Chuck: All right, I think we have the transmission back.
The Dryest Bones: What's the point? We're doomed!
Kamek: That's why I always have a healthy supply of pickled crabs in my pocket!
The Dryest Bones: That doesn't help in any way...
Kamek: Thought it would help since you became less random.
The Dryest Bones: Yeah...
Yishotimi: HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL ME?
Captain Olimar: And me too!
The Dryest Bones: All right, Yishotimi, your good will won't let you take revenge, and Captain Olimar is the size of a quarter. I can do it without consequence.
Lemmy: Actually, if you'd succeeded, you would've gone to the dungeon.
The Dryest Bones: Awwww!
Captain Olimar: That's beside the point! Take THIS!
(Captain Olimar uses a gun to teleport everyone in the conversation but Lemmy to Earth. He then becomes average-sized.)
Captain Olimar: Now who's the idiot?
Kamek: Still you.
Captain Olimar: Not while I have ULTRA BITTER AND SPICY SPRAY!
Chuck: *gasp*
The Dryest Bones: Fine, what do I have to do to make it up to you?
Captain Olimar: Give me one million onions so that I can rule the Pikmin world!
The Dryest Bones: How about I just hit you with this rock?
Captain Olimar: NO!
(The Dryest Bones does it anyway.)
Captain Olimar: One Interview, please!
The Dryest Bones: Wait a minute... When you were a random cameo last Interview, you didn't have your suit. How do you have it now?
Captain Olimar: Plothole?
The Dryest Bones: Works... All right, you can interview alongside Yishotimi.
Yishotimi: YAY!
Captain Olimar: But there aren't any Mario people here.
(An Amazee Dayzee passes by.)
Kamek: You were saying?
Capain Olimar: STRAP HER TO MY ROCKET!
(Chuck does so.)
The Dryest Bones: Yishotimi, I will now rate your performance.
Yishotimi: Hello everyone... Wait, who is this going to? Do we have cameras? Where's Toad?
The Dryest Bones: In order: Meta Knight, who will take people hostage and make them watch this Interview and also ask questions as our audience; yes we have cameras; and our Doctor Toad is fighting Red Virus.
In a wrestling ring...
Announcer: AND THE NEW LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD IS RED VIRUS!
Toad: @#$#@!
Red: Take it easy (moron).
Mario: Did-a somebody call it's-a me?
Back at the Interview...
Amazee: GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
Olimar: I've got sprays...
Amazee: Never mind then.
Yishotimi: Anyway, welcome to...
Kamek: KAMEK INTERVIEWS!
The Dryest Bones: KAMEK INTERVIEWS?!
Kamek: I mean... um... Some People Who Are Lost On Another Planet's Interview Show!
The Dryest Bones: Catchy.
Yishotimi: All right, what makes an Amazee Dayzee in comparison to a Crazee Dayzee?
Amazee: Well, Dayzees are born in soils. This determines their gender, attributes, personality, and other things. I was just planted in an Amazee patch.
Captain Olimar: Why are you so rare?
Amazee: There are only two Amazee patches: a well-hidden one underground in the Flower Fields, and some person's garden in Twilight Town. Flower Fields's is hard to find, and Dayzees are uncomfortable going around Twilight townspeople.
Yishotimi: Why is your attack power 20? That's higher than the Shadow Queen, for corn's sake!
Amazee: Amazees gather power directly from the Earth. We gather some power from every being that walks on it, too. No other creature can do that, so I guess 1/1,000,000 of everyone's attack power on Plit is 20.
Captain Olimar: Do you have any resistance to explosions?
Amazee: Only Bob-omb, and not fully. Why do you ask?
Captain Olimar: No reason.
(Captain Olimar turns around.)
Captain Olimar: (into a walkie-talkie) Send in the Yellow Pikmin.
(The captain turns back to Amazee.)
Yishotimi: Why do you usually run away when Mario encounters you?
Amazy: We heard that he could get Yoshi, the only person that can destroy us in one hitm by eating us.
Yishotimi: Well, time for audience questions.
(A giant screen comes out of nowhere.)
Meta Knight (on the screen): Begin calling random seats.
Yishotimi: Seat HATEDARTIST!
Bowser Jr: Why is your HP 20? I'm sure that's not an average of the health of every being on Plit.
Amazee: That doesn't actually apply for that. Amazee skin is actually reinforced with solid gold plates. This gives us extra endurance.
Captain Olimar: Seat ICANTBELIVEYOUDDOTHIS!
Louie: I can't believe you'd go and have me kidnapped to appear on an unpopular Interview show! Anyway, why do Dayzees like singing so much? IT'S ANNOYING!
Amazee: No it's not! Dayzees have a beautiful voice, at least to plants, and trees and other plants use the non-speaking plant language to demand us to sing. Also, it's a pretty good attack.
(Captain Olimar's suit starts ringing the Pikmin song.)
Captain Olimar: Excuse me...
Yellow Pikmin (on Olimar's walkie-talkie): We can't do it! Her voice is too pretty.
Captain Olimar: SHE HAS THE VOICE OF ONE THOUSAND VOILINS BEING PLAYED BY A BRAINLESS CHIMPANZEE! YOU WILL KILL HER WITH BOMB ROCKS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!
Amazee: WHAT?!
(A mob of Yellow Pikmin come with bomb rocks.)
Captain Olimar: Say goodbye!
(They all throw the rocks at Olimar, who dies.)
Yellow Pikmin: Continue.
Yishotimi: Seat RECURRINGPUN!
General Guy: I survived! UNLOCK THE EIGHTH GATE, GATE OF DEATH!
The Dryest Bones: SECURITY!
(Fred Fredburger drops 1,000 tons of nachoes on General Guy. Bowser eats the whole thing.)
Bowser: I said I'd stop, but it's so good! Anyway, why do you give out so many Star Points when Mario defeats you?
Amazee: To beat one of us is like defeating 20 Parabeetles at once. It takes a TON of effort to make us even stay, much less survive and defeat us. And that's all I have to say about that.
Yishotimi: Seat ALSOLOOKINGFORREVENGE!
Puddle King (we melted Crystal King, and he turned into this): I hate you, but since you destroyed General Guy, I'll let it slide. Anyway, how can you survive near Twilight Trail? Don't plants need sunlight?
Amazee: At birth, those plants adjust to moonlight.
The Dryest Bones: Well, that's all the time we have for today, so...
(The Dryest Bones launches the rocket the Amazee is strapped to. It explodes after breaching the atmosphere.)
Kamek: Pretty lights!
Yellow Pikmin: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! You blew up the pretty flower girl! DIE!
The Dryest Bones: I'm already dead.
Yellow Pikmin: Oh... THEN YOU DIE!
Kamek: Don't tell me what to do!
The Dryest Bones: -_-
Yellow Pikmin: You die?
Chuck: We don't want to kill Chuck.
Yellow Pikmin: We don't want to kill Chuck.
Yishotimi: I'm FREE OF PAIN!
(Yishotimi randomly gets set on fire.)
Yishotimi: I spoke too soon.
The Dryest Bones: Great... now we're stranded on Planet Pikmin with a bunch of idiots!
(Yishotimi spreads the fire to the Yellow Pikmin, who all die.)
Chuck: 0.0
The Dryest Bones: HEY! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO THAT! 0.0
Kamek: Idiots.
(Lightning strikes Kamek.)
Kamek: Why does this keep happening? BLAGIDYBLAGIDYBLAGIDYBLAGIDY- END TRANSMISSION!
If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
Have an Interview or a suggestion of
your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's
Interviews.
Go back to my main
page.