Dark Koopa: Hey, it’s people. Hi people!

Audience: Hi.

Dark Koopa: Wait, so all of you could have chosen any greeting, and you all choose hi?

Audience: You don’t deserve varied greetings.

Dark Koopa: What a unified audience. Anyway, it’s been a while, and it may appear my last Interview came out
of nowhere, so allow me to explain some things.

Audience: No.

Dark Koopa: Hey, I’m the boss here! Not like you people paid to see this anyway.

Audience: We want a refund.

Dark Koopa: No refunds!

Audience: Then we’re leaving.

Dark Koopa: Your unity sickens me. Fine. I don’t care. You’ll just free up more seats, which means more
tickets, which means more money. Everybody wins! Except all of you.

(The audience leaves.)

Dark Koopa: Pfft, they’ll come crawling back. Besides, I still have the readers.

Dark Koopa: Hey hey now… The suffering isn’t over yet. The Interview needs to start first.

Silence.

Dark Koopa: So anyway, you may wonder who Rhonda and Coda are.

Lemmy: Are you talking to anybody?

Dark Koopa: Yes, the readers.

(Angelic music plays.)

Lemmy: Ha! You think people actually read your stuff?

Dark Koopa: Yes… Hey, stop laughing!

Lemmy: No.

Dark Koopa: Then can I at least finish while you’re laughing?

Lemmy: Go ahead.

Dark Koopa: You see, Rhonda is Pura’s mother and some insane witch or something. We had her on the
show because Pura would have hit me if we didn’t. As for Coda, he was Metal’s roommate, so he was easy to
find. Too bad he’s not a Rex anymore. For that matter, Metal’s not a Yoshi anymore.

Lemmy: You know, there’s a Bio section for a reason.

Dark Koopa: But I’m too lazy.

Lemmy: Not only are you lazy, you’re fat.

Dark Koopa: Am not. Now make me a sandwich.

Lemmy: That sounds familiar…

Flashback…

Susan: Hello.

Dark Koopa: Shut up and make me a sandwich.

***

Thumbs: Yes?

Dark Koopa: Make me a sandwich.

***

Dark Koopa: Make me TWO sandwiches.

Pura: No.

***

Dark Koopa: Make me a sandwich.

Lemmy: No, you make ME a sandwich.

***

Lemmy: Must be why you’re so fat.

Dark Koopa: You never did make me that sandwich.

Lemmy: I’m ordering you on a diet. Go do some sit-ups while I do this Interview.

Dark Koopa: Fine. As long as I get paid.

(Dark Koopa exits.)

Lemmy: Totally not paying him. Anyhow, welcome to Lemmy’s Interview Show! My guest is Skeeter,
who has a very... elusive name.

(The Skeeter walks out.)

Skeeter: Hello…

Lemmy: Hey, you can walk on land?

Skeeter: Yeah, but we prefer not to. Our legs are pretty sensitive.

Lemmy: How are you able to walk on water?

Skeeter: We don’t really walk. We glide.

Lemmy: Don’t correct me!

Skeeter: Rawr?

Lemmy: Rawr!

Skeeter: Anyway. We can glide because our bodies, especially our legs, are really light, so we don’t
sink.

Lemmy: Ooh, that makes me wonder. Can you swim?

Skeeter: Err, nope. Others probably can though.

Lemmy: So, you spend all your time on water and you can’t swim? You stupid?

Skeeter: What?

Lemmy: What if someone pushes you underwater?

Skeeter: Never thought of that.

Lemmy: Ha! You have a flaw. All of Dad’s minions have flaws.

Skeeter: Whose side are you on?

***

Dark Koopa: Time for a workout.

(Dark Koopa does a single sit-up.)

Dark Koopa: Whew. Time for a break.

***

Lemmy: Hm, the audience is still gone. Does that mean I can say whatever I want?

Skeeter: I guess.

Lemmy: Great. King Dad is an egotistical moron who smells like a week-old tuna sandwich!

Stupid Cameraman: Um, we’re live in Dark Land.

Lemmy: D’oh!

***

Dark Koopa: All right, gimme nine cheeseburgers and twelve large fries, extra ketchup. Oh, and a diet soda. I
need to watch my weight.

Cashier: …

***

Lemmy: So why would King Dad recruit you to the Koopa Troop?

Skeeter: Well, we’re a water-based enemy, and Mario tends to have trouble taking those down without
a power-up. Additionally, in the two games we appeared in, Mario either had no power-ups, or it was some
backpack that sprayed water.

Lemmy: He could still kill you though.

Skeeter: Well yeah. If we got too close to land, he could jump on us. But otherwise, there really was no
way.

Lemmy: So what games were you in, and in what areas?

Skeeter: I was in Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine, in the Wet-Dry World and Bianco Hills respectively.

Lemmy: You sure you ain’t Pond Skaters?

Skeeter: We sort of are. I can’t say there’s really much difference between us besides Pond Skaters being a bit more aggressive. We might as well be the same.

Lemmy: You also kinda look like those orange spiders. You related?

Skeeter: Mhmm. They’re like our land-based cousins. Unfortunately, Mario usually has no trouble
beating them, unlike us.

Lemmy: You related to Piders too?

Skeeter: Nope.

Lemmy: Aww. Now nobody’s gonna convince that one in my room to leave. Now, I got one more question for you… What’s up with your name? You that twin sister Muppet from Muppet Babies? You that ugly puppet from Cousin Skeeter?

Skeeter: Erm, no.

Lemmy: Muuuuuppet Babies! We’ll make all your dreams come true! Muppet Babies! We’ll do the same for youuuuu!

Skeeter: …

Lemmy: What?

Skeeter: Nevermind. Anyhow, one of your questions from earlier makes me wonder something.

Lemmy: Hm?

Skeeter: How does Mario shoot fireballs in the water?

Lemmy: Ooh, you don’t wanna ask that kind of question.

Skeeter: Why not?

Lemmy: Some Nintendo guy will get angry and erase you from existence, preventing you from appearing in
any future games. It’s what happened to Mechakoopas.

Skeeter: Oh…

(Skeeter is hit with a lightning bolt and vanishes.)

Lemmy: Darn. Too late.

Dark Koopa: I’m back! I think you’ll find an improvement.

Lemmy: You’re fatter.

Dark Koopa: Is that not an improvement?

(Suddenly, the audience rushes into the studio, carrying torches and pitchforks, demanding refunds or
someone’s going to get hurt.)

Dark Koopa: Well Lemmy, I guess it’s time to take one for the team.

(The audience surrounds Dark Koopa.)

Dark Koopa: Well, at least no unofficial appeared.

(Pink drops though the ceiling.)

Dark Koopa: Well, this is awkward.

Lemmy: Hmm…

Dark Koopa: Hmm…

Pink: Hmm…?

Dark Koopa and Lemmy: That audience said they don’t like Yoshis!

Pink: What?!

(The audience is pummeled.)

Dark Koopa: Ah, nostalgia.

Lemmy: Guess someone was hurt after all.

Nintendo Guy: End transmission.

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