(DB floats into the studio, sipping a cappuccino. Zed is waiting there, impatiently tapping his foot.)

DB: Whaaat?

Zed: And where have you been for the past few months?

DB: Aww, did you miss me?

Zed: No, but if I didn't stay here, it was obvious you'd hit me or something if you found me.

DB: Listen, Zeddy, I've been really busy lately, making business trips, having board meetings, water skiing, hurting people...

Zed: Since when do you have other things to do?

DB: I have a life outside of my show, you know.

Zed: ... Forget it. I'm too tired to argue today.

DB: Good. And by the way, this cappuccino you made me is terrible!

Zed: But I didn't-

(DB throws said cappuccino at Zed, soaking him completely.)

DB: Make it again! And this time, don't put in any garbage!

Zed: ... The day will come when I have my revenge. And I will laugh, and laugh, and LAUGH!

DB: Yep, I'm sure you will. But right now you need to make me my smoothie. Chop chop.

Zed: ... Don't you mean cappuccino?

DB: What?! No! I hate cappuccinos! Now get working on that hot chocolate!

(Zed stomps off angrily.)

DB: I wonder how the audience is doing...

(DB floats onstage and looks at the audience. They're extremely dirty, sick, there's an abundance of bugs on them, and other bad, gross things.)

DB: Aren't you all looking nice... Hey, what happened to that Koopa Troopa that's always complaining about his seat?

Dry Bones: My seat is still sticky.

DB: You're not- Oh. Eh heh heh. Tell you all what, I'll do an Interview for you, release you all, and in exchange, none of you tell anyone what happened here, 'kay?

(Angry shouts are heard from the audience, including death threats and mockeries.)

DB: Or I could just let you all rot here, I'm good with either one.

(Silence.)

DB: That's what I thought. Today, I interview... uh... Chargin' Chuck!

(A Chargin' Chuck crashes through the roof and lands onstage.)

DB: Woah. That's convenient... And I also interview a big sack of money!

(A sign falls through Chargin' Chuck's roof-hole, and lands onstage next to him.)

Sign: Nice try, ghost boy.

DB: Pff, the sky just doesn't have any money to give.

Sign: We do too.

DB: Prove it.

(A sack of money falls through the roof-hole.)

DB: Suckers.

(DB takes the sack of money and hides it... somewhere... and comes back to burn the sign... with a flamethrower.)

DB: Are you even trying today?

(Not really.)

Chargin' Chuck: Hey! I'm still here! And I'm stuck in your floor!

DB: Oh good. You can't run, you can't attack me, and you have to pay me for the repairs!

Chargin' Chuck: You little punk!

DB: On the plus side, you get to be interviewed by me!

Chargin' Chuck: So?

DB: The faster we finish, the sooner you're out of the floor.

Chargin' Chuck: Really? Then let's do this thing!

DB: Shut up. No speaking unless I ask you a question. First off, why is Super Mario World the only game you've ever appeared in?

Chargin' Chuck: Right before SMW started, a few of the Koopas under Bowser's rule put together a football team, and there were quite a few volunteers... probably because it was more fun than work at the time. Of course, once Bowser kidnapped Peach, it was obvious that Mario was going to come after him... And since he wanted as much defense as possible... he started making us Chargin' Chucks stand guard in areas, to stop the stupid plumber. We even practiced different sports to use them to our advantage. So many losses... There are barely any of us left. One was a boss in Yoshi's Safari, but there aren't enough of us to appear in levels like in SMW.

DB: That doesn't explain why more Chucks weren't made.

Chargin' Chuck: Hey, the equipment wasn't cheap! No one wanted to pay for all those helmets and footballs and baseballs and other things again!

DB: What's stopping you from reusing the equipment from the Chucks that got killed?

Chargin' Chuck: First off, that's disgusting. Secondly, in case you hadn't noticed, almost nothing leaves a corpse or what it was wearing behind in the Marioverse!

DB: Yeah, that's really disturbing, actually... Why is that?

Chargin' Chuck: Who knows?

DB: We'll have to figure that out sometime, even though it completely contradicts the whole Hammer Bros. Suits coming from dead Hammer Bros. we learned about in that other Interview... I totally confused myself. Next question... You guys cover a bunch of sports, football, baseball, even soccer with that shovel... But you all wear what appears to be and is football equipment! What gives?

Chargin' Chuck: They were too lazy to make different uniforms for different sports... so they just stuck with the uniform we started with.

DB: But... football equipment probably costs more than soccer and baseball stuff... And you said there were money issues that affected your disappearance...

Chargin' Chuck: Yeah, we were willing to stop making Chucks instead of spend money, and we were willing to spend money instead of make a whole different uniform.

DB: The Koopa Troop is really screwed up.

Chargin' Chuck: Tell me about it.

(Zed enters, holding a cup of hot chocolate.)

DB: Took you long enough. How hard is it to make tea, anyway?

Zed: Pretending you didn't say that.

(Zed gives the cup to DB. He sips it, spits it out all over Zed, and throws the rest of it at him.)

DB: Blagh! I clearly asked for a cappuccino! Are you deaf?!

Zed: ... Sometimes I wish I were.

DB: Well, since it's obvious you can't make a decent milkshake, I've got a new task for you. Go figure out why almost nothing leaves a corpse in this world.

Zed: ...

DB: Whaaat?

Zed: Do you enjoy this?

DB: Very much so.

(Zed leaves, too tired to make a scene of it.)

Chargin' Chuck: You're awful.

DB: Thanks! Moving on, how come, using just a shovel, you can make those perfectly-shaped rock soccer balls so easily?

Chargin' Chuck: Practice, practice, practice. After a while, we just get a feel for digging up those things. Shovel goes in, soccer ball comes out.

DB: That's not a fun answer...

Chargin' Chuck: Fine, the shovels are magic. Happy?

DB: No, because I know that isn't true, because you already told me it's because of your stupid practice! Well, I quit!

Chargin' Chuck: ... What?

DB: Sorry, that happens sometimes. I'm not mentally healthy. Or something like that, I really wasn't paying attention. Next question! You have that move where one Chuck splits into three. That's been bugging me for a long time now,  so how do you do it?!

Chargin' Chuck: That's the thing, it already is three Chucks! See, beforehand, Magikoopas-

DB: Which I'm not going to bother hating anymore.

Chargin' Chuck: -were practicing a new type of spell that fused enemies together, but gave them the ability to split up again if necessary... kinda like you Boos. That was meant to surprise and confuse Mario.

DB: ... But wait, if Mario stomped on you before the other two could be released, he only had to fight the one Chuck! What happened to the others?

Chargin' Chuck: We can't split back into three instantly, we have to prepare beforehand, long before Mario actually arrives. And when Mario hits us on the head, it throws us off completely, and we can't revert back to three Chucks, since we don't have time to restart the whole separation process.

DB: ... That's really confusing, but it kinda makes sense. I guess. So all three Chucks are defeated then?

Chargin' Chuck: Yep.

DB: How come no one uses this fusion spell technique anymore?

Chargin' Chuck: It relies completely on the element of surprise for it to work. The fusion doesn't combine strength or anything fancy. And since Mario could easily dispatch three at once by defeating us before we split up, it was decided the spell was a failure.

DB: ... Did you know all this before you even tried the technique on Mario?

Chargin' Chuck: As I said, we were relying completely on surprise tactics... so we did know before we tried it out.

DB: ... You guys are idiots. I can see the common lackey running off a cliff. I can see Bob-ombs blowing themselves up. I can even see Bowser causing his own defeat by destroying the floor of his room! But when you already know the fatal flaws of a trick and still try it- Now that I think about it, the cliff one was much worse.

Chargin' Chuck: True that.

DB: But that's still pretty dumb.

Chargin' Chuck: Yeah, we know, we know.

DB: Hey! You aren't supposed to agree! You're supposed to get angry... and pitifully defend your kind!

Chargin' Chuck: What- Oh, I get it. You're just a common bully.

DB: Huh?

Chargin' Chuck: You just feed off the pain of others when you attack them, verbally or physically.

DB: Wh-what?! You aren't supposed to be smart like that! Shut up!

Chargin' Chuck: This is sad. You're already breaking down. Deep inside you're just a coward. How pathetic.

DB: But- You- Geh- Arhlahg- Blarfiahtoak- Zeojrtkptmprabn-

(DB literally explodes. Purple goop covers the room. The audience cheers. Zed enters the studio.)

Zed: Listen, it's impossible to find out- Eww, what happened here?

Chargin' Chuck: I made your boss explode.

Zed: ...

Chargin' Chuck: What?

(Zed begins crying.)

Chargin' Chuck: Wait, I didn't mean to-

Zed: Thank you so much... I'm finally free... How can I repay you for this?

Chargin' Chuck: Well, we were already in an Interview, so if we could finish that and you could get me out of here...

Zed: Very well, I can do that! Let's see... Ah. I got a question. When you guys are jumping up and down, clapping your hands together in the air... what is that?

Chargin' Chuck: Jumping jacks.

Zed: Those were jumping jacks?

Chargin' Chuck: Of course! What did they look like?

Zed: Not jumping jacks. Not to me, anyway... Why were you doing jumping jacks anyway? Weren't you supposed to be stopping Mario from getting any further?

Chargin' Chuck: We were challenging him to see if he could get past our jumping jacks without getting hit, but the cheater just went and jumped on our heads!

Zed: ... I don't even know where to start on what's wrong with that. So I won't. Instead, we'll move to the audience, because I don't want to ask a question that's already been answered. Seat 46!

Baseball Boy: How come when Mario hits you once, you instantly stop what you're doing and charge at him? Like first you're pitching baseballs, he hits you on the head, then you start charging!

Chargin' Chuck: Hey, getting stomped on is really annoying, and we just lose it when we get hit. We just get so angry we try to chase him down, even if it means we fall off a cliff or into some lava!

Zed: That's poor planning on your part.

Chargin' Chuck: Hey, who freed you from the bully?

Zed: It's still true... Seat 71!

Monty Mole: How come your head is so much different than a regular Koopa Troopa's?

Chargin' Chuck: Whaddya mean?

Monty Mole: Your head is round, has smaller eyes, no bill...

Chargin' Chuck: Oh, that's just a protection mask we put on top of our head but beneath our helmets. Sort of like the Mario masks the Koopa Troopas wore if certain conditions were met.

Zed: Why would anyone want to wear those anyway? ... Right, seat 88.

Whomp: Why so many Chucks in room in Bowser's Castle?

Chargin' Chuck: Room eight in Bowser's Castle of Bowser's Valley, right?

Whomp: Think so.

Chargin' Chuck: That was our locker room. We were resting nicely when Mario came in and defeated us all.

Zed: If that was your locker room, why was there a pit of spikes, and no lockers or spots to rest comfortably?

Chargin' Chuck: Bowser's too cheap for anything fancy. The spike pit was put in just in case any intruders came along. We could walk on it, though.

Zed: Finally, seat 3.

Goomba: Where did you guys get all those things you threw? The footballs, and baseballs, I mean.

Chargin' Chuck: Similar to the Hammer Bros. and their hammers. Since a Koopa's shell has far more space than meets the eye-

Zed: And what would be logically acceptable.

Chargin' Chuck: -we have plenty of room for all those things. We could throw stuff for days.

Zed: And... that's a wrap! Right?

Chargin' Chuck: Yeah, sure.

Zed: Good... Listen, I just want to thank you for-

Chargin' Chuck: Just help me out of the floor.

Zed: Right.

(Zed pulls the Chuck out of the floor.)

Zed: Uh, can you help me get these audience guys out of here? Because someone will be held responsible otherwise...

Chargin' Chuck: ... Fine.

(After many gruelling hours, they finally get the entire audience out.)

Zed: Now that I'm free of my torture, I think I should leave.

(The Chuck is gone.)

Zed: ... That's just rude. Well everyone, that's the last Interview, as it seems as though DB isn't coming back. Ever. Shame, huh? I said I'd finally have my revenge, sort of! Ah ha ha ha ha! I feel great! Well, goodnight to you all!

(Zed exits the studio.... A few hours pass, and the purple goop has begun to assemble together in the middle of the room into one big pile. A stubby arm reaches out of it, while the goop begins to get a more smooth, round shape, as  well as something of a face.)

DB: Gurgh... I think... Zed forgot... something... Something very very important... Ghosts... don't... DIE!

(DB begins an evil laugh.)

Cameraman: I'm still here, Mr. Boo.

DB: Shut up! I'm having my comeback moment! And turn that stupid thing off, will you?!

Cameraman: Yes sir...

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