GENERAL TOAD interviews X-NAUT

By General Toad

(General Toad is standing in the ruins of his mansion.)

GT: Grrrr! Mario Koopa!!!

MagiBoo: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Doopliss Guy: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

GT: I need a new instent fixer!

(E. Gadd and X-Naut appear.)

E. Gadd: Did someone just destroy your new mansion? Do you want it repaired, and FAST! Then talk to your X-Naut friend!

(E. Gadd disappears.)

MagiBoo: HUH?

X-Naut: Let me explain, dudes. I felt so bad that someone ELSE destroyed your ceiling for revenge and not by accident. AND you gave up your insta-re-maker thingymajiger, so I went to this crazy hair sci-guy or something to get you a new one!

GT: Wow, thanks!

X-Naut: No prob, little Interview dude!

GT: Well... Seeing as you’re here and all and not in the audience, how ‘bout an Interview?

X-Naut: Whatever, dude. Whatever.

(ZAP!)

Later that night...

GT: Welcome, one and all, to the newly repaired interview mansion! Tonight, believe it or not, I interview the one who's broken my ceiling... way too much. Please welcome X-Naut!

Audience: Ha-za!

Mario: Yay for cheeze-a!

(A dimension hole opens up and eats Mario.)

MagiBoo: Ha!

(X-Naut walks out.)

X-Naut: I am the X-Naut!

GT: Ok! Hi! Do you want me to call you anything other than X-Naut?

X-Naut: Sure. Just call me X.

GT: Ok, X. What are your stats?

X: 4 HP, 3 attack, and no defense.

GT: Cool. What exactly are X-Nauts?

X: Dude, we're X-Nauts! That's it. X. Nauts.

GT: Righty-o... Where do you get your potions?

X: PhDs. They supply all troops with them.

GT: What are the differences between the three X-Naut classes?

X: X-Nauts like me are either new recruit dudes, or just weak-

Gooba: Which one are you?

x: (Ummmmm... I... Weak.) New!

MagiBoo: (Liar.)

X: (Dude, get out of my mind!)

MagiBoo: (Ummm. No.)

X: (Grrrrrr.)

MB: (Oh, I'm so afraid!)

X: (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!)

GT: Ummmmm, what are you doing?

X: Oh, nothing.

GT: Ok... Finish the question.

X: Going on, Elite X-Nauts are veteran dudes. They are used for special missions and to guard the Moon Base. PhDs are scientist dudes. They create the potions, robots, and Yuxes. Those dudes aren't used as troops.

GT: Ok, what ARE the Yuxes?

X: Weird DND pieces grown in chemicals to be used for fighting. The Z-Yux and X-Yux are made using better DND things, like samples from Lord Dude or even Sir Dude!

GT: Woah. Talk about Mad Science. Where do the X-Nauts come from?

X: X-Planet.

GT: And where is that?

X: Near Glit.

GT: Glit…?

(Doopliss Guy appears.)

DG: Shroobs’ planet.

(Doopliss Guy disappears.)

GT: How did he kn- Never mind. After the X-Nauts were defeated, what happened?

X: Well, most of us returned to X-Planet. The rest came here and hung out with Sir Dude and Lord Dude. Eventually, we made peace with the world and started two hit shows, Starship X-Naut and The Grodus Chronicles, based on a novel by a dude from some other dimension or something...

GT: Ok, audience questions. Seat 99!

Goomba King: LIME Noodles!

Everyone: Lime?!

DG: Well, too bad!

(Goomba King turns into a lime.)

GT: Woah... Seat 1!

(…)

GT: Oh, that was Mario's seat. Seat 23!

Shy Guy: How many X-Nauts are there?

X: A lot! That's all I know.

GT: Seat 200!

Fawful: I HAVE-

(Fawful explodes.)

Fawful -pain... *cough*

GT: Seat 163!

Wario: Are there any female X-Nauts?

X: Yes, there are many dudettes on X-Planet.

GT: Seat 74!

Iggy: I found you!!!

GT: ... *twitch*

Iggy: Hi-ya!

(Iggy karate chops GT.)

GT: Oww…

X: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm…

DG: NO!

(Iggy melts.)

GT: Owwww...

X: Woah. That was pretty uber coolio.

(MagiBoo floats onstage.)

MB: Well, I guess. END TRANS-

X: END TRANSMISSION!

MB: Why can't I ever say it-

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