P.T.: Time for another Interview! Lemmy! Interview someone!

Lemmy: I’m not part of the gang; I’m just the owner of the show. I only interview when I feel like it, no one else can, or when no one else will. Plus, I just interviewed Luvbi before the last Interview!

Punchy: Mii T. hasn’t interviewed for a while! Make him do it!

Mii T.: That’s right, Punchy. Go ahead and volunteer me without even asking if I want to.

P.T.: I wanna interview, too! And you two are coming with me!

Mii T. and Punchy: D’oh!

Soon…

P.T.: Hello! We’re interviewing Bowser! Okay, first question! Why do you throw hammers sometimes?

Bowser: My major in college was Hammer Bro. Class.

Mii T.: Why can you breathe fire?

Bowser: Royal Koopas are gifted with that. In fact, Ludwig can spit fireballs, and Roy’s breath is getting awfully warm.

Mii T.: I’m assuming Lemmy can’t breathe fire due to his iciness. But if all that’s so, why can Bowser Jr. barely breathe fire if Iggy through Larry can’t?

Bowser: I was able to learn that skill fast, and he takes after me!

Punchy: Why do you love Peach if you’re married?

Bowser: Married? Why do you think I don’t have a wife in the series? I’m not married!

Punchy: … Then how were your eight kids born?

Bowser: I was married, but no more.

P.T.: Why did you want to ride Yoshi?

Bowser: It looked like fun. I still want to!

Shy Guy: If you won’t eat Green Eggs and Ham in a moat with a goat and with a Goomba that’s albino, will you eat Green Eggs and Ham in a moat with a goat and with a Goomba that’s albino while riding that green dino?

Bowser: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!

Lemmy: Dad, remember your blood pressure!

Bowser: Don’t tell me what to do.

Mii T.: Anyway, why did you have a bandana in Mario and Luigi 2?

Bowser: To look cool! I found it and gave it to Jr, for those who’re wondering.

Punchy: … Are you seriously too dumb to notice when you’re near your baby self?

Bowser: Well baby me looks like Jr, so I got them mixed up!

Punchy: I’ve never seen you act mean to Jr. before.

Bowser: He started it!

Punchy: …

P.T.: Why did you need the Star Children if you were one?

Bowser: The Star Power faded away as we all grew older.

Mii T.: Why did you immediately think that the Yoshi and babies were stealing your treasure? Only three seconds after you told them to scram, you jumped to conclusions! I mean, you barely gave them time!

Bowser: I’m a freaking evil tyrant! What would you expect?!

Mii T.: Fair enough. And you still lost after all.

Bowser: Hey!

Punchy: Why did you fight on a bridge with your weakness behind you?

Bowser: I was going to use it against Mario.

Punchy: Speaking of that weakness, why did you switch out the axe for the switch?

Bowser: I thought it’d fit in more with the series.

P.T.: Why does the big bad King of Koopas ride around in a clowny helicopter?

Bowser: My mom said it was cool!

P.T.: … Of course she did.

Mii T.: How can you fit yourself, Peach, a few Mushrooms, some Mechakoopas, and a bunch of iron orbs in your copter?

Bowser: Magic.

Mii T.: Seriously.

Bowser: Magic.

Mii T.: Okay, then.

Punchy: How can your copter change expressions in Super Mario World?

Bowser: Oh, that was my Mood Copter. It changes moods according to myself. That’s the only one, though.

P.T.: Why did you want to fight Mario on the chandeliers of your castle?

Bowser: I thought we’d look cool.

P.T.: And we all know how fabulously THAT worked out. Why am I more sarcastic when I’m interviewing?

Ripped Guy on a hamster wheel inside a robot: To look good!

Mii T.: You’ve teamed up with Mario’s side a few times now, and more dangerous and sinister villains than you are appearing. Not to mention you’re an idiot. Have you considered changing sides?

Bowser: No! Never! I will throw you in the dungeon for that!

Mii T.: We’re not in Dark Land, and I don’t work for you, so tough.

Bowser: No fair! *sniff*

Punchy: Okay Mr. Crybaby, why are you portrayed more stupidly and crybaby-ish in the RPGs?

Bowser: Because they’re more text and story heavy, so we need quirks. But I’m getting smarter! Last week I figured out that Ludwig was smart!

Punchy: (sarcastically) Your parents must be so proud of you.

Bowser: No, they keep calling me a failure for losing to Mario.

P.T.: Why didn’t you use the Star Rod right away in the beginning of Paper Mario?

Bowser: I wanted to trick Mario into thinking that it was a normal encounter with me.

Mii T.: Why didn’t you just heal every turn you got in the final battle of Paper Mario?

Bowser: That wouldn’t make Mario dead, would it?

Mii T.: But it would’ve helped you achieve victory.

Punchy: What did Madame Clairvoya mean when she said you were “Soundly Defeated”?

Bowser: The Paper Mario defeat. People thought I died in the explosion.

Punchy: But you were in the parade.

Bowser: They thought it was a guy in a Bowser suit.

Punchy: Why were you in that parade, anyway?

Bowser: I like parades.

P.T.: You’re weird.

Everyone: …

Bowser: Out of all the people in the world, you think YOU have the right to say when someone’s weird?! Take a good long look in the mirror, bub! You know what you did!

Bub: I’m sorry! It was just a joke!

Goldbob: He’s right, son, you shouldn’t talk about Bowser that way.

P.T.: Uh, are you done?

Silvia: We’ll take this outside.

P.T.: Okay, why were you a zombie in Luigi’s Mansion?

Bowser: That was a robot.

Mii T.: Why did you lie to Bowser Jr. about Peach being your mom if he clearly knew otherwise?

Bowser: I didn’t know he knew.

Punchy: Did you just happen to be on Isle Delfino with Mario?

Bowser: No. I had a plan to get Peach and get rid of Mario, and figured I might as well enjoy myself while Jr. did the dirty work. Ha! I made a funny! Dirty work!

Punchy: Funny? More like dud…y.

P.T.: How can you bathe in slime? Wouldn’t that make you dirtier?

Bowser: It’s more like a mud bath than a regular bath. And it was more like a hot tub than a bathtub.

P.T.: I see.

Mii T.: What did you think of your adventures in the Beanbean Kingdom?

Bowser: All I remember is being in a cannon, holding onto a star, landing in the same place with a cannon, getting my castle blown up, and being put in a box. But from what I know, IT WAS TERRIBLE!

Punchy: How were you heavy enough to break through the ground all the way to the Palace of Shadow?

Bowser: I wasn’t that high above ground…

P.T.: How come you never attempted to go to Keelhaul Key?

Bowser: After swimming that one time, I did NOT want to go back to water.

Mii T.: Why did you eat the Cobalt Star Shards as a baby?

Bowser: They looked like shiny cookies.

Mii T.: … How’d they look like cookies exactly?

Bowser: I don’t know! I was a baby!

Punchy: What do you think of being possessed twice?

Bowser: I don’t recall.

P.T.: How could the lava in NSMB burn you into a skeleton if you fell into lava in some other games, got blown up by bombs, launched from a cannon, blasted out of a volcano twice, bombed by your power platform, knocked into the distance, blasted out of a cannon, and other things, yet not become a skeleton then?

Bowser: It was really, really hot lava.

P.T.: Lame.

Mii T.: Why’d you leave your diary out for all to read in Paper Mario?

Bowser: It was a strict order that no one be in that room, so no soldiers would be in that room, but I didn’t expect Peach to be there.

Punchy: What do you think of losing your army to Bleck, leaving you with only a small portion?

Bowser: ANGRY!

P.T.: Why did you feel the need to challenge O’Chunks solo?

Bowser: Because we’re both the big guys in our groups, just like Peach and Mimi being the girls, Mario and Bleck being the leaders, and Luigi and Dimentio being the ones with secret purposes.

Mii T.: Why do you always have many alter egos?

Bowser: Reality avoidance costumes.

Mii T.: Weird.

Punchy: You were angry for not getting invited to the vacation in Mario Party 7, “after all you did for them”. Did you really expect your enemies to invite you on a cruise, especially since all you did to them was make their life a living Underwhere?

Bowser: … I never thought of that.

Punchy: (sarcastically) What a surprise.

P.T.: You were initially said to be skilled in Dark Magic. But I haven’t seen you as a wizard, unless it’s a costume or maybe SMRPG. Care to explain?

Bowser: My Magikoopas do the magic, but I take the credit since I’m their boss!

Mii T.: Have you and Mario really battled exactly 999 times before SMRPG?

Bowser: No, that was an expression.

Punchy: Even though it was in the cartoons, did you really wet the bed ‘til you were 12?

Bowser: … No…

(Punchy beats his boxing gloves together and glares at Bowser.)

Bowser: Okay, yes! There, I said it! Why did I have to let a Broozer interview me?

P.T.: Audience questions! Seat ENCHILADA.

Crazy Steve: What do you think of Luigi?

Bowser: I think that he’s stupid.

Crazy Steve: WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK OF HIM?!

Bowser: AAHH! I really think he’s a wimp. Wait, Luigi? So that’s his name!

Mii T.: … You’ve known his name before. Seat PIG.

Mr. Hoggle: How do you keep changing size?

Bowser: I’m always this size! It’s Nintendo doing that!

Punchy: Seat RODENT.

Ms. Mowz: How do you change into Giga Bowser?

Bowser: Magic. And a Smash Ball.

P.T.: That’s it! Get out before I call the police! End Transmission!

Transmission Ended.

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