Talim: Who's next?

Meta Knight: … Bonetail?!

Talim: EEK! EVERYBODY HIDE!

Cortez: Not to worry, I've made good friends with the chap! I'll do the Interview fer yeh.

Meta Knight: You speak dragon?

Cortez: I've had "oooOOOooooOOOOoooo" practice.

Talim: Yay! That means we can finish up the party!

Cortez: … You do that. Where is Bonetail?

Talim: …

Meta Knight: He never left the Pit of 100 Trials since he got in, did he?

Cortez: … Derrrr…

After 99 levels...

Cortez: *pant… pant…* Well, I'm finally here, and I got meself a camera to hold onto while interviewin!

Bonetail: AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAARRRRRRRROOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOO!!!

Cortez: AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAARRRRRROOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO. {Let's speak in spiky parentheses, okay?}

Bonetail: {Okay. I'M GONNA EAT YOU!}

Cortez: {I'm all bones. And so are you. I just want an Interview, anyway, not lunch.}

Bonetail: {Hmm, point taken. All right, you got a deal.}

(Cortez sets the camera to "dragon language".)

Cortez: {So, anyway, my first question is how come yeh can't speak English like yer brother and sister?}

Bonetail: {I forgot it after being cooped in here for so long. However, I never forget dragon language.}

Cortez: {Good thing I learned it. Any other things yeh've forgotten?}

Bonetail: {Pretty much everything except dragon language, and my appetite despite not having a stomach... By the way, who are you?}

Cortez: {… Nobody. How are yeh still alive?}

Bonetail: {Magic.}

Cortez: {Good thing that was in dragon language.}

Bonetail: {It's pretty useful, but sad at the same time because nobody knows what you're talking about.}

Cortez: {Arr, I know exactly how yeh feel, amigo. I get pretty lonely down in the Grotto. Now then, can you eat?}

Bonetail: {Yes, but I can’t digest. Everything falls right through me. No organs.}

Cortez: {Errr… right, I forgot about that. Does magic make yeh more powerful?}

Bonetail: {No. This is my own power. I had to be kept away because I would squash anything I came into contact with.}

Cortez: {That’s somethin’. If yeh collapse in a pile o’ bones, can you reform like I can?}

Bonetail: {Yes, I certainly can.}

Cortez: That’s somethin’ else.

Bonetail: {What?}

Cortez: {Oops, I forgot ter speak in dragon language. Anyway, let’s move on! How powerful are yeh?}

Bonetail: {Same as before. 200 HP, 8 Att, 2 Def.}

Cortez: {Why aren’t yeh stronger?}

Bonetail: {I’ve had no practice!}

Cortez: {Try smothering yerself in fluoride. It keeps bones healthy.}

Bonetail: {None down here.}

Cortez: {Oh, right, I fergot. Well I got some here fer yeh. Want some?}

Bonetail: {Oh why not?}

(Cortez squirts toothpaste all over Bonetail, puts him in a HUGE washing machine that Cortez took out of his pocket, and takes him back out.)

Bonetail: {Thanks, idiot, I’m all wet.}

Cortez: {Well yer clean now. Blame me fer cleaning yeh up…}

Bonetail: {Want me to crush you?!}

Cortez: {Err, no. Let’s keep going, since there’s no audience.}

Bonetail: {Hold on a second.}

(Bonetail whacks the pipe on the ceiling. Several Bob-ulks, Swampires, Amazee Dayzees, and Poison Puffs fall out.)

Cortez: {Good idea! I’ll translate them fer yeh.} YOU! ASK!

Poison Puff: Ah, shut up!

(Cortez swings his sword at the Puff. BOOM!)

Cortez: Any more complaints?

*sweatdrops and shaking heads*

Cortez: GOOD! ASK AWAY!

Poison Puff 2: Umm… How did you get down here in the first place?

Cortez: {How’d you end up here is what he said.}

Bonetail: {The Shadow Queen teleported me here before she got trapped in the tomb.}

Cortez: Interesting. NEXT!

Amazee Dayzee: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Why are you three so big?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Cortez: {Why are yeh so big is what the wimp said.}

Bonetail: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!! {ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!}

(The Amazee Dayzee faints.)

Cortez: {No: big, not fat.}

Bonetail: {Our growth molecules are exponential.}

Cortez: Next question.

Bob-ulk: Why are you white? I thought you were all dull.

Cortez: {Err, don’t answer that one.} I cleaned him up a short while ago.

Bob-ulk: Ohhhhh…

Cortez: Your turn!

Swampire: Has anyone other than that idiot plumber beat you?

Cortez: {Ever been beaten by anybody other than Mario is the question.}

Bonetail: {Nope. I was previously undefeated until that red-hatted fool came along and spoiled my winning streak! I’LL MURDER HIM!!!}

Cortez: Well, that’s a rap to a short Interview. Better go back.

Bonetail: {Wait, where are you going?! I’m not finished with you!}

Cortez: {I am with you.} Goodbye, everybody!

(Cortez disappears down the home pipe.)

Bonetail: Aroo. {Bugger.}

On the moon...

Kody: Wait, can’t we sit down and talk about this?

Shadow Queen: Not now. RUN IN TERROR, YOU BOO!

Kody: I don’t run, I float. Ohhhh… Oh yeah.

(Kody vanishes.)

Shadow Queen: Fool.

(So does the Shadow Queen.)

Back at the castle...

Siegfried: Finally… fixed… hole…

Homer: DONUTS!!!

Goomba: SOMEBODY GET THIS MADMAN OFFA MY BACK!

George W. Bush: I’m no madman! I’m a badman!

Talim: Yay! All done!

Tira: And since I’m the “running gag”, I’m gonna ruin it!

Talim: NOOO!!!

Cortez: I’m back– What the?!

(Tira runs around scattering stuff everywhere.)

Tira: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

King Boo, Petey Piranha, Meta Knight, and Zeus Guy: HAMMERTIME!

(They all throw number-that-doesn’t-exist hammers at Tira.)

Tira: Ow. I’ll get you next time!

Mentok: Oo-wee-oo!

(Tira is hit by a flaming tree.)

Tira: WAAAH!!!

(Kody floats in being chased by the Shadow Queen.)

Talim: O.O

Kody: GAH!!!

Shadow Queen: INSOLENT PEST!

(A plothole hits Kody.)

Kody: Ow. *KO’D*

Nightmare: END TRANSMISSION NOW!

(Nightmare destroys the camera with his steel paddle as Ludwig grinds his teeth.)

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