Joshua: We’re never going to get back to Lemmy’s Land, are we?

Inferno: Do you want the truth or a lie?

John: Inferno…

Inferno: Don’t make me flame you!

Joshua: Lie.

Inferno: Of course we’ll get back!

Joshua: Let’s do an Interview already. Who do we have?

John: Let’s see here… We’ve got Gooper Blooper…

Joshua: Eww, no! He’s gross. He’d get sludge all over my new shoes!

Inferno: You’re not wearing shoes. You’re wearing sandals.

Joshua: Even worse!

John: Ok, no Blooper. We’ve got Noki.

Joshua: I hate them. One time, I accidentally stepped on one, it coiled in its shell, I picked it up so I could hear the ocean, and it punched me!

John: We’ve got Eely-Mouth.

Joshua: Let’s save him for the Boss Interview.

John: That leaves FLUDD.

Joshua: That dorky little water pump? Whatever, let’s do it.

***

Joshua: Still live, from Noki Bay… it’s Joshua’s Travelling Super Interview Show!

(A fanfare plays.)

Joshua: I never get tired of that. Today, I have to interview a stupid machine, so let’s get this over with fast. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s FLUDD!

(A fanfare plays.)

Joshua: THE FANFARE IS ONLY FOR ME!!!

FLUDD: Greetings, living units.

Joshua: I hate you. So, why did E. Gadd give you a speech function?

FLUDD: The professor wanted to save money hiring a secretary to type out instructions to the user.

Joshua: Doesn’t it cost more to give all FLUDDs voice functions?

FLUDD: No. He uses extremely cheap material.

Joshua: Cheapskate. Couldn’t he have just typed out instructions himself?

FLUDD: No. He’s too lazy.

Joshua: He wasn’t too lazy to make you, or the Poltergust 3000.

FLUDD: His assistant Igor makes the products. The professor just models them and comes up with ideas.

Inferno: I knew it!

John: Does anyone actually care what you know?

Joshua: Yes, because he’ll kill us all with hot, hot, hot fire.

John: Fair enough, then.

Joshua: Now, how is it that you can switch nozzles?

FLUDD: The parts are interchangeable, meaning they can be swapped at will, provided you can find a Hover, Rocket or Turbo box.

Joshua: Which brings me to my next question. Why didn’t E. Gadd or Igor, or whoever just pack the other nozzles in your box?

FLUDD: It could be to make the public fight over the boxes. The professor and Igor are big wrestling fans.

Joshua: They know that stuff’s fake, right?

E. Gadd and Igor: WHAT?! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Inferno: … Apparently not.

Joshua: Losers. Audience time! Seat 45!

Boo: Why are you yellow?

FLUDD: Randomness?

Boo: K.

Joshua: Seat 214!

Igor: What does your name stand for again?

FLUDD: You should know, you created me.

Igor: I randomly forgot.

Joshua: Idiot.

FLUDD: Very well. It stands for Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device.

Joshua: Cool. I still hate you. Seat 52!

Mario: Cheese!

Joshua: Seat 53? (seeing who’s in seat 53) Argh! No! I take it back!

Too late!

Wario: MONEY!

Joshua: Eat flaming buckets, dungareed scum!

Joshua uses his wand to throw flaming buckets filled with snakes at Mario, Wario, Luigi, Waluigi, Shadow Mario, Bowser, the Koopalings, and Josh Koopa, who randomly appeared.

All of the above: FLAMING SNAKES AND BUCKETS! *screams - lots of ‘em!*

(They all explode for no apparent reason.)

Joshua: Cool. WAY cool. Seat 143!

(In seat 143 is a Shady Paratroopa with red wings and shades. He is a HUGE fan of Joshua’s, AS YOU SHOULD BE!!!)

Shady Paratroopa: I am SHADY!!!

(Real original. Shady the Shady Paratroopa. Real original.)

Shady: Let me join your Interview crew!!!

Joshua: Meh, I could use a little more help. You’re onboard, but you’ve gotta ask a question.

Shady: Why did you help Mario?

FLUDD: I am programmed to assist whoever activates me. I have no choice. I would help Bowser if he activated me.

Joshua: You’re hired.

Shady: YES! Seat 164!!!

Joshua: Hey! That’s my line!

Magikoopa: How do you suck up water?

FLUDD: The same way you use a straw, you randomer.

Joshua: Ooooh, scathing. Me like. But me still hate you.

FLUDD: I know.

Joshua: Well, looks like that’s all the time we have today, so END TRANSMISSION!

END TRANSMISSION.

After the show…

Shady: Hey man, thanks for letting me join.

Joshua: It’s ok. Now get me a hotdog.

Shady: Isn’t that an abuse of power?

Joshua: Yes. So?

Shady: … You want me to put mustard on it?

Joshua: It’s not going to put mustard on itself…

(Shady goes to get Joshua a hotdog.)

Joshua: Now… It’s payback time for being useless in Super Mario Sunshine…

FLUDD: Uh oh.

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