Author’s Note: It’s long but worth it! Enjoy!
 

Mr. Ignorable: Interview 30! Yay!

Zombie Lemmy (on Shady’s head): BRRRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNSSSS!!!

Hammer Sis: We heard you the first time, but you’re not going to find any there.

Shady: … That was hurtful.

Yux: And this was a lame cliffhanger.

Blaze: Very lame.

Shady: Just shut up and take Slim upstairs.

Blaze: Why?

Yux: And when did we get an upstairs? More importantly, when did we get a studio?

Shady: DO NOT QUESTION MY MIGHT!!!

Yux: Whatever. Come on, fire boy. Help me with demon boy.

Blaze: Coming.

(…)

Shady: Hi, and welcome to…

Zombie Lemmy: (slowly) Zombie Lemmy’s interview show!!! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Shady: Yes, brains are nice.

Hammer Sis: Wait wait wait… We’re starting the Interview now?

Shady: Yes, so?

Hammer Sis: It hasn’t even been two pages yet!

Shady: And…?

Hammer Sis: We usually take like twenty pages to get to the actual Interview!

Shady: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

(LOL, inside joke.)

Hammer Sis: Who said that?!

Shady: Stop acting crazy! We already had one Interview with you acting crazy. We don’t need two. Anyways, welcome to Interview 30 of Shady’s Traveling Interview Show! I hope you’ve enjoyed the Interviews/torture up to this point. Today, coming all the way from the unholy pit known as the Underwhere, HEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSSS… Skellobit!

(Cheesy saxophone music plays as Skellobit walks onstage.)

Skellobit: Hello random graveyard! Hey, short stuff, hold this for me, will ya?

(He throws his spear to Intern. You can probably guess what happens next.)

Hammer Sis: That has to hurt…

Shady: So, what games were you in?

Skellobit: Just Super Paper Mario.

Shady: Ok, that was a dumb question.

Hammer Sis: All of your questions are dumb. So what’s the Skellobit’s story?

Skellobit: Well we used to be Shades who lived our aftergames in the Underwhere. But we wanted more, much more! So with the help of our master Bonechill, we were able to shape the random bones that were scattered around the Underwhere into these new bodies, which we used to take over the Overthere!

Hammer Sis: Which you failed to do.

Skellobit: We were close to taking it over…

Hammer Sis: But not by much.

Skellobit: …

Shady: How come some of you wear spikes while others don’t?

Skellobit: It shows our rank in the Skellobit army. A spike means that you’re a Spiky Skellobit, which are the commanders. No spike means that you’re a follower, which is me.

Hammer Sis: Wouldn’t it make more sense for all of you to wear a spike and then the commanders wear two or more spikes?

Skellobit: Yeah, that would make sense, but we didn’t have enough spikes for everyone.

Shady: Why?

Skellobit: Those spikes are made from the teeth of Fracktail. So obviously we ran out of them. We reserved all the spikes for those in command.

Shady: Fracktail?

Skellobit: Yeah. After Mario killed him, his body fell to the bottom of the Underwhere, where we live.

Shady: I’d hate to see the littering ticket on that one.

Zombie Lemmy: *sniff* Brains…

Hammer Sis: Awww… Poor thing’s starving to death.

(Intern walks by for some reason. Zombie Lemmy jumps on her head. You can probably guess what happens next.)

Hammer Sis: That also has to hurt...

Skellobit: While we’re on the subject of brains, Skellobits don’t have brains.

Zombie Lemmy: *gasp!* No BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSS?!

Skellobit: … That’s right. No brains. We used to be Shades, which are spirits, so obviously we don’t have any organs.

Hammer Sis: That explains so much.

Skellobit: …

(…)

Yux: Ok, it’s all set up.

Blaze: You sure about this?

Yux: No, but let’s do it anyways.

(Yux, who’s somehow dressed like a priest, hovers towards the unconscious Slim, who’s strapped to the bed.)

Yux: (using holy water) The power of DAD Jr. compels you! The power of DAD Jr. compels you!

(As he plays exorcist, Slim’s shadow starts to slowly grow and take on a physical form.)

Blaze: Um, Yux?

Yux: Not now, Blaze, I’m trying to release the demons and make them my minions. Then I’ll have them attack the author until he promises to continue Shadow Paper Mario 2. Just like in Overlord and Pikmin!

Blaze: But… but…

Yux: Stop rubbing in the fact that neither of us has butts! Now, where was I?

(He turns around and comes face to cloaked face with Slim’s demon.)

Cloaked Demon: Hi.

Yux: Oooooooooooooh snap.

(…)

Hammer Sis: So, what are Skellobombers?

Skellobit: Skellobombers used to be bad Nimbis who lived in the Overthere. But Grambi punished them by making them live with us in the Underwhere. While they were down there, their bodies changed into the form of Skellobits, but their wings from when they were Nimbis stayed with them. Lucky forsaken souls…

Shady: Why are they able to replicate their heads but you guys can’t?

Skellobit: What? We can replicate our heads too. See?

(He rips off his head and throws it to Zombie Lemmy, who starts to gnaw on it. Skellobit’s head grows back.)

Hammer Sis: Big deal. Intern can do that in her sleep. Watch.

(She rips off Intern’s head. Intern collapses on the ground and starts bleeding like a fountain.)

Hammer Sis: … Give it a sec.

(Still headless and bleeding.)

Hammer Sis: … Give it a minute…or an hour.

(Zombie Lemmy props Intern up and drinks from the fountain of blood.)

Shady: I’m starting to like the new Lemmy. I can’t wait to see Zombie Lemmy’s Land!

Skellobit: … Anyways. It’s just that Skellobombers use the head replicating thing a lot more than us because our standard-issue spears are way too heavy for them to fly with, so they throw their heads instead.

Shady: Now that’s what I call, “Using your head!”

99% of the Audience: Yawn.

1% of the Audience, aka, that one weird guy in the back: HAHAHAHA!!!

Shady: What the @#$% is that?!

Hammer Sis: I think it’s laughter.

Shady: I’ve never heard of that before. How are you able to reproduce your head?

Skellobit: When we were escaping the Underwhere, Bonechill found some Growmebas. You know, those floating red cloning things? Anyways, he ripped out their magic and added it to us.

Shady: How did he do that?

Skellobit: By ripping out the Growmebas’ eyes. Their eyes are the source of their power. But don’t worry, hippies, their eyes grow back fast, so don’t go waving you animal abuse picket signs at me.

Shady: Interesting. Maybe I should try finding one of those Growmebas…

Hammer Sis: No.

Shady: But…

Hammer Sis: No.

Shady: But…

(Intern hands Hammer Sis a megaphone.)

Hammer Sis: NO!!!

Shady: MY EARSSSS!!!

Hammer Sis: We don’t have ears.

Shady: Oh yeah…

(…)

Yux: Soooo… Who are you?

Cloaked Demon: Can’t you read? I’m the Cloaked Demon.

Blaze: Duh.

Yux: Well, don’t you have a real name?

Cloaked Demon: Yes, but I’m not going to tell you.

Blaze: Why?

Cloaked Demon: ‘Cause I want to keep you guessing.

Blaze: Man you’re evil.

Cloaked Demon: I’m a freaking demon. It’s what we do. Now give me Slim and I’ll leave.

Blaze: (flaming) Over Intern’s dead body!

Yux: Don’t worry, Blaze. I’ve got this one.

Blaze: But I like killing…

Yux: RANDOMIZE!

(He starts to glow, but then…)

Cloaked Demon: ANTI-RANDOMIZE!

(Yux stops glowing.)

Yux: … That was so very cheap.

Cloaked Demon: I know you are but what am I?

Yux: Oh, it’s on now.

Cloaked Demon: Bring it!

Blaze: RANDOM FIGHT!

(Blaze summons a ring of fire around the two Random Warriors.)

Yux: … Was the flaming arena of death really necessary, Blaze?

Blaze: Yes. Yes it was.

(…)

Hammer Sis: … I have this weird feeling that we’re about to miss something cool.

Shady: What can be cooler then a thought provoking, educational Interview? Nothing, that’s what. Audience time!

Audience: Hurrah?

Hammer Sis: Seat 40!

Paragoomba: What are Skellobaits?

Skellobit: You mean the small, green things? When we were forming these bodies, we accidentally ran out of bones. So the last Shades were made into the small Skellobaits from what we had left. Seeing that their small structure would hinder the operation, Bonechill gave them a small sample of his ice power to use.

Shady: Seat we hide our drugs under!

Luigi: Mushrooms heal you when you die, man. What’s with Spiky Skellobaits? I thought that only a commander could wear a spike.

Skellobit: Spiky Skellobaits are second in command, for when the Spiky Skellobit is incapacitated.

Hammer Sis: So when all else fails, you depend on the two-foot-tall, ice-breathing cocktail shrimp that you can throw at people.

Spiky Skellobait: Hey… We have feelings too, you know.

(Intern trips and lands on Spiky Skellobait. She gets skewered and he gets crushed under her bodyweight.)

Existence: …

(Zombie Lemmy “cleans” up the mess.)

Hammer Sis: I really wish I didn’t see that. Seat 23!

Dry Bones: I can’t believe you ditched me yesterday.

Hammer Sis: I can.

Dry Bones: … Do you have any relationship to Dry Bones?

Skellobit: Umm… I think so, but it’s like on a third cousin level.

(Intern holds up the number 50.)

Randomly generated Mario character: Why can most of you be seen roaming the Pit of 100 Trials in Flipside?

Skellobit: That was our Plan B. If we couldn’t takeover the Overthere, then we would takeover the town of Flipside instead by attacking it through the 100 Trials. After taking over the town, we would attack Flopside too, and then use both towns as our base of operation.

Hammer Sis: Then, why haven’t you taken it over yet?

Skellobit: We just can’t get to the surface! We’ve tried to dig to the surface, but the walls are made out of old Game and Watch parts!

Author’s Note: It’s true. Try flipping there.

Skellobit: Did you hear something?

Everyone: No.

Skellobit: Anyways… We’ve also tried to rush the people who enter the rooms through the disappearing doors, but that rarely works.

Shady: Speaking of rarely working, I wonder what’s taking Yux so long…

Hammer Sis: Oh come on! You can’t keep moving back and forth between the Interview and the side story!

Shady: It’s my 30th Interview! I can do whatever I want!

(…)

Cloaked Demon: You go first.

Yux: That’s what yo mama said.

Cloaked Demon: My mother was a saint!

Yux: And mine was a test-tube, so we’re on the same level.

Cloaked Demon: DIE!

Yux: Cue battle music.

(Cloaked Demon fires off a thunderbolt. Yux defends with a shield made of clowns. The clowns shoot cream cheese from out of their noses at Cloaked Demon, who summons Mario.)

Mario: CHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSEEEEE!!!

(After Mario devours the cheese attack, the Cloaked Demon pulls out a game controller.)

Cloaked Demon: Go PS3 Boomerang! GO!

(He tosses the useless controller at Yux, who pulls out a Light Gun and blasts it out of the sky… somehow.)

Yux: Thank you Duck Hunt.

(Somewhere, that stupid dog is laughing at you, in that mocking way that makes you want to strangle him and his family.)

Cloaked Demon: … Ok then. Now, witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Death Star!

(The Death Star somehow materializes into the small room. Yux flies down the center of it X-Wing-style while firing fireballs.)

Yux: Need, to, hit, the, core!

Obi-Wan: Yux, use the Force!

Yux: Stop being a backseat driver!

(He fires two fireballs into the weak point, causing a spectacular explosion within the room.)

Blaze: (eating popcorn kernels) Boooooorring.

Yux: (ignoring Blaze) I summon the Esper of fire… Ifrit!

Ifrit: ROOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!

Blaze: Hi Ifrit.

Ifrit: Hi Blaze.

Cloaked Demon: Well I call forth the object of amusement… Zombie Rock!!!

Zombie Rock: BRRRRAAAAIIINNNSSS!!!

Yux: ... I HATE YOU ALL!

(…)

(Everyone is starring at the ceiling.)

Hammer Sis: What are they doing up there?

(A stray shot of randomness hits Zombie Lemmy.)

Lemmy (de-zombified): Ow, my head… Where am I? Why is my mouth so dry… and why do I have a severed Toad’s head in my hand?

Shady: So many questions, but none of them is for the interviewee, so we can’t answer them. Sorry.

Lemmy: But I’m scared and confused… WHY AM I COVERED IN BLOOD?!

Shady: Seat 5!

Lemmy: WHAT THE @#$% WAS I DOING?!

(He breaks down into tears.)

Goomba: How did you change the color of your bones from white to blue, red, and light green?

Skellobit: Well the blue bones are a result of a Shade soul fusing with the bony body instead of a D-Guy fusing with it. The red bones are actually the blue bones, but have been covered in blood. And the light green bones are the result of Bonechill transferring his power to the Shade before he enters the body.

Hammer Sis: Seat 30!

Koopa: Why are the Spiky Skellobits red?

Skellobit: I thought I just answered that. The redness is actually blood. They’re covered in it because of the spike on their head. Every time a moron tries to jump on their heads, they stab their foot and bleed a little bit on the Spiky Skellobit.

Hammer Sis: That’s sick and wrong.

Shady: Seat 234,096,543,234,567!

Dark Yoshi 123: *insert sandwich-related joke here* Speaking of which, why were you guys in Count Bleak’s castle?

Skellobit: When our master, Bonechill, was defeated, Grambi threw us into the black hole. Luckily, we landed in Count Bleck’s castle. He let us stay there, but only if we did his bidding.

Count Bleak: ‘Cause that’s how I roll… added Count Bleak.

(Intern holds up the number two.)

Shady: Seat three!

Intern: …

Squiglet: Why do you all carry around spears?

Skellobit: Bonechill used to be part of the NSA, which is the National Spear Association. So naturally he was able to hook us all up with spears.

Shady: That makes sense. Did I mention that that was the last question?

Skellobit: No.

Shady: Well it was.

(Intern hurls the Skellobit’s spear through his chest and nails him to the wall.)

Skellobit: Um… A little help please?

(Intern holds up a sign with the word No on it. Then she sticks out her tongue at Skellobit, who grabs the tongue and begins to… well I don’t want to write about it. It’s for your own good.)

Shady: Time for the fan questions!

Hammer Sis: I give this new thing one more Interview before you forget all about it.

Shady: Oh really? Name one theme that I forgot about.

Hammer Sis: Killing off the new Interview partner, the tennis racket thing, the killer Hammer Bro assign, Prince Parsley the Bandit, Chief Blaze…

Shady: Lalalala I’m not listening! Today’s question comes from Dark Yoshi 123.

Dark Yoshi 123: Hurrah!

Shady: Quiet, you!

Dark Yoshi 123: …

Shady: Anyways, he asked what our full names are. Well I’m Shady Parakoopa…

Hammer Sis: I’m Mary Hammer. No relationship to M.C. Hammer.

(Intern holds a nametag that says, “Hi! I’m Intern Net!”)

(…)

Blaze: I’m Blaze Elemental.

Yux: And I’m Failed X-Yux Experiment #64… Why did I just say that?

Cloaked Demon: Hey! Focus here! I want you to see me use the darkest art to kill you both!

Yux: You wouldn’t dare. It would kill you too!

Cloaked Demon: Um, hello? I’m a demon. I’m already dead!

Yux: Oh yeah… Wait. Then that means you’re…

Cloaked Demon: I summon the power of predetermined fate!

(Slim’s body breaks out of the straps and begins to float in midair.)

Yux: Don’t do it… MAX!

Blaze: Dun dun dun!

Max: No can do, my amigo… DESTINIZE!!!

(Slim screams out in pain as a black bat wing sprouts out of his back and covers his body. The wing slowly moves back to reveal a new Koopa in Slim’s place.)

Max: Master! You live!

Blaze: W-who are you?

Koopa: … I am Shavilo. Shavilo Parakoopa. And I’m more evil then the Shadow Queen, Hitler, and Jack Thompson combined!

To Be Continued!

Hammer Sis: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER! … I have no idea why I just said that.

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