DRAKE GUY interviews KA-BLOOM

By Dry K Bones

(Whamek, Drake, and Sparlunk are all sitting in the kitchen. Whamek is stirring something in a pot, while Drake is reading a recipe book... upside down.)

Whamek: All right, what do we do now?

Drake: Ummm... Stir until rice is golden brown?

Sparlunk: I-I thought w-we were m-m-m-making soup!

(Suddenly Klyde barges in with a weedwacker that's broken in half.)

Klyde: Guys! We have a huge weed growing in our toilet! I can't saw it in half, either! Its stem is too sturdy!

Drake: (laughing) Oh sure, a giant weed in our bathroom. I'll believe that as soon as I believe that the Fluffy doll is out to get you. *snicker*

Klyde: That thing seriously IS trying to kill me! He says so!

(Klyde looks nervously at the Fluffy doll, which lays on his side on the floor, grinning. Whamek leans down, rolls his eyes, and pulls the string.)

Fluffy: Klyde's gone cuckoo!

Klyde: WHAT?

Fluffy: Ummmm... Hug me?

Whamek: See? Just a normal doll.

Fluffy: (whispering) They'll never believe you, Klyde! Change the subject, NOW.

Klyde: WHAT WAS THAT? *nervous darting of eyes* Uh... I'm serious, that weed's really big!

Whamek: Fine. We shall come.

(Whamek leaves the room, Drake rolls his eyes and follows. Sparlunk quickly puts the lid over the soup and goes as well. Fluffy the Dolphin disappears.)

---

(Drake is leading the group down a dank hallway to the bathroom. Right as a corner comes near, he speaks.)

Drake: All right, so where's this- HOLY CRACKER BARREL!

(Drake, Sparlunk, and Whamek drop their jaws as the door to the bathroom is opened. Klyde pushes his way through.)

Klyde: (pointing at monstrosity) See? I told you!

(Growing out of the toilet is a huge, brown bud attached to a tree trunk-thick stem.)

Drake: Wha-What is it?

(The bud suddenly starts spinning until it is a red orb of petals, then it unfolds to reveal a happy, cute anime face on the flower.)

Whamek: Ah, yes!

(Whamek pulls out a tiny book labeled "Enemies No One's heard of."

Whamek: That is Ka-Bloom! The ancient giant flower that swallowed a piece of the magical wishtone in Wario: Master of Disguise! It spat out seed-spitting plants, and was prone to laser blasts and fire breath! It symbolizes death... and bad cooking.

Drake: Awwww... Look at how adorable it is!

Klyde: I say we kill it. Flowers are stupid.

(Ka-Bloom looks shocked, then looks angry and extends over to Klyde. He closes his petals around Obstacle Guy, obscuring him.)

Klyde: (muffled) Hey! What are you doing, you freaky- OH MY DAD! IS-IS THAT ITS MOUTH? HELP ME-

*crunching noise*

Drake: Uh... *gulp* Obstacle Guy?

Whamek: WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?

Sparlnuk: WAAAAAAH! I'm scared!

(Ka-Bloom reaches out to Sparlunk and closes the petals around him next.)

Sparlunk: Hey! Hee hee, that tickles! Stop it- AHH!

*more crunching noises*

Drake: All right, there is only one thing to do at a time like this!

Whamek: I AGREE!

----

(All of Drake's interviewing equipment is in their bathroom, with the toilet painted like an interviewee chair.)

Drake Guy: Welcome to the Interview-o-rama! Working with lights is Lightning Guy!

Lightning Guy: Yo.

Drake Guy: Working as my interns are Intern Piranha and Intern Guy!

Intern Guy: I HAVE A NAME!

Intern Piranha: Wow! I've been labeled as another generic intern! I feel special!

Drake: Last but not least, working the camera is Camera Guy-

Camera Guy: I'm a camera DUDE!

(Crickets chirp. Ka-Bloom leans over and does the whole eating process with the camera DUDE!)

Drake: Ack! Bad flower!

(He whacks Ka-Bloom with baseball bat.)

Drake: Don't eat my camera guy-

Camera Dude: (muffled) Camera DUDE!

Drake: Whatever! Spit him out right now! Bad flower!

(Whamek walks into view.)

Whamek: I think he already swallowed.

Drake: Dang! Whamek, you'll work the camera, then!

Whamek: Oh yes! I shall delight in operating the mechanical tool that points effortlessly so!

(Whamek hops to the camera.)

Drake: Right! So with me today, trusty audience, is the cute and maniacal KA-BLOOM!

Ka-Bloom: Squeaky!

Audience: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Drake: I know! Now, let's get started! Mr. Ka-Bloom, why are you so much bigger than normal plants?

Ka-Bloom: Squeaker squeak squeak!

Drake: ... Whaaaaaaat? You're saying you can only make cute squeak noises?

Ka-Bloom: Squeak.

Drake: Argh! Intern, grab the translator! (looking at camera) As most interviewers, I have a handy and modern device that helps me understand what verbally challenged interviewees are saying.

Intern Piranha: Here ya go! ^^

(Intern Piranha hands over a large baseball bat labeled "Translator... the manly way!")

Drake: Thank you.

(He raises the bat.)

Ka-Bloom: AUGH! Okay, okay, I'll speak! Just don't whack me with that thing!

Drake: Always works! Now answer my question!

Ka-Bloom: I grew up sapping the power of that great big waterfall. It's an unlimited power supply, along with the fact that the water isn't contaminated by your stupid outsiders pollution.

Drake: Why were you in those deep ruins? And why did you have a face, and those odd powers, like summoning blue orbs?

Ka-Bloom: I was planted there a looooooooooong time ago by Poobah the pharoah. Again, the waterfall super-powered me, but a demon dumped some demonic energy into it that also suped me up.

Drake: Are the seed weeds and thorn weeds your kids? You spat them out....

Ka-Bloom: Kids? No, more like... uh... offspring. I simply grew pollen in my throat as I grew up, and I had to spit it out. Ya wanna know whose kids those plants REALLY are?

Drake: WHO? Must... hear... gossip!

Ka-Bloom: TERRORMISU!

(The crowd gasps. A Koopa with a T-shirt saying "T for Terrormisu!" on it covers his face.)

Terrormisu Fan: NO! IT'S NOT TRUE!

Ka-Bloom: Terrormisu gave me demonic powers, and those demonic powers also manifested into the pollen. Technically, they're her brats.

Drake: AMAZING! I MUST KNOW MORE! How did you swallow the wishstone tablet? You were 2D when you fought.

Ka-Bloom: What you couldn't see was a long, rotating stem behind me. It helped me float about, and it stored my... uh... food.

Drake: Why were you blue at first, then red later?

Ka-Bloom: My petals were a little ruffled during that blue stage. I had just bloomed out, and they were still waiting for the red pigment. I was prone to laser blasts because pigment is like armor to me. After a few hits, my petals matured into red, making me sturdier, and you had to burn me.

Drake: How come you summoned those blue orbs only in your blue stage?

Ka-Bloom: Those were undeveloped, stunted seeds I could keep afloat by spinning and creating gusts of wind. When I turned red, I had no more undeveloped seeds. Just those stupid Seed Weeds.

Drake: Kool, dude. Now for audience questions! Intern Guy!

Intern: I swear to DAD, I'm gonna sue if you don't start calling me by my real name.

Drake: Ask a question, Intern Guy.

Intern: ... What's the point? Uh, Ka-Bloom! What kind of seed hatched you?

Ka-Bloom: A special Poobahn plant seed that doesn't thrive anymore due to lack of giant evil waterfalls.

Drake: In the reserved guest seat... it's the Purple Wind!

Purple Wind: Wahaha! Hey, big stupid plant, why'd you swallow my tablet?

Ka-Bloom: I just wanted to mess around with ya. You called me stupid.

Drake: Let's not start a fight, now... Actually, let's!

RPG BATTLE TIME!

Drake: The part where peoplez get interviewdz! Your opponent is... THE PURPLE WIND!

Purple Wind: Wahaha! Silent but deadly!

Ka-Bloom 100/100
Purple Wind: 70/70

Ka-Bloom used Explosive Seed! Fwoosh! 10 damage!
Purple Wind changed into Cosmic Wario! Reflect-O-Laser for 35 damage!

Ka-Bloom 65/100
Cosmic Wario 60/70

Ka-Bloom used Petal Ball! Ka-BANG! Miss!
Cosmic Wario switched to Dragon Wario! Barbecue Breath for 50 damage!

Ka-Bloom 15/100
Dragon Wario 60/70

Dragon Wario used Gas Bomb! Oh... my... uh... 2,567 damage! Ka-Bloom OUT!

Purple Wind: Wahaha! SMELL IT!

Ka-Bloom: Ugh... Can't... breathe...

(Drake vomits.)

-----

Drake: All right, spit out Klyde and Sparlunk!

(Drake and Whamek are back at the house, whacking Ka-Bloom with baseball bats.)

Ka-Bloom: OW! I can't!

Whamek: Oh, wait! I have an idea!

(He pulls out Laxalate.)

2 hours later....

Ka-Bloom: Here... ya go... Oh god... I think I just lost 50 pounds...

(He floats away. Klyde and Sparlunk are unconscious on the floor, wearing pink renditions of their clothes.)

Drake: Thank DAD we had some of Cousin Amy's spare clothes for them. Ugh... I think I'll have to burn the other clothes... Well, we'd better wake 'em up and say what happened-

Whamek: WAIT! We can do that, or not tell them anything at all and leave them dazed and confused as we watch Scrubs.

Drake: ... Sounds like a good Idea!

TRANSMISSION GOT SERVED!!!

Did you like this submission?
If you would like to send some feedback to the author of this submission, please complete this form.

What's your name?
This is required.

What's your Email address?
Only enter this if you would like the author to respond.

How do you rate this submission?
Please rate on a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being best.

Does this submission belong in Little Lemmy's Land?
Little Lemmy's Land is designed to include the top ten percent of submissions.

Would you like to see more from this author?

Comments and suggestions:

 
ZY.Freedback.com: Stunning, fast, FREE!
FREE feedback form powered by Freedback.com
Freedback.com

Have an Interview or a suggestion of your own? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.