Joshua: You’re STILL a hybrid?

John: Sure, why not? Let’s go with that.

Crump: I still say I should be interviewing…

Joshua: Silence, non-believer!

(Joshua punches Crump to the moon, but he come back, just because I say so.)

Inferno: Can I kill any Mario partners in the audience?

Joshua: You and Shady can split the job.

Shady: Yay!

Princess Shroob: Well, King Boo, Petey, and I are off to destroy Canada.

Petey: They’ve had it too good for too long…

King Boo: … Whatever.

(They leave.)

Joshua: Joshua’s Super Interview Show!

Lemmy: I am Lemmy! And this is MY Interview Show!

(King Boo possesses Lemmy into jumping into the volcano, but jumps out before he hits lava. Then he teleports back to Canada.)

Joshua: … Today, I’m Interviewing Yoshi!

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Joshua: First, what’s the deal with you and Birdo? In most game manuals, it says Birdo’s male, but…

Yoshi: Obviously, there’s more than one Birdo. Some male, some female. The Birdo in Mario & Luigi was female, the Birdos in other games were male, and my girlfriend, Birdo, is female.

Joshua: Oh. I should’ve known that. I rock at Biology. I got a 91 on my final exam this year! So, you’re the most confusing character in the Mario Universe.

Yoshi: What do you mean?

Joshua: In the Super Mario World cartoons, you say that you’re afraid of water. And in Super Mario Sunshine, you evaporate as soon as you touch it. But in Yoshi’s Island and Yoshi’s Island DS, you’re perfectly capable of swimming. Also, in the Super Mario World cartoon, you say you’re afraid of ghosts. But in Yoshi’s Island and YIDS, you run through Bigger Boo’s Fort and Hector the Reflector’s Haunted House respectively without a care in the world. What gives? And… you’re going to say different Yoshis again, aren’t you?

Yoshi: Yep.

Joshua: Shut up, Techno Guy!

(Joshua punches Techno Guy into the volcano, but he jumps out unharmed, because he’s wearing lava-resistant robes.)

Joshua: This Interview’s really long winded. So why’d you say, “Mario, it that really you?” in Mario 64?

Yoshi: I was just so excited to see Mario after so long! I stuttered.

Joshua: Stupid.

Princess Shroob: What is the velocity of an unlaiden sparrow?

President of Canada: African or European?

Princess Shroob: Does it matter?

King Boo: Should I get the FREAKIN’ HUGE ROBOT to start wrecking the place?

Princess Shroob: … Yes.

(King Boo flies away and gets into a FREAKIN’ HUGE ROBOT that looks like the one from Megas XLR. The theme starts playing.)

King Boo: YOU dig giant robots!
I dig giant robots!
WE dig giant robots!
CHICKS dig giant robots!
…
Nice.

Petey: That was stupider than me.

Princess Shroob: Yep.

Petey: He’s not bad, though.

Princess Shroob: Nope. Plit Idol, here we come.

(King Boo destroys Canada in the FREAKIN’ HUGE ROBOT, and they return to Lavalava Island.)

Joshua: So… pointless… Oh yeah, apart from the bright shine, are Neon Eggs different than regular eggs?

Yoshi: The Yoshis that hatch from them are super strong, fast, and intelligent. If thrown, Neon Eggs explode beautifully on impact for intense damage.

Joshua: Oh yeah, I have an announcement. Not like anyone will care but… I’M A SUPER KOOPA!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Crickets chirp.)

Joshua: Shut up, Techno Guy!

(Joshua pulls out the Star Rod, the Homerun Bat, and the Beam Sword from Super Smash Bros. Melee. They somehow combine with his wand. Joshua gains the power to transform his wand into those items.)

Joshua: … AWESOME!!! SUPER SMASH BROTHERS MELEE! HOMERUN BAT!!!

(Joshua smacks Techno Guy into the volcano again with Homerun Bat power, but this time he battles with Lava Piranha. We’ll check on him later…)

Joshua: So, why did your trophy in Super Smash Bros. Melee say that your first appearance was in YI, but you were in Super Mario World first?

Yoshi: The programmers didn’t really do their homework, I guess-

Joshua: You gave them homework? You fiend!

(Joshua kills Yoshi.)

Engarde: Now what?

Joshua: We’ll just get another Yoshi. There’s like 50 of ‘em.

(General Guy, who is somehow alive after his Interview, pops up in front of the screen, the background freezing.)

General Guy: All right, munchkins, listen up! The following scenes are going to be far too violent and exciting to show some of our younger viewers!

(The camera shows a koala sitting in a tree, licking eucalyptus leaves.)

General Guy: So instead we will show you this sooooothing recording of a koala in the Australian Outback. HOLY FUDGE NUGGETS YOU SHOULD SEE THIS! Fireballs, Bullet Bills, and explosions everywhere! The destruction and mayhem is enormous! It appears to be over. Now let's go back to the-

(The camera suddenly shows Inferno and Shady running at Lakilester and Kooper from behind and hitting them over their heads with chairs. The camera then goes back to show the koala.)

General Guy: WOAH! That was entirely MY bad! I misread the signal! I knew a guy named Joe! He misread a signal in a combat situation! Now he eats EVERYTHING through a mechanical STRAW! Wait, stupid mass murder over! Carry on.

(There are 49 dead Yoshis on stage.)

Joshua: Ok, we CAN’T kill this one *sob*, so finish the question from before.

Yoshi: The Yoshi that fought in SSBM was a different one from the one in SMW. He didn’t know that there was another in SMW, but he did appear in YI. All the Yoshis on the Island did.

Joshua: I’m bored; you’re boring, time for boring audience questions. Oh yeah, we’ve got word seats now! So, seat MONKEY!

Diddy Kong: Why are there different-colored Yoshis?

Yoshi: It’s decided by the genes we inherit from our parents. A light-colored Yoshi’s genes are recessive, while dark is dominant. If a heterozygous (one of each type of gene), dark-colored Yoshi has children with a light-colored one, if we use D for dominant and d for recessive, the possibilities are Dd, Dd, dd, or dd. This means that there is a 50 percent chance either way.

Joshua: Yeah, I did genetics recently in Biology.

(Diddy Kong looks like his brain has exploded.)

Joshua: Seat PROBABLY A RELATIVE!

Rex: Are we related?

Yoshi: No. I’m a dinosaur, and you’re more of a dragon.

Rex: Oh.

Joshua: Seat METAL POKéMON!

Steelix: STEELIX!

(Joshua slaps a translator on Steelix.)

Steelix: Thank you. So, why were you in that block in SMW?

Yoshi: Bowser captured me, because he knew I’d be of help to Mario. He didn’t know Mario actually hit blocks to get power-ups and coins at this point in time.

Joshua: You’re so COOL! And so HUGE! Join my Crew!

Steelix: Do I have to?

Joshua: Master Ball, go!

(Joshua captures Steelix and forces him to join the crew.)

Joshua: YES! I caught a Steelix! Anyway… Seat ARMY DUDE!

General Guy: Does it hurt when the admiral, Mario, jumps on your back?

Yoshi: Yes. He almost breaks my back, he’s so fat!

(Techno Guy is winning against Lava Piranha.)

Techno Guy: Water Blast!

Lava Piranha: Hey! If you want to Interview me, just ask!

Techno Guy: It’s more fun this way.

LP: …

Joshua: Well, looks like we’ve got our next interviewee. Seat MENTAL RETARD! No, MENTAL RETARD’S BROTHER! No, GREEDY CLONE OF THE MENTAL RETARD! No, GREEDY CLONE’S BROTHER! No, MY CLONE! No, GUY WHO GETS BEAT UP BY MENTAL RETARD EVEN WHEN HE’S INVINCIBLE!

Mario: I’m-a Mario!

Luigi: Ghosts!

Wario: Money!

Waluigi: I’m afraid of word seats!

Josh Koopa: Gimme my wand!

Joshua: NEVAH!

Bowser: Um…

Joshua: Haven’t done THIS in a while. Just end transmission.

END TRANSMISSION

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