Joshua: Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show!

Zap Cannon: What about me?

Joshua: Fine then. Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show featuring Zap Cannon.

Zap Cannon: …

(FYI, Zap Cannon is your standard Lakitu, but instead of throwing Spinies, he throws Zap Cannons ala Pokemon and has a blue cloud. He has an assistant: Shadow Ball. This Lakitu throws Shadow Balls and has a black cloud instead.L

Joshua: This is a special Interview, because it’s my first joint Interview (but it won’t be the last) and…

ZC: It’s my first Interview EVER! We’re live from the Palace of Shadows!

Shadow Ball: Why?

Joshua: Because it would be very, very hard to get her into the studio. At least, without getting it wrecked.

Shadow Ball: Oh. Wait a minute… HER? You don’t mean…

ZC: Yep. Her.

SB: Oh no…

(The Shadow Queen’s coffin opens, and out she comes!)

SB: Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

(The audience screams.)

Shadow Queen: Silence, mortals! Lest you be taken into the shadows by my Reachers…

SB: Mommy.

Joshua: My question: What are your stats?

Shadow Queen: Why should I tell you?

Joshua: Because I released you, and I can put you back in that box. That and I have THIS!

(Joshua holds up a magic wand. It’s stolen from his clone, Josh Koopa. How do we know? It says “This wand is the property of Josh Koopa. Do not touch or steal. That means you, Joshua!” on it.)

SQ: Good points, good points. Fine then. I have 150 HP, 7 Attack, and 1 Defense. I can charge up my attack for one turn. I was the final story boss of Paper Mario 2; I had to be extraordinarily tough.

ZC: So, what relation are you to the Shadow Sirens?

SQ: They are my servants. I did not create them, as some idiots believe.

SB: I’m not an idiot!

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: Yes you are.

SB: No I’m not.

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: Yes you are.

SB: No I’m not.

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: Yes you are.

SB: No I’m not.

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: Yes you are.

SB: No I’m not.

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: Yes you are.

SB: No I’m not.

Joshua, SQ, and ZC: No you’re not.

SB: YES I AM AND THAT’S THE END OF IT!!!

Joshua: No comment. So, Shadow Queen, Gloomtail and Bonetail were your pets. What about Hooktail?

SQ: There are several reasons Hooktail didn’t become my pet. The first is that she was way too weak.

SB: SHE? Hooktail’s a GIRL?

ZC: You didn’t know?

SB: Is THIS the look of a Lakitu in the know: ?_?

Joshua: I gotta say… no.

SQ: The second is that I didn’t know she had a Crystal Star in her castle. If I had, I would’ve recruited her in an instant. Finally, her color was just way too bright. For my army, its dark colors only: black, gray, purple, etc.

ZC: I didn’t know you had a color scheme.

SQ: You don’t know a lot of things.

Joshua: Neither does Shadow Ball, apparently.

SB: Hey!

Joshua: So many interviewers have asked this question, it’s sad, but what was the treasure behind the Thousand-Year Door?

SQ: Me. Anyone would be lucky to release THIS beauty.

SB: Beauty? You?

SQ: You don’t know when to shut up, do you?

(She uses Ztar Rain, the move she uses in the Sports Hall.)

SB: Nice try. Shadow Ball!

(He fires a dark orb at her. Both attacks hit, doing fairly high damage.)

Torpedo Ted: I’m a torpedo!

(He explodes, taking out half the audience.)

Joshua: What was that? The answer: Pure randomness. I think it’s time for audience questions. Chargin’ Chuck, the Super Number Randomizer, por favor.

Chargin’ Chuck: Didn’t bring it. You gotta pick random numbers, boss.

Joshua: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

ZC: I’ll do it. Seat 37!

Lord Crump: What was with that Torpedo Ted?

Joshua: No idea. Question for the interviewee, please…

Crump: What’s your favorite type of minion?

SQ: I prefer my Shadow Sirens obviously, but I also like Dark Wizzerds, Dark Lakitus, and the like.

ZC: Seat 54!

(Nobody answers, because seat 54 was obliterated by Torpedo Ted.)

ZC: … Seat 0!

Joshua: We have a seat 0?

ZC: I have no idea.

Goomba: *breathes in*

Joshua: Oh, THAT’S why we have a seat 0. It’s for a loser who doesn’t matter.

Goomba: I do too matter!

Joshua: Do you have a question or not?

Goomba: Really, how big is your palace?

SQ: Last time I checked, it was about 1,000,000 feet by 100,000 feet.

Joshua: Big number. DIE!

(He destroys the Goomba with a fireball, for no apparent reason.)

SQ: … You don’t like Goombas?

Joshua: I don’t like Goombas.

Green Goomba: Then you must die!

(It tries to attack Joshua but he protects himself, causing the Goomba to bounce off.)

ZC: After the Interview, Green.

Joshua: (Where have I heard that before?)

Green: (Where have I heard that before?)

SB: (Where have I heard that before?)

SQ: (Where have I heard that before?)

ZC: (Where have I heard that before? Wait a minute…) Anyway… Seat 15!

Dark Boo: Can you possess anybody you want?

SQ: No. I can only possess young, beautiful maidens.

Birdo: And yet you haven’t possessed me yet…

(The whole audience bursts out laughing.)

SQ: No one can even tell if you’re male or female! How can I possess you?

Joshua: Yeah. Seat 70!

Koopa Troopa: Is Doopliss a part of your army?

SQ: Yes. Beldam convinced me that he’d be useful.

Joshua: Yeah, that copy ability could come in handy…

(He stands up, walks a little, and trips, accidentally touching SQ.)

RPG Battle Start

Joshua (50/50), Zap Cannon (45/45), Shadow Ball (25/45), and Green (50/50) (90 FP)
Vs.
Shadow Queen (130/150), Beldam (30/30), Marilyn (40/40), and Doopliss (40/40)

Joshua: 50/50 90/90
Attack: Hyper Quake: 10 damage to all enemies (6 FP)
Shadow Queen, Beldam, Marilyn and Doopliss all take 10 damage. (120/150, 20/30, 30/40, 30/40)

Zap Cannon: 45/45 84/90
Attack: Zap Cannon: 5 damage to 1 enemy (0 FP)
Beldam takes 5 damage. (15/30)

Shadow Ball: 25/45 (he gor hurt earlier, remember) 84/90
Attack: Shadow Ball Storm: 8 damage to all enemies (4 FP)
Shadow Queen, Beldam, Marilynm and Doopliss all take 8 damage. (112/150, 7/30, 22/40, 22/40)

Green: 50/50 80/90
Attack: Then You Must Die!: 20 damage to 1 enemy (12 FP)
Doopliss takes 20 damage. (2/40)

Shadow Queen: 112/150
Attack: Ztar Rain: 20 damage to all enemies (can only do once per RPG Battle - them’s the breaks)
Joshua, Zap Cannon, Shadow Ball, and Green all take 20 damage (30/50, 25/45, 5/45 Danger!!, 30/50)

Beldam: 7/30
Attack: Ice Punch: 6 damage to 1 enemy, may cause freezing
Shadow Ball takes 6 damage and is out.
Life Shroom revives Shadow Ball with 10 HP (10/45)

Marilyn: 22/40
Tactics: Charge: Next attack will do 12 damage!

Doopliss: 2/40
Attack: Head Whack: 8 damage to 1 enemy
Shadow Ball takes 8 damage (2/45)

Joshua: 30/50 68/90
Item: Ultra Shroom: Recovers 50 HP
Shadow Ball recovers all HP (45/45)

Zap Cannon: 25/45 68/90
Attack: Zap Cannon Storm: 8 damage to all enemies (4 FP)
Shadow Queen, Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss all take 8 damage. Beldam and Doopliss are out. (104/150, 14/50)

Shadow Ball: 45/45 64/90
Attack: Shadow Shield: Protects 1 partner for 3 turns (5 FP)
Joshua is protected for 3 turns.

Green: 30/50 59/90
Attack: Double Headbonk: Attacks two enemies with Headbonks for 6 damage each (3 FP)
Shadow Queen and Marilyn take 6 damage each (98/150, 8/40)

Shadow Queen: 98/150
Attack: Reachers: 7 damage to all enemies
Joshua is protected. Zap Cannon, Shadow Ball, and Green take 7 damage (18/45, 38/45, 23/50)

Marilyn: 8/40
Charged Attack: Chain Lightning: 12 damage to all enemies
Joshua is protected. Zap Cannon, Shadow Ball, and Green all take 12 damage (6/45, 26/45, 11/50)

Joshua: 30/50 56/90
Attack: Water Pulse: 9 damage to 1 enemy (2FP)
Marilyn takes 9 damage and is out

Zap Cannon: 6/45 54/90
Zap Cannon: Hey, wait, why are we doin’ this again?

Joshua: I… don’t… know. Let’s stop.

Battle Over!

SQ: That was just stupid.

Joshua: And random. Don’t forget random.

ZC: Well, that’s all the time we have, so…

Joshua and ZC: END TRANSMISSION!

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.