

Doopliss: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(He falls over dead due to the lack of oxygen.)

Doopliss’ Mom: (reading the instructions) Dang it! I was suppose to put him in AFTER baking it. That’s the fifth time I’ve forgotten about that!

End disturbing Flashback!

Doopliss: … I’d rather not talk about it.

Shady: Whatever. You said you died. Does that mean that Duplighosts are really ghosts?

Doopliss: Yes and no. We are dead, that’s how we got these powers; but we’re not ghosts.

Shady: Then what are you?

(Shady approaches Doopliss so he can take off his sheet.)

Slim: Um, Shady? I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

Shady: Well you're not me, so shut up!

Slim: But…

Hammer Sis: Just let him do it. It’s the only way he’ll learn.

Shady: I bet it’s not that bad…

(He rips off the sheet to reveal a skeleton with half of its rotten and worm-infested skin melting off.)

Shady: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(He puts the sheet back on.)

Shady: Well… I just wet my pants. Let's continue the Interview!

Hammer Sis: That’s Shady for you, as stupid as ever.

Slim: Yes it is. (That’s how you’ve always been… BROTHER!)

(Thunder crackles and lightning flashes behind him.)

Hammer Sis: How did that happen inside? Did you just say something dramatic, Slim?

Slim: Maybe.

Hammer Sis: … W-

Shady: We say whatever too much. Say something different.

Hammer Sis: Umm… Cool?

Shady: Good enough. How could you change those people into pigs but other Duplighosts can’t?

Doopliss: The only reason I was able to do that was because I used the bell inside the tower to amplify my powers so I could change those townspeople into pigs.

Slick: Wait, does that mean that Duplighosts' transforming powers come from high-pitched sound vibrations?

Hammer Sis: Quite, you! Only Shady and I are allowed the great pleaser of partaking of the questions! Lonely temporary cameramen with IQs of over 200 should know their place on the Interview show ladder!

Slick: …

Hammer Sis: That’s better. Now, does that mean that Duplighost’s transforming powers come from high-pitchws hound vibrations?

Doopliss: Um… Yeah… Well, by emitting a high-pitched scream, we can bend our own DNA to transform into anyone.

Hammer Sis: Interesting…

Shady: Is it my imagination, or are a lot of our interviewees been super-smart about their own anatomy lately?

Slick: It’s because they studied during school while you were doodling and interviewing your imaginary friends.

Shady: You leave Mrs. Fluffy Fun Time out of this! Wait… How do you know so much about my childhood? Are you…

Slim: *gulp*

Shady: -my long lost…

(Slim starts sweating.)

Shady: -psychologist?

Slim: …

Shady: I was wondering what happened to you! They told me that you went crazy after all those years you spent giving me psychiatric training! But look at you, you're as sane as ever! By the way, why are you in jail?

Hammer Sis: Shady, we’re all in jail right now and we’re interviewing Doopliss so he can break us out, remember?

Shady: … No. Time for audience questions! Seat 555!

Prisoner #555: How come you can steal bodies and other Duplighosts can’t?

Doopliss: That was just an old spell that I learned out of a Magikoopa’s spellbook awhile back, Slick.

Slim: Seat 23!

Prisoner #23: Why do you keep calling people Slick?

Doopliss: I keep calling people Slick, Slick, because their so slickidy slick slick.

Shady: What's your real reason?

Doopliss: *sniff* I have a speech problem.

Hammer Sis: Seat 123456789011121314151617181920!

Yellow: *still in a coma* …

Hammer Sis: … Seat 65!

Mario: Cheese!

Shady: Mario?! How did you get in here?!

Mario: Cheese!

Shady: Oh, I see, but what happened to Prisoner #65?

Mario: Cheese!

Shady: Why would you do that to him?!

Mario: Cheese…

Shady: Well, I guess that does makes sense. What's your question?

Mario: CHEESE!

Doopliss: Well I had no place left to go, so the Shadow Sirens let me into their little club.

Mario: Cheese, cheese, CHEESE!

Doopliss: No, I had absolutely no idea that they were resurrecting a demon.

Hammer Sis: Um… When did everyone start understanding his foreign language?

Slim: It’s all in this book Mario wrote a little bit ago.

(He hands her a book with a bloody hand on it. The book has the words “Cheese to meet you! By Mario J. Mario” on it.)

Hammer Sis: (reading it) … Huh. Did you know that when Mario says “It’s-a me, Mario!” he's actually saying “I would-a like a pickle!”?

Shady: Ahem!

Hammer Sis: Oh, right. Seat 2!

Prisoner #2: How did you imitate Frankly and Zip Toad so perfectly?

Doopliss: I went to acting school! : )

Slim: Really? What were your grades?

Doopliss: I have no clue. I dropped out before they could give me a grade.

Shady: Why was that?

Doopliss: Well…

Fla-

CLANK CLANK CLANK!!!

Prison Guard: Hey! That’s enough flashbacking! Five minutes before lights out!

Shady: Oh, well I guess it’s time for the last question! Seat 52!

Toad: What were you @$%# doing in @$#@ Creepy Steeple?

Doopliss: Well that’s where I lived before Mario kicked me out and stole the red star I found in the basement.

Shady: And that’s a rap! Now show us how to get out of here!

Doopliss: Ok. Stand back!

(He disappears in a cloud of smoke and reappears as a prison guard.)

Doopliss/Prison Guard: Help! Help! The unbelievably beautiful Doopliss used an ingenius plan to capture me! Let me out!

(One of the Guards lets him out.)

Doopliss/Prison Guard: Thank you so much!

(The guard leaves.)

Shady: Ah! Now I see what you're doing! Now grab the keys and let us out!

Doopliss/Prison Guard: Hehehe, I don’t think I will, Slick!

(He leaves.)

Shady: *nervous laugh* Hahah! That was a good one, old buddy old pal! Now, come back please.

…

Shady: … He’s not coming back, is he?

Hammer Sis and Slim: Nope.

Guard: Lights out!

*click*

Shady: *crying a little bit* LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.