Mr. Ignorable: Interview 29!

Shady: …

Hammer Sis: …

Shady: …

Blaze: …

Shady: …

Slim: …

Shady: …

Yux: …

Shady: …

Intern: …

Shady: … Well, I understand why Intern's not talking to me, but why are you guys so mad at me?

Blaze: We went to jail…

Slim: Crashed into a haunted mansion…

Yux: Then escaped through a cactus field…

Hammer Sis: And now we’re in a zombie-filled graveyard!

Zombie: Hi… Oh, and BRAINSS… and stuff.

Hammer Sis: Who do we have to thank? YOU!

(Intern shakes her fist angrily at Shady.)

Shady: Ok, ok. I get it. My bad. But life goes on, right?

Dry Bones: Not for us it doesn’t.

Shady: Let's just be happy that they’re the slow-moving zombies and not the fast-moving ones.

(They turn their backs to Intern. The zombie version of The Flash grabs Intern and drags her into the woods.)

Slim: Did you hear something?

Everyone: No.

Yux: So… what do we do now?

Shady: What else? Let's interview things! So, rock, what are you doing these days?

Rock: …

Shady: Interesting…

Hammer Sis: Why is that rock decaying?

Blaze: Zombie ROCK!!!

Rock: BRAINS!!!

(They run back to the Interviewing Machine and lock the doors.)

Shady: What the @#$% is wrong with this place?!

Dry Bones: You'rw telling me.

Shady: Who gave you permission to hide with us?

Dry Bones: The title of this Interview.

Shady: Curse you, title! CURSE YOU!!!

Yux: Let's start this stupid thing before Lemmy complains that it’s too long.

Lemmy: BRAINSSS!!!

Blaze: Not Lemmy too!

Lemmy: What? No. I’m not a Zombie. I’m just hungry.

Blaze: …

Shady: Too, much, filler! Let's begin!

(3… 2… 1… GO!)

Shady: So, what’s with the living dead thing?

Dry Bones: When a Koopa or a Yoshi’s game ends, the lord of the Underwhere, Jaydes, will sometimes revive them as D Guys and charge them with the task of guarding the Underwhere from Skellobits. We are rewarded for a good job of guarding by being allowed to return to our decaying bodies.

Hammer Sis: How do you keep all your bones in place so perfectly?

Dry Bones: Our bones are magnetically charged, so each bone will stick to each other. Except our heads for some reason.

(The remains of Intern crash through a window. Intern and the window instantly reform.)

Yux: Ooookkkkk then…

Slim: So where do you put all those bones you throw at people?

Dry Bones: Actually, Dry Bones can duplicate any bone on their body.

Hammer Sis: Is this how those red Dry Bones can create more Dry Bones?

Dry Bones: No, not exactly. The red and blue Dry Bones were Magikoopas when they were alive. Their left over magic gives their bone duplication a big boost. This allows them to summon the trapped soul of another Dry Bones and then but it into the newly made body.

Hammer Sis: That makes sense… I guess.

Shady: I never understand anything the interviewees say. I just smile and nod. You said that Yoshis could become Dry Bones too. Does that mean everybody can become Dry Bones?

Dry Bones: No. Only Yoshis and Koopas. Everyone else usually becomes a Skellobit, or their bodies burn up and they become Embers.

Shady: Huh. Was that how you were created, Blaze?

Blaze: … No.

Shady: Then how?

Blaze: (flaming) None of your business!

(Everyone huddles in fear on one side of the van.)

Blaze: (cooling down) … Sorry.

Slim: Wow. That was the start of a story arc if I ever heard one.

Shady: Story arc? Interviews don’t have story arcs! No matter how deep, epic, or sad they may be. Now let's ask another pointless question!

Dry Bones: Pointless?

Shady: So why have Dry Bones been appearing in all the Mario side games now?

Dry Bones: Every now and then, all the D Guys are given a year or two vacation, and right now these are those years. Since we are kind of related to the Boos who are usually in those games, we were able to get in too.

Shady: Audience time!

Hammer Sis: What audience?

Shady: The viewers at home, of course!

Phone: Ring ring!

Blaze: So we meet again.

Phone: Hey! I have a restraining order against you!

Blaze: What good is that?

(The restraining order shoots an iceball at Blaze.)

Blaze: Ahh!! I’m melting! Melting…

Yux: No you're not.

Blaze: Oh yeah.

Phone: So… is anyone going to answer me?

Shady: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Bowser (on the other end): Why do some of your eyes glow yellow but others' don’t?

Dry Bones: When a Dry Bones has yellow eyes, it means that that Dry Bones’s soul is fully fused with their corpse.

Phone: Ring ring!

Hammer Sis: (answering it) Yes? … K. Why do most of you lie down in a pile on the ground when no one's around?

Dry Bones: Maintaining the magnetic charge that holds all those bones together can be very tiring, so we usually lie down whenever we can, to recharge our magic energy.

Slim: Translation: We’re very, very lazy.

Dry Bones: …

Phone: Ring ring!

(Intern picks up the phone. She shakes her head “yes”, then hangs up.)

Shady: So what did he ask?

(Intern shakes her head "no".)

Shady: Well sum up what the call was about in a single action.

(Intern sucker punches Shady.)

Shady: (wind knocked out of him) Oh. So it was a telemarketer.

Phone: Ring ring!

Hammer Sis: Yes?

Toad: Why aren’t there any Paratroopa Dry Bones?

Dry Bones: Because Paratroopas' wings are boneless.

Blaze: Mmmmm… Boneless wings. Yum.

Phone: Ring ring!

Slim: Hello?

Dark Yoshi 123: I somehow made a phone out of used sandwiches, toothpicks, and by using burning dollar bills for the electricity!

Slim: Couldn’t you have used the bills to buy a phone?

Dark Yoshi 123: … Shut up. How come Skellokeys can breathe fire, but you guys are weak against fire?

Dry Bone: Skellokeys are weak against fire, too. When they breathe fire, they form the fire outside their mouth by rubbing their dry lips against each other and then breathing outward. I guess Dry Bones could do that too, but we can’t move our lips together like Skellokeys can.

Hammer Sis: Hey, Slim. Why aren’t you being so crazy today?

Slim: I don’t know myself. The demons in my head have been mysteriously silenced. Don’t worry, I’m bound to do something crazy sooner or later. This is just the calm before the storm.

Hammer Sis: Oh joy.

Phone: Ring ring!

Koopa: Yeah, I want an extra large pizza, some bottles of Coke…

Hammer Sis: You must have the wrong number.

(Shady yanks the phone out of Hammer Sis’s hand.)

Shady: We’ll be over in a little bit. Thank you for choosing Shady’s Traveling Pizza Joint!

(He hangs up.)

Hammer Sis: What the…?

Shady: There are things you must never know about me.

(Insert Mysterious Music.)

Hammer Sis: …

Phone: Ring ring!

Boo: What are Dull Bones?

Dry Bones: They're Dry Bones who have been on Plit for over 100 years. They're very old, and thus their bones have started to dull a bit and they’ve grown weak.

Phone: Ring ring!

Toad: What were you guys doing in Yoob’s belly?

Dry Bones: Oh, this and that.

Shady: A real answer please.

Dry Bones: Fine. I was just joking.

Shady: Do I have to remind you that I can kill you at any moment?

Dry Bones: What?

(Shady stabs Dry Bones with his ice pick/microphone.)

Dry Bones: … Moving on. When our souls are brought back to the land of the living, we automatically head back to the remains of our body. I guess the Dry Bones in Yoob’s belly were Yoshis whose games ended when Yoob ate them.

Toad: Then what about the Dry Bones in the Underwhere?

Dry Bones: Those must have been the remains of all the stupid ten-year-olds who tried to dig to China.

Phone: Ring ring!

Goomba: Please don’t ask me how I’m holding a phone, 'cause I’m not that sure either. So why do some Dry Bones walk on two legs while others walk on all four?

Dry Bones: Well it all depends on what they were before they died. Some Koopas in the Beanbean Kingdom walk on all four legs, and sometimes a Toad will rearrange their bones into the shape of a four-legged Dry Bones.

Goomba: What about Goombas?

Dry Bones: Goombas don’t have bones. You're supported by a system of fluids. When your game ends, your fluids harden and form a ball. This ball becomes a Skellokey’s body section.

Goomba: Great. We don’t get any peace in the aftergame either!

Dry Bones: Yep. We even use your souls as footrests! Hahaha…

Goomba: …

Phone: Ring ring! I’m getting more lines then Blaze or Yux combined!

Blaze and Yux combined: …

Mario: !esaelp eseehc ekil dluow I

Luigi: For the love of... You're holding it upside down!

Mario: I would like cheese please!

Hammer Sis: Good for you. What’s your question?

Mario: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a cheese pop?

Luigi: Give me that. What’s up with the wand you used in Mario Party 7?

Dry Bones: A Magikoopa made it for Boo and I. She also made the rest of the items that the other characters in that game used. Those items combined the special powers that each person had into an easy to use form.

Luigi: Then why did your half of that power involve hitting two dice blocks?

Dry Bones: What? Dry Bones are fast.

Slim: How can anything undead move fast?

(The Zombie Flash breaks through the van’s windshield and grabs Intern. A Zombie Shroom jumps into the van.)

Zombie Shroom: Waka waka waka!

Zombie Pac-man: Waka waka waka!

Shady: AHH! Blaze! Finally do some bodyguarding!

Blaze: Finally!

(After a three-minute attack animation, the zombies are dead…er.)

Blaze: That felt good.

(The zombies revive.)

Blaze: Oh come on!

(He quickly smelts the Mystery Machine back together.)

Slim: That was pathetic.

Blaze: (crying steam) At least I tried!

Phone: Ring ring!

Shady: This is the last question, and then I have to use you to complain to the Umbrella Co. about their defective zombie products.

King Boo (on the other side): I’m backkkk!!!

Yux: Good for you.

King Boo: So who gave you those karts in Mario Kart DS?

Dry Bones: Well Peach supplied me with the main kart and the Dry Bones Mobile, as I like to call it. The mini tank was a little side project I was working on before I died. I used to be a mechanic, you see.

(Zombie Rock breaks though the van’s wall.)

Zombie Rock: Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'ssss ROCKY!!!

Hammer Sis: AHH!!! IT’S A BOXER!

Blaze: BALBOA!!!

(They make a run for it, leaving the Dry Bones behind.)

Dry Bones: Hi Bob.

Zombie Rock: Hi George.

Hammer Sis: (running) Soooo… how do we get out of this one?

Shady: The same way we get out of every problem. Yux!

Yux: Yeah, I’m on it. RANDOMIZE!

(He glows, then stops.)

Yux: The good news is…

Slim: Can you be quiet? The demons in my head are talking to me again. (in three separate demonic voices) Silence fool. It is time…

(Slim turns around and snaps his fingers, summoning red demon holes that use bloody hands to rip the zombies limb from limb before sucking them up.)

Shady: Well done, Crazy! Why can’t you summon up a demon to help us, Blaze?

Blaze: Because it’s unholy.

Shady: Well, yeah, but still.

Demon Slim: Our time is close at hand, Shady. You know what I want! Your blood will be spilled! My minions will see to it! LONG LIVE THE DARKNESS!

(Slim collapses on the around. This causes the demon holes to disappear, but not before dragging Intern with them first.)

Hammer Sis: Shady, what just happened?

Shady: We were just visited by an evil being, Hammer Sis. A being know as… PLOT!

(Dun dun dun!!!)

Hammer Sis: …

Yux: Oh, and the bad news is…

Shady: Let's answer fanmail!

(Everyone growns.)

Shady: Hey! We’ve almost hit Interview 30. I can do whatever I want. This one comes from Joshua and his bodyguard, a flaming Phantom Ember called Inferno.

Blaze: Real original.

Shady: The question is... "Did Blaze keep his new color after messing with the time stream?" I'm glad you asked. Yes, Blaze is now a red flame instead of his old black flame after what happened with the whole time-space continuum messing thing.

Hammer Sis: Thank DAD that was the only bad thing we did.

Shady: Actually…

Flashback…

Ken Kutaragi: So people will totally buy a $600 game system?

Shady: Totally.

Ken Kutaragi: Sweet.

End Flashback…

Hammer Sis: That’s not bad at all.

Lemmy: BRAINSSSSS!!!

Shady: Not now, Lemmy.

(Lemmy bites Shady’s head.)

Yux: ZOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBIIIIIEEEEEE!!!

To Be Continued!

Hammer Sis: *gasp* We didn’t end by saying Live long and prosper! … Dang it.

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