Joshua: Welcome to…

Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!

(Joshua fires the wand.)

Joshua: It’s JOSHUA’S SUPER Interview Show, K?

Lemmy’s Ashes: Yes, Sire.

Joshua: Very good. I like the sound of that word. Sire. Sounds so regal or royal. Nice… Today, I will interview a crazy army guy. That’s right. You know him, you probably hate him, give it up for General Guy!

(The audience boos for no reason at all.)

Joshua: That’s everyone’s reason for everything.

General Guy: Hello, admirals.

Joshua: Told you he was crazy. Anyway, let’s get this over with. I don’t like you.

CC’s Ashes: Not a lot of people do.

Joshua: True.

(There is murmuring, and arguments and fights break out among random Toads.)

Joshua: SIDDOWN!!! I HAVE A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION HERE! AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!

(Everyone sits down.)

GG: Incidentally, what is that WOMD, admiral?

Joshua: Duh, the wand. Anyway, question one. What games have you appeared in?

GG: I was the boss of Chapter 4, Trials in the Toy Box, in Paper Mario, Admiral.

…

Joshua: That’s it?

GG: That’s it, Admiral.

Joshua: Lame. Next question. How’d you get the job in Roy’s Sports Hall, albeit temporarily?

GG: Well, Larry quit after repeated shockings, beatings, and lava baths. Roy looked for someone with knowledge of fighting who could give an accurate prediction, Admiral. Who better to go to than an army man? I complied, because he was desperate, Admiral.

Joshua: Tell the truth.

GG: I was, Admiral.

Joshua: Sure ‘bout that?

(Joshua points the wand over GG’s head.)

GG: I admit it, Admiral! He said if I didn’t do it, he’d put me in the lava until I was deep-fried General Guy, Admiral!

Joshua: That’s really what he said?

GG: That and some other stuff that I can’t repeat on daytime TV, Admiral.

Joshua: I see. No further questions. There’s no way that CC’s ashes can bring in the Super Number Randomizer. Therefore I must… make Hammer Bro do it!

Hammer Bro: What?

Joshua: BRING IT IN!

(He does so.)

Joshua: And now, my PATENTED Super Number Randomizer will pick a random block, row, and seat number to ask a question to General Guy. RANDOMIZE!

…

Joshua: Block 1, Row 1, Seat 1!

Doopliss: What were your stats in Paper Mario?

GG: I was in my tank, which had 30 HP, 4 Attack, and 2 Defense, Admiral. I attacked with bombs and sometimes a lightning attack, Admiral. Destroying the lightbulb behind my tank could disable this, Admiral. Mario and Watt could take it out in one round, Admiral. However, before the battle there were three other parts: the Shy Squad, Stilt Guys, and Shy Stacks, Admiral. They were pretty easy to beat, Admiral.

Joshua: RANDOMIZE!

…

Joshua: Block 1, Row 1, Seat 1! What? Aw man, the batteries died! Ok, I’ll just call out a random block, row, and seat from my head. Block 6, Row 7, Seat 6!

Mario: Cheese!

Joshua: SECURITY! Block 7, Row 4, Seat 4!

Waluigi: I’m afraid of numbers!

Joshua: SECURITY! Block 4, Row 4, Seat 8!

Wario: MONEY!

Joshua: THAT DOES IT! Guys, bring Waluigi and Mario back in here, please…

(The security guys do so.)

Joshua: Ok… Eat hot MOLTEN LAVA! A little trick I learned from Vivian.

(He scorches the three morons, Wario included, until their heads turn to diamond.)

Joshua: I always knew their heads were made of something hard. Didn’t think it would be carbon, though. Anyway… Block 8, Row 14, Seat 7!

Roy: Why were you so boring at da Sports Hall, loser?

GG: I was not, Admiral! I was giving an accurate prediction, Admiral!

Joshua: Block 8, Row 14, Seat 7! Wait, what?

Roy (again): How’d ya feel about gettin’ beat by Punching Bag/Loser (Larry) in da Sports Hall?

GG: HE CHEATED, ADMIRAL!!! THAT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION!!!

Roy: (Psycho.)

Joshua: (I agree.) Block 9, Row 75, Seat 10!

Fire Bro: Why was your army so easily beaten by Mario?

GG: Have you seen the admiral jump, Admiral? Have you seen the size of his hammer, Admiral? Did you actually play Paper Mario, Admiral?

Joshua: Block 1, Row 2, Seat 3!

Kylie Koopa (the reporter from Partners in Time): What a scoop! General Guy: Deluded General or Psychopath? Anyway, how many Shy Guys do you command?

GG: I’ve lost count, Admiral. New recruits sign up every day, so there’s at least 5,000, but not of each type, you know, like Groove Guys, Medi Guys, Pyro Guys, Snifits, etc, Admiral.

Joshua: Block 7, Row 56, Seat 3!

Panser: SUB-CON RULES! Anyway, how many types of Shy Guys are there?

GG: Well, there's the original Shy Guy, there's also Anti Guy, Beezo, Boo Guy, Boom Guy, Fat Guy, Fly Guy, Game Guy, myself, Ghost Guy, Glide Guy, Good Guy, Gourmet Guy, Greaper, Glum Guy, Groove Guy, Limbo Guy, Medi Guy, Mufti Guy, Phantom Guy, Pirate Guy, Pyro Guy, Rocket Guy, Shyster, Sky Guy, Spear Guy, Spy Guy, Stilt Guy, and Zeus Guy, Admiral!

Joshua: That’s a lot of Shy Guys. Block 1, Row 12, Seat 8!

Atomic Boo: Why do you keep saying “admiral”?

GG: I’m not quite sure. It’s either a force of habit, or a speech defect, like Bowyer or Fawful.

Joshua: Hey! You said a sentence without saying “admiral”!

GG: You’re right! IT BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!

(He explodes.)

Joshua: Look at the time! I’ve got work on my FFs! Later losers! End Transmission!

END TRANSMISSION

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