Last time…

Mr. Ignorable: Interview 20!

Joshua kills him. To be original, he knocks them onto a sinking ship.

Jack LaLanne: I’ll save you the Jack LaLanne way!

(He ties a rope to one end of the ship, grips it with his teeth, and jumps in the ocean, attempting to pull it to safety. The ship breaks in two, leaving Joshua’s crew on the other half.)

Jack LaLanne: Uh oh.

(He keeps swimming with the rope still in his mouth.)

Joshua: … Is this the end of Joshua?

Everyone Else: *ahem*

Joshua: And his slaves?

…

(The crew is onboard the sinking ship.)

John: Before we all die, I just wanna say that I hate each and every one of you.

Crump: You have no idea how much that means to me.

Mrs. Ignorable: Where’s my husband?

Joshua: I killed him.

Mrs. Ignorable: WHAT!? He had three kids! And, more importantly, me!

(She has a sudden heart attack and dies. Her children see this, and also have sudden heart attacks, dying.)

Joshua: … Weird. Well, back to waiting for death.

Princess Shroob: Now before anyone says no…

(A UFO appears in the sky and shoots an energy ball at the ship, and the sheer force blows everyone into Rogueport Sewers.)

Joshua: Ow. Yay, randomness!

(Joshua hugs Princess Shroob. She kills him, but he revives, because I said so.)

Joshua: I hate interviewing, but the healthcare is so worth it. All right, meat!

Inferno: Wait, where are the Pokémon?

Joshua: They’re busy fetching the bosses for Interview 23.

Inferno: Then why was Steelix with us last Interview?

Joshua: Plothole. Now, from now on, every Interview except 23 will be solo. Everyone who hasn’t done one so far will do so. Engarde, Inferno, and I have, so now it’s everyone else’s turn. We’ll start with… Touché! For no reason whatsoever!

Touché: I will interview Goomba!

Joshua: … Well, your call. (Loser.)

Joshua: Welcome to Joshua’s Super Interview Show!

(Inferno plays his trumpet.)

Lemmy: You mean LEMMY’S Interview Show!

Joshua: Nope.

Lemmy: Oh yes, you do!

(Joshua and Lemmy get in a fight, and a cartoon cloud of dust kicks up around them. You know what I mean.)

Touché: Now, you’re going to want to throw bricks at me for this, but today, I’m interviewing Goomba!

(The audience throw bricks at Touché, but they miss and hit Crump.)

Crump: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Goodnight, Wisconsin!

(He passes out.)

Touché: Now, Goombas have seats on the high council of SMBVUARF, right?

Goomba: Of course. And for the readers who have forgotten, that’s short for Super Mario Bros. Villains United Against Red Forks.

Touché: … Who are you talking to?

Goomba: … I don’t know. I have a feeling that some sort of higher power possessed me to say that.

Author: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, wait… *(&%! They’re on to me!

(The Author transforms into a horse and gallops away into the sunset. Wait, it’s 1.30 in the afternoon.)

Author: Neigh!!! (Silence, non-believer!!!)

Touché: How are Goombas able to hold things, if they don’t have arms?

Goomba: Telekinesis. Watch.

(Goomba uses telekinesis to pick up Crump’s body, and tosses it into a hillbilly pit.)

Touché: Houston, we have a running gag. How are Goombas so easily squished?

Goomba: We have no bones, just organs. We have small gills on our body that enable us to get oxygen to them without veins and arteries. We don’t even have to breathe. However, since we have no skeleton, we are easily squished.

Touché: Then how do you move around and hold yourself up?

Goomba: We use our telekinesis.

Inferno: This is weak.

John: I agree.

Touché: SHUT UP!!!

Joshua: I did it to Jr. Troopa; I’ll do it to you. Meteor Mash!

(Joshua punches Lemmy to *insert hot place here*.)

Joshua: Yeah, I’m just that good. Now to formulate TEH UBER PLAN!!!

(He does so.)

Joshua: I’m a genius!!!

Author’s Note: Yep. That’s actually true. I scored 141 on an IQ test. What? No I’m not bragging! Die, non-believer!

(Author’s Note shoots you with an AK-47.)

Touché: Is it true that you’re mutated Poison Mushrooms?

Goomba: Yes and no. About 2,000 years ago, a Toad was poisoned by a Magikoopa under the Koopa King’s orders. Seeking an antidote, he begged the Magikoopa to heal him, but at the last moment the Magikoopa changed his mind, and blasted him with the full force of his wand. However, as he was a young Magikoopa, it was not enough to kill him. The Toad met up with E. Gadd’s ancestor, who said he could cure him of his poisoning and injuries with a potion… but at a cost. His body would be horribly mutated forever. The Toad took the cure anyway, and thus, the first Goomba was born! Feeling guilty, the ancestor created a second Goomba from his sister, as a companion for the ex-Toad.

Touché: *GASP* YOU SOUND LIKE MORTON!!!

Everyone: *GASP!!!*

(The Goomba spontaneously combusts due to this realization.)

Touché: … Peachy.

Goombella: Maybe I can help you?

Touché: You know stuff about Goombas?

Goombella: …

Touché: Ok, hang on…

Touché: How come you’re pink, but most Goombas are brown?

Goombella: Female Goombas are pink.

Touché: So Bowser only uses male Goombas in his army… Why were the Goomba King’s servants red and blue in Paper Mario?

Goombella: He must’ve put body paint on them to show they were HIS servants.

Touché: I thought you’d say birth defect.

Goombella: The author felt that would be too cliché.

Another Author’s Note: Yep.

Touché: … Audience time! Seat NEXT INTERVIEWEE!

Spinia: How is it decided who’s going to rule the Goombas?

Goombella: We have a royal family just like some other species. To tell the truth, I’m next in line to the throne.

Touché: Saw that coming. Seat SPIKY VERSION OF THE PREVIOUS QUESTION ASKER!

Spania: Why haven’t you gone public with that info?

Goombella: Don’t want the attention.

(Bowser swoops in and kidnaps Goombella.)

Goombella: SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!

Touché: … That makes sense… I think. Now who can we ask about Goombas?

Goombario: Me!

Touché: … Hit it, Author!

Touché: Seat POWERED UP VERSION OF THE PREVIOUS QUESTION ASKER!

Spunia: What are Spiked Goombas and Paragoombas?

Goombario: Just Goombas with spiked hats on. Paragoombas don’t exist outside of Bowser’s army because they are touched by Magikoopa magic, which dissipates if they are hit or leave the army.

Touché: … THAT WAS TWO QUESTIONS, FOOL!!!

Everyone: *GASP!!!*

(Engarde and Touché draw their swords and kill the Spunia, as well as Piccolo for no real reason.)

Touché: I may not like that guy, but we DO make a good team.

Engarde: Yes… (BROTHER!)

(Lightning strikes behind Engarde.)

DAD: Dang! Missed!

Touché: Ok, End Transmission!

END TRANSMISSION

Another Author’s Note 2: Yep. Two cliffhangers. Man, I’m good.

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