P.T.: Bill, you’re the only one who hasn’t done a solo Interview.
Shrike: What about Spike? He was supposed to, but Rudy had to translate, and it got posted as a double character Interview.
P.T.: Well, even though they came from Rudy’s mouth, they originally came from Spike’s mind, so we’ll count it. Now. Crazy Koopa had someone interview a block scientist from Woohoo Hooniversity, so we need to take advantage of this time, and interview rarely-interviewed characters. So we’ll interview the peanut-shaped reporter found in the Glitz Pit.
Spike: Are you Morton in a P.T. suit?
P.T.: I’m too tall for that.
Spike: … Wouldn’t you say something more ridiculous?
P.T.: Silence, nonbeliever!
Spike: That’s better.
Bill: I’ll only interview if you give me a dollar.
(P.T. gives him a Styrofoam container.)
Bill: … Give me a Styrofoam container.
(P.T. gives him a Styrofoam container.)
Bill: …
Later…
Bill: Okay! I’m interviewing the peanut-shaped reporter from the Glitz Pit! So, what are you?
Reporter: A peanut person.
Bill: That’s it?
Reporter: Well, that’s what we’re mostly called.
Bill: Are there any more of your kind?
Reporter: Yeah, but Nintendo doesn’t show us often.
Bill: What made you so important, to be one of the people cheering for Mario during the Shadow Queen battle? You’re just a background guy.
Reporter: Anything for a news story. It would be BIG! But the studio was destroyed in a wild gopher accident. Don’t ask.
Bill: Then how are you working now?
Reporter: I now work for my former studio’s rival: Channel 4!
Bill: Where do you normally live?
Reporter: Well, if anywhere, it’d be Rogueport.
Bill: Then why wasn’t your kind seen there?
Reporter: Nintendo had to cut us out of the game. Something about not having room for anymore characters.
Bill: Do you come in any other colors than orange?
Reporter: If not orange, then tan. Sometimes regular brown.
Bill: Give me a dollar.
Reporter: No.
Bill: … Do you even have a name?
Reporter: Watch the Channel 4 news at 6 and 10 to find out.
Bill:… That’s about it! … Give me a dollar.
Reporter: NO!
Bill: GOODBYE!
Soon…
Kyle: Senor P.T., whatever happened to the system you used in the Goomba Interview?
P.T.: I ate it!
Kyle: …
P.T.: What?
Kyle: You need help, senor.
P.T.: Silence, nonbeliever!
Kyle: …
Lemmy: End Transmission! Say, why haven’t you been letting me appear as much late-
Transmission Ended.
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