Backstage of Brandon Studios...

Brandon: You must be crazy if you are telling me to interview Dimentio.

Skyshi: Well why not? I mean, you like Super Paper Mario, don'tcha?

Brandon: Well, yeah, but...

Latshi: Then go out there, and take it like a man.

Brandon: But that's not the freaking point! The point is, he's crazy.

Monsiuer Mustache: Well, too bad for you. You had to go and buy the game, now you will interview him, or I'll be forced to hurt you good.

Brandon: ... I hate you all, you know that?

Everyone on Plit: We know.

Brandon: *sigh* If I die, i'm blaming you, Skyshi.

5 hours later...

Brandon: Hello, and welcome to Brandon Studios. I'm here in Castle Bleck, preparing to interview a member of Count Bleck's crew. And amazingly, it's the crazy one. Now don't you tell Dimentio I said that, or he'll whack me. Now Dimentio, tell me, what is your motivation for joining Bleck's motley crew?

Dimentio: He offered me a chance to create my own world.

Brandon: And what will your world look like when you finish building it after you and Bleck destroy the world in a grueling process that will wipe out all of mankind in a fit of frenzied rage?

Dimentio: ... Doesn't the fact that we're going to destroy the world bother you?

Brandon: Hmm... If you count when Smithy tried to make a world with weapons, Bowyer tried snipering the residents of Rose Town to death, and that UFOs just invaded Bowser's Castle five minutes ago, then not really.

Dimentio: ... Well, my world will be a world full of... MAGIC!

Brandon: Be more descriptive.

Dimentio: I mean human slaves, chaos, fires, and dancing chimps and monkeys in a circus, whaddya think?

Brandon: Mmm-hmm. You just keep telling yourself that, Demented....

Dimentio: It's DIMENTIO.

Brandon: What ever you say, chump.

Dimentio: Grr. Remind me to kill you first when the world ends.

Brandon: Sure thing. Anyways, do you think the four Heroes of the Light Prognosticus will prevail, or will you?

Dimentio: Well obviously the Dark Prognosticus. I mean, come on. We have a whole platoon of monsters while what do they have? A cheese-obsessed plumber, a girly princess, a Koopa acting like Mr. Macho, and a scaredy-cat plumber who wets himself.

Brandon: Oh, really? Because they're right behind you.

Dimentio: Where?!

(He turns around. During that time, Brandon takes his wallet.)

Brandon: Oops, my mistake. They're ABOVE you.

(Then, Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Bowser dog-pile Dimentio and start pummeling the crud out of him.)

Brandon: ... Since when did you install plotholes in your castle, Count Bleck?

Count Bleck: Five minutes ago, Bleck responded.

(Brandon turns to Skyshi with an "I'm supposed to interview these people?" look on his face and Skyshi looks back with a "You'd better interview them or I'll diss pie and all of its stuff" look.)

Brandon: Um... Could you guys get off of the interviewee because you'll get to hurt him at the end of the game?

Mario: CHEESE!

Peach: I LOVE YOU!

(Luigi wets himself.)

Bowser: Are you and I the only sane ones in the team?

Brandon: My guess... probably.

(The 4 "heroes" leave. Dimentio gets up, and his mask has been cracked in half.)

Brandon: Ha ha! Dimentio wet himself!

Dimentio: My mask broke, you freak. And that puddle is yours.

Brandon: HOW'D YOU KNOW?! Uh... I mean... Audience question time! You, in seat I-need-some-life.

Mario: Do you have any cheese?

Dimentio: ... And this is the hero of prophecy? NO, I DON'T.

Brandon: Seat 776.

Luigi: Where were you born?

Dimentio: In a circus. My family hailed from a proud family of jesters for the kings, so here I am.

Brandon: Sheesh, he asked you for where you were born, not your life story. Seat 5.1!

Bowser: Does the fact that we're going to clobber you have any meaning to you?

Dimentio: Ah ha ha. That's where you're wrong! And does the fact "Get some dental floss" have any meaning to you?

Brandon: Seat 5.2! Wow, really creative seat names. Who writes this stuff?

Monsiuer Mustache: You.

Peach: So, who saved me from Nastasia, got that new, dashing villain Mr. L, and gave O'Chunks the Flora Sprout?

Dimentio: I have a secret... IT WAS ME!

Everyone on Plit: *GASP!*

Brandon: ... So, what do you think of the crew? Because I saw this awesome show where Tippi is doing ninja moves.

Dimentio: Well, O'Chunks is a freak that has a really bad Irish accent, Mr. L is an annoying chump, Nastasia is too much of a bookworm, Bleck is mentally challenged, Mimi's a brat, and I'm a psychotic freak bent on killing.

Brandon: ... So, as with our new customs, do you like me?

Dimentio: No.

Brandon: ... Oh, JACKIE!

(Jackie Chan jumps out of Brandon's hat and starts beating the stuffing out of Dimentio. Then, he jumps back in Brandon's hat.)

Dimentio: Do you have any other techniques that you would like to use on me?!

Brandon: No, just a lighter and a bottle of flammable booze, ready to kill you.

Backstage...

Latshi: Skyshi, I'm beginning to think that having two psychos interviewing each other isn't such a great idea!

Skyshi: Naw, YA THINK?!

5,000 Dimentio clones are surrounding Skyshi, forcing him to juggle balls, pull a skirt out of his mouth, and shoot lasers out of his eyes. Latshi, however, is facing the ultimate torture...

Latshi: NOOO! NOT THE JELLO WITHOUT PONZU SAUCE!

(He is being forced to eat jello without ponzu sauce. Oh, and also he is also being forced to watch reruns of the Barbie Show, which doesn't exist, but soon it will.)

Back with our two psychotic dudes...

Brandon: Seat CHUNKYLICIOUS!!! Hey, I own personal rights to that word!

O'Chunks: No yeh' don't! Anyhoo, Dimentio! When will ye be returning Mimi's diary?

Dimentio: Shush, O'Chunks! Or Mimi's gonna-

Mimi: Gonna what?

Dimentio and O'Chunks: Oh fudge pops.

(insert lollipop here)

Brandon: Wow, I didn't know it bent like that! Ooh, he's gonna be feeling that in the morning... 0_0 Since when does a head go like that? Man, I wish I had popcorn.

After Brandon scares Mimi away with a booze bottle used by a drunken pirate...

Brandon: So Dimentio, do you have any secrets you'd be wanting to share?

Then suddenly... Bowyer falls out of the sky.

Bowyer: Arrgh, mateys! Major booty and spoilers be ahead! So, don't be reading ahead! 'Cause I told ye so.

Brandon: Well, I told them so!

Bowyer: Well, suit yeself. Bowyer away to the S.S So! But don't listen to Brandon just because he told ye so!

Bowyer implodes due to a yeast infection, so...

Dimentio: ... Did anybody notice that the past sentences end with So and began with a B? Anyways, I am planning to betray Bleck and take control of the Chaos Heart. And, Mr. L is actually...

Luigi: Bowser?

Bowser: Peach?

Peach: Mario?

Mario: Dunkin' Donuts?

Dimentio: LUIGI!

Everyone on Plit: *GASP!*

Brandon: Well fry my- HOT POCKET FIGHT!

After one Hot Pocket fight...

Brandon: So, who do you think is the best of the heroes?

Dimentio: Luigi, because he was able to withstand my maniacal torturing and eating Hershey bars without the Hershey.

Brandon: Mmm-hmm. So, how did you feel when your butt was whooped by Mario?

Dimentio: Bad, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Brandon: Aw, so sad. It looks like our Interview time has run out. Join me next time when my assistants, Skyshi and Latshi and my cousin, Monsiuer Mustache, help me interview O'Chunks.

(A robot comes in.)

Robot: END TRANSMISSION BEFORE I KILL YOU.

(The robot is destroyed by Latshi.)

Latshi: I escaped your trap, Brandon!

Brandon: So what happened to Skyshi?

Latshi: He's in the hospital.

Brandon: For that, you're interviewing Bleck after me and Skyshi interview O'Chunks. And you're gonna do it with Monsiuer Mustache.

Latshi: NONONONONONONONONONONONONON-

(Latshi's head implodes because I said so.)

(End Transmission! Really. Now stop reading.)

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