Shady and Techno Guy: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Shady: Not Eely-Mouth!

Techno Guy: He’ll eat me!

(He goes into the fetal position.)

Joshua: Stating the obvious but, yeah. (That’s the point, losers!) Look, I’m going fishing.

Shady: But you’re allergic to Cheep Cheeps.

Joshua: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

Shady: Biggest fan, remember? I looked up your medical profile.

Inferno: Freak.

John: We KNEW that. Anyone who’s a fan of Joshua is obviously a freak.

Inferno: Yep.

Joshua: This is pointless. You’re interviewing Eely-Mouth, because I’m not suicidal enough to do so myself. And with that, POW, I’m gone.

He leaves. Inferno follows.

***

(Shady, Techno Guy, and John are underwater with air helmets and the audience, who are not.)

Shady: Welcome to Joshua’s Now Travelling Super Interview Show!

(The fanfare plays.)

Techno Guy: How come Lemmy didn’t do his stupid bit?

John: He drowned. Everyone did.

Cheep Cheeps: WE DIDN’T!

John: … Except them. But no one cares about Cheep Cheeps.

Techno Guy: This guy might. Please welcome *gulp* Eely-Mouth.

Eely-Mouth: Hello, chaps and chapettes. Spiffing day, isn’t it?

Shady: He has a BRITISH accent?

EM: Why, yes, I do. Isn’t it spiffing?

Techno Guy: I’ll ask the questions around here!

Shady: Ahem.

Techno Guy: I mean, WE’LL ask the questions around here! So, I was expecting a monster-like RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!

EM: Well, yes, that’s what I was like before that top chap Mario came and cleaned my teeth. Top chap he is. Why, he’s the bee’s knees!

(John starts seething at the mention of Mario.)

Shady: (Bees have knees?)

EM: I was happy to give him the Shine Sprite.

Meanwhile…

(Joshua is doing the Red Coin Fish level from Super Mario Sunshine.)

Joshua: Prepare the money net!

(Inferno takes out a HUGE wallet. How a FIREBALL does this UNDERWATER without hands is the greatest mystery of all. But the Coin Fish is just a collection of bottlecaps, nuts and bolts, etc.)

Joshua: CURSE YOU MAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRIIIOOOO!!!

Inferno decides to leave for bait, for no reason at all.

***

Techno Guy: So, what ARE you, some kind of mutated Mega Unagi or something?

EM: Yes. Bowser Jr. mutated me with that goop of his.

Shady: Is that where your accent came from?

EM: Yes, but it’s truly-

Techno Guy: If you say “spiffing”, you will die.

EM: Wonderful?

Techno Guy: You may live.

Shady: (For now.) What do you eat?

EM: I live on a diet of Bloopers and Lava Lotuses.

(All the Bloopers in the audience leave.)

Techno Guy: So, how were you polluting Noki Bay?

EM: That goop was highly toxic. It covered my teeth, and whenever I opened my mouth, some got into the water. This process took a while, but it worked. That top chap Mario saved the day by cleaning my teeth. Good show! He’s the cat’s meow!

(John’s cloud explodes,due to his frustration, but he makes another one with all the water around him.)

Meanwhile…

(Inferno returns with bait. Joshua is sitting with his feet in the water, staring into space.)

Joshua: Do you ever think that I use my randomness as a defense, and a way of seeking attention?

Inferno: Nobody cares. Oh, by the way, while I was getting bait, I met two girl Phantom Embers. One is super hot (she IS a flame) and totally my type, listens to the same music as me, hates Goombas, loves killing, etc. But she drives a Smart Car. The other is really, really into me, so she’s a safe option, but she comes off a little needy and likes Goombas, BUT she drives a Mercedes. Who do I go with?

Joshua: … YOU’VE BEEN GONE TEN MINUTES!!!

Inferno: Feels like 20.

Joshua: X_X.

(Goombario and Goombella appear.)

Goombella: Find the treasure, slave!

Goombario: Yes, Mistress.

Inferno: GOOMBAS WHO ARE MARIO PARTNERS! MUST KILL!!!

(He kills them. Enough randomness, back to the Interview.)

***

Techno Guy: I hate my life.

Shady: Are you related at all to the eels in Super Mario 64 and the forthcoming Super Mario Galaxy?

EM: How’d you know about the underwater level?

Shady: I read Nintendo magazines. Answer or die!

EM: The Super Mario 64 eel is my sister, and the Super Mario Galaxy eel is my brother. But he was seriously injured by sharks, and that’s why he looks like a complete freak. Not-so-spiffing, eh?

Techno Guy: Audience time, Seat 44!

Flavio (wearing air helmet): Flavio likes the cut of your jib, Mr. Eely-Mouth! Why did the message “Brush your teeth every day!” come up after Captain Mario trounced you, eh?

EM: Nintendo put that little message in, for all those little children. Who’s to say that they can’t give some good lessons in their games, eh? I think it’s truly the bee’s knees!

Shady: Ugh, I am sick of that accent. Techno, can’t you do something about it?

Techno Guy: Maybe… but I need time. One more audience question, then I should be able to do it…

Shady: Seat 78!

(Sushie: -

Shady: Mario partner! Must KILL!!!

(He shell shoots Sushie out of the water, then proceeds to beat her to a bloody pulp.)

Techno Guy: …

EM: …

Audience: …

You: …

Truly Pathetic Viewer: … Dang, I’m pathetic!

Author: What are you doing here? Get back to Mega Mario Madness!

(The author boots Truly Pathetic Viewer to Mega Mario Madness somehow.)

TPV: I’ll get you for this, Authooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Author: Silence, non-believer!

… Kill me.

Shady: Anyway… Seat 79!

Blooper: What were you like before you were mutated?

EM: Well, my accent was a thick German, my scales were blue, and I wasn’t an outcast from my family. In fact, I was the king of Noki Bay fish, but once I mutated, I lost everything. That’s not spiffing, nor is it the bee’s knees or the cat’s meow…

Techno Guy: The de-British accent ray is ready!

Shady: That’s a stupid name.

Techno Guy: Short notice. Deal with it. FIRE!!!

(EM is zapped with the ray. He loses his accent, and now speaks normally. But…)

Shady: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Eely-Mouthzilla!

EM: RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRR!!!

Techno Guy: Well… I just wet my robe. And that is what I call a side-effect! Um… End Transmission?

***

(Joshua hears the roar. He turns to see EM smashing up cliffs with his tail.)

Inferno: Isn’t that Eely-Mouth?

Joshua: Yep.

Inferno: Techno Guy?

Joshua: I’ll bet my wand on it.

Inferno: You mean YOUR CLONE’S wand.

Joshua: So?

Inferno: -_-

***

(Shady, John and Techno Guy are now running and flying for their lives. Shady flies over to Joshua.)

Shady: BOSS!TECHNOGUYMUTATEDEELY-MOUTHANDNOWHE’SONARAMPAGEBUT
HELOSTHISBRITISHACCENTANDNOWWENEEDTORUNANDGETTOOURNEXTINTERVIEW
LOCATIONATTHESPEEDOFLIGHT!!!

Joshua: Dude!

(Joshua punches him.)

Joshua: Snap out of it!

(He punches him 5 more times for no reason.)

Shady: Why’d you do that?

Joshua: Felt like it. To quote Mario: “Let’s-a go!”

(John starts seething again. Joshua and Techno Guy jump into the water and swim for their lives, Inferno jumps on John’s cloud and those two and Shady fly behind them.)

Techno Guy: What about the cameras?!

(John: In the cloud. Lot of storage space in there… So Inferno, you might feel a poking sensation from one.)

Inferno: Ooh. I like it…

(Eely-Mouth comes up through the water and blasts the 5 amigos to Ricco Harbor, conveniently.)

Techno Guy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shady: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Inferno: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Joshua: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

You LOVE copy and paste, don’t you?

Author: Silence, non-believer!

… Kill me.

John: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

KA-CRASH!!!

All except John: Oww…

John: Let’s go again! Let’s go again!

Joshua: Well, let’s get started, I guess.

Inferno: Can’t we take… a few… weeks off… to recover?

Joshua: I’ll think about it… NO!

END TRANSMISSION

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