JOSHUA interviews SHADOW MARIO

By Joshua

(Last time on Joshua’s Super Interview Show, a warp pipe abducted Joshua. Inferno and John , the camera Lakitu, followed him. He’s about to land in Noki Bay, but he doesn’t know that, of course.)

Joshua: SOMEONE SPRINGY GET IN MY WAY!!!

(He lands on a Noki and backflips onto a ledge.)

Joshua: YES! Take THAT, laws of gravity!

Noki: Watch it!

Joshua: Sorry! Can you point me back to Lemmy’s Land?

Noki: Never heard of it.

???: Perhaps I can be of assistance?

Joshua: Who are you?

???: I am Shadow Mario. I know where Lemmy’s Land is.

Joshua: Cool. Where?

Shadow Mario (SM): I won’t tell, unless, in every major Mario location you stop in, you do three Interviews, the last one being a boss that has something to do with that area. You have to start here, and you have to interview me first. But I don’t count as one of your three Interviews for this pleasant locale.

(Joshua looks at the route.)

Joshua: Let’s see here… Noki Bay, Ricco Harbor, Lavalava Island, Keelhaul Key, Rogueport Sewers, Toad Town, Dark Land, and finally… Lemmy’s Land. Let’s see… that’s… 21 Interviews before I’m back!!!

(Inferno and John come out of the pipe.)

Inferno: Someone flamable get in my way!

John: Oh, well, at least I’ll live because of my cloud.

(Inferno lands on Noki, who bursts into flames, jumps in the water, and is eaten by Cheep Cheeps, while John floats down to Joshua. Inferno then gets up to the ledge somehow.)

Joshua: This could take forever… Well, John, set up the equipment. Inferno, get the chairs and the Super Number Randomizer.

Inferno: We didn’t bring it.

Joshua: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I have to think of random numbers?

SM: Tough. Set up your equipment.

***

Joshua; Live, from Noki Bay, it’s Joshua’s Now Travelling Super Interview Show!

(Fanfare plays.)

Joshua: That’s a new feature. Ahem. Today, I’m on my way back to Lemmy’s Land via Noki Bay. I have to interview three people from each area I visit, not including today’s interviewee, so let’s get crackin’, with (reading off a card) the awesomely handsome and great… SHADOW MARIO!!!

(SM appears out of nowhere.)

Joshua: So, tell me, SM, where’d you get the magic brush?

SM: It’s not mine. Bowser Jr. stole it from E. Gadd, and I stole it from him.

Joshua: Uh-huh. So, what exactly are you?

SM: I’m from a parallel universe, where people are actually completely evil. Both universes have the same population. For example, I am a villain bent on taking over the world, whereas my opposite, Mario, is the sworn defender of this world.

Joshua: What’s this universe called?

SM: It’s known as Shadow Universe.

Joshua: Let me guess, everyone there has Shadow in front of his or her name.

SM: Yep, everyone except Bill Gates, but he doesn’t need it. But, anyone who isn’t born with the name Shadow in front of his or her name is different. I won’t say how.

Joshua: How’d you merge with Bowser Jr?

SM: I had just teleported to this world to search for my long-lost sister. Some Koopas captured me because I looked like Mario. When they brought me to Castle Koopa, I escaped and became lost in its many hallways. Shortly, I wound up in Ludwig’s room and stepped onto a weird pod. At that moment in time, Ludwig was testing out his new invention, a teleporter, on Bowser Jr. on the other side of the castle. He hit the button, and the rest is history.

Joshua: Who’s this long-lost sister you told us about?

SM: The Shadow Queen.

Joshua: (.)_(.)!

Inferno: How did we NOT see that coming?!

Joshua: How’d you separate from Bowser Jr?

SM: Went back in the teleporter.

Joshua: Lame!

John: 010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010!

Inferno: Wha?

John: Oh, sorry, must’ve dozed off.

Joshua: IDIOT! SM, why are you blue?

SM: I was born this way. Anyone born with Shadow in front of their name is either blue, if they’re a boy, or purple, if they’re a girl.

Joshua: What about the Shadow Sirens?

SM: Triplets are born with the name Shadow as a group. Their first names don’t need Shadow. Also, they don’t always come out evil.

Joshua: Do they have speech problems sometimes, like Marilyn?

SM: Not all the time, but yeah, occasionally.

Joshua: Audience time! Seat 65!

Mario: Cheese!

Joshua: Seat 4!

Luigi: Ghosts!

Joshua: Seat 45!

Wario: MONEY!

Joshua: Seat 54!

Waluigi: I’m scared of Seat 54!

Joshua: DIE!

(He explodes their heads for no reason.)

Joshua: Seat 75!

Ludwig: So, my teleporter is a DNA Fuser!

Joshua: I believe the term is DNA Splicer, but whatever…

Ludwig: CHOCOLATE!!!

Joshua: Die!

(He explodes his head, too.)

Joshua: Questions only, please! Seat 57!

Dark Boo: How old are you?

SM: Well, my sister’s 1,020, and I’m older than her, so I’m… 1,612.

Dark Boo: 0_0!

Joshua: Seat 100!

Cheep Cheep: How long does a person from the Shadow Universe live?

SM: The oldest person was 5,142, so roughly 5,000 years.

Inferno: We have got to stop interviewing unnaturally old people!

SM: Actually, I’m quite young, for a Shadow person.

John: (Dude, I’m about to run out of film! What do we do?)

Inferno: (Hope he doesn’t notice?)

John: (You kiddin’? He notices temperature changes that are minute! And I’m talkin’ 0.0000000000001 degrees!)

Inferno: (I’ll distract him.) HEY BOSS!

Joshua: What?

Inferno: Umm… Uh… Uh… I have to go to the bathroom?

Joshua: There’s a porta-potty right over there.

Inferno uses the porta-potty. Joshua doesn’t notice that the film has now run out.

Joshua: Seat 14!

Blooper: How did you come to this universe?

SM: Shadow E. Gadd invented a teleporter to allow us to come and go from this universe as we please.

Joshua: That’s all the time we have folks, so, I guess it’s time to End Transmission!

The Noki Bay police enter.

Policeman: Who stole the Way to Lemmy’s Land Map?

Joshua points at Shadow Mario. Shadow Mario points at Joshua.

Joshua: Who are you gonna believe? This guy’s a VILLAIN, for cryin’ out loud!

The police arrest Shadow Mario.

SM: I’ll get you for this, Joshuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

END TRANSMISSION

Joshua: Great show, guys, best we’ve ever done!

John: Umm… We don’t have any film left, Boss…

Inferno: Guess I forgot it…

Joshua: IDIOTS! BOTH OF YOU!

John: Can’t you just make some with your wand?

Joshua: Didn’t think of that one.

Inferno: What about the Super Number Randomizer?

Joshua: Takes up too much magic. Besides, someone’s probably stolen it by now.

He makes film, at least.

John: So, whom do we interview next?

Joshua: No idea…

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