Mr. Ignorable: Interview 35…

???: … Why, Father? Why did she have to die?!

????: Because she wasn’t one of us, my son. What you were doing would have cursed our bloodline for thousands of generations!

???: What have you become, Father?

Random Cow: Moo?

????: Silence!

Blaze: (waking up) Father! No! … Wait, what?

(Blaze’s sweat quickly evaporates as he rises off the ground of the blank world.)

Blaze: Stupid amnesia-induced nightmares…

Voice: I feel darkness…

Blaze: Who’s there?!

(The Shadow Queen rises out of the shadows.)

Shadow Queen: Are you the one who dares challenge my soul?

Blaze: No…

Shadow Queen: Then cool your flame of hatred, young one.

Blaze: … What?

Shadow Queen: I don’t know but it sounded cool.

Blaze: True.

Shadow Queen: You seem familiar. Do we know each other?

Blaze: I wouldn’t know.

Shadow Queen: Can’t remember anything before you died because of amnesia?

Blaze: Yup.

Shadow Queen: That’s the oldest plot device in the book.

Blaze: Totally.

Shadow Queen: Lazy authors shall be punished under my rule!

(Dark Yoshi 123 runs/flies for his life.)

Blaze: And you are…?

Shadow Queen: Oh, how rude off me. I am the Shadow Queen, the ruler of this place… or at least a part of it.

Blaze: Part?

Shadow Queen: Yes I’m afraid. You see, I rule part of it, and my older brother Shadoo rules the other half.

Blaze: How does that work?

Shadow Queen: Long ago Shadoo was created by dark sorcerers. Shadoo’s very existence gives Shadow’s the power of life. When Shadoo was sealed away in the Flopside Pit of Trials, the same sorcerers of light who sealed him created this realm for all his dark offspring. These minions, still loyal to him, resided in the realm. This means Shadoo used to control all of this place before I came along. Understand?

Blaze: I guess…

Shadow Queen: Answer me truthfully. Do you understand?

Blaze: Not in the slightest.

Shadow Queen: Fine.

Blaze: Huh?

Shadow Queen: Go on.

Blaze: … Ok. What about you?

Shadow Queen: Me? Well 500 years after Shadoo was sealed away, I was created. Even though my rule only lasted a week before I was sealed behind the door, I was able to recruit some of the Shadow Creatures to my side and tame the last of the Hooktail dragon clan.

Blaze: The Hooktail Clan?

Shadow Queen: *evil smile* So you do seek knowledge?

Blaze: Depends, Queeny.

Shadow Queen: Oh, and you have spunk too. Hahahah…

Blaze: You're creepy.

Shadow Queen: The Hooktail Clan was a clan of dragons, but these were not regular dragons. These dragons had long ago learned the way of machinery, as can be seen by some of the ancient robotic minions and guards like Fracktail and Wracktail, and even some modern day creatures like Chain Chomps. Anyways, because of the war…

Blaze: War is pretty.

Shadow Queen: Indeed it is. Because of the war between the ancient kingdom where Rogueport is now and ancient Dark Land, most of the dragons were killed in the crossfire. I took the last three, Hooktail, Glumtail, and Bonetail, and I gave them better bodies and eternal life for them to serve me.

Blaze: I see.

Shadow Queen: You still don’t understand a word I’m saying, right?

Blaze: Right.

Shadow Queen: This is ok.

Blaze: ?

Shadow Queen: I said it’s ok. Hahahahaha…

Blaze: … Why are you here?

Shadow Queen: This is where us Shadow beings go when we are destroyed in the light realm. I’m no longer allowed to return to the light realm because of my destruction there, but who needs it? As long as I’m in this place, I have access to certain… ”special” things.

Blaze: Like…?

Shadow Queen: *evil smile* Oh… You’ll see.

Blaze: You're scaring me

Shadow Queen: Good. Embrace the fear! Learn to love it, my dear!

Blaze: You're crazier than Slim.

Shadow Queen: I’m ten times crazier than Shavilo’s foolish host!

Blaze: How do you…

Shadow Queen: My, we’re getting a bit off topic here, aren’t we? Ask your next question.

Blaze: But…

(One of the Shadow Queen’s dead hands rises from Blaze’s shadow and starts to stroke the top of his flaming body.)

Shadow Queen: Please continue on.

Blaze: … Why don’t you combine?

Shadow Queen: Combine with who?

Blaze: Shadoo… Hehehehe, that rhymed.

Shadow Queen: Indeed it did. Shadoo and I don’t see eye to eye. Well… neither of us has eyes, but you get the point. Our minions have been fighting each other ever since we both returned to this realm after Mario took us out. Ever locked in a never-ending war, this is our fate.

Blaze: Why hasn’t anyone won?

Shadow Queen: I’m afraid that we’re too evenly matched. All our skirmishes end in a draw. One of us needs to do something to tip the scale in their favor.

Blaze: What does victory mean?

Shadow Queen: If I am able to win this war, then I can use my minions' combined power to send me back to the light realm stronger then ever. From there I will take it over!

Blaze: Why?

Shadow Queen: Why? It’s every villain’s dream to takeover something big for no reason at all!

Blaze: Oh yeah.

Shadow Queen: Now, ask your next question.

Blaze: Why?

Shadow Queen: I have my reasons.

Blaze: … How were you created?

(Shadow Queen starts laughing.)

Shadow Queen: I thought you would never ask dear!

(A dead hand starts rising out of the shadows with something in its hand.)

Shadow Queen: This was the object that was used to create me, along with everything else that is evil in this world!

Blaze: *gasp* It can’t be! It’s…

We interrupt this dramatic scene to show you a heartwarming one. Why? Just because I can.

(Hammer Sis can be seen driving the Interviewing Machine in the blank world with Intern sitting on top of it with a pair or binoculars. She spots something and begins to bang on the roof. This causes Hammer Sis to stop and Intern to fly forward to the ground, where she is crushed under the wheels.)

Hammer Sis: (getting out of the van) Did you spot him, Intern?

(Intern gets out of the other door and shakes her head yes. She points to a small dot in the distance.)

Shady: Must… keep… moving… and… must… speak… slowly… for… no… reason!

Hammer Sis: Shady!

Shady: Slaves!

(They start to slowly run towards each other with arms out. Intern cranks up the stereo.)

Stereo: Reunited and it feels so good! Reunited…

(Hammer Sis knocks Shady out with a Hammer. Intern shuts off the stereo.)

Hammer Sis: That’s for scaring the Goombas out of us!

Shady: I missed you too. How did you find me?

Hammer Sis: This Magiblot came out of nowhere and told us to head this way with the Shadow Sirens.

Vivian: Hi!

Beldam: Shut up, Vivian.

Marilyn: Guh!

Hammer Sis: They're going to help us get home.

Shady: Wait… A Magiblot helped you? A Magiblot told me to head in this direction to find you!

(Intern turns the stereo back on.)

Stereo: Dun dun dun!!!

(The stereo blows up in her face.)

Shady: He disappeared after helping me.

Hammer Sis: Same here. I wonder who he was…

Shady: I don’t. I’m wondering where my other three slaves are.

Hammer Sis: Well Yux is off finishing Shadow Paper Mario 2.

Shady: Finally!

Hammer Sis: Slim is out there *stares off into the distance* somewhere…

Shady: And Blaze is…?

Hammer Sis: I have no idea.

Shady: *points to your screen* Do YOU?

Hammer Sis: …

(And now back to the dramatic scene.)

Blaze: It’s… A BANANA!

Shadow Queen: That’s right! A banana! … Whoops. That’s my lunch. Here’s what created me!

(The hand returns with a black book.)

Shadow Queen: Recognize it?

Blaze: Nope.

Shadow Queen: Not even from a Mario Wii game?

Blaze: Nope.

Shadow Queen: It almost killed all of us a few months ago.

Blaze: Nope.

Shadow Queen: …

Blaze: …

Shadow Queen: … IT’s THE @#$% DARK PROGNOSTICUS YOU… I mean, it’s the Dark Prognosticus, darling. It predicts the world’s destruction.

Blaze: And…?

Shadow Queen: That’s all it does.

Blaze: Lame.

Shadow Queen: Shadoo and I were created through this book just like the Chaos Heart. The Dark Prognosticus has existed since the dawn of time, passing from hand to hand, country to country, and even world to world. It has caused its readers nothing but pain and misery. To most people, when they pick up the book, all they can read is the world’s destruction and how bad it will be, while the other pages are blank. But there are people with darkened hearts who can read the whole thing from start to finish while the book slowly writes itself for them. The book leaks its darkness into their hearts and reveals the path of destruction that will best fit them. This is what happened when Count Bleck picked up the book and destroyed his world.

Blaze: What about you?

Shadow Queen: I was another prediction the Dark Prognosticus made when the queen of the ancient Rogueport read the book. A witch who happened to find the book gave it to her, knowing of the darkness it would bring the world. The Dark Prognosticus predicted my creation from the offering of a twisted soul and a broken heart. The twisted soul was the witch’s and the broken heart was the queen’s because of the recent death of the king. Shadoo was created the same way by a group of... well let's just say they were evil and leave it at that.

Blaze: My DAD you're boring!

Shadow Queen: Am I now? What if I told you that this book can tell you other things besides death to all?

Blaze: Like?

Shadow Queen: It can give you the answers to your many questions.

Blaze: I don’t have any.

Shadow Queen: Really? *opens the book and starts reading out loud in Blaze’s voice* Who am I? When did I die? Why do Yoshis anger me? Why can’t I speak more then four words? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Blaze: … That’s enough.

Shadow Queen: (still reading) What’s with these nightmares? Maybe it's because of all the burritos I ate last night. Why did I eat so many burritos last night? What the Underwhere was my grave doing in Shady’s demon parents' basement?

Blaze: I said that’s enough…

Shadow Queen: Oh, and I love this one. (Blaze’s voice) Does Intern like me? 'Cause I like-

Blaze: THAT’S ENOUGH!

(He fires a fireball at the queen. A dead hand catches and crushes it.)

Shadow Queen: Hahahhahahah… Good. Let the anger flow… I almost made a Star Wars joke there but I chose not to. Please go on with more questions, Little Flame.

Blaze: Why do you care?

Shadow Queen: I just do. Go on.

Blaze: … What’s your connection to-

Goomba King: The Crystal Stars?

Blaze: What the flaming monkey?!

Goomba King: I have no idea why I’m here either.

(Armies of dead hands suck the kicking and screaming Goomba King into the shadows.)

Shadow Queen: I created the Crystal Stars to hold my power. I scattered them around the Rogueport area in the past, hoping that they would help me take it over back then… but I was wrong

Blaze: Please explain.

Shadow Queen: Well since you asked so nicely. You see, the Light and Dark Prognosticus are one and the same. When one is read the other must be read too. When the queen created me, a wise Goomba in Boggly Woods found the Light Prognosticus. It foretold that my Stars had the power to seal me away. So he set out with a traveling battle-scarred Koopa, his Boo friend, and a strong Toad from Petal Meadows to find my Stars. These four became one of the first four heroes of prophecy, just like Mario, Peach, Bowser, and Luigi.

Blaze: Then what happened?

Shadow Queen: They stormed my Shadow Palace and sealed me away in a coffin and placed an ancient seal on the palace door, turning it into the Thousand-Year Door.

Blaze: Oh. That stinks.

Shadow Queen: Yes, but I got my revenge on them though. I placed a curse on the Stars right before they left. When they let go of the Stars, they would turn into black chests and become Chest Demons! Mahahahahahah!!!!

Blaze: … Mahahahahah!!!

Shadow Queen: Why are you laughing?

Blaze: I don’t know.

Shadow Queen: …

Blaze: What was is it like?

Shadow Queen: In the coffin?

Blaze: Yes.

Shadow Queen: Are you interested in getting one?

Blaze: @#$% no!

Shadow Queen: Exactly what I would say. It was cramped and very stuffy. I’m just glad that I'm not claustrophobic.

Blaze: Could you get out?

Shadow Queen: Sadly no. The only way I could get out was if the Seven Stars were present and I had a female body to reside in.

Blaze: Why not male?

Shadow Queen: That would be sick and wrong on so many levels! I may be the essence of darkness, but I’m not evil enough to confuse the Underwhere out of the children! That’s what my cousin Cackletta does.

(Blaze shivers.)

Blaze: Creepy.

Shadow Queen: I know.

Blaze: What’s with the crown?

Shadow Queen: This old thing? It belonged to the queen of ancient Rogueport. I grave-robbed it off her.

Blaze: But it’s huge!

Shadow Queen: The old queen was a pretty big woman.

Blaze: So I can see.

Shadow Queen: Hehehehehe…

Blaze: What?

Shadow Queen: You're starting to enjoy my company.

Blaze: Am not.

Shadow Queen: Are too.

Blaze: Am not.

Shadow Queen: Are too… dee two.

Blaze: That joke was stupid.

Shadow Queen and Author: I know. Sorry.

Blaze: What’s with your hair?

Shadow Queen: It’s just extra ribbons of darkness that I had left over. I decided to turn it into hair. Now ask the final question.

Blaze: K. You look different…

Shadow Queen: Let me stop you there. I know what you will ask. “Why do you look different outside the final battle than you do in the battle?” Well there are two reasons for that. One, I’ve taken a night course before. It was taught by a bunch of Final Fantasy bosses. It teaches you how to scare the player by looking different in the battle. The other reason is because I possessed the young lady at the moment and I didn’t want my new body injured, so I wrapped her in Shadow ribbons.

Blaze: Oh, ok. Well… bye.

(He starts to float away.)

Shadow Queen: So, you’re turning your back on the Dark Prognosticus?

Blaze: I don’t need it.

Shadow Queen: But it tells the future… and the past.

(Blaze stops.)

Blaze: I’m listening.

Shadow Queen: The book only shows its text to the chosen reader. Will you be that reader?

Blaze: …

Shadow Queen: It will answer your questions, the questions that keep you up all night. It will cure you of your amnesia.

Blaze: …

Shadow Queen: Insert diabolical brainwashing speech here.

Blaze: Ok, I’m in.

(Blaze reaches for the book with a fireball claw. The Shadow Queen grabs the claw.)

Shadow Queen: Do you mock me?! If you mean it, then reach out with your… REAL hand.

Blaze: *gasp* How did you know?!

Shadow Queen: I’m a villain. It’s our job to know about any secrets you have no matter how well kept they are.

Blaze: Oh. Right.

(Blaze closes his eyes and concentrates. Slowly, a red dead hand starts to come out from Blaze’s body. It slowly starts to reach for the book.)

Shadow Queen: Yes… That’s right, Blaze. Discover your destiny. Become my new pawn in my war with Shadoo. Become Blaze… the Shadow Prince! Mahahahahahahah!!!

(Blaze’s dead hand is still slowly trying to reach the book.)

Shadow Queen: … Any day now, Blaze.

Blaze: Shut up. It’s dramatic.

Three hours later...

Blaze: Almost there…

Shadow Queen: Wow. It would really stink if someone messed this up after I waited over three hours.

A shadow bolt hits Blaze’s dead hand, causing him to pass out.

Shadow Queen: Why did I have to jinx it?

(Magiblot appears next to Blaze.)

Magiblot: Sorry, my friend, but I had to strike your weak point for massive damage.

Random Cow: Giant enemy crab!

Shadow Queen: Blasted Magiblot! Did Shadoo send you?!

Magiblot: Maybe he did, and maybe he didn’t, my Queen. But for now, we must bid you adu.

(He disappears with the knocked out Blaze.)

Shadow Queen: … This was your doing, wasn’t it?!

Author: Maybe…

(She starts charging herself up.)

Author: Maybe I should be running instead of typing…

Meanwhile…

Beldam: So are we going or not?

Hammer Sis: I guess we’re going.

Shady: But what about Blaze?!

Blaze’s body appears above Intern. He lands on her and turns her into ashes.

Shady: Now we can go.

Hammer Sis: What about Slim and Yux?

Shady: They both annoy me, so let's go.

Hammer Sis: You’re a horrible person!

Shady: Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, and today’s fan mail question came from my outside the site friend, Armored Potato. The answer to your question is yes. You know what the question was, and now you know the answer, which is yes. That’s all, folks!

Hammer Sis: What are you talking about? We didn’t do an Interview today.

Shady: SURE we didn’t.

Hammer Sis: …

(They leave the realm through a black hole.)

Magiblot: And so, my friends, I, Magiblot, defender of the plot, have yet again prevented it from happening. But… how long can we avoid it? That is the true question, friend. But for now…  LIVE LONG AND PROSPER Blaze, my true friend!

Dark Yoshi 123: Can you spare a sandwich… friend?

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