Slim: DEMONS IN MY HEAD!

(The Shadow Queen pops out of Slim’s head.)

Dark Yoshi 123: Thank you, Slim, the demon summoner providing our interviewee today.

Slim: Expect my bill in the mail along with a severed hand.

(He leaves the room.)

Shadow Queen: Who dares disturb my slumber?

DarkYoshi 123: *points at Bowser* He does.

Bowser: HEY! It wasn’t me, but did you ever think of getting a bed? I mean sleeping in a wood coffin for a thousand years might not help you sleep too well.

Shadow Queen: It’s not like I had a choice, you puny mortal:

Bowser: If you’re so great and powerful, wouldn’t you be able to break wood?

Shadow Queen: It was magically sealed.

Bowser: And you’re magical.

Shadow Queen: It was hard magic to break.

Bowser: Then you’re magically retarded.

Shadow Queen: How dare you speak down to me?!

Bowser: How dare you speak up to me- OH SNAP.

(The Shadow Queen kills him with the killing curse from Harry Potter.)

Dark Yoshi 123: BOWSER, NO! (crying) NO! *snaps his fingers* NEW BOWSER NEW BOWSER!

(He collapses.)

(2,000 miles west…)

Mario: The force is finally at ease.

(Back at the Interview station…)

Shadow Queen: Here’s your stupid stamp collection.

(She throws a book that says “Stamp Collection 1942-1983” on Bowser’s dead corpse.)

Dark Yoshi 123: I need another person for my cast.

Shadow Queen: Here, take my deadbeat ex-husband.

(She throws Shadow Mario at the cast.)

Shadow Mario: Hi.

Dark Yoshi 123: So what are your strengths and weaknesses?

Shadow Queen: My strengths are my high health and my ability to absorb health. My weakness is the fact that I have no body.

(Shadow Queen kills the cameraman.)

Dark Yoshi 123: Stop killing everything. Oh wait. *snaps fingers* New cameraman!

(A new cameraman floats in.)

Shadow Mario: That was more random than the time Yux-

DarkYoshi 123: Shut up! Do you want to get sued by Shady? I mean, I did just win the lottery. Anyways, next question. What are your attacks?

Shadow Queen: Well my attacks are * deep breath* Slap, Shadow Breath, Dark Lightning, HP Drain, Dead Hand, Stampede, and Shade Hands.

Dark Yoshi 123: Wow. How old are you?

Shadow Queen: Roughly 1,000 years.

Dark Yoshi 123: Ok, grandma. *laugh*

Shadow Queen: Dark Yoshi 123, I am your grandpa, I mean grandma.

Dark Yoshi 123: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Wait, that means… GRANDPA!

(He hugs Shadow Mario.)

Shadow Mario: Actually I’m your second cousin.

DarkYoshi 123: That means *points at Shadow Queen* you married your nephew!

Shadow Mario: (crying) She forced me! I told her it was sick and wrong!

Dark Yoshi 123: OMD!

Shadow Queen: OMD?

Dark Yoshi 123: Yeah; Oh My DAD. Next question, do you have any close relatives?

Shadow Queen: Beldam, Marilyn, and Vivian.

Dark Yoshi 123: Can you tell us about your background?

(Slim runs in.)

Slim: (speaking fast) There was once an Ancient Demon who, with three pet dragons, destroyed an ancient civilization and threatened to engulf the world in darkness forever. The demon created seven Crystal Stars to help itself, but four heroes used these Stars against the demon and sealed it away beneath what is now Rogueport, behind a door. If this demon were ever to live again, it would need a new body, the body of a maiden. The heroes became cursed after defeating the entity. They went to scatter and hide the Crystal Stars, but the second the Crystal Stars left their grasp, the hero would be sealed into a black chest for eternity. A thousand years later, people whispered legends of a great treasure buried beneath the town, behind a Thousand-Year Door that opened when all seven Crystal Stars were presented before it. (speaking normally) Only one of the best destructions of mankind ever, duh.

Shadow Queen: Wow, that sums it up.

Dark Yoshi 123: Evil genius with two butcher knives… Great job, Shady! So what are your lines again? I forgot because they were boring.

Shadow Queen: "Who... has called me back?"
"Yessss... A fine vessel... Now..."
"Muh huh huh huh huh... Witness my rebirth... My soul has not yet fully accustomed to this vessel... But I will learn to control this body soon enough..."
"You would do well to learn your proper place, slave. No one commands me."
"My powers are not yet fully restored... But... they will come in time."
"Ahh, Beldam... What ages have passed? So... You are the one truly responsible for calling me back, yessss? Yessss... You have fulfilled your duties admirably."
"If you would become my faithful servants, I will not harm you."
"You are foolish to oppose me. Yessss... and that foolishness... will have to be punished..."
"Hmm... So you are not weak. Maybe you are less useless than you appear. This body is unfamiliar to me... Yessss, too unfamiliar... Let me assume my true form and show you real power..."
"In this form, your attacks are like those of a child to me... You are lucky... You will perish with the honor of having seen true terror and power! Muh huh huh huh!"
"Muh huh huh huh huh huh! Is that your idea of an attack? Foolish... Muh huh huh huh huh... Now, taste my power!"

Dark Yoshi 123: Grandma, do you ever shut up?

Shadow Queen: No.

Dark Yoshi 123: Who wrote your lines anyways?

Shadow Queen: An evil entity known as Nintendo.

Dark Yoshi 123: Oh. So what’s your HP?

Shadow Queen: What I have for a body has 150, my hands have 5, and my dead hands 8. I love my dead hands.

Dark Yoshi 123: Audience time!

Shadow Mario: Audience?

(He turns around and sees thousands of people.)

Shadow Mario: Who are they?

Dark Yoshi 123: They’re my cell phone network. Seat 182!

Shady: Exactly how much money did you win in this so-called “lottery”?

DarkYoshi 123: 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 coins- I mean 1 coin.

Shady: I’m suing you for it.

Dark Yoshi 123: You can have it.

Shady: Sweet!

Dark Yoshi 123: Seat number 7!

Goomba: What type of creature are you?

Shadow Queen: I’m a Shadow, Ghost, and boss.

Shadow Mario: Seat 83!

Luigi: Where-a do-a you-a live-a?-a

Shadow Queen: Lose the accent, and I live in a castle behind the Thousand-Year door, duh.

Shadow Mario: Seat 82!

Koopa: Why didn’t your attack game over Grodus?

Shadow Queen: I missed very slightly.

Grodus’s Head: Some days I wish you hadn’t missed.

Shadow Mario: Last question!

Dark Yoshi 123: You ain’t the boss of that!

Shadow Mario: Do you really want to stay around these nerds?

Dark Yoshi 123: Good point. Seat 123456789!

Shadow Mario: Isn’t that the seat you usually sit in in Shady’s interviews?

Dark Yoshi 123: That might explain why there’s a sandwich in that seat.

Sandwich: Hi!

Dark Yoshi 123: How did you come to life?

Sandwich: You know that guy in M&L:SS who makes pop? His brother makes sandwiches. Anyways, where did you find Hooktail and all the other dragons?

Shadow Queen: I made them out of the remains of the people I killed.

Slim: You’re my idol!

Dark Yoshi 123: That’s all our time, folks!

2,000 miles west…

(Yux gets out of his bed.)

Yux: Morning already?

(Yux floats down to the kitchen.)

Yux: What should I have for breakfast? Wait, I know! RANDOMIZE!

(He glows, then stops.)

Yux: The good news is…

(A plate of chocolate chip pancakes appears in front of him.)

Yux: Yummy! The bad news is…

2,000 miles east…

(Bowser rises from the dead.)

Dark Yoshi 123: Bowser’s not dead! YAY!

2,000 miles east again…

Mario: I feel a disturbance in the force.

Luigi: No you don’t. Go to bed.

(Mario goes to bed. In his dream…)

Bowser: Over and out!

Mario: Oh my DAD… I never said cheese today!

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