Note: This Interview does not correspond with Shady Parakoopa’s Interview timeline… not that anyone cares. That said, it DOES correspond with Joshua’s.
 

Mr. Ignorable: Shady Parakoopa’s Interview 31! Joshua’s Interview 16! Yay!

(Joshua appears and knocks out Mr. Ignorable with the Homerun Bat form of his wand.)

Shady: I’m bored. Use the randomizer, Yux.

Yux: You don’t care about the consequences of your actions anymore, do you?

Shady: Nope.

Yux: RANDOMIZE!

Glows. Stops.

Yux: The good news is…

(A hole appears under Shady, and he falls through it.)

Shady: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Hammer Sis: Well, that’s one moron down.

(Hammer Sis looks menacingly at Yux. Intern bursts into dance.)

Yux: Er… And the bad news is…

(Blaze also disappears through another hole.)

Blaze: I HATE YOU ALL!!!

Yux: He stole my catchphrase!

Slim: I thought RANDOMIZE was your catchphrase.

Yux: You thought wrong!

Slim: …

Meanwhile…

Joshua: I ain’t interviewing him alone!

Crump: I could do it.

Everyone: NO!!!

Crump breaks down crying. Meanwhile, Joshua and John are arguing.

Joshua: You can’t!

John: I can too! Watch! I can SO make a random Lemmy’s Land tourist fall out of the sky!

(John starts using his psychic powers, and Shady and Blaze fall out of the sky.)

Shady: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(They crash on top of Crump.)

Crump: Goodnight, Wisconsin!

(He passes out and catches on fire.)

Steelix: Hmm. I have a funny feeling that some Yux with the power of randomness flowing through his veins has something to do with that… Nah.

John: Told you.

Joshua: Shut up. Techno Guy, bring Lava Piranha!

Techno Guy: Yes, Master.

Joshua: I never get tired of that.

Shady (not Parakoopa): Hey… This guy has the same name as me! How can we tell us apart?

(Joshua punches Shady to knock him out, then throws him into the volcano.)

Joshua: Ready, Shady (Parakoopa)?

Shady: I don’t even know where I am. Hey… what happened to the 1-Up on my shirt?

Joshua: I guess you used it in the fall.

Touché: That’s possible?

Shady: I DIED?!

Joshua: Sure, why not?

Shady: … Intern!

(Intern appears, gives Shady a fresh shirt, and then Inferno blows fire on her and kills her.)

King Boo: What the? My old slaves?

Shady: #@*^!

Joshua: Now, there’s no need for that sort of language!

Blaze and Inferno: He stole my look!

Joshua and Shady: … I’M SUING!!!

Steelix: Are you dudes going to interview or not?

Shady: No.

Joshua: Yes.

Blaze: Maybe.

Steelix: …

Techno Guy: I found the guy!

Lava Piranha bursts through the ground under Intern.

Joshua: Didn’t Inferno kill her a minute ago?

Everyone: No.

Joshua: …

Lava Piranha: Beginning’s too long! ASK QUESTION OR ELSE!!!

John: Or else what?

Lava Piranha: EXACTLY!

John: …

Shady: I guess I’ll start it off. So, just Paper Mario, or were you in any other game?

Lava Piranha: Nope, just Paper Mario. People think I was in Yoshi’s island, under name of Naval Piranha. This not true. Naval Piranha is my little sister who lives now out in desert.

Joshua: Where did you get all your fire powers?

Lava Piranha: Me actually developed them by meself. Kamek transformed both me and Navel Piranha in Yoshi’s island, but only Navel Piranha got fight. When she lost, me slept in Lavalava volcano for 20 years. When me wake up, lava changed me to Lava Piranha. Bowser found me later and forced me to guard Star Spirit.

Shady: Do you have a speech impediment or something?

Lava Piranha: Me no have speech impediment! Me speak good!

Shady: Oh… Well if you did have a speech impediment, why would you have this problem instead of the other Piranhas?

Lava Piranha: Me guess it would be because Kamek had to take something to give powers to me. He must have taken me brain.

Steelix: That explains so much.

Lava Piranha: …

(Blaze and Inferno can be seen talking to each other.)

Blaze: So… you like fire?

Inferno: Yeah. Do you?

Blaze: I guess.

Inferno: …

Blaze: … Want to burn stuff?

Inferno: You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you to ask me that.

(They both stare at Intern.)

Intern: *gulp*

(They both charge up unholy-looking flames and then launch them at Intern.)

Joshua: That may be the most gruesome thing I’ve ever seen. Poor Intern…

Shady: What are you talking about? Intern’s right there!

(He points to a hut marked “Bathroom”, which Intern comes out of.)

Joshua: … Great. I’m losing it again. So, if Naval has a bellybutton weakness, do you?

Lava Piranha: No, but me used to. Me think that was side effect of Kamek’s spell. Me think that lava must’ve cured it somehow.

Joshua: That’s lame, stupid, and dumb on all levels.

Shady: (Welcome to my world.)

Joshua: What?

Shady: Oh, nothing : )

Joshua: … On second thought, seeing you smile was the most gruesome thing I’ve ever seen. Shut up, Techno Guy!

(He tries to punch Techno Guy into the volcano, but misses and gets Intern. She is then seen sitting next to Steelix, playing Tetris DS.)

Steelix: Left… Right… Bingo! Drop it there!

Joshua: … I’m losing my touch.

Steelix: Dragonbreath!

(He fries Intern with Dragonbreath. She walks out of the bathroom again.)

Joshua: She must have a lot of 1-Ups.

Shady: What are you talking about?

Joshua: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(He runs at Intern with the Beam Sword and slices her down the middle.)

Shady: Joshua, what are you doing?!

Joshua: She’s DEAD!!!

Shady: That doesn’t mean you can be her killer!

(There’s a flush and Intern walks out of the bathroom again.)

Joshua: Wow, Yux was right in your FF. On Plit, the dead never stay dead.

Shady: Now I know you’re crazy. Yux right about something? Whatever. You may actually be crazier than Slim, and he eats people’s faces off and strangles baby Goombas!

Joshua: I LOVE strangling baby Goombas! It’s my favorite sport!

Shady: 0_0 … Okay… So, how are you able to create Piranha Buds and stuff?

Lava Piranha: Kamek give both me and Naval power to create minions, just different ones. Me no know why, maybe it because no two people or plants same. Everyone have different abilities.

Joshua: … That was deep.

(Steelix is crying, Shady is tearing up, and King Boo, Petey Piranha, Techno Guy, and Princess Shroob are playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. Engarde and Touché are having a sword fight, Crump is still KO’d, and Blaze and Inferno are shooting HUGE flamethrowers at each other. Two blasts collide and go up in a huge explosion, scattering flames everywhere. Intern catches on fire and explodes. She comes out of the jungle with coconuts.)

Joshua: …

(Intern does some sign language, which Petey interprets.)

Petey: Coconuts for all!

Everyone except Intern: Yay!

(Intern breakdances, but a 2-ton safe lands on her head. She comes back out of the jungle.)

Joshua: …

Shady: Er, did a safe just fall out of nowhere onto that random part of the island?

Joshua: Yes.

Shady: Dark Koopa?

Joshua: Most likely.

Dark Koopa: I will destroy y- Is that a Piranha Plant?

Joshua: Yep.

Dark: Oh no.

(Lava Piranha eats Dark Koopa.)

Dark (inside Lava Piranha): Aw man! Every time!

Joshua: I got the idea from supercomputer276’s FF, Game Over File 2: The Crystal Catastrophe.

Shady: SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISEMENT ROCKS! It’s your turn, you know.

Joshua: Oh yeah. How come equipping Ice Power means that fire creatures take more damage from attacks?

Lava Piranha: Me think it because fire need three things to exist: heat, fuel, and oxygen. Ice cold. Take away heat, so fire no exist. That why me think it is.

Shady: Hmm. That was pretty interesting…

(Holes open under Joshua, Shady, Inferno, Blaze, Lava Piranha, and Intern, but Intern lands on spikes. The 6 land in Shady’s studio. King Boo teleports the rest of Joshua’s Interview Crew except Crump and Shady to the studio. Steelix lands on Intern. Did I mention that he’s 880 pounds? Intern walks out of the bathroom in Shady’s studio.)

Joshua: Can she walk out of ANYTHING BESIDES BATHROOMS?!

Authors: We’re feeling lazy.

Joshua: …

Hammer Sis: (sarcastically) Oh, great, he’s back… yay?

Yux: Dang it!!! That must be the real bad news! And he brought two losers with him!!!

(Joshua hits Yux with the Homerun Bat, then Inferno lights him on fire.)

Yux: Ow. What was that for?

Everyone: For existing.

Yux: …

Shady: By the way, Hammer Sis, you may have something in common with this guy. He says Intern keeps dying, too.

Hammer Sis: Yay! I have a friend who’s as crazy as I am!

Slim: Yay! I have another crazy friend! The demons in my head are pleased!

(The 3 hug, then talk about getting club jackets while sharing a bottle of red pills.)

Everyone: …

Shady: Er… Now would be a good time for audience questions.

Phone: Ring Ring!

Joshua: Don’t answer it. Haven’t you ever seen the movie Phonebooth?

Shady: Have you?

Joshua: No.

Everyone: …

(Shady answers the phone.)

???: I’M A TORPEDO!!!

Shady: Torpedo Ted?

???: No, I was bribed to say that.

Shady: By who?

???: Torpedo Ted.

Shady: … Is this Lemmy?

Lemmy: … Yes. So, if Naval’s your sister, are you related to Petey Piranha?

Petey: Hi!

Lava Piranha: No. He mutated by Ludwig from regular Piranha Plant. However, me have brother named Petey…

Petey: Yes. That’s who he mutated me from.

Lava Piranha: Brother!!! Me missed you!

(They hug. Joshua hugs Steelix. Princess Shroob hugs Engarde. Touché hugs Hammer Sis. John hugs Techno Guy. King Boo hugs Intern, but goes into her, causing her to explode again. She walks in through the door.)

Joshua: At least it’s not the bathroom this time.

(Blaze and Inferno just float and stare at their limbless selves. Slim hugs Shady, accidentally choking him.)

Shady: Can’t *HACK* breathe!

Slim: This feels unnatural. Must kill something… Aha!

(He throws one of his butcher knives at Intern, splitting her down the middle. She is seen sitting on the couch playing Pokémon: Mystery Dungeon, but then lightning strikes her, because Shady’s author doesn’t like Pokémon.)

Steelix: *GASP*! KILL THE NON-BELIEVER!!!

Blaze: Just try it, Steely.

Steelix: … I’ll be quiet.

Inferno: … How come Steelix is getting more camera time than me and Blaze?

Blaze: Blaze and I.

Inferno: …

Because. Oh, Lemmy has hung up.

John: Why?

Because I said so. I AM ALMIGHTY!!!

John: …

Phone: Ring Ring!

(Shady answers the phone.)

Shady: Hello?

Female X-Naut PhD: Is Joshua there?

Joshua: Katie?

Hammer Sis: Who?

Joshua: Partner in Paper Joshua 2.

Slim: Isn’t that a shameless plug?

Joshua: So?

Slim: …

Katie: Why was the fire fueling your second round of attack?

Lava Piranha: It gave me extra energy to fight. Like Red Bull energy drink!

Katie: Oh.

(She hangs up. Hammer Sis’s face is green.)

Shady: … That’s just messed up.

Slim: Aww… Is our Hammer Sis green with envy about Katie?

Hammer Sis: (choking) No, you crazy idiot! A pill is stuck in my throat!

Slim: … Then shouldn’t you be turning blue instead of green?

Hammer Sis: I don’t have time to worry about logic! I’m dieing over here!

(Intern performs the Heimlich manuevre on Hammer Sis but Joshua knocks her out the window into a pool of acid and takes all the credit. Intern is seen playing New Super Mario Bros.)

Slim: We should really move that pool someday.

Hammer Sis: Thanks, Joshua.

(Intern explodes due to rage.)

Joshua: No problem. So where’s my money?!

Hammer Sis: …

Phone: Ring Ring!

Shady: Hello? … K, I’ll ask. So why did you have a chest with pottery in it in the room behind you?

Lava Piranha: Pot shiny! Me like shiny! Shinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshiny!!!

(He splashes lava everywhere, most of it landing on Intern. She walks in through the bathroom door again.)

Yux: Where is all this lava coming from?!

Blaze: He’s stealing my lava!

(They run to the very top of the empty audience seats.)

Joshua: How much lava did you keep in there, Blaze?

Blaze: Enough to melt Canada.

Joshua: They’ve had it too good for too long… Who am I stepping on?

Dark Yoshi 123: Zzzz… What? THESE ARE MY WAFFLES, YOU GOOMBAS! ZZzzz… Give me a sandwich, Wendy…

Shady: Oh, no one important.

Phone: Ring Ring!

Koopa: Where did you keep the Star Spirit?

Lava Piranha: In lava. Star strong, it no melt.

Phone: Ring Ring!

Slim: Hello… hello?

Phone: Actually, I’m the one with the question.

Slim: DEMONS IN MY HEAD!!!

John: I used to have that problem too.

Phone: … Anyways. What were you doing on the Yoshis' float during the end credit parade in Paper Mario?

Lava Piranha: Me learned me lesson when Mario beat me. Me now Yoshis' friend and me never want to hurt them.

Hammer Sis: Then why did you kill Intern and why are you trapping us up here with an ocean of lava?

Lava Piranha: Me only like Yoshis. Everything else fair game.

Shady and Joshua’s entire crew: @#$%!

Hammer Sis: … At least Pink won’t show up.

Dark Yoshi 123: Hur…zzzz...rah…

Joshua: The lava’s still rising… How do we get out of this one?

Shady: Can’t we just fall through another hole?

Joshua: Does it look like I’m made of holes?!

Shady: … Wait, I have an idea.

Five minutes later...

Shady: Inferno is a ripoff of Blaze!

Joshua: Your mystery machine is a ripoff of my Batmobile!

Shady: You follow my Interview setup of Minion Interview, Mini-Boss Interview, and Boss Interview!

Joshua: Actually, I skip mini-boss, I just do characters from an area and a boss. You have an unnecessarily large Interview crew!

Shady: Actually that was my idea.

Joshua: Oh yeah.

Shady: You steal from my FF!

Joshua: And you read mine!

Shady and Joshua: I’M SUING!

A bunch of holes appear along with tons of lawyers, who all fall into the lava. The two crews jump into separate holes.

Joshua: I can’t believe that worked!!!

Techno Guy: Yeah, especially because it came from that nut.

(Shady’s crew lands in an open field. The hole closes on Intern, cutting her head off.)

Shady: Wow. I’m glad that’s over.

Hammer Sis: Who were those guys anyways?

Shady: … You know what? I have no idea.

Hammer Sis: …

Yux: That’s what you get for misusing the Randomizer.

Slim: Actually, you were the one who misused it.

Yux: …

Slim: The one thing we had in common with those guys was that we both like using …’s.

Hammer Sis: Yeah, and we’re crazy as ^&%*!

Slim: The demons in my head agree!

Shady: Wait… Where’s Intern?

Blaze: … I miss Inferno. *sniff*

(Meanwhile, Joshua’s crew lands in Keelhaul Key.)

Inferno: … I miss Blaze. *sniff*

John: Sooo… how did you like your second double Interview, Joshua?

Joshua: Meh, it was ok. But there was this one thing I didn’t like…

(A flushing sound can be heard as Intern leaves the nearby restroom.)

Joshua: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Intern grabs a red marker and writes “LIVE LONG AND PROSPER and End Transmission!” on Steelix. You can probably guess what happens next.)

Techno Guy: That has to hurt…

Meanwhile…

Shady (not Parakoopa): Ow, my head… Where is everyone?

Crump: Beats me.

Joshua: OH MY DAD! We forgot Shady! And Crump!

Everyone: YES!

Joshua: …

2 hours later…

Shady: HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THAT VOLCANO TO DIE?!

Crump: And HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME?!

Joshua: Very easily.

Shady: …

Crump: …

Joshua: Wow, Slim was right, we DO both like using …’s.

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.