Joshua: So, this is Keelhaul Key… It’s really… developed.

What used to be the shanty town is now a large city.

Joshua: You guys thinking what I’m thinking?

Everyone: Let’s go looting!!! YAY!!!

3 hours later…

Joshua is sitting on his chair with a crown on his head. The city is in ruins, and a lot of people are dead.

Joshua: That was FUN.

Princess Shroob: You don’t say. Now what?

Joshua: Let’s interview something.

Ember: My girlfriend was in there!

Joshua: Wanna get interviewed?

Ember: Well, I’ve got nothing better to do.

Joshua: Welcome to the Super Interview Show, live from Keelhaul Key!

The fanfare plays.

Joshua: Haven’t heard that in a while. Today, I’m interviewing an Ember!

Ember: Name’s Scorch.

Joshua: Whatever, Bill.

Scorch: …

Joshua: So, what exactly are Embers?

Scorch: We’re the spirits of pirates. Embers are spirits of pirates who died at sea, and Lava Bubbles are pirates who died on land.

Joshua: How does a PIRATE die on land?

Scorch: Hey, things happen during pillaging. The townspeople are pretty hostile when we attack. Go figure.

Joshua: What about Phantom Embers?

Scorch: When an Ember or Lava Bubble is killed in battle, it becomes a Phantom Ember.

Joshua: If Cortez is dead, why didn’t he turn into an Ember or Lava Bubble?

Scorch: He was cursed. He can’t ever go to the afterlife, so he’s not dead, but neither is he alive…

Joshua: Wow, that’s sad. So, how do Embers have fire powers?

Scorch: It’s to help us with our pirating duties. The fire allows us to destroy stuff easier. We go to the Overthere after death and Grambi gives us our powers and then sends us back.

Joshua: So, Embers and Lava Bubbles continue to exist as pirates after death?

Scorch: Yes, but Phantom Embers don’t. They’re free to do as they please, but many defected to the Shadow Queen 1,000 years ago.

Joshua: They thought she was stronger and had a better dental plan?

Scorch: Yeah.

Joshua: Why were there Embers on Star Way in Paper Mario?

Scorch: They must’ve been told to attack the place by their captain while the Star Spirits were captured. I don’t really know, since I’m one of Cortez’s pirates.

Joshua: Audience time… Oh, wait; we have none thanks to the looting, killing, etc. So, guys, any questions?

Princess Shroob: Any relation to Podoboos?

Ember: No. Podoboos are just created that way.

Petey: How do Embers end up in the Overthere or Underwhere?

Scorch: Well, after becoming Phantom Embers, if we are killed again, we go to the Overthere or Underwhere permanently.

Steelix: Wow, this has been the most to-the-point Interview yet.

John: No filler? That’s a first for you, Joshua.

Joshua: Yeah, after last Interview, I think there was enough filler for two of my Interviews in that one. Why are Lava Bubbles red, Embers blue, and Phantom Embers green?

Scorch: To tell the difference. Also, Lava Bubbles’ red flames are oxygen-based, and weaker than mine. Phantom Embers’ green flames are spectral based and stronger than mine. As for Embers like I, our blue flames are half oxygen, half spectral, and so, are moderately strong.

Joshua: … That was your longest answer so far.

Crump: What’s a spectral flame?

Scorch: Spectral flames cannot be extinguished by water. They don’t use oxygen. A spectral flame is a ghost’s fire, and as such, it’s special, because it can exist underwater.

Joshua: So if I poured water on Inferno, he wouldn’t die?

Scorch: No, but a Lava Bubble would, because its flames are oxygen-based. I wouldn’t die, but I would be seriously injured, because I’m half-and-half. Say, can I join your Interview Crew? I’m bored of Cortez, and I have nothing left to do, since you destroyed my girlfriend.

Joshua: Sure. End transmission.

END TRANSMISSION

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