In Fort Francis...

The Dryest Bones: Well, I somehow decided to get off of the random sites that I get on daily...

Francis: THEY MADE MY EYES BLEED!

The Dryest Bones: ...and I finally decided to capture an interviewee!

Chuck: Can't we just be lazy and never be mentioned again?

The Dryest Bones: NO! Now, we're going to interview... A TATER TOT!

Napoleon Dynamite: Gimme your tots!

The Dryest Bones: NO! KAMEK!

(Kamek shows Napoleon Dynamite the door.)

Kamek: ...and that's the fridge, and that's the statue of Francis, and that's the door that Wario blew a hole through!

Napoleon: THANKS!

(Napoleon joins the audience.)

Kamek: All right, let's get ready for my Interview.

The Dryest Bones: Yeah, about that... I kinda scheduled it a week ago.

Kamek: WHAT?!

The Dryest Bones: The audience, sans Napoleon, has been sitting there, chained to their chairs with nothing to eat, drink, read, or go to the bathroom in.

Kamek: THAT'S HORRIBLE... and slightly disgusting!

The Dryest Bones: JUST GET IN THERE!

(Kamek starts walking in, but Chuck throws him in for no particular reason.)

Chuck: YOU OWE ME!

The Dryest Bones: Fine... I'll let you threaten Shigeru Miyamoto again.

Chuck: THANK YOU!

Meanwhile, in the actual Interview...

Kamek: Uh... Hi, dying audience!

Audience: We hate you...

Kamek: Uh, apparently, I'm interviewing a tater tot...

Tater Tot: MY NAME IS THE WELDER OF BURGS, YA!

Kamek: Uh... Welderbrug?

Welderburg: That's what I said, ya! Good day to be alive an' in the sun, ya!

Kamek: All right... First, what's with the bad Russian or Canadian accent?

Welderburg: I was born in the Soviet Region of the cafeteria of the Mushroom Kingdom, ya!

Kamek: The cafeteria has a Soviet section?

Welderburg: Apparently, ya!

Kamek: So... you ARE a tater tot?

Welderburg: No, I am basically a ball of fried substances hardened in a gross, dirt-filled shell. But, I am edible.

(Wario, Morton, and Gourmet Guy instantly spring up to the stage)

Welderburg: ... But I have a tapeworm.

(Morton jumps off.)

Welderburg: And don't taste very good.

(Gourmet Guy jumps off.)

Welderburg: And decrease...

(Wario jumps off.)

Welderburg: Why are those people here again?

Kamek: Don't ask me, we apparently need an audience.

Welderburg: Dah.

Kamek: All right. So, how did you come to life?

Welderburg: Some idiot spilled a Shroom Shake onto me, ya! That gave me some HP, and anything with HP is alive, ya!

Kamek: That's really strange, but all right. How can you turn into a drill?

Welderburg: People used me as a fun, screaming wrecking ball that didn't work, ya! I needed some way to defend myself, so I rolled away. Then, I saw a Monty Mole with a drill, ya. And I absorbed it inside my squishy interior, ya!

Kamek: So... that's why you can drill through rock?

Welderburg: Ya, that be why.

Kamek: And now, time for audience questions!

(The audience is moaning pathetically, gasping for any of the four essentials The Dryest Bones mentioned earlier.)

Kamek: Disgusting... SEAT D'OH!

Homer Simpson: D'oh! I forgot my question!

Kamek: Idiot. SEAT SPIDERPIG!

Homer Simpson: Spiderpig, Spiderpig! Does whatever a Spiderpig does!

Kamek: ARG! HOW MANY SEATS DOES HOMER SIMPSON HAVE!

(Thousands of Homers raise their hands.)

Kamek: -_-

Welderburg: Get the Interview over with, ya!

Kamek: SEAT ANCIENTONES!

Goomba Statue: Why could you only be seen in 3D, but could only drill your pipes in 2D?

Welderburg: I am a complex individual, ya!

Goomba Statue: That doesn't answer my question.

Welderburg: ... Fine. 3D is too hard to focus in, ya! Extremely confusing world for me, ya! I have a low IQ, and only can handle so much, ya! And 3D hurts my tiny, tiny brain!

Goomba Statue: Meh, fair enough.

Kamek: SEAT... UGH! MY CHEST!

Giant Treasure Chest: HEY! THAT'S MY SEAT!

(Kamek faints.)

Welderburg: Uh... Anyone know the number for 911, ya?

(A few hours of looking through the phonebook later...)

Dr. Mario: CLEAR-A!

(Dr. Mario hits Kamek with a Lil' Sparky. Kamek comes through.)

Kamek: What happened?

Dr. Mario: Don't-a ask!

(Dr. Mario jumps away.)

Kamek: Now, Seat... UGH! MY CHEST!

Giant Treasure Chest: So, how could you get into 3D anyway?

Welderburg: It was a miracle, ya! I figured out that there's more to life than up, down, left, right, B, A! I figured out that diagonals exist!

Kamek: So... the entire"3D" thing just depended on a character's insight?

Welderburg: Ya. Or, Bestovious cheats and give you insight, ya! Of course, his insight hurts, ya! It was my one stroke of genius...

Kamek: So Bowser, Peach, and Luigi were... Never mind. SEAT NOINSIGHT!

Bowser: How could you leave those rooms that were perfect squares blocked off by walls in 2D?

Welderburg: I reshaped my exterior to fit through the cracks, ya!

Bowser: I wish I could do that...

Kamek: But you can't...

Bowser: I will eat you.

Kamek: EEP! SEAT INFERNOOFCALMNESS!

Sun: Aah... How are you? Have you learned to calm yourself through meditation?

Welderburg: I am always of the hyper, ya!

Sun: Aah... But peace is so...

Kamek: WE DON'T CARE!

Sun: So... How can you drill through dimentions?

Welderburg: The towers aren't really in different dimenions. They're just on different sides of the same tower, and a powerful gate that makes an invisible wall separates them, ya!

Everyone: -_-

Welderburg: IT'S TRUE, YA!

Kamek: Uh... Riiiight. SEAT FLAILTHENBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Boom Boom: How can you make pipes so fast, and on two ends?

Welderburg: I learned how to.

Boom Boom: From who?

Welderburg: Some magic guy.

Boom Boom: WHICH MAGIC GUY?!

Welderburg: One of them.

Boom Boom: I CAN'T TAKE THIS!

(Boom Boom starts wailing on Welderburg.)

Kamek: WOAH! STOP IT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT FOR, LIKE, A FEW MORE LINES!

Boom Boom: Fine...

(Boom Boom walks back to his seat.)

Kamek: Well, will you give us an actual answer now?

Welderburg: ... I stole your wand, ya.

Kamek: WHY YOU LITTLE! BOOM BOOM! IT'S TIME!

(Boom Boom wails on Welderburg.)

Kamek: Well, uh, that's the end of the show... GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE!

(Everyone runs away from Kamek in fear, joy, and disgust. The Dryest Bones comes in with Chuck.)

The Dryest Bones: You forgot to ask the final question...

Kamek: HE STOLE MY WAND!

The Dryest Bones: I DON'T CARE! YOU GET TO PLAY DODGEBALL!

Kamek: That's not so bad...

The Dryest Bones: WITH METAL SHOES ON YOUR FEET!

Kamek: Still not so bad...

The Dryest Bones: AND THE BALL IS A CINDER BLOCK, AND YOU'RE UNDERWATER!

Kamek: Aw crud...

(Kamek is hauled away by Chuck and Francis.)

The Dryest Bones: Lemmy, just end the transmission... This is pathetic.

Lemmy: Uh... End Transmission. OH MY DAD, I DIDN'T KNOW A TATER TOT COULD-

Transmission Terminated

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