Chapter 4: Escalating Circumstances

Computer: Last time on: If You Wish Upon a Starship...
 

Captain’s log: We have almost completed trans-warp drive... Things could go horribly wrong in the wrong conditions.

Pauline: Sir, wait, NO! Incoming gravametric wave from a Super Nova.

Jensen: ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT!

Bowser: We need a weapon... I smell the defeat of Mario and Luigi...

Captain’s log: Transwarp drive has left us stranded on an unknown M-class planet...

Computer: INTRUDER ALERT!

Pauline:  ... It’s some sort of chemical, the crew is going to sleep...

Jensen: Computer, (cough) transport to local settlement, (cough) energize!

Mario: Just who exactly are these people?

Ludwig: I’ve never seen technology so advanced. Just imagine how much this ship outmatches our doomships, in size AND in technology.

Toadstool:  ... these people be sentenced to 25 years imprisonment for attempted assassination...

Flight recorder: Entry viewing complete.

Mario: What have we gotten into here?
 

Computer: And now the conclusion.

---------------------------------------------------

Toadstool: I’ll tell you what we’ve gotten ourselves into! We’re in another Star Trek Spoof!

Jensen: Listen you imbeciles! If Federation tech. falls in to the hands of aliens that are incapable of warp drive the balance of power will be shattered. And to make matters worse I calculate that there is a 99.999% chance that the new transwarp coil will cause a chain reaction that will
Blow up this entire face of the planet. If somehow the Koopas are capable of stopping the ship from exploding then they will have access to technology far beyond all the power you can imagine!

Toadstool: Immense power? That would mean something like... Oh! I could get that 9,000,000 volt hair drier to final work!

Princess Toadstool runs out of the room. Soon after, the sound of glass breaking along with the sound of heavy metal scraping against the floor can be heard. The throne room’s current occupants look at each other with confused looks. Gradually, the door to the throne room opens and a dozen or so Mushroomers struggle to bring the oversized hair tool in.

Pauline: Oh my...

Mario Bros.: Mamamia!

Toad: I had no idea you could fit something of that size in the castle.

Toadstool: Allow me to introduce to you the “Hot Air XP-9000”. This one-of-a-kind hair drying utensil can reach temperatures as to be able to melt solid steal.

Various whistles of astonishment can be heard.

Jensen: NO! Not that kind of power! Major, power like- Oh forget it... But even if there was that kind I wouldn’t share it to power up THAT thing.

Toadstool: So basically you want us to save what’s left of a soon to be time bomb that is capable of giving me lots of things beyond my comprehension, but you’re going to keep all the goodies for yourself and those capable of warp drive?

Jensen: Uh. Yeah. I guess.

Toad: Lead these people to the dungeon.

Jensen: Don’t you CARE that all life as you know it is about to end?!

Toadstool: Yeah. Somehow major catastrophes like this are always avoided in the end. I want some of this tech too!

Jensen: Why Why WHY couldn’t I have landed on a planet of vicious animals instead of a planet of idiots?

Luigi: Actually it’s Plit.

Chapter 5: The Growing Threat

Clawdia: Congratulations, my husband, you have just knocked out all the spaceship’s crew, and ruined all chance we have of finding out how to work this thing.

Bowser: Well none of them were useful any way. Larry, take this heap of crew members to the dungeon.

Larry: Yes Dad. (Why do I get all the dirty work?)

Bowser: Let’s check on Ludwig’s progress.

U.S.S. Ajax

Ludwig: Computer, display ship layout.

Computer: Access denied. The main computer was locked out by Captain Jensen at the last minute.

Magikoopa (to Ludwig): How in the world are we going to find out the password?

Computer: Inquire authorized. Options displayed on science terminal 03.

Ludwig: I think we’re about to find out.

They walk over to terminal 03.

Ludwig: Let’s see... there’s ...

1) A lucky guess
2) Shut down main power to ship systems
3) Access the main computer core, dismantle it, and read the computer’s database
4) Ask Captain Jensen
5) Ask the Computer

Magikoopa: I like taking things apart, let’s do #3.

Ludwig: Nah, there’s probably some sort of security devise built in. We can’t do #4 since King Dad knocked out all of the conscious crew members. #1 won’t work since we never have good luck. #2 we can't do because we need main power. *reads last option* WHAT?! We can just ask the computer?!

Computer: Affirmative.

Ludwig: Computer, what is the code that Captain Jensen used to lock out the main computer?

Computer: Jensen Omega 227.

Ludwig: Computer, terminate main computer lockout, authorization: Jensen Omega Two Two Seven.

Computer: Access authorized.

Magikoopa: I can’t believe that worked!

Ludwig: Forget the ship’s security equipment. If we can get in just like that
then it’s all useless.

Magnikoopa: Security may be useless, but what about weapons? They could still be useful.

Ludwig: Possibly. Computer, access the ship’s tactical systems and transfer data to terminal 3.

Computer: Processing.

Bowser walks in.

Bowser: Ludwig, how's the job going? I assume we shall be ready for world conquest in a little while.

Ludwig: We now have access to all ship’s systems. I am accessing its tactical equipment as we speak. I will soon send out scavenger teams to all decks for tech and equipment.

Bowser: Assign another team to put the stuff into our doomships.

Ludwig: Yes Dad. *turns to Wendy, who just happened to be walking by* Wendy, you’re good at looking for good things to buy, you and Susan should lead a scavenging team. Take all valuables to our doomships and assign a team to integrate them.

Wendy: No one bosses me around! Go do it yourself!

Ludwig: But you could boss people around in your team.

Wendy: I’m in!

Chapter 6: More Thieves?

Toadstool: Here’s the plan. According to the P.A.D.D. we confiscated from Jensen, the ship should blow up half of the planet Plit at sunset in 4 hours. Fortunately the blast will only destroy Bowser’s half of the planet. So we’ve got 1/2 hour to get there, 1 1/2 hours to search for junk, and one hour to get the junk here before the ship explodes.

Luigi: But you’ve got an extra hour left.

Toadstool: That’s for if we come to our senses and join forces with everybody to stop it from blowing up.

Toad: Wow! You thought of everything.

Mario: But what about the Koopas?

Toadstool: If they have already gained total control of the ship then we either go home and hide under our beds or challenge them.

Toad: (sarcastically) A true leader.

Luigi: But what if they only have partial control of the ship?

Toadstool: Then we’ll take over the part that they don’t have.

Luigi: Makes sense.

Toadstool: Any questions?

Toad: Yeah, most of us can’t figure out how to TURN ON a computer. How do you expect us to steal one and use it right?

Toadstool: I already thought of that. Allow me to introduce to you our new correspondents.

Princess Toadstool presses a button on her chair and a buzzer is heard. Wario, Waluigi, and Croco then walk in.

Wario: Now you promise to split 50/50, right?

Waluigi (to Wario): Why do you care? We’re going to steal from them anyway.

Croco hits Waluigi on the head.

Croco: You nitwit. If they give us half of the goods then it makes it that much easier to steal the majority of the goods.

Wooster: Has it possibly occurred to you that if we are stepping this low to get help from these people that we are about to do something utterly wrong?

Luigi: They probably have an entire super-duper cleaning system. With all those battles going on inside the ships tearing things up and stuff, the ships are always clean by the next episode.

Wooster: Why didn’t you just say so?! That makes all the difference.

Toad: But what about our not knowing nothing about computers?

Toadstool: That doesn't matter at all as long as we have them. Now let’s GO!

Chapter 8: The Archetypical (look it up) Escape From the Dungeon

3 hours and 45 minutes ‘til the end of everything.

Jensen: We have to get out of here or we’ll all die.

Crewman: You say that every time.

Pauline: That’s not true, Captain. I can’t die ‘cause I showed up in a Nintendo video game. And none of the other crew members can die either because they were all on Kirk’s ship. Only you can die because you have no contract with a big corporation.

Jensen: NOOOOOOooooo!

Crewman: How are we going to get out of here?

Jensen: I know! Let’s find a panel and short circuit the security system.

Pauline: I don’t see any panels, sir. This place seems to be void of tech.

The walls appear to be made of stone and the force field is a steel gate.

Jensen: Don’t these fools know that high tech security systems are better for keeping prisoners in?

The other crew members roll their eyes while Jensen isn’t looking.

Pauline: The only way I think we can get out is if someone transports us out to our ship.

Suddenly all ten prisoners are encased in a blue light and a mysterious sound kicks in.

Chapter 9: A Rise to Power and a Lack of It

3 hours  and 15 minutes ‘tll the end of the story

Ludwig: King Dad, I have finished my work here. I have isolated all the useful tech and Iggy’s leading a Rocky Wrench team of engineers who are working on integrating the technology into the systems of our personal doomships. Wendy and Susan are searching the ship for more useful hardware.

Bowser: Good, good. Soon we shall conquer the Mushroom kingdom once and for all, but isn’t there normally some sort of problem that kicks in right about now that threatens all life on the plane?

Ludwig: I don’t think so. Computer, are there any life-threatening matters occurring yet?

Computer: Affirmative. Transwarp coil is suffering major fractures. Planet-wide destruction estimated in 3 hours 12 minutes.

Ludwig: Computer, neutralize the threat of planetary destruction.

Computer: Standby... Action completed.

Ludwig: I love the technology of the future. It’s totally worthless but effective.

Bowser: Fine, now how long ‘til the fleet is ready?

Ludwig: I was originally going to say 5 weeks, but this computer is so powerful yet clueless that it’s going to take 1/2 hour. However, we have to wait ‘til Wendy and Susan have finished scavenging all the hardware.

Elsewhere on the U.S.S. Ajax

Koopa Troopa: Is this photon torpedo important?

Wendy: Nah. Throw it out the window. Anything with a two-word title has to be hiding its worthlessness.

Koopa: K.

The Koopa throws the photon torpedo out the window. BOOM!

Susan: So much for Uncle Bowser’s statue dedicated to himself. What’s this thing?

Wendy: It says it’s a replicator. Wonder what it does.

Computer: The replicator is a form of technology capable of recreating inanimate objects.

Wendy: Did you understand anything that computer just said?

Susan: No and it’s driving me nuts.

A strange sound is heard.

Susan: What was that?

The two girls walk back to the replicator to see what had transpired.

Wendy: Err. Hey, there’s a bowl of nuts in the replicator.

Susan: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Wendy nods her head.

Both Koopas, quickly and at different times: GOLD, RINGS, DIAMONDS, SILVER, MAKEUP, MONEY, . . .

Back at the Bridge
3 hours till bye-bye time

Bowser: Hey, the computer ended the threat already.

Narrator: So...

Bowser:  ... Good point.

Suddenly the lights flicker.

Lemmy: Status.

Larry: We just witnessed a power failure. Main power has been redirected to the replicator on deck 17 and the transporter for some reason.

Lemmy: Send Roy to handle the problem.

Chapter 10: How the prisoners escaped the wrath of Peach

Jensen: What are we doing here?

Scotty: I’d nah’er think that yaw’d never ask sir.

Jensen: Scotty! How’d you ever make it through the toxic gas?

Scotty: Nay’er mind that. I os on the original Enterprise yah know. I get special perks like not getting killed or poisoned, least not permanently...

Jensen: Does everybody have to remind me?

Scotty and Jensen’s team: YES!

Scotty: Ot’s important right now is that the turtle things are making themselves out like little bandits.

Meanwhile...

Larry: Why are we wearing Snifit costumes?

Iggy: They’re not Snifit costumes, they’re Bandit costumes, you know, from Mario World 2.

Larry: Okay then, why are we wearing these Bandit costumes?

Back at the transporter

Pauline: How's the ship?

Scotty: The little thieves have just about striped the place bare, I estimate in 10 minutes they’ll start pealing the walls off.

Meanwhile...

Lemmy: Alright team, we’re ten minutes ahead of schedule even with the power outage. Start ripping the walls off.

Back again

Jensen: How in the world could they dismantle the ship so quickly? They must have superior intellect.

Meanwhile…

Roy is trying to chew, bash, and rip open a can he found in storage.

Roy: What is this thing?

Computer: That is a pop lid can of beans. You may eat them once you have removed the lid by pulling on the metal handle.

Roy: Why didn't I think of that?

Computer: You’re an idiot.

Back again again...

Pauline: What are our options?

Scotty: Well, my lady, there are two options. We could get another army involved to help us fight them turtles or join forces with the Koopas and another party to fight something even more devastating.

Pauline: And that will get our stuff back how?

Jensen: Don’t you know TV, Pauline? If there’s a good plot the hero always goes home in the end.

Scotty: Well actually the hero dies and ever’a one else makes it back. Den there’s tha pretty piano music and I get ta pull out me bagpipes!

Scotty pulls out a set of bagpipes and starts to play... one earsplitting note.

Bagpipes: BWEEEEEEE!!!-*Ke-thunk*-*Ke-think*-*Ke-twup*

And is soon stopped by Pauline by putting some corks in it.

Jensen: Thank you, Pauline.

Pauline: Any time, Cap’n. Now... I get to handout type-two phases!

Scotty: Aw, I wanted to. Wait, I see our army now!

Chapter 11: The plot thickens (FINALLY)

Toadstool: Hurry, time’s wasting!

Mario: Hey! Didn’t-a I defeat that blade ship earlier?

Wooster: Actually I think Blade Ships is the correct term.

Croco: Bye everyone!

ZOOM! In the sky coming out of no where are eight Blade Ships. And they are firing at Bowser’s Castle.

Toadstool: Smithy’s back! Run everyone!

Suddenly a shimmer occurs.

Chapter 12: The Koopa’s reaction

Bowser: What was that?!

Susan: Sir, Blade Ships! They are coming from sector 9.8 and moving in. They are firing axes at us!

Bowser: Open hailing frequencies!

Susan: Channel open.

Bowser: Can’t you see I’m busy?! Come back and attack tomorrow!

???: Aw, but Bowser, it’s been such a long time. I was hoping we could get together to discuss who owns your planet.

Bowser: YOU!

???: Yes, it is I, Smithy. And I’m back and better then ever!

Bowser: But, we destroyed you! Don’t you know when you’re dead?!

Smithy: Shut up! You think in such 3-dimensional terms. Now *ahem* as I was saying, you should run, Bowser.

Bowser: Now why would I want to do that? Dinner’s not served yet so no one else will beat me.

Smithy: AUGH! Stay on topic! Now my threat is: If you don’t you and you entire family and possessions will die along with you!

Bowser: That’s your threat? Couldn’t you come up something more creative?

Smithy: No! All the really good bad guys took the really fun ones and copyrighted them.

Bowser: Couldn’t you just steal them? We are bad guys anyway.

Smithy: I would but they threatened to... Wait I’m not here to make conversation! Give in to my demands!

Bowser: How about just the family and we’ll call it even?

Susan: They terminated transmission.

Bowser: The status of our doomships.

Susan: Ready for action. However, the Hop is not completed yet.

Bowser: Why don’t we as a family go for a little space combat?

Susan: I think the Koopalings would like that a lot!

Bowser: Punch me in to all Koopa channels.

Susan: Go!

Bowser: This is King Koopa! We are now in a level 2 situation. All troops prepare to launch the ships.

Susan: Let’s go!

Chapter 13: The third party

Luigi: What-a are-a we doing-a here?

Jensen: Just a little thing called the transporter.

Toadstool: Great! Where’s the tech?!

Pauline: Sorry. The Koopas stripped the ship of everything but this room.

The King: Why?

Crewman: Holograms, we set up some holo-generators around the room and programmed them to give the impression that no one was here.

The King: Oh. (What’s a hologram?)

Jensen: Here’s the situation. Smithy is launching an attack on the Planet Plit. If we fail then we all die.

Toad: No we don’t. We all have contracts.

Jensen: Err. Well anyway, we must help Bowser fight Smithy, or he could take over your castle again.

Toadstool: NO! (He can’t find my ???)

Luigi (to Wooster): What was her ???.

Wooster: Picture of her husband, Crash Bandicoot.

Luigi: !!!

Wooster: Now I must knock you out with this frying pan that did not exist two sentences ago.

BAM!

Luigi: Where am I? Who am I?

Wooster: Good enough.

Pauline: The Koopas have lifted off with 8 of their new doomships. Sensors detect they have all of our technological capabilities before we crashed.

Jensen: There are two ships left.

The King: How many are right?

Toadstool: Ignore him.

Jensen: You guys’ll take the Leaky Faucet. We’ll get the TV SPOOF. We’ll beam you to your ship and you must take off and help the Koopas fight the 8 Blade Ships.

Waluigi: I’m afraid of Blade Ships.

Jensen: We’ll beam the workers off the doomship and beam you on. We’ll do the same and hope we survive.

Toadstool: We’ll survive.

Jensen: Augh! Just energize!

Chapter 14: The Liftoff.

Bowser: All craft report.

Roy: This is the Bully. Ready to fight

Lemmy: The Hip is standing by.

Larry: This is the doomship Cheatsy.

Susan: I’m with Larry!

Larry: Cancel that, we’re having to deal with intruders.

Bowser: Nice try. That’ll have to wait.

Ludwig: Doomship Kookie is on-line.

Iggy: The Hop is awaiting orders.

Wendy: The Kootie Pie is ready for liftoff.

Morton: The Big Mouth is stable, ready, effective-

BOOM!

Roy: Direct hit!

Morton: Ahh! Shields down to 87%! Save it for the opponents, bad guys, foes-

BOOM!

Roy: Another one! This is soooooo much fun.

Bowser: The flagship King Koopa is to lead the fleet. All craft assume attack coordinates!

The Koopa Krew is taking off from the launch pads to meat the Spaceward foes.

Chapter 15: The Battle

Smithy: (evil laugh) So... the little Koopas think they are match for my fleet. Little do they know what we have in store for them. We may have lost to them on their home turf but that score will be settled. Axem Fleet, take targets A through E; Yaridovich, F; Bowyer and Mack, G; I’ll handle H. FIRE!

A massive space battle ensues.

The King Koopa

Bowser: Rocky, target the lead ship’s shield generator!

Rocky Wrench: Target locked!

Bowser: Fire!

Koopa: Incoming message, audio only.

Bowser: Punch it in.

Lemmy: This juzzzzztt Hip zzzzzkst major damage kskjdrss hull failure.

Lemmy’s ship is being picked off by Yaridovich’s ship. Massive explosions are seen all over the ship.

Bowser: Hale the Hop, order them to lower their shields and beam the survivors over.

Koopa: They cannot comply. The Axem Green is attacking them. They cannot beam survivors over while their shields are up.

Bowser: This is the King Koopa to the Koopa Krew, provide cover fire for the Hop.

The Koopa Krew has turned from their respective targets and is focusing on Green’s ship.

The Head Blade Ship

Smithy: So, one of their ships is crippled. Head Blade to Fleet. Focus on target F!

Drill Bit: Axem Green is reporting heavy damage.

Smithy: Have him fall back to quadrant's 036.78 for plan B.

Drill Bit: Yes sir.

Smithy: Fire!

Smithy's flagship fires a missile at the Hip. With its shields down the Hip goes down in a massive explosion.

Smithy: So long, F. Yaridovich take Green’s place, subject C

Yaridovich: Yes sir.

King Koopa

Bowser: Status.

Koopa: The Hip has been destroyed. The Hop confirms a safe transport.

Bowser: And Axem Green’s ship?

Koopa: Unknown sir. I am picking up massive debris mostly from the Hip. The Green could be destroyed but there is no way to confirm it right now.

Bowser: Discontinue firing at the Head Blade. If we focus on one target we can pick them off one by one. Which has the most damage?

Koopa: Axem Yellow, but theyr’re behind us.

Bowser: Fire aft phases at Yellow. Re-continue photon bursts at the lead ship.

Rocky: Aye sir.

Elsewhere

Wendy: I, the most beautiful thing in the universe, will destroy you!

Axem Pink: But “I” am the most beautiful thing in the universe, you ugly hag.

Wendy: UGLY?!

Shy Guy: Axem Pink, massive vocal sonic wave approaching!

Pink: Brace for impact.

The massive shriek makes contact with all ships within a million miles. The Kootie Pie is beating up Axem Pink’s Blade ship with a barrage of phases and photons. Axem Pink’s ship is unable to defend itself against the unyielding attack

Pink: Counter measures!

Shy Guy: Unable to comply, shields are down, weapons are off-line.

A back panel explodes, sending Shy Guy across the room.

Wendy: NOBODY CALLS ME UGLY! Fire all weapons!

Goomba: We can’t, ma’am. You’ve drained all weapon power.

Wendy: Then RAM that thing!

Shy Guy: The Kootie Pie is coming at us. Top speed!

Axem Pink: Get us out of here!

The Kookie

Ludwig: Report!

Piranha Plant: We’re being attacked by Mack’s ship and Bowyer. We can’t handle both at once, sir.

Ludwig: Prepare Saucer separation. Assign secondary crews to the saucer. If we split then the match is even.

Boo: Aye sir.

Head Blade Ship

Smithy: Report!

Drill Bit: Axem Pink’s ship is totally disabled ‘cept for engines, barely. Axem Yellow is reporting heavy damage. Black is having a handful with the Bully. Red and the Big Mouth are not firing but I am detecting a heavy communications channel between them.

Smithy: On screen.

Morton: When this battle, war, fight is over, ended, checkmate, we will have a bigger celebration, party, festival than you would!

Axem Red: Ha! The Smithy Gang never yield! We will remain victorious over you!

Smithy and Bowser: Fire!

The King Koopa fires at the Big Mouth and The Head Blade fires at Axem Red’s ship.

Bowser and Smithy (to their respective counterparts): You are useless, pathetic baboons! You aren’t helping one bit!

Bowser: Report!

Koopa: Morton’s ship is disabled and so is Axem Red’s. Axem Red is falling back.

Bowser: Destroy it quickly!

Axem Red’s ship is getting hit badly but makes it safely behind The Head Blade with Yellow’s soon following.

Bowser: This will be a date to go down in the history books!

Head Blade Ship

Smithy: It appears the Axem team is crippled. Head Blade to Axem Fleet. Regroup behind my ship for Plan B!

The Axem ships except for Axem Pink’s make it behind The Head Blade and are connecting into one ship.

Wendy: Ugly did you call me?

Axem Pink: AHHHHH!

Wendy: I’ve got you now!

Axem Pink’s ship just barely makes it to the group reformation. Combined, the Axem Ships form a new, more deadly vessel.

Wendy: Ut-oh.

Axem Pink: Fire at that ugly one.

One by one, the Axem Ships start to glow.

Wendy: Emergency! Requesting emergency evacuation! Respond anyone!

From the center of the ships a slow beam of pure light emerges. It engulfs the Kootie Pie and destroys it.

Koopa: The Big Mouth reports that it has retrieved the Kootie Pie survivors.

Bowser: What was that? No, don’t bother explaining. King Koopa to all armed vessels. Focus your attacks on the Axem Super Ship.

Koopa: The Kookie and The Big Mouth report that they are unable to join in.

The Big Mouth is unarmed and The Kookie has its hands full.

Axem Super Ship

Axem Black: 20 seconds till discharge.

Axem Red: Green, target the saucer section of the Kookie.

Green: Aye sir.

The ships glow one by one.

King Koopa

Bowser: Target the pink one! It’s sustained the most damage!

Rocky: Too late!

The beam shoots out and takes out the saucer section of The Kookie.

Koopa: No survivors.

Rocky: At least Ludwig was on the engineering drive section.

Bowser: (Rats.)

Head Blade Ship

Smithy: 2 and ½, down 5 and 1/2 to go.

King Koopa

Koopa: Sir, according to my readings, sir, the Super Axem’s shields are too powerful for our weapons. However, it lowers its shields to fire.

Bowser: All ships retreat to the far side of the head Axe.

Rocky: What about the Super Axe?

Bowser: Its weapons are too powerful. If we hid behind the Head Axe the weapon won’t be fired.

Koopa: According to The Hop, The Kookie has been totally destroyed. The Hop now holds the survivors of both The Hip and The Kookie.

Head Blade Ship

Smithy: What are they doing?

Drill Bit: They appear to be retreating to a parallel position so we are between them and the Super Axe.

Smithy: Status.

Drill Bit: Mac, Yaridovich, and Bowyer are moving to intercept. Damage is considerable to those three. Axem Rangers report that their engine systems are too damaged from earlier to persue them. I recommend we move out of the way.

Smithy: Make it so.

As the Head Blade tries to move so the Super Axe can have a clear shot, all of the other Smithy ships get distorted. With them also go The Bully, The Hop, and The Big Mouth. Everyone was safely beamed to The King Koopa.

King Koopa

Bowser: Report!

Steam is fuming out of a nearby pipe. Lights are either flickering or not even working. Panels are exploding left and right with every strike from the Head Blade.

Larry: Not good, Dad. All other doomships were destroyed. Our shields are down to 26%. However, The Head Blade has no shields. The Super Axe is no threat as long as we are behind The Head Ship. Unfortunately, The Head Ship is tearing us apart.

Ludwig: We won’t last much longer.

Another panel explodes.

Lemmy: We need-

Iggy: -lot’s of help.

Koopa: Sir, I’m detecting two more ships entering the vicinity.

Bowser: Not more Smithy thugs.

Koopa: No, actually it’s the Leaky Faucet and the TV Spoofer.

Chapter 16: Help is on the Way

The Leaky Faucet

The King: Weeeee!

Wario: All this artillery in MY hands! Ha ha ha ha!

Wario is firing missiles at whatever happens to be flying around

On the King Koopa

Roy: We’re domed.

Back at the well named Leaky faucet

Waluigi: I’m scared of space battles.

Mario: Let’s-a go!

Mario is steering the ship.

Everyone: AHHHHHHHH!

Toad: Look! That multi-ship is glowing.

Mario: Wheeeee!

Luigi: Mario, no!

Mario is steering the Leaky Faucet right into the Super Axe.

On the TV Spoofer

Jensen: Look at them gladly and fearlessly sacrificing themselves as a diversion so we can help the Koopas.

Back to reality

Toadstool: Mario, GIVE me that control.

Mario (in a selfish baby tone): NO, MINE!

Wario: Augh!

Wario is using all of his super strength with the entire crew trying to help by pulling on his back to move the joystick away from the Super Axe. However, they are no match for Mario’s stupidity. CRASH!

Mario: K, I’m-a done

Mario instantly lets go and the rest of the bridge crew go flying across the room.

Yoshi: If Mario Party weren’t about to die, Mario Party would kill you for killing us.

Toad: Let’s do it anyway!

Mario: Mamamia!

Suddenly a shimmer occurs. Meanwhile…

Jensen: Status!

Pauline: Mario’s ship is in a collision course with the Super Axe. The King Koopa is barely holding together. Smithy’s ship has no shields but is still considerably armed.

Crewman: Sir, none of our weapons are penetrating the hull.

Jensen: Put us between The King Koopa and The Head Blade Ship. That way it’ll last longer.

Pauline: The Mario ship is about to crash into the Super Axe! Shall we beam them out?

Jensen: Not yet, wait.

Pauline: Contact in 10 seconds.

Jensen: Steady.

Pauline: 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2

Jensen: Now!

Pauline: Energizing.

The Mario Party is beamed into the middle of the room. In a big pile on top of Mario that is. Wario is sitting on him. Peach is hitting him on the head. Toad, Wooster, Waluigi, and Yoshi are each pulling on either an arm or a leg. Luigi is somehow in Mario’s place? And Mario is jumping on Wario.

Mario: Dogpile on the Plumber! Dogpile on the plumber!

Toadstool: How did he?!

Pauline: I can’t let my first love get killed.

Toad: We’re not dead yet?

Pauline: Nope. We’ve all got contracts so we can’t die.

Toadstool: So you let your true love’s brother get killed?

Luigi: I’m not dead yet.

Toadstool: ... fatally wounded ...

Luigi: I’m getting better.

Jensen: Stop with the contracts and with the Python spoofing! I thing the readers get the point.

Wario: What now?

Jensen: All three fleets have been destroyed except for one from each. I say we crash our ship into The Head Blade and beam over to The King Koopa.

Toad: We’d all say that was the stupidest idea yet.

Wooster: I refuse to go over there. Do you have any idea how dirty it is over there?

Waluigi: I’m scared.

Wario: Let’s all turn back.

The King: Let’s go over there.

Toadstool: His opinion does not count.

Mario: Let’s-a go!

Yoshi: Mario no count either.

Luigi: No, not leaving.

Jensen: You’ll all die.

Toadstool: We’ve all got contracts! See?

Jensen: You’re right, they do say you can’t die, but they expired yesterday.

Toadstool: WHAT?!

Jensen: Look for yourself.

Sure enough the contract reads
Expiration Date: Yesterday

Everyone looks at their own contract to find the same message.

Wooster: Maybe I could help clean it up.

Mario: Let’s-a stay.

Toadstool: Ignore him.

Yoshi: Food lots, maybe

Jensen: Let’s go.

Pauline: Contact in 10... 9...

Jensen: Maximum speed!

Pauline: 8... 7…

Scotty: Engines at max.

Pauline: 6... 5- Aw forget it, just blow the stupid thing up.

Five seconds later they blow up and beam safely off the ship.

Chapter 17: The plot thickens to the point that it’s no longer liquid

Koopas: Hooray! Yippee!

The Koopa Family is dressed in party clothes. All around there are streamers and chips and decorations. In short it looks like a big New Year’s Eve party. The Happy New Year banners give it away.

Bowser: Mario’s dead and he took all his friends and allies with him!

Susan: Incoming message from The Head Blade.

Bowser: What? They didn’t kill them too?

Ludwig: Well you can’t win them all.

Bowser: Put him on.

Smithy’s bridge looks like a bigger disaster then Roy’s room after hosting boxing matches. Crewmen and panels are flying everywhere. In the middle of the screen is Smithy’s big head.

Smithy: I say you should surrender, Turtle. Your shields are nonexistent.

Ludwig: Vat do you mean we have no shields? We have-

Smithy’s ship fires a missile. BOOM!

Ludwig: Okay, no shields.

Smithy: As I was saying, you have no weapons, your fleet is destroyed, you have no other allies to rescue you, and your ship is falling apart as we speak.

Bowser: But you also have no shield or allies or engines so get to the point.

Smithy’s ship fires another missile.

Larry: We’ve lost engines!

Iggy: The core is about to overload now!

Smithy: My point is, you have nowhere to go. So you can either die on your ship or join me and be my prisoner. You have until your ship explodes.

Susan: They ended transmission.

Bowser: Do we have maneuvering thrusters?

BOOM!

Lemmy: Not anymore.

Wendy: Will the explosion destroy The Blade Ship?

Ludwig: Not at this range, and even if we manage to get closer they have weapons locked on us so we are out of options.

Bowser: So I smelled not only Mario’s death, but ours as well.

Chapter 18: The Gathering of the Plumbers

Jensen: What’re we doing here? I thought we were beaming to the King Koopa.

Pauline: Gravametric distortions.

Jensen: That’s what you say about everything that’s gone wrong!

Pauline: And every time it’s been gravametric distortions.

Luigi: Where are we?

Jensen: We are in the main transporter room of The Head Blade.

Crewman: How’s The King Koopa doing?

Jensen: Can you hack into the system?

Pauline: Can you be quiet and let me work?

Jensen: Sorry.

Pauline: The King Koopa is about to undergo a warp core explosion.

Jensen: Beam the survivors over!

Pauline: I’m trying! If you stop pestering me I might be able to actually do it.

A major jolt is felt throughout the entire ship.

Crewman: The King Koopa is destroyed.

Pauline: Don’t worry, they’re in the transport buffer.

A shimmer occurs in the middle of the transport pads. The entire Koopa family appears in the middle of the room.

Bowser: What happened?

Jensen: We saved you.

Bowser: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Jensen: What’s with him?

Ludwig: The thing with the red shirt and overalls is still alive.

Jensen: Doctor?

Doctor Doc: Yes sir.

Doc injects Bowser with a hypo spray.

Doc: Feel better?

Bowser has stopped screaming.

Bowser: Yeah.

Ludwig: Will that work on Morton?!

Doc: It’s a stress reliever. Not a mute button.

Ludwig: Rats.

Jensen: Now I must thank you all for coming all this way to help me on my mission…

Pauline: Oh, here he goes with his dramatic speeches,

Jensen: You have all made sacrifices to make it all this way…

Wooster: Ahhhh!!!

Jensen: Our mission is coming to the climatic point…

Larry: He’s almost as bad as Morton.

Bowser: Now don’t you get him started too!

Jensen: We have ignored our differences and put our doubts about each other aside…

Morton: Wow, he got this incredible, tubular, super cool, mega long speech which I enjoy a lot of and long speeches are the greatest because I like to talk and it’s nice to hear other people talk too a-

Bowser: To the dungeon, Larry!

Jensen: We started as enemies of a sort, you were all ready to kill us and take my technology away…

Toadstool: That reminds me...

Larry: But Dad, we’ll all be in the dungeon later.

Bowser: How’d you find that out?

Larry: I read the script.

Author: -_-;;

Susan: My Koopie is so smart!!! (starts kissing)

Larry: ICK ICK GET OFF OF ME GET GET!!!

Jensen: But you put your differences in opinion and reason aside to get us all this far…

Morton: This is great because I like long speeches and I watch Star Trek a lot because they have a lot of dramatic speeches about the motivation for human potential even though that doesn’t really apply because I’m a Koopa and Koopas don’t learn very much nor grow really well at least not as much as Larry’s plants…

Wario: Hey, Morton’s winning!

Waluigi: I’m afraid of long speeches!

Roy: I can’t take much more of this!

Iggy: I agree!

Roy: WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF?!

Roy pummels Iggy.

Jensen: We must now take the Head Blade Ship from this Smithy person and bring an end to this whole ordeal…

Toad: Augh! This is driving me insane!

Pauline: There’s some escape pods over there,

Most of the people in the room make a mad dash for the pods before Pauline can get to them herself. Bowser is the first to reach them.

Bowser: Ung! This one’s jammed!

Bowser is trying desperately to push open the door to the escape pod. The large sign saying “To escape, pull on door” apparently doesn’t do much to help Bowser. Wendy gets to the pods another one second, pulls a door open, and launches herself before her head implodes from the incessant talking. Bowser givees up on his escape pod and goes to the third one. He finally decides to try opening it but when he does Toad dashes between his legs, hops into the pod, and launches while closing the door.

Bowser: D’oh!

As Bowser figures out how to open the door, he runs over to the escape pod he tried to get in before only to see Wooster getting into it and launching.

Bowser: GAW!

While Bowser is being cut out of his escape pods one by one Ludwig and Wario are fighting. Though I’m not entirely sure why they’re fighting. Even if they weren't fighting I’m not entirely sure they could fit through the door. Roy’s still there because he’s pummeling iggy, Morton because he ‘s listening to Jensen’s speech, Mario who knows, The King, even less, Toadstool because she wants power, Scotty, Jensen, Susan is hugging Larry now, Wario and Ludwig tried to get in but were to fat, and Waluigi is scared of escape pods. By the time Luigi gets to the pods they are all overflowing.

Luigi: *sob* The world hates me.

Jensen: (Turns to face the crowd of characters) Now who’s with me?!

The last escape pod launches.

Jensen: (scratches head) I was sure there were more of you a second ago. And weren’t there escape pods there too?

Ludwig: (to Wario) must be his higher sense of intellect at work.

Jensen: *snaps fingers* OF COURSE!!! The escapees were helping us! By launching the escape pods with themselves in them they ruined Smithy’s chances of getting away!

Scotty: Where did ya ever get this guy?

Pauline: I’m going to plead the 5th.

Scotty: You can’ na plead the 5th if we’re nowhere near the USA.

Pauline: I plead it anyway.

Jensen: Anyway, we need a plan to take control of the ship!

Roy: (lifts his head up from Iggy) One involving explosives?!

Jensen: We’ll get to that part, but we need a plan like to take over the ship.

Pauline: How about this, I’ll stay here in the transporter room and try to learn what I can (to get myself off of this rust bucket) while you guys go off and do something that isn’t gonna bother me.

Pauline goes back to the computer terminal.

Jensen: Hey! Why don’t we all try to take the bridge by force!

Scotty: You go an’ do that’n I’ll just be stay’n here, sir.

Jensen: Very well, come on guys!

Mario: HERE WE GO!

Chapter 19: Their First Attempt.

In this hallway are a bunch of weak, innocent, evil minions going about their business.

Random Drill Bit: Excuse me sir, could you sign these papers?

Wario: MUAH HA HA!

WACK!!!

Random Drill Bit: AHHHHH!!!

Wario is leading the mob ramming into Smithy’s minions, who just happen to be office workers minding their own business.

Roy: Hey! I think this is a short cut!

Roy points in the general direction of a wall.

Toadstool: But that’s a wall.

Roy: Duh.

Roy picks up Iggy and rams his head at the wall. Iggy falls unconscious.

Toadstool: That really worked.

Roy: Don’t just stand there, help me!

Each of the members of the mob tries to grab a hold of Iggy bash him into the wall. But since there are too many bashers and not enough bashes, the rest that aren’t bashing Iggy against the wall were doing so with Mario. CRASH!

Luigi and Iggy: Ohhhhh...

Toadstool: How did Mario switch places... AGAIN?!

Roy: And this isn’t the bridge! Whose idea was it to come here anyway?!

Everyone: Yours.

Roy: Oops.

Jensen: This looks more like a holding cell.

Indeed it is. The room is square and has two holes in it. The first one is part of the original architecture for putting prisoners in and out. The other was just added by the Mario gang. Suddenly a force field shoots up over the hole that the group made to get into the jail.

Larry: See? I knew we’d be in one.

Roy: Pound’n time!

Larry: NO!!!

A dust cloud enveloped Larry and Roy once they start fighting.

Wendy: Any other bright ideas?

A Shyster guard hops over.

Shyster: Hey, I didn’t know we had prisoners. Smithy didn’t inform me of any guests.

Toadstool: Yeah, actually we only got lost. We’re not really prisoners.

Shyster: Oh. Then I guess I’d better let you out.

Ludwig: That was too easy.

Toadstool: Oh, and you wouldn’t happen to know the way to the bridge, would you?

The King: We’re gonna take over the ship and- *BAM WHACK SLAM*

Roy: And they thought I was stupid.

Shyster: Oh, you just go down this hall, at the end is a turbo lift. Just say deck one and you’ll go up to that floor. At the end of that hallway is the bridge.

Toadstool: Thanks! Come on, Dad.

Toadstool drags her dazed father out of the holding cell as Jensen leads the way.

Chapter 20: The Second Attempt

Waluigi: Oh look, the door’s locked. I guess we’ll just have to go home.

Wario: Not on your life.

Waluigi: But I’m scared!

SLAP!

Jensen: Oh wait! I just remembered!

Toadstool: What?

Jensen: I’ve got a bomb!

Iggy: (in crutches and a full body cast) Well thanks for telling us that now!

Jensen: Now where did I put it?

Bowser slaps himself in the face as Jenson pats himself down.

Jensen: I know I have it…

Lemmy: Some guards are coming!!!

Jensen: I had it earlier…

Drill Bit: Hey look! Weirdoes!

Flunky: Wait, aren’t we supposed to be looking for these things?

Drill Bit: Aren’t they cute? They must be an endangered species!

Flunky: From what I’ve heard there is no lack of weirdoes on Plit.

Drill Bit: Can we keep them?

A few feet away...

Bowser: I can tell from the looks in their eyes that they’re plotting something totally diabolical.

Jensen: Maybe it was in my other uniform...

Toadstool: We have to stop them!

Jensen: No, I’m sure I put it somewhere...

Luigi: Maybe if we take them out we can buy Jensen some more time!

Bowser: I got the guy on the right.

Mario: Let’s-a go!

Ludwig: READY! ... CHARGE!!!

The combination of heroes, villains, and all around idiots make a run at the guards and...

Chapter 21: The Third Attempt

Shyster: Long time no see.

Bowser: Shut up!

Flunky: Be sure to take good care of them.

Drill Bit: Yeah, they’re gonna be part of a special zoo.

Shyster: Whatever.

Shyster presses a button and a force field shoots up over the doorway to the holding cell.

Toadstool: Any other bright ideas, Luigi?

Luigi: Oh, knock it off!

Ludwig: Now what do we do?

Morton: Why don’t we just go through this incredibly big hole that has visible electricity through it and you know what I think that I shall go though this incredibly big hol GRZZZZZAAAAAHRG!ZZZZZZzZZZZZZ!!!  ... Ouch....

Roy: Maybe Morton’s onto something!

Toadstool: Are you crazy?

Roy: Why don’t we all try to ram the electric wall at the same time?!

Toadstool: In case you’ve forgotten, that’s how we got in this room in the first place.

Iggy: I already don’t like this plan.

Bowser: YOU HEARD MY SON! Let’s do it!

So the entire mass of idiots (save for Iggy and Princess Toadstool) walk back to far side of the room and...

GRA-ZZZZZZZ-AUGH!-ZZZZZZ!!!

... they bump into the hole that they originally used to get into the room.

Roy: OUCH!!! Now who’d go and put a hole there?

Ludwig: (brushing ashes of himself) You did... Well, we all did. But it was your idea.

Roy: That’s gotta be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. Now on three.

Everyone: THREE!!!

The group that was just burnt by the back force field runs as fast as they can to ram down the front force field and...

OW-ZZZZZ-YIPE!!-ZZZ-OWIES!-ZZZZ-GAW!!!-ZZZZZZ!!!

Drill Bit and Flunky return to the brig.

Drill Bit: (pointing to the electrocuted losers) Aw, look at the weirdoes. They’re acting so cute.

Susan: Zzzzzzzzzz-But-Zzzzzzzzz-Not-zzzzzz-as -zzzzzzLarry!!! -GAW!!-ZZZZZZ!!!

Larry: Zzzzzzzz-MUST-Zzzzzzzz-Electrocute-zzzzzzzzzz-self-ZZZZZZZZ!!!

Flunky: -_-

Drill Bit: Hey, let’s let them out!

Flunky: ARE YOU INSANE? What do you think Smithy’s gonna do to us when he finds out?

Drill Bit: They managed to find their way back here, didn’t they?

Flunky: But it took guar-

Flunky suddenly notices Drill Bit already at Shyster’s terminal getting permission to let the losers out. Within seconds the force field is down.

Flunky: Oh!!! Smithy’s gonna have my head for this!

Drill Bit: Don’t worry! They’ll be fine!

Bowser: Again!

The group charges forward again and runs straight for the door and go "splat".

Luigi: I can’t believe that it worked.

Jensen: Come on, let’s go and take that bridge! (If I could only find that bomb.) *continues patting*

A few seconds latter the losers are at the turbo lift,

Toadstool: If we’re going to get anywhere we’re gonna need a plan.

Luigi: I’ve got one, we need a sophisticated disguise.

At the bridge’s entrance a few seconds latter...

Mario: Did-a someone order a pizza pie?

Guard: But we didn’t order a pizza.

Luigi: But-a your name’s on-a the sheet.

Guard: Let me see that.

The guard reaches for the paper on the pizza box. But at the last second Luigi grabs the receipt and pretends to examine it.

Luigi: No-a, wait, actually your name isn’t on the sheet.

Guard: But you just said tha-

Luigi: Actually it’s for someone in the room behind you.

Guard: I guess you can go then- Hey... Why are there like 20 of you delivering the pizza?

Luigi: ...

The guard reaches for his weapon.

Toadstool: Well, that’s all because Luigi is really shy and we’re here  To give him support! *winks at the other losers*

Luigi: -_-

Roy: You ought to get that thing in your eye fixed.

Morton: Actually, we’re not here to give support to that ugly plumber in green. we’re here because Jensen has a bom- *duct tape*

Roy smiles unconvincingly as he puts the roll of tape away.

Guard: Well I guess that makes sense. Here, you can pass...

Losers: YAY!!!

Jensen: If I could just find that *MUMF*

Guard: ???

Toadstool: Never mind him.

Guard: Okayyyyy...

Chapter 22: They finally made it!

Smithy: Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Bowser: Look, he’s sleeping!

Ship Operatives: Shhhhhh!!!

One of them walks toward the losers.

Shy Guy: Who are you guys?

Luigi: Uh, um...

Toadstool points to the pizza.

Luigi: Oh yeah! We’re here because someone ordered a pizza.

Shy Guy: *ponders for a second* I don’t recall anyone ordering pizza...

Jensen: I know I had it on me...

Some guards start looking in the losers’ direction. The losers with some brain cells start sweating.

Shy Guy: Then again, Axem Yellow MK II might have ordered one...

Losers: Phew.

Shy Guy: But he blew up in that big space battle we had...

The losers start looking incredibly nervous...

Shy Guy: But I’ll take the pizza-

Jensen: *$@#$@#%! I KNOW I had that bomb!

Bridge Crew: 0_0

Smithy pops awake.

Smithy: Who what where wah? Oh... Hello Bowser.

Bowser: Hi, Smithy. You ready to get your lights knocked out?

Areo: Sir, one of the intruders just blabbed a second ago about having a bomb.

Smithy: What?! Not here! The bridge is set right above the artillery hold! If that thing blows…

Areo: Confirmed.

Smithy: Get them!

The crew of robots and Shy Guys all cautiously surround the intruders.

Jensen: Oh, I give up. *taps communicator badge* Jensen to Pauline.

Pauline: Pauline here, did you just tap your communicator...?

Jensen: Yes, I need you to tell me where I put that bomb I had.

Pauline: Your... communicator... IS THE BOMB!!! YOU JUST SET IT OFF!!! AND I HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET THE @&*$$@ TRANSPORTERS TO WORK!!!

Jensen: Oh yeah...

Pauline can be heard slapping her face over the combadge/bomb.

Shy Guy: GET THEM TO THE BRIG!!!

Jensen: Hey Smithy... catch!

Jensen takes the bomb-badge off his shirt and tosses it at Smithy.

Smithy: IE-yah!

Smithy jumps at the item and struggles to catch it.

Smithy: Err... Hot Potato! Catch!

Smithy tosses the bomb to a Shyster, who stumbles to catch it and tosses it to another crew member who does nearly the same thing with it.

Wario: I’m-a Wario. I’m-a gonna run!

Toadstool: For once, I agree.

Roy: SHUT UP!!! Can’t anyone tell I hate the phrase?

Roy doesn’t get a suitable response, for the intruders in pizza uniforms all dash in different directions. It just so happens that all of those different directions happen to be to one of the 30 exit doors in the room.

Shy Guy: Sir, the prisoners have escaped.

Smithy: Sound the alarms and don’t let them escape! Oh, and catch!

Smithy tosses the bomb at the informative Shy Guy and runs out the door. The Shy Guy immediately tosses the bomb to another crew member and runs over to a nearby console and hits a giant red button. Instantly red lights and warning sirens can be heard from all over the ship. A microphone lowers from the ceiling and Shy Guy reaches for it.

Shy Guy: Excuse me, everyone. This ship is about to blow up. There is no need to panic. Everyone just walk in a nice and orderly fashion to the escape pods...

Instant panic and screaming can be heard from all over the ship.

Chapter 23: Ship go boom

At the brig...

Flunky looks at the giant warning lights.

Flunky: Oh, we’re going to get it now.

Some guards bring the losers in.

Roy: Hey, let us go!

Drill Bit: ^_^ See! Wha’d I tell you?! They’d come back! And they did!

Flunky would have slapped himself in the face save for the fact that he had no hands, so he just lay on the floor in a fetal position. Though it’s kinda hard to figure out how he did it, being an Areo and all.

Once all of the losers are in their cell again and Shyster closes the force field, Jensen makes a startling discovery,

Jensen: So is this how I’m supposed to die?

Scotty: Well sir, if ya had a contract nona dis woulda happened.

Jensen: Scotty? What are you doing here?

Scotty: I was fix’n da transporters when ya made the entire ship go looney.

Jensen: ... Soooo... did you fix them?

Scotty: -_-

Jensen: Well?

Scotty: YOU’RE A BLUNDERING IDIOT!!!

Toadstool: Where’s Pauline?

Jensen: I thought she was with you, Scotty.

Scotty: Nay, she weren’t. Last I heard from her she was running off will a bunch of tools screaming about you.

Bowser: Hey, when’s that thingy gonna blow?

Jensen: It should give us a ten-second warning before it does.

Meanwhile at the bridge…

Communicator: You now have 10 seconds before I blow up. 9 ... 8…

Shy Guy: I suppose this is a little late to ask if any of you guys know how to disarm this thing.

Communicator: 7...

Areo: I’m sorry, sir. But the ones that might have known would need more than 7 seconds and are now running around the ship looking for escape pods.

Communicator: 6...

Shy Guy: Well when they find some, tell them to come back here.

Communicator: 5...

Shyster: Well that’s a little hard because the ship had about five pods to save budget and all of them are missing.

Communicator: 4...

Areo: Well, it was a good life.

Communicator: 3...

Shy Guy: So long everybody!

Communicator: 2... 1...

A shimmer surrounds the room as the combadge says something about exploding and to have a nice day.

Chapter 24: The Aftermath

Onboard the USS Ajax. a bunch of bewildered Koopas and idiots are standing in their new surroundings.

Pauline: Well no need to thank me all at once.

Toadstool: You mean it’s over?

Pauline: I’m afraid so...

Jensen: What happened?

Pauline: Well as what happens normally in a TV show, the major cast gets saved from certain disaster at the last second.

Bowser: What does that mean?

Pauline: I saved your idiot selves for reasons that are beyond me.

Wario: Now-a what?

Jensen: Well I guess we’ll drop you guys off somewhere.

Ludwig: Hey! How is this thing flying if we took most of the good stuff out?

Pauline: As President Bush says, “You can fix anything with duct tape.” Now I think that it’s time we teleported you guys out of here. Then we can get to work on my new trainees.

Jensen: Your trainees?

Pauline motions to behind Jensen.

Shyster: Ohhhhhh!!! Weirdoes are sooooo cute!!!

Flunky: Am I dead yet?

Pauline: Well I guess we say goodbye now before Jensen does something else to get us killed.

Pauline walks over to a control panel and the “weirdoes” except for Jensen are teleported back to Plit. After an awkward silence Pauline speaks.

Pauline: I have just a good a mind to send you down to that planet too for all the blunders you made.

Jensen: Well, we made it out alive didn’t we?

Pauline: True, but...

Pauline moves closer to Jensen.

Jensen: (This is it!)

Pauline: IF YOU EVER MAKE ANOTHER BLUNDER LIKE THAT AGAIN I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A SLIVER PLATTER!!!

Jensen: (I think she likes me.) ... Scotty, how’re the repairs?

Scotty: They’re as ready as they’re gonna be. I just ran out of duct tape.

Jensen: Alright then... engage!

The USS Ajax slowly leaves its spot on the ground and struggles to clear the atmosphere of Plit before it engages in transwarp drive to where they’ll screw up another species’ lives.
 

Space, one of the last places you want to find yourself wandering if you made a wrong turn. These are the voyages of the Starship Ajax. It’s re-continuing mission: to test faulty upgrades; to seek out new life and to screw it up; to boldly blunder where no Man has blundered before.

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