Mr. Ignorable: Interview 28!

(Hammer Sis can be seen sitting down and watching Intern dance in front of King Boo. King Boo’s fin thing grows a thumb and gives her a thumbs down. A giant blade slices Intern in half. Two seconds later, Intern brings Hammer Sis a tray of cookies from the kitchen.)

Hammer Sis: Thank you, Intern. Wow, Slim! These pills are really doing their job!

Slim: Yeah, they’re pretty strong.

Hammer Sis: Where did you say you got them again?

Slim: Oh, some guy in a white coat gave them to me and told me to take them every hour to make the demon in my head go away. But the demon told me he was a Nazi, so I turned him into this video camera.

Bleeding Video Camera: K-kill me…

Hammer Sis: Makes sense to me.

King Boo: Silence!

(King Boo’s long tongue grabs Intern and eats her.)

Shady: Hi guys! What’s shaken?

Hammer Sis: Never say that again.

Shady: Ok.

(Intern can be seen following Shady with the equipment.)

Hammer Sis: … I’m going to need a lot more pills.

Shady: Good for you. So what can we do for you today, Master?

King Boo: Nothing really. You guys bore me to tears. So I’ll just kill you all for fun.

Shady: Hahahahah… Good one, sir!

King Boo: I wasn’t kidding.

Shady: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…

Slim: Shady, he’s serious.

Shady: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…

(Intern taps Shady. He falls over and keeps laughing.)

Hammer Sis: … @#&%$.

Slim: You have a swearing problem.

Hammer Sis: I @#$% do %@#% not! Can we at least entertain you/stall for time by interviewing you?

King Boo: Sure, why not?

Slim: Wow, it only took two pages to get to the actual Interview. A new record!

Hammer Sis: So how did you become the king?

King Boo: I was the first Boo… ever.

Hammer Sis: Are there multiple versions of you? That one Boo told us that one guy can leave behind like twenty Boos when he dies.

King Boo: Yes, there were multiple versions of myself, but we fused together to form this powerful body.

Hammer Sis: But doesn’t that mean that you have multiple minds inside of you? Doesn’t it get crowded in there?

King Boo: Yes, and it’s very hard to think straight when you have parts of your head telling you to kill yourself while the other half wants you to kill everyone else. I obviously choose the second one, but the other half just won’t shut up!

Slim: I can totally relate with you. Squirrel?

King Boo: (eating the squirrel) Thank you.

Hammer Sis: Why is Petey Piranha your doubles partner in Mario Kart DD?

King Boo: Well he was the one who owned the Karts.

Hammer Sis: But aren’t you a king? Couldn’t you just have ordered someone to get one for you?

King Boo: How are Boos supposed to make money?! We couldn’t even touch the stuff if we had it, it would just pass through our ghostly hands or fuse with us!

Hammer Sis: Wow, sorry if I hit a nerve.

King Boo: We don’t have those either!

Slim: You’re not making our impending doom any better.

Hammer Sis: Well I’m sorry if he’s sensitive. What were you doing in Mario Kart DS’s mission mode?

King Boo: Well everyone was doing it.

Hammer Sis: Well if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?

King Boo: Yes! It’s the only kind of joy I get in the aftergame.

Hammer Sis: … How many mansions do you own?

King Boo: Well let me think… There’s the one in that cage in Super Mario 64, the Paper Mario one that I gave my daughter Bow, the one in Luigi’s Mansion, there’s my summer mansion in Super Mario Sunshine, I used to have Creepy Steeple but some stupid Duplighost took it when I was in my summer mansion, there was also this other mansion that’s now Merlee’s Mansion. Oh, and the mansion in Mario Party 8.

Hammer Sis: And you’re able to afford these mansions… how?

King Boo: Oh, I don’t buy them at all. I have this supernatural power of changing any building into my own design. It’s the ancient art of the Makeover Mojo.

Hammer Sis: Oh yeah, I remember seeing you use it in Mario Party 8. Why are you always ready to kill something or destroy stuff? Don’t you feel any remorse for your actions?

King Boo: Nope. With every passing year, I slowly lose parts of my mind. That erases any bad feelings I have from my actions. That’s why I’m so darn crazy!

(He jumps into the audience and starts eating Boos.)

Boo #36225: It’s an honor to be eaten by you, si-

King Boo: Shut up and get in my belly!

Slim: Now, you see that, Sis? There’s a man who takes the purity of madness and makes it his own.

Hammer Sis: Well I’m happy that you finally found a friend.

Slim: The demons in my head say the same thing! They also mentioned something about a cursed wing, the two ancient guardians of Earth and Sky, a blood pack with the three of prophesy, the end of all existence, and their true resurrection!

Hammer Sis: Oh, that’s nice… WAITWHAT?!

Slim: MASH PIT!

(He jumps into the screaming audience with his butcher knives gleaming in the moonlight.)

Hammer Sis: …

(Intern walks onstage.)

Hammer Sis: There you are! Where have you been?

(Intern takes out her DS and writes something in pictochat.)

Hammer Sis: … Wow! Why?

(Intern writes some more.)

Hammer Sis: Well that makes sense, but why so many Mexicans and Beanbean Kingdom people?

(More writing…)

Hammer Sis: … You’re a horrible person.

(Intern bows.)

Hammer Sis: Want to help me with audience questions?

(Intern nods.)

Hammer Sis: Ok! Guy hiding in the corner!

Boo #12522: Why aren’t you helping us?!

Hammer Sis: The questions are not for us, they’s for King Boo.

Boo #12522: WHY?!

Hammer Sis: Because we’re lazy.

King Boo and Slim: And we’re crazy!!!

Boo #12522: Why do we follow you?!

King Boo: Well it’s because I was the first Boo everm and all new Boos come to me so they can learn how to control themselves, but they have to pledge obedience to me first.

(Intern holds up a sign with the number 40 on it.)

Boo#40: How are you related to Bow?

King Boo: She was my daughter from when I was alive.

Hammer Sis: Oh, so she is your real daughter.

King Boo: Yup.

Hammer Sis: I guess that makes sense… What the @#$% are you two smearing on your faces?

King Boo and Slim: Frog guts! : )

Hammer Sis: … Seat #40,829!

Dark Yoshi 123: So… hungry…

Hammer Sis: That’s because you didn’t eat the sandwich we gave you yesterday.

Dark Yoshi 123: You didn’t give me anything!

Hammer Sis: That’s because you’re a hobo.

Dark Yoshi 123: Hey! I’m an interviewer just like you, and I deserve respect!

Hammer Sis: Then shut up and ask something.

Dark Yoshi 123: … What is you crown made out of?

King Boo: Boos. Watch.

(He throws the crown at Intern. After putting more holes in her than Swiss cheese, the crown separates into like fifty Boos. Then King Boo makes a new crown out of screaming Boos.)

King Boo: See?

Hammer Sis: Sadly, yes. Seat 40!

Goomba: Wait, this isn’t the Goomba Boyz concert! Curse you, map quest! CURSE YOU!!!

King Boo: Do you have a question for your destroyer?

Goomba: Yeah, what’s with the Bowser suit you used in Luigi’s Mansion?

King Boo: That was a Halloween costume I had from a couple years ago.

Goomba: Then why were you wearing it and why was it battle ready?

King Boo: (eating the Goomba) I was wearing it because I thought it would scare Luigi away. The suit was battle ready because I customized it to destroy all those old folks who tried to give me apples instead of candy!

Hammer Sis: Aren’t you a little too old for Halloween?

King Boo: Nonsense! Look! I even have my next costume right here!

(He spits out the Goomba’s skin and wears it.)

Hammer Sis: Oh my DAD that is gross!

Slim: No it’s not!

(Hammer Sis turns around to see Slim wearing Intern’s flesh.)

Hammer Sis: Going, to, hurl…

Shady: … Ew. What the @#$% did I miss?

Hammer Sis: Not much.

King Boo: I demand more questions!

Shady: Oh, so we’re interviewing something. I should have known from the screaming audience and the fact that we’ll be dead soon. So, KB, do you know Grambi and Jaydes, the rulers of the Overthere and the Underthere?

King Boo: Yes. A REALLY long time ago, we all used to be friends. Jaydes was even my girlfriend. But then we were assigned our places by DAD. Jaydes was given the Underwhere, Grambi was given the Overthere, and I was given the land of the living. Unfortunately, this separated me from Jaydes and made Grambi closer to her. Another bad thing was that because I was in the land of the living, I was mortal, and all mortals are doomed to die. That is why I’m a Boo and why Grambi and Jaydes are married now.

Shady: Ahhh… Do you need a hug?

King Boo: *sniff* Yes.

(Intern hugs King Boo.)

King Boo: Thank you.

Shady: No problem.

King Boo: I’m still going to kill you, though.

Shady: That’s fine… Wait, what?

(King Boo absorbs Intern. You can see her being digested in his stomach.)

Slim: HA! Good one, buddy. Now, let us leave and then we can…

(Hammer Sis, Shady, Intern, and Slim are strapped onto separate tables.)

Shady and Hammer Sis: AHHHHHHH!!!

Slim: I thought we were friends!

King Boo: Well your thoughts weren’t crazy enough! Now hold still while I get the axe and head basket ready.

(He drops the blade and chops Intern’s head off.)

King Boo: Whoops.

(He picks it up and then drops it on Intern again.)

King Boo: Whoops again.

(He drops it again.)

King Boo: That one was on purpose.

Shady: That reminds me. What’s with all items in this mansion that have a life of their own?

Hammer Sis: How can you still think about the stupid Interview at a time like this?!

Shady: Well someone has to.

King Boo: Every time I use Makeover Mojo, parts of my spirit separate into random objects in the mansion. Now it’s splatter time!

(He puts on a black mask and starts to raise the blades.)

Slim: Somehow this seems ironic to me

Hammer Sis: Lemmy’s bound to save us, right?! He looks after his fans, right?!

(Meanwhile…)

Lemmy: Why, won’t, you, open, you, stupid, ketchup, bottle?!

Iggy: Hey, Lemmy? Shady Parakoopa’s is in mortal danger!

Lemmy: Who the @#$% is Shady Parakoopa?

Iggy: No clue. We also have an Interview from Dark Koopa that needs to be read.

Lemmy: Who the @#$% is Dark Koopa?

Iggy: Your number one interviewer at Lemmy’s Land.

Lemmy: What the @#$% is Lemmy’s Land?

(…)

Hammer Sis: We’re so dead.

Shady: One last question!

Kind Boo: (sharpening the blades) Shoot.

Shady: Where did you get all those coins and stars for Mario Party 8 and Mario Kart DS?

King Boo: MC Ballyhoo supplied the Stars to me, and the coins were there when I found that battle arena in Mario Kart DS. The person who used the arena before me must have left them there. All done. Any last requests?

Hammer Sis: Besides to keep on living?

King Boo: … Just for that, I’m going to kill you twice.

Hammer Sis: @#$%.

Slim: What did I say about the swearing problem?

Shady: Well… this is the end. LIVE LONG AN-

???: Don’t even think about finishing that stolen catchphrase!

(A van crashes through the wall of the mansion.)

Hammer Sis: What the… Is that the Mystery Machine?

Slim: We’re being saved by Scooby Doo… Figures.

(One long running away montage later…)

King Boo: Darn it! And I could have gotten away with it, too, if I wasn’t for those medaling 1970 hippie stereotypes. Who can I kill now…?

Joshua: Hey! That was a total rip-off of my Batmobile jokes! I’m totally suing. Oh, hi King Boo. I’m Joshua from the Joshua’s Super Traveling Interview Show……

King Boo: Thank you DAD.

…

Hammer Sis: So… you two killed the Scooby Doo gang and stole their van?

Blaze: Yup.

Yux: But it was only after we buried them that we realized that neither of us was old enough to drive. That, and the fact that neither of us has legs.

Slim: (trying to put Intern’s head back on) Then, how did you drive it to the mansion?

Yux: By using the Randomizer!

Slim: Oh… *frown* What was the bad news?

Yux: Oh, the bad news was…

Hammer Sis: Who was the idiot who let Shady drive, again?!

Shady: What wrong with that? I’m a great driver! Now which button activates the turbo boosts?

Everyone: …

Blaze: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Yux: If you haven’t figured it out by now, that’s our version of End Transmission.

Hammer Sis: We’ve done 28 Interviews, I think they’ve figured it out by now.

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