3 days before the Interview...

Whamek: All right, now I need someone to interview....

(Whamek is scribbling on a notepad on top of a giant cage. Inside the cage is his brother Obstacle Guy, AKA Klyde.)

Klyde: Uhhh... Bro, can you let me out now?

Whamek: NO! NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON!!!

Klyde: All I did was borrow some printer paper!

Whamek: MY PRINTER PAPER! Anyway, I need help! Who shall I interview?

Klyde: Hmmm... Howz about that one big plant dude from Vibe Island? Petey Piranha?

Whamek: YES! BOSS PIRANHA PLANT! IT'S PERFECT! NYAHAHAHA!

(Whamek grabs a broomstick and flies through the roof of the mansion.)

Klyde: WAIT! What about me- Ah, forget it. I'll just wait.

(Klyde notices Big Boo staring at him, holding a chainsaw.)

Klyde: Uh... WHAMEK!!! COME BACK!!!

-----

(Whamek is flying on his broomstick in the sky. The audience is tied to a giant magic carpet.)

Whamek: Hello, my fateful audience! This is my first Interview! You may know me as Drake Guy's brother, KAMEK GUY, AKA WHAMEK! BWAHAHA!

*... cricket...*

Whamek: I HATE CRICKETS!

(Whamek shoots a cricket with a powerful fire beam.)

Koopatrol: Duuuuude... Overkill. Uh, can we leave now?

Whamek: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Koopatrol: EEP!

Whamek: Now SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! And watch as I interview BOSS P. PLANT FROM SUPER PRINCESS PEACH!!!

(Boss P. Plant gets shot out of a cannon onto a cloud by Whamek.)

Whamek: HELLO, INTERVIEWEE!

Boss P. Plant: Uh... Why'd I get shot out of a cannon?

Whamek: Airplane tickets cost too much. THANKS, SPARLUNK!

Sparlunk (faintly, from wayyyy below): ... Y-yer w-w-welcome!

Whamek: Ahem, now, Petey Piranha, tell us why you changed your name?

Boss P. Plant: ... What? I'm not Petey Piranha.

Whamek: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Koopatrol: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Audience: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Boss P. Plant: No, seriously! I'm not him, he's my brother!

Whamek: Pfft. Yeah right. And I'm insane.

Boss P Plant: ... I won't comment on that.

Whamek: All right, I'll play along. If you aren't Petey Piranha, who are you?

Boss P. Plant: Boss P. Plant, duh.

Whamek: How come you look so alike?

Boss P. Plant: Wwe're twins. We were both in Mario Hoops in Daisy Garden. That's why there were two.

Whamek: Seriously?

Boss P. Plant: Yes.

Whamek: Riiiiiiiiiiight, Pete. You probably just had a clone.

Boos P. Plant: If I'm Petey, then who's that?

(Boss points at Petey Piranha flying around a castle.)

Boss: Hey, Bro!

Petey: Oh, hey Bro! WHAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUP?

Boss: WHHHHHAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPP?

Whamek: ... 0_0

Audience: 0_0

Population of Planet: 0_0

Whamek: All right, I believe you.

Boss: Finally.

Whamek: BACK TO INTERROGATION! How come you could bounce around, but didn't fly around in your battle?

Boss: I'm not a flapping master like my bro. I'm the king of Nippers, though, so I could bounce well.

Whamek: How could you spit out Nippers?

Boss: Well, you see, me and my wife had kids a while ago-

Whamek: GOOD FOR YOU!

(Confetti floats down from Fly Guys attached to Chain Chomps.)

Boss: Uh... Anyway, we had to defend our babies from attackers. Since we had a whole podfull, I stored them in my mouth to keep them safe.

Whamek: Ewwwww... Why did you bring them to the fight? And why spit them out? AND WHY DID YOU USE THAT SHOCKWAVE TO KILL YOUR OWN CHILDREN?

Boss: Chill. I spat them out because they wanted in on the action. I brought them because it was bring your kids to work day, and I didn't kill my children, the shockwave was just to warn them to run away and hide until the fight was over. The ones Peach hit also got the message.

Whamek: Hmm... Interesting. Have any of them grown? How DO Nippers grow, anyway?

Boss: Yeah. Quite a few. But only three have gotten any cool attacks. You see, me and my bro started as Nippers. He and I are the best known of our kind. When a Nipper manages to stomach a whole fruit with one bite, they change colors rapidly and grow legs and petals, along with other stuff. They also can learn a special technique of their own when they mature.

Whamek: Was that the case with your weird roar thing?

Boss: Yeah. That and the shockwaves.

Whamek: Cool. Now time for the prisoners to ask questions! Seat SLAVE1!

Koopatrol: Can we leave now?

Whamek: NO.

Koopatrol: Fine. Errrr... What does the P in your name stand for?

Boss: Piranha Plant, idiot.

Whamek: Seat DEBUT!

Nipper Plant with legs wearing a purple bandana: NYAH!

(Popple Plant leaps on the cloud, steals one of Boss's petals, and runs away.)

Popple Plant: NYAH! POPPLE PLANT MAKES HIS DEBUT!

Boss: What just happened?

Whamek: ENOUGH OF THESE LAME QUESTIONS! TIME FOR THE-

(The Fly Guys from before fall down and set up a giant wooden wheel.)

Whamek: PRIZE OR PRATFALL! Spin teh wheel!

(Boss uses a shockwave to spin it quickly. It lands on a picture of a Shy Guy tied to a Chain Chomp.)

Whamek: Ooh... Tough luck. You have to work for me now.

Boss: WHAT? Uh... HERE! Take my youngest son!

(Boss signals something, and a smaller version of him with an orange head and blue petals falls down. He has reddish leaves, too.)

Boss: Relax, Son, it's just 'til I can get your brothers.

(Boss flies away.)

Whamek: Awww... Don't cry. You can be my intern. You only get burnt by hot coffee in that division.

Sprint:... Who's crying? I'm glad to get out of the house for a while!

Whamek: END THIS TRANSMISSION IMMEDIATELY!

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.