BRISTLER interviews PAULINE

By P.T. Piranha

P.T.: Lemmy, I have a confession.

Lemmy: I know.

P.T.: I know where the missing co-interviewers went.

Lemmy: I know.

P.T.: I traded them to a farmer!

Lemmy: I know.

P.T.: But I got them back. They’re all beating up Shrooby.

Lemmy: I know.

P.T.: How?

Lemmy: Uh… LOOK! A MONKEY!

(P.T. looks the other way, and Lemmy jumps out the window. Outside…)

Lemmy: (to a walkie-talkie) King Dad, he almost found out!

Bowser (on the other end): Huh? Were you watching a spy movie again? If you watched one, I’m going to-

Lemmy: (while making static noises) Oh, we’re breaking up! Bye! *hangs up* That was close.

(Back inside…)

Bristler: C4n 1 1nt3rv13w?

P.T.: First, I have something.

Bristler: Wh4t? D1d U br1ng m3 a pr3s3nt?

P.T.: No.

(P.T. holds out a fish, and smacks Bristler with it. He spins around so much, he spits out the potion he drank that made him able to speak. P.T. then takes out a second potion, and feeds it to him.)

Bristler: What happened?

P.T.: I “de-l337ed” you. Which means, “I de-leeted you”. Now interview the first person that comes to your mind!

(Soon…)

Bristler: Hi. I’m interviewing Pauline. Now, where is she?

Diddy: DK took her.

One repeat of Donkey Kong and Mario Vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis later…

Bristler: Okay. How did you get to Plit?

Pauline: I started missing Mario, so I went to where people last saw him. When I first came here, I liked it better than Earth, so I stay here, now.

Bristler: Okay, but what about your family?

Pauline: They died.

Bristler: 0.9… I mean, 0.0

Pauline: I get that a lot. But usually, it’s “0.8“ instead of “0.9”.

Bristler: Uh-huh… Why were you a brunette in MVDK2:MOTM, but you were blonde in Donkey Kong? Same for the changing of your dress color.

Pauline: The blonde hair was just hair dye. And I started buying red dresses, and threw out the pink ones. Also, Nintendo wanted me to look different than Peach. For characters, it’s the first reason. For real life people, it’s the second one. I think.

Bristler: Why were you kidnapped in Donkey Kong?

Pauline: Similar to the reason I was kidnapped in MVDK2:MOTM.

Bristler: Why did you dump Mario?

Pauline: I didn’t. He just disappeared during his job. When he didn’t come to the restaurant, I was worried. When I finally made it to Plit, I saw he was with Peach, so now we’re just friends.

Bristler: Okay. Audience questions! Seat ILOVEYOU!

DK: Why did you not notice my Mini DK until the end of MVDK2:MOTM?

Pauline: You were off to the side, so I didn’t see you, as well.

Bristler: Seat MYSTUNTDOUBLEISAHEADNOW.

Grodus: How do you feel about Luigi?

Pauline: We’re friends, too. But I never wanted to date him.

Bristler: That’s it for today! Go home!

(Soon…)

P.T.: I’m bored.

Kyle: You’ve said that 1,000 times, Senor.

(Junior bursts in.)

Junior: Lemmy, I’ve come for revenge!

Lemmy: What’re you gonna do? Be hated by my tourists (or at least most of them) me to death? Fat chance!

Junior: I told King Dad about the spy movie thing!

Koopatrols: Princess Lemmy, come with us!

Junior: I also paid them to call you a princess!

(Lemmy freezes the Koopatrols, but nothing happens.)

Koopatrols: We’re immune to ice. Now if you don’t mind…

(They take him away.)

Junior: Well, my work here is done. Thanks for telling me what happened, P.T. I was wondering how I could get revenge.

P.T.: Yeah, I overheard him talking, outside the window earlier. Plus, we both have a grudge against him for that reason. End Transmission!

(Transmission Ended.)

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