Joshua: So, everyone’s okay with Cheep Cheep as the next interviewee?

Engarde: Can I do it?

Joshua: K.

(A skeleton with four arms and four swords and who looks like Cortez, only smaller, so he’s human-sized, docks with his pirate crew at the harbor.)

Skeleton: Arrgh, mi amigos, time to plunder!

Pirates: YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Inferno: We have to do something!

Joshua: Nah.

Inferno: They’ll probably pay you for saving the town…

Joshua: Charge, mi amigos!

(Joshua’s Interview Crew begins to fight the skeleton pirates.)

Leader Skeleton: Bring it!

(Engarde and Touché pull put their swords and attack the leader. He fends them off, but Engarde strikes back and subdues him. Meanwhile, Joshua has blasted the other pirates into oblivion.)

Joshua: Boo-yah!

Leader: Well, mi amigo, you have defeated me.

Engarde: Yes, yes I have.

Leader: My name is Cap’n Cortez. You are now my boss. I’m Cortez’s little brother.

Engarde: Actually, Joshua is your boss, since he’s my boss.

Cap’n Cortez: Well then, hola, Señor Bossman.

Joshua: COOL! New meat! Well, sort of. You will interview today, along with Engarde.

Cap’n Cortez: K.

(That’s when Touché recovers, and kills Cap’n Cortez by strangling him and breaking apart his bones.)

Inferno: That was pointless.

Joshua: … I’m going to… do stuff… Let’s go, Techno Guy.

Techno Guy: Yes, Master.

(They leave.)

Engarde: Welcome to Joshua’s-

Lemmy: Lemmy’s-

(That’s as far as he gets before getting sliced to pieces by Touché.)

Engarde: Cool. Joshua’s Super Interview Show. Here’s Cheep Cheep.

Cheep Cheep: Yo.

Shady: … That was the weakest entrance ever.

Cheep Cheep: Oh. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! How was that?

Shady: …

John: Oh, it’s gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooong day.

Engarde: Yep. So, what exactly are Cheep Cheeps?

Cheep Cheep: Fish, duh. We’re the spawn of Boss Basses.

Engarde: Can you attack?

Cheep Cheep: Apart from sort of flopping around and swimming to attack, we can expel water from our mouths.

Engarde: Why didn’t you do that in New Super Mario Bros, señor? (I’m taking Spanish lessons.)

Cheep Cheep: We were already underwater. What would the point have been?

Engarde: What about the Cheep Cheeps that were on fire in Corona Mountain?

Cheep Cheep: Yeah, Corona Mountain used to be a big reservoir, until Shadow Mario and Bowser moved in. They took the water for their tub and replaced it with lava. That’s what set them on fire.

Inferno: I wonder what Joshua and Techno Guy are doing…

***

(Joshua and Techno Guy are in a Batmobile in the past being chased by Petey Piranha, Princess Shroob, and King Boo, who followed them into the time hole for no reason.)

Joshua: NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-Batman! NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-Batman! Batman, Batman, BATMAN!!!

Princess Shroob (in Shroob-speak): Get him, Petey! Kill! Avenge my sister!

Techno Guy: Why did we just kill Elder Princess Shroob?

Joshua: I felt like it! ^_^ Look! The time hole’s closing!

Techno Guy: Speed up, Master!

Joshua: 1-2-3-4, get this car right through that hole!

(All 5 get through the hole just before it closes, but the Batmobile explodes. They emerge at Ricco Tower.)

Techno Guy: Knew I should’ve just used my own design instead of Ludwig’s…

Joshua: Run, mindless slave, run!

(They’re still being chased by Petey, King Boo, and Princess Shroob.)

***

Inferno: Probably nothing.

Engarde: Yeah… So, who’s faster, Bloopers or Cheep Cheeps?

Cheep Cheeps: CHEEEEEEEEP CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS!!!

Touché: BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPERS!!!

Engarde: SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UP!!! How do you guys feel about fire?

Cheep Cheep: Well, we aren’t too good with it. Did you SEE those Cheep Cheeps in Corona Mountain? And what about last Interview? Did you see that little guy? He was my brother!

Touché: Yeah, that was fun.

Cheep Cheep: DIE!

(Touché and Cheep Cheep begin to fight. Touché wins.)

Touché: Yeah! Don’t mess!

Cheep Cheep: Ow…

Touché: That will teach you for existing!

Cheep Cheep: I’ve learned a lesson indeed.

Engarde: Audience! Seat 89!

Larry: Yo! So, what is Cheepskipper?

Cheep Cheep: Really, he’s not a Cheep Cheep at all. He’s a mutated Boss Bass.

Engarde: Seat 45!

Count Bleck: You said Boss Basses spawn Cheep Cheeps. Elaborate.

Cheep Cheep: As Cheep Cheeps get older, they become Boss Basses. Females lay their eggs, which hatch into Cheep Cheeps.

Engarde: Seat 67!

Crump: Yeah! I return! How close are you to evolution, so to speak?

Engarde: Maybe the author likes you. Or maybe he wants to turn you into a running gag somehow. Or maybe it’s both, and I’m just messin’ with you.

Cheep Cheep: We become Boss Basses at age 25, and I’m 19. Six more years! Woo!

(Joshua and Techno Guy return still being chased by Princess Shroob, King Boo, and Petey.)

Joshua: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Techno Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Princess Shroob fires a laser and Petey shoots some goop at Joshua, who dodges. King Boo scares the audience away.)

King Boo: BOO!

Audience: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Joshua: Attack, losers!

(Joshua’s Interview Crew, some random Goombas, and Crump attack the chasers… and win!)

Joshua: You know, when I said “losers”, I just meant my crew, you know.

Random Goombas: Oh.

(They disappear.)

Crump: Buh-huh-huh! Now you HAVE to let me join!

Joshua: Why?

Crump: I just saved you guys! Let me join!

Joshua: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE AN OFFICIAL CHARACTER ON MY CREW!!! Well, as long as we’re adding partners…

(Joshua ties up Petey, King Boo, and Princess Shroob.)

Joshua: Ok, so now my crew is me, Inferno, John, Shady, Techno Guy, Engarde, Touché, Crump, Petey Piranha, King Boo, and Princess Shroob? I smell some kill-offs coming…

(END TRANSMISSION)

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