Mr. Ignorable: Interview 20!

(Joshua kills him.)

Joshua: Yes! Now I don’t have to pay Shady Parakoopa!

Shady Parakoopa: You WILL pay me, Joshua!

Joshua: NEVAH!!!

(Joshua smacks him away via Home Run Bat.)

Inferno: Everyone so far?

Joshua: Everyone.

John: Everyone?

Joshua: Everyone.

Etc. etc.

Lemmy: That’s unoriginal-

Joshua: DIE!

Steelix fries him with Dragonbreath and sends him flying with an Iron Tail.

Joshua: Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show! Starring me!

(Inferno plays his trumpet.)

Joshua: Let’s get started! Susan, what’s the best thing you ever dug up?

Susan: Larry’s diary.

Joshua: He buried his diary?

Susan: In his drawer, yeah.

Joshua: … I mean actually in the ground.

Susan: Oh. A HUGE diamond. I plan to use it in the engagement ring Larry’s going to give me.

Larry: WHAT?!

She pulls out the diamond.

Joshua: Hmm… I’d say 24-carat, easy.

Larry: 0_0  Don’t I get a say in this?

Joshua: I’LL ask the questions around here! Larry, since you love plants, are you any good at creating herbal remedies?

Larry: Yeah, I market them at ridiculously high prices.

Joshua: YOU HEARTLESS FIEND!!!

(He throws Larry into the hillbilly pit.)

Joshua: Lemmy, do you always take ice in your drinks?

Lemmy: What kind of question is that?

Joshua: SILENCE, NON-BELIEVER!!!

Lemmy: … Yes. But it’s imported from Shiver City.

Joshua: Great, ANOTHER posh jerk. Wendy, why are you bald?

Wendy: Lemmy and Roy shaved my head when I was a baby. Then Ludwig poured a chemical on me, to stop it growing back. It was supposed to be funny.

(Joshua is rolling over and laughing.)

Joshua: THAT’S HILARIOUS!!! High five!

(He high fives Ludwig, Lemmy, and Roy. Then they implode for no reason whatsoever.)

Wendy: DIE!

(She shoots those candy rings at him, but Petey eats them.)

Wendy: 0_0  Wow, they ARE edible.

Joshua: Shadow Queen, how long have the Shadow Sirens been your servants?

Shadow Queen: Ever since I was born. In the Royal Family, we are given three servants to protect us until death. Vivian quit, and Doopliss replaced her. I didn’t really care at the time. I was more concerned with conquering Plit. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone: …

SQ: Yeah, that was sort of dumb.

Joshua: Vivian, why don’t you and Marilyn just beat up Beldam? Fire beats ice, and I’m pretty sure Marilyn’s flab can crush her.

Vivian: We’re scared of her.

Joshua: Why?

Vivian: … Gee, I never thought of that.

She grabs Marilyn, and they teleport away, to beat up Beldam.

Petey: How are all these guys here?

Joshua: I just want them here, and that’s that.

Everyone: …

Joshua: General Guy, why is your robe gray instead of red?

General Guy: It’s to show that I’m a commander, Admiral.

Joshua: Still haven’t got rid of that speech impediment, have you?

GG: Nope, Admiral.

Joshua: … (Man, I love doing that.) Shrooboid Brat, why are you blue rather than purple like normal Shroobs?

Shrooboid Brat: To show dat me is woyal! Me think dat all male Shwoob Woyalty is bwue.

Joshua: … Great, ANOTHER speech impediment. The laptop’s gonna go NUTS when I type that up.

SB: Siwence, non-bewievew!

Inferno: Aw, he thinks he’s people.

Joshua: … Shadow Mario, why is your form like water?

Shadow Mario: That was a side effect of the fusion. Ludwig was drinking a glass of water when I entered the teleporter.

Joshua: So?

SM: He spilled it. And it got inside the machinery.

Joshua: Clumsy dead idiot.

(FLUDD sprays Shadow Mario with water.)

SM: Oh noes!

(He melts.)

Joshua: … FLUDD, exactly how much water can your tank hold?

FLUDD: Roughly 3.5 gallons.

Joshua: How much is that in liters?

FLUDD: I think it’s 15.75.

Joshua: I see. Time for some filler!

(Green Goomba appears.)

Green: Do you like Goombas?

Joshua: Uh… Yes?

(Inferno looks at him with red eyes.)

Joshua: No?

(Green looks at him with icy eyes.)

Joshua: Uh… uh… Maybe?

Both: THEN YOU MUST DIE!!!

(Their eyes glow in an unholy manner and begin unleashing horrifically violent beams, blasts, and fireballs.)

Petey (possessed, and therefore, in a trance): Beware, Joshua, for this is the beginning of a STORY ARC!!!!!!!

Joshua: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(The opposing blasts collide and explode, killing every interviewee who hasn’t died yet. When it’s done, the 7 Crystal Stars are in the middle. Both Inferno and Green look extraordinarily drained of power. Joshua grabs the Stars.)

Joshua: Well… back to interviewing then. Cannon Mole, are you related to Monty Mole in a Tank?

Cannon Mole: Maybe, but it would be on a third cousin level.

Joshua: … Eely-Mouth-

Eely-Mouth: RAWWWR! (Actually, I go by Eelyzilla now!)

Joshua: Oh. Well then, Eelyzilla, how did you become king of Noki Bay?

Eelyzilla: RAWWWWWWWWR RAWWWWR. RAWWW RA RAWWR. (I was the biggest Mega Unagi at the time. It’s decided by whoever’s the biggest.)

Joshua: That’s lame, stupid, and dumb on all levels.

Eelyzilla: Rawr. (I know.)

Engarde: … How’d you understand him?

Joshua: I took a night school class.

Engarde: …

Joshua: Touché, why do most Bloopers have that black stripe near their eyes?

Touché: Whenever we turn 18, some ink is smeared across us. This is to show that we have become adults.

Joshua: Cheep Cheep, what’s the difference between a male and a female Cheep Cheep?

Cheep Cheep: Males are slightly bigger, but females have slightly bigger fins.

Joshua: I see.

John: Really?

Joshua: No.

John: …

Joshua: Gooper Blooper, why did you appear in Mario Power Tennis?

Gooper Blooper: I bribed Nintendo.

Joshua: What did you offer them?

GB: Money! I won the Ricco Harbor Lottery! ^o^

Joshua: … Piranha Plant, how sharp are your fangs?

Piranha Plant: Enough to do this!

(He shoots one of his teeth out at Joshua, and cuts him in half.)

Inferno: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MEDIC!!!

(King Boo puts on a nurse’s outfit, and Techno Guy puts on a stethoscope. Yay, I spelled that right! ^_^)

Everyone: …

(King Boo gives Joshua a 1-Up Mushroom.)

King Boo: Clear!

(Techno Guy uses a defibrillator on Joshua’s chest.)

Joshua: BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGAAG! End Transmission!

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED

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TRANSMISSION CONTINUING

Joshua: I WAS ALREADY CONSCIOUS, YOU MORONS!!!

King Boo and Techno Guy: Well, SOOOORRY!

Joshua: I am SO gonna kill that plant.

PP: *gulp*

(General Guy, who is somehow alive after what happened earlier, pops up in front of the screen, the background freezing.)

General Guy: All right, munchkins, listen up! The following scenes are going to be far too violent and exciting to show some of our younger viewers!

(The camera shows a koala sitting in a tree, licking eucalyptus leaves.)

General Guy: So instead we will show you this sooooothing recording of a koala in the Australian Outback. HOLY FUDGE NUGGETS YOU SHOULD SEE THIS! Fireballs, Bullet Bills, and explosions everywhere! The destruction and mayhem is enormous! It appears to be over. Now let's go back to the-

(The camera suddenly shows Inferno and Shady running/floating at Bow and Tippi from behind and hitting them over their heads with chairs. The camera then goes back to show the koala.)

General Guy: WOAH! That was entirely MY bad! I misread the signal! I knew a guy named Joe! He misread a signal in a combat situation! Now he eats EVERYTHING through a mechanical STRAW! Wait… Yep, the murder’s over! Carry on.

Author’s Note: Yay for copy and paste!

Joshua: How far are we?

Inferno: Just five more.

Joshua: Yay! Yoshi, why did the Yoshi in Paper Mario 2 have hair, when most don’t?

Yoshi: Hair is a very rare thing for a Yoshi to have. Only those born at high altitudes, like in Glitzville, are born with it, because they need to keep warm more.

Joshua: Lava Piranha, how were you able to fight without your head in Season 6 of the Sports Hall?

Lava Piranha: Me have large store of Red Bull energy drink in me stem!

Joshua: … How many …’s have there been in this Interview?

Princess Shroob: … Counting those two, and all the ones between TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED and TRANSMISSION CONTINUING, 29.

Joshua: 0_0 … Make it 30.

Princess Shroob: Ok.

Joshua: Scorch, what’s the difference between male and female Embers?

Scorch: Male Embers have yellow eyes, and female Embers have gray eyes.

Joshua: Bobbery, do you EVER shave your ‘stache?

Bobbery: … (31) I always forget my razor and shaving cream whenever I leave port.

Joshua: That’s lame, stupid, and dumb on all levels.

Bobbery: I know.

Joshua: … (32) FINAL QUESTION!!! Cortez/Captain Rob/Whoever, why call your ship the Black Skull?

Cortez/Captain Rob/Whoever: I renamed it after I became a skeleton, because all the wood turned black.

Joshua: What was it called before?

C/CR/W: The Sunshine Boat.

Joshua: … (33) End Transmission!

… (34?!)

Joshua: Eelyzilla?

Eelyzilla: RAWR! (I’m on it!)

(To be original, he knocks them on to a sinking ship.)

Joshua: Oh noes!

Jack LaLanne: Don’t worry, Joshua!

Everyone: 0_0  JACK LALANNE?!

Jack LaLanne: Don’t worry! I’ll save you the Jack LaLanne way!

(He ties a rope to one end of the ship, grips it with his teeth, and jumps in the ocean, attempting to pull it to safety. The ship breaks in two, leaving Joshua’s crew on the other half.)

Jack LaLanne: Uh oh.

He keeps swimming with the rope still in his mouth.

Joshua: … (35?!) Is this the end of Joshua?

Everyone Else: *Ahem*

Joshua: And his slaves?

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED

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